Stephanie comes from four generations of women who were trafficked for the purpose of sexual exploitation. Her own mother was sent into the trade at age twelve and had her first child when she was sixteen. But Stephanie’s mother broke the pattern by refusing to exploit her own children, allowing Stephanie to grow up outside the sex trafficking industry and join the Church in high school. Stephanie is now a wife and mother and the founder of two non-profits, Child Rescue and Backyard Broadcast, and she is an activist fighting against human trafficking. Tell me about your family’s background of sex trafficking. This story goes back four generations. It starts with my great-great-grandmother Lorraine, who lived in Kentucky. When she was just eleven years old, her cousin’s husband, Joseph Radcliff, who was seventeen years older than she was, raped her and she got pregnant and gave birth to my great-grandma Ann. Joseph then took control of Lorraine and exploited her and forced her to have sex for money with adult men. When their child, Ann, was young, he began exploiting her as well. When my great-grandma Ann was twelve, she told her mom that they needed to leave and run away from Joseph. Lorraine was really reluctant to go, but Ann was able to convince her and they escaped and ended up in Chicago. But in Chicago they ended up being exploited again, in the red light district. When Ann was fourteen years old she gave birth to my grandma Joyce. And because Ann had been raised in such a dysfunctional environment, with so many men coming and going in her life and abusing her, she continued the pattern with Joyce. So, like my great-grandma Ann, Joyce was sexually abused by different men while she was growing up, and when Joyce was a teenager she was forced by her mother to have sex for money. Joyce got pregnant and had my mom at the age of eighteen and they moved to California. Starting at age three, my mom was physically and sexually abused as well — by three different husbands of my grandma’s. Stephanie M. Larsen with Her Grandmother and Great-Grandmother What was life like for your mom? By the time my mom was twelve, her mom had left her third husband. My mom and her mother and my mom’s brother, who was three years younger than my mom, lived in and out of hotels by the beach in California. One night, my grandma came home pretty drunk and all beat up and bloody and bruised, which I don’t think was uncommon. My mom helped clean her up and took care of her. This particular time my grandma had been gone for a week and they had no food and my grandma came home empty handed. So she said to my mom, “You have to go out and work, because I have nothing. I can’t buy food for you and your brother, and that’s the way it is. You’ve seen me do it and you know what to do.” She was forcing my mom to make money for the family by having sex with adult men. And my mom just obeyed because that’s what children do. Not too long after that, her mother left for good and my mom lived on the streets and was left to care for her brother. A few years later, at age sixteen, she got pregnant. You are the first woman in your family in 100 years who wasn’t forced into sex trafficking. How was the cycle broken? What was different about your mom and her children? I look at my grandma and great-grandma and have a hard time understanding why they exploited their own children. I know them really well because we’re all so close in age, and they are lovely women; they were so nurturing and loving to me, just like my mom is. But that wasn’t how they treated their own children. So I think about it and wonder, why the difference? And I’m not sure, but I think my mom’s spirit just came that way; she came ready to protect children at all costs. It is literally part of her. My mom just put her foot down and said, “I’ll never do that to children”–and she didn’t. I asked her once why she was different–I mean the stories I’ve heard are just incredibly nuts. The abuse! Her little brother was terribly abused, left for dead when he was seven. My mom cleaned him up and tried to take care of him. She’s just an incredible woman; she’s a nurturer. That’s what it is, that’s what she’s told me. She said, “I just knew how to have a mother’s love because my little brother was like my child. I loved him and tried to protect him.” So, before she had kids she just already had that maternal instinct–it’s fascinating. And she’s raised really successful kids, too! One of my brothers is a dentist, the other one owns a mechanics business, and I have a charity and am an activist, my little sister is a newlywed and just had my mom’s 11th grandbaby earlier this year. Her stats are just incredible–all this from a little street kid! Stephanie M. Larsen with Her Mother in 1981 What were the conditions of your childhood? When I look back at my childhood there are fabulous, good memories, and my mom was the best part of it. But it was chaotic, for sure. We were poor growing up and my mom struggled with drugs. Like many children who grow up abused, she ended up in one abusive relationship after another when I was little and sometimes even in the hospital. As a little girl there were times that she was being beaten or choked and I would run to the neighbors calling for help. When I was eight, my mom’s brother, who she loved and adored, was murdered. That was probably one of the most traumatic events in my mom’s life. It was really devastating for her–like losing a child. After my uncle’s death, she struggled with drugs again and ended up putting herself in rehab. While in rehab she met a wonderful man who would later become my dad. Everything started to get better after that. He passed away last year from liver cancer, and just last month I was sealed to him and my mom. It was the sweetest thing. How were you converted to the gospel? When I was sixteen, I met some Mormon kids. The Mormon families were so different from the way I was raised. I was raised in these homes and neighborhoods where there was lots of abuse. To meet all these LDS families where you walk in their home and there’s a piano, and above it is a picture of the Savior with little kids–it’s the most heart-warming thing. And there’s a mom and a dad, and they like each other, and they make jokes and tickle each other and kiss! I was like, whoa, is this for real? One day, one of my close friends invited me to take the missionary discussions because I had asked her lots of questions about her family and had attended some youth dances. I ended up taking the missionary discussions and going to church with her. But all along I figured there wasn’t one right church. I just prayed that I would find the church that was right for me. I started going to a lot of different churches and doing research about their beliefs. I didn’t know a lot about religion, but I knew a lot about Heavenly Father because I prayed a lot as a kid. I just knew He was loving. I spent a lot of my time that summer doing research on many different religions. I set up meetings with pastors and priests to ask the hard questions. As the school year approached, I prayed and said to the Lord, “I’m an involved student and I need an answer before school starts, because when school starts I will be too busy to do all this research. So I really need an answer, so let me know.” And I received my answer! The night before school started I wasn’t even thinking about church stuff and I couldn’t fall asleep. I decided I’d try to read to help me fall asleep. So I went to lie down, and I saw the Book of Mormon, and I was like, “Oh! The Book of Mormon! That’s a boring book!” So I picked it up and started reading, thinking I’d go right to sleep. But as I was reading I just knew that it was true. And then, of course, I really couldn’t sleep because I was so excited! It was the best thing! Stephanie M. Larsen and Her Husband I went and told my mom what had happened and said that I really wanted to get baptized and it was so important to me. She’s my best friend and knows me through and through and was like, “No way, absolutely not! You’re so impressionable with that religion; you always have been. You can’t make a decision like this until you’re at least eighteen.” I was really sad and disheartened; I didn’t expect that response. I’m so close to her that I thought she would see this great desire of my heart and for sure give me approval. So I prayed about it and went back to her–and this wasn’t even meant to be a secret conniving plan or anything to get her baptized–and I just said to her, ”This is so important to me. If I can’t get baptized, would you be willing to take the missionary discussions? And then you can make an educated decision about whether or not I should join.” So she said that was valid and she and my dad would do that. So she and my dad (he’s my stepdad but I’ve always just called him “Dad” because he was a real dad to me) took the discussions, and before I knew it she came to me one day and said, “Stephanie, this is either the Lord’s true church or this is Satan’s church and now before we move forward I’ve got to know.” Luckily, they got their own personal witness and answer and they said I could get baptized. They had to get married first before they could get baptized, so their baptisms took a little bit longer. How did the gospel change you? I was a pretty serious little kid. I remember growing up wondering why life was so hard for so many people. Why are some families happy and why are some families not? I could see good hearts in these men who abused my mother. They were little kids once, too, who had also been abused. And then I learned about the gospel and it just answered so many of my questions. Having the gospel in my life and building my relationship with the Lord answered a lot of my questions. I realized that people can make really bad choices but it doesn’t mean that they are bad people. I learned that anybody can change. We were really good people in Heaven and Satan is really clever here on earth and he really messes a lot of things up from the get go. From the time some are babies they’re not playing with a full deck of cards: their lives have already been shaped from the moment they were born by the evils that preceded them. So that influences a lot of the choices that they make here on earth. You have co-founded two charities, Child Rescue and Backyard Broadcast, and are an activist fighting against human trafficking. Tell me how this came to be? It started with my husband, actually. Everyone thinks it started with me because that would make the most sense. But what happened is one day I walked upstairs to our bedroom–the kids were already in bed–and my husband, Jess, is watching a movie and he’s sobbing. He’s just bawling. I’m like, “What’s wrong?!” He had been watching a documentary about human trafficking, about children who are being sold into the sex trade. And it just broke his heart. And the next morning he came downstairs as I was making breakfast and he said, “We just have to do something about this. We can’t just live our lives anymore now that I know this exists.” That was before he knew all the details about my family. How did your husband not know about your family’s history with human trafficking? I didn’t even know! He knew that I had been raised in a lot of turmoil–for heaven’s sake, when he married me it was crazy! We thought we were going to raise my ten-year-old sister. But neither of us knew about the exploitation, about children in my family being forced into sex slavery. My husband has such a sweet spirit and has been a really safe place for my mom that she ended up telling him more and more about her abuse. At that point we owned an oil and gas company and we had three kids under the age of four. Our life was spinning out of control. He wasn’t home a lot and I was so stressed out. And then he says, “We’ve got to start this charity and it can’t wait until we have more money or more time or when our kids are bigger. We’ve got to do this right now.” Stephanie M. Larsen and Her Family So we did it. It took a large chunk out of our family life. At one point we had used our house money for an event and we thought we wouldn’t get the money back. It was a bummer that all our savings were gone, but it was okay. We just knew it was right. We said, “If that’s what it takes, then so be it. The Lord has called us to do this.” There have been times when I’ve been crying and I’ve been like, “We can’t do this! We just can’t raise this ticket, we need to catch our breath!” But the Lord has always strengthened us, and it has been incredible. The things that have happened have been miraculous! We don’t work for our charity, we’re strictly volunteers. We’ve been really blessed–we just received a million and a half dollars, among other donations of money, time, and talents. The reach has really surprised me. It’s incredible that sex trafficking happened in my own family for four generations. Along with our history came this internal drive to combat it, to end it. It’s a passion that just doesn’t stop, to protect these kids. I feel like that comes from the Lord. What do your charities, Child Rescue and Backyard Broadcast, do? Child Rescue is our parent charity. Its function is to raise awareness about human trafficking through large campaigns that will create enough public outrage to affect political will. We also provide financial support to victim services that help victims recover from abuse. The Backyard Broadcast is a breakoff charity and is a completely youth-run organization. The kids are in high school or college and the organization has chapters. These kids raise awareness and they raise money for law enforcement and after-care facilities. They teach one another–that’s the best part. Teenagers listen to teenagers, so it works out really well. You have done many prominent interviews lately, such as the Katie Couric Show, and Glamour magazine. Why do you tell your family’s story? I share my family’s story because sexual abuse and exploitation continue today. Last year was hard for me because I did so many interviews and publications. The reason I tell the story is because there are all these kids out there who are still becoming victims to this abuse. Here in Utah–and I’ve only lived here just over a year–I’ve been amazed at how many cases of trafficking there are and how often it is instigated by the parents. A lot of these people are members of the Church. This happens everywhere. Satan can get to the hearts of anyone. It’s been important for me to steer people away from the term “prostitute.” The word “prostitute” gets used a lot and there’s real danger in that, because people hear that word and they think it has something to do with free choice–but these kids aren’t choosing this. Children are being sexually abused for money. That’s why these kids aren’t being protected and they’re not even on the radar. A lot of cops don’t even know this happens here in Utah. When they find these kinds of kids they think the kids are choosing that lifestyle. So often the cops show up and think, “Oh, you’re doing this on purpose. You know the law, you’re breaking the law, so we’re putting you in a hall, and now you have a record.“ It makes sense to the cops. They think these children broke the law on purpose, but of course that’s not the case at all. These girls start to feel this stigma of shame, and so by the time they’re no longer being physically forced, they just think, “Well, this is who I am,” and they’re incredibly destroyed. It’s really sad, and our society just keeps telling these girls that this is their chosen identity. My own mother didn’t tell me about her sexual abuse until she was in her 50s. If the world had been more educated about children that are being abused, and sexually abused for money, and if it had been explained in those terms, then I’m sure she would have said something a long time ago instead of carrying this burden of shame. All because the world calls them prostitutes or whores. She felt dirty and bad, and she was just a little girl. Stephanie M. Larsen and Her Child Anything else you’d like to share with our readers? I have to share the coolest story! My dad passed away last year and so my mom moved to Utah and moved in with us. She has been working with our charity and speaks publicly about the struggles that she had as a child. Just last month my mom came downstairs one Sunday morning and announced that she had to go to the temple to receive her endowment. And I was like, “Okay, well I’ve got to be at church now and so do you, so get in the car and we can talk about it.” And she said, “No, Stephanie. I’ve got to get to the temple, like tomorrow.” I told her that going to the temple for the first time takes a lot of preparation. This was very unlike her. She said, “I just feel it. All this time I’ve been feeling like I‘m not ready, I’ve got to learn more. And all of a sudden I just feel like, ‘I’ve got to get the temple!’ So, what do I need to do?” I told her she needed to see the bishop. So we drove to church and she went and saw the bishop, and he thought it was a great idea. She came home after meeting with him and said, “Stephanie, he said I could go on Wednesday and that’s the anniversary of your dad’s death!” She was so excited that she could go to the temple on that day and thought it was meant to be. Then I realized that it had been a year since my dad’s death, which meant that our family could do his temple work and they could be sealed! All of a sudden it all made sense, the urgency. I’m pretty skeptical by nature, but it was a really neat moment–like, “Wow, this is for real; they really want their work done!” At their sealing, we had probably fifteen people and 75% of them were people who lived in Southern California when we joined the Church. And they all came with two days’ notice! It was the most incredible feeling. It was beautiful. At A Glance Name: Stephanie M. Larsen Location: Layton, UT Age: 33 Marital status: Married to Jess Larsen for 11 years Children: Four kids: two girls, ages 9 and 5; two boys, ages 7 and 3 Occupation: Co­founder/Board member of the Backyard Broadcast (Anti­trafficking Youth Organization) and Child Rescue (Non­profit organization combating the exploitation and sex trafficking of children in the United States and Canada) Conversion: 1997 Schools Attended: Brigham Young University Favorite Hymn: “Lord, I Would Follow Thee” and the new Primary song, “Holding Hands Around the World” On The Web: www.childrescue.org and www.backyardbroadcast.org Interview by Linda Jane Yamamoto.

Sheri Dew wrote biographies of Ezra Taft Benson and Gordon B. Hinckley during their lifetimes. She served as a counselor in the general Relief Society presidency from 1997 until 2002. She is now CEO of Deseret Book. Her book Women and the Priesthood was published this month. You’ve had a remarkable career. You’re not only the first female CEO of Deseret Book but also probably the youngest. Did you plan to spend the majority of your adult life in publishing? What I imagined when I was younger and what I hoped for my whole life was that I’d get married and have a family. Not one bit of me ever wanted to have a career. I didn’t go to college thinking I’d have a career. I had zero interest in that. When I graduated from BYU and wasn’t married, I thought, “Now what do I do?” I fell into publishing. I had just finished all the course requirements for my master’s degree in history, and I was still working on my thesis. I found a job as a receptionist at Bookcraft Publishers. Within three or four months, they moved me into the back as a beginning editor. I trained as an assistant editor under George Bickerstaff, who was a wonderful editor. One thing led to another, and time passed, and I didn’t get married, and more time passed, and I still didn’t get married, and I just kept working. Every year, I thought, “This is the year I’ll get married. This is the year that blessing will finally be realized.” I turned sixty years old yesterday and I’m still not married. Nothing has turned out like I’ve hoped. Nothing has turned out like I’ve prayed for and pleaded for. It’s not gone that way. But that’s not to say it’s been bad! I didn’t set out to have a career in publishing. I didn’t give two hoots about that. But I have found creating content all these years and helping others create content to be satisfying. I’m grateful to have been involved in something that’s meaningful. How do you deal with those moments of disappointment? They are really hard, deeply painful, and deeply disappointing. If I had not come to understand a little more about the Atonement and the healing power of the Atonement, I don’t know what would have happened. Those disappointments have led me to struggle for my own personal understanding of the Atonement. But they’re hard. There’s nothing easy about it. I can’t tell you how many people have said, “Write a book for the singles!” You will never see me do that. Ever. I would never pretend to give counsel to anyone about how to cope with being unmarried, because I think everyone’s situation is different, but I do think everybody feels pain and experiences disappointment, and for each of us the answer is to look to the Lord. In your new book you say that you have seen examples of priesthood power since you were a little girl. What were some of the times that you remember recognizing priesthood power? When we look at things in retrospect, we impose our adult eyes on what we were learning and experiencing as children. But there are some things that I experienced growing up that I know affected me then. I could feel something. Anytime my father would give me a blessing, I would feel something. Whether it was a blessing of healing or a school blessing or a father’s blessing, or whatever it was, he would always say, “I give this blessing not through power of my own but through the power of the holy Melchizedek Priesthood.” Always, when he would say those words, I would feel a surge go through me. When I was little, I didn’t know what it was. I just could feel something. And I liked how that felt! The most obvious and most clear experience I had as a little girl was when my father confirmed me and gave me the gift of the Holy Ghost. From the minute that he said, “Receive the Holy Ghost,” I started to cry. As a little eight year old, I was embarrassed about it. I couldn’t stop crying. I cried through the blessing. I cried walking back to the row where my family was sitting. It was powerful. It was more than I could handle. I just knew that it was real. So, beginning with my father, I had experiences that led me to feel and believe, as my testimony was growing, that priesthood power was real. My innate respect for priesthood power started when I was little, with my father. Was there a particular time that you remember coming to a more detailed understanding? Understanding was more gradual. I could never point at a specific time. But for decades, I have been intrigued about priesthood power. I wanted to understand it better, so I’ve studied a lot. I read certain scriptures a billion times, asking “What does that really mean?” Once I was endowed and started going to the temple, I spent a lot of time thinking about it. Through the years and through the decades, I’ve had what seems to be an innate and an unusual interest in understanding priesthood. I think that has been accentuated by some of the experiences I’ve had in my life. I’ve had a lot of leadership experiences where I’ve worked directly with priesthood leaders: bishops, stake presidents, and general authorities. Those experiences have tended to make me want to understand, How does priesthood work? How should I feel about it as a female? What impact should it have on me as a female? I’ve been intrigued about it. Did your association with Pres. Benson or Pres. Hinckley, as you worked on their biographies, change or refine your understanding of priesthood? I spent a lot of time with each of those presidents of the Church, the men who held all the priesthood keys. It was an amazing experience to be able to ask them anything that I wanted to ask! When you’re trying to write about someone who has become a prophet, you’re digging deeply. I was trying to figure out, What would the Lord have me write about him? What is a true characterization? What really shows the development of his life? So of course that association pushed along my understanding. It couldn’t help but do that! I’ve probably met with members of the First Presidency and the Twelve thousands of times. I’m very well-acquainted with some of them. I can tell you that I’ve never been in the presence of one of them, not one time ever, that I don’t have a little surge of the Spirit telling me I’m with a prophet, seer, and revelator. I’ve felt that witness so many times that I know it has shaped me. I’m certain that those Brethren have all the keys! I just don’t have any question about that. That knowledge makes me ask, “What does it mean that they have all the keys? What does it mean to me? How is that different from other men who’ve been ordained?” When I was in the general Relief Society presidency, I started to give some talks where I broached issues about priesthood. In those cases, I would have opportunities where I could sit with some of our senior leaders and say, “I’ve been studying in the scriptures, and I had this impression. Can I talk to you about what this might mean?” So I have had some unusual experiences of being mentored and taught along the way. But I’ve never had a meeting with a priesthood leader where he’s said, “Let me just spell it out for you. Here’s how it works.” So, yes, my experiences have propelled me forward in my own study, but I’ve had to dig for this understanding myself. You speak eloquently in your book about what you call the doctrine of motherhood, pointing out that it is not limited to physical maternity. Can you talk about how you have used the doctrine of motherhood in your life? One of the painful things about not marrying at a traditional age is not having children. I had an experience, related to being single and not a mother, with one of the senior Brethren that was hard to take. The encounter made me feel badly and it bothered me. I agonized over it. But as I struggled over that experience, I started thinking about motherhood, and that is what led me to start studying the doctrine of motherhood differently than I ever had. When I did that, the Lord parted a curtain and taught me some things about what motherhood really means that I had never understood and that we don’t typically hear talked about in Church. It started with a painful experience that made me feel really badly, but it was in the wrestling with that experience that the Lord taught me, so I feel pretty grateful for that miserable experience. It led me to learn some things I don’t think I would have learned any other way. I was led to think really deeply about the whole issue of motherhood. It became really clear to me that motherhood is more than bearing children. Of course, giving birth is the most dramatic evidence of it, but it’s more than that. Understanding that the doctrine of motherhood is about more than the bearing of children has helped me crystallize for my own self that I can still, even without having borne children, mother others. They might be teenagers, they might be young adults, they might be sisters in the gospel. There are so many opportunities to shepherd others along the path. I do think that we as women have been uniquely gifted with spiritual gifts that enable us to help shepherd others along the path. I’m very conscious of that. It drives, for me, a whole lot of what I do. It drives wanting to help a young adult who’s struggling with her testimony. It drives my going to teach institute where I can have a mothering influence on young adults who are finding their way. It’s a driving force in my life’s mission. I have just had to find different ways to mother because the normal way hasn’t come to me naturally. You’ve written and spoken often about your nieces and nephews. What role does being an aunt play in your life? My sisters and brothers have been generous to share their children with me and allow me to be a part of their lives. I love my nieces and nephews dearly. I would do anything for those kids. I’m very close to those kids and work really hard at trying to develop a relationship with them so that when they need help they’ll talk to me about the issues they may be dealing with. I do believe that there is a lot of power in an extended family, in grandmothers and grandfathers, in aunts and uncles, in cousins. An extended family can create such a safe haven. I don’t want to paint it as though we have some nirvana family, because that would not be true. Our family’s not perfect. We have plenty of problems, but I’m a believer in the power of an extended family to wrap our arms around whoever is struggling and pull them along. I’m grateful for the chance to be a part of that. It’s meant a lot to me. You say in your book you were reluctant to publish this manuscript. What made you reluctant and what made you change your mind? More than a decade ago, when I was in the Relief Society general presidency, I gave a talk in general conference and one at the BYU Women’s Conference where I touched on some elements about priesthood, but I didn’t go very deep. I was laying track, although I didn’t know that I was. In 2012, I published a little book with Virginia Pearce where we each wrote an essay about some of the sermons the prophet Joseph gave to the women in Nauvoo in 1842. I wrote a little more about priesthood then. About a year and a half ago, I started a new book, but it wasn’t on women and the priesthood. It was a different topic entirely. I spent several months on it. One day early this year, I spent all day working on it and realized it was going nowhere. I was so frustrated at the end of that Saturday. I thought of all the time I’d wasted time over a period of months and I decided, “You know what? I’m bagging this. I don’t know what’s wrong with it, but it’s just not working. I’m not going to focus on it anymore.” A dear friend of mine emailed me that very night, asking, “How’s it going?” I said, “It’s just not working. I’m calling it quits.” The next day I happened to see her in a meeting and she slipped me a note. The note said, “This is what your book should be: Women and the Priesthood.” I felt a spiritual reaction to her suggestion, but after that meeting, I said, “What are you thinking? I don’t think I want to do that book.” She said, “Look, I’ve known you long enough and I’ve listened to you long enough and I’ve watched you long enough that I know that’s what you really care about. That’s what you’ve studied about. That’s what you’ve been thinking about. That’s what you always talk about. I think the problem is you’ve been writing the wrong book.” So, the next chance I got, I went to my home office and within about an hour I had the outline. I knew what it was supposed to be. I started to look at all these pieces I’d been writing that weren’t fitting into my other book, and I discovered that I could extract a lot of them and put in place in this new outline. I thought, “Maybe this is the book.” I started praying about it and thinking about it, but I was still reluctant. I thought, “Everyone will think I’m writing this as an answer to all the people who think women should get the priesthood, and that’s just not the case.” But I honestly could not leave it alone. I’d try to set it on the shelf and I’d say, “Forget that,” and I would feel compelled to pick it up and work on it again. I tried and tried to talk myself out of it. I did not want it to appear that I am speaking for the Church, because I am not speaking for the Church! It also made me nervous because I knew the minute that thing was published, I would have new insights and new things that I would wish I had said, but it would already be set in stone. “You’re not going to be able to write Women and the Priesthood, Volume 2!” I thought. “I probably ought to wait a while,” but then I thought, “When will that be? When I’m sixty-five, I still won’t know everything yet.” Despite all my hesitations, I felt compelled. I can’t deny that. So I finally just went with it. I had to give myself a little talk: “Do it and quit whining. Offer up your witness of what you believe is true.” One of my favorite things about the book is that you include empty pages at the back that you invite the reader to fill. It’s as if you’re asking each reader to collaborate with you! To me, that may be the most important thing about the book! In order to really understand anything deeply about the gospel, we have to have it taught to us by the Holy Ghost. When the Holy Ghost testifies of it, you start to learn it inside, not when you just read it in a book. So my biggest hope is that someone would read this book and say, “Hmm. That’s given me something to think about. I want to understand the topic of priesthood better. I’m going to study for myself.” The very best outcome, from my point of view is that someone starts to dig into the scriptures, and spend more time in the temple, and ask the Lord to answer questions, to gain her own testimony. So when we were working on the book, I said to the publishing team, “Part of my reluctance is that I don’t want to seem like the authority on this. I’m just learning like everyone else. I really hope that other people will work to learn it, too.” They came back to me and said, “Let’s send that signal in a really clear way.” So that’s how the blank pages came to be there. You acknowledge the absence of answers to some questions. How would you counsel church members to deal with those questions? It’s not just about priesthood that we don’t have answers! There are other things we don’t have every answer about, whether it’s a doctrinal question or a question about our own lives. Why am I sixty and I’ve never been able to get married? Why has the Lord not let it happen? I don’t understand that. The Lord has chosen to explain a lot of things, but He doesn’t explain everything. There are a lot of topics we don’t know everything about. I think it is a fundamental requirement of men and women of faith to be willing, on some issues, to exercise that faith. The only way I know to deal with unanswered questions, of which I have plenty of my own, is to talk to the Lord about it. This probably sounds really simplistic to some people, but I have relied on some counsel that Sister Camilla Kimball gave years ago. She said that when she had unanswered questions, she would put the question in a box and put the box on a shelf. For a while. Later, she’d pull the box off the shelf and sometimes the question had been answered and sometimes it hadn’t. But she was willing to give the Lord the benefit of the doubt, to trust that as soon as He was ready to answer her questions, He’d answer them. In my own life, that has proven to be true many times. There are times I’ve allowed myself to get all churned up about something, and then I’ll think, “I’ll set it aside for a while.” Often I’ll go back a month later, a year later, five years later, and that question will no longer be a question for me. The Lord will have talked to me about it, and I will feel clear about it. But there are still things that I don’t know, and I think I’ll die with things that the Lord has not chosen to explain yet. I think that’s part of a religious life! I don’t think there’s any religion, including our faith, which I believe is the Lord’s faith, that answers every question. So I’m okay with questions that aren’t answered. I’m curious about them, but I’m not troubled by them. On the other hand, there are some things the Lord has taught me personally about priesthood that I did not put in the book because I don’t think we have doctrine to support it. I feel like the Lord has told me some things, but I don’t think they’re things I can talk about because I can’t corroborate them with doctrine. But the point is that I think the Lord will talk to us. When we want to learn things, He’ll talk to us and teach us things. We can’t always talk about what He teaches us or He’ll quit teaching us. Is there anything you’d like to add? Eliza R. Snow said that Latter-day Saint women have greater and higher privileges than any female on the face of the earth. I absolutely know that is true. We could talk about the issues of trying to work with priesthood leaders. I’m like everyone else: I’ve had glorious experiences working with priesthood leaders, and I’ve had terrible experiences working with priesthood leaders. I get that whole picture. But I also believe that when you look at the spiritual privileges we have, it’s just astonishing. The saddest imaginable thing is if we don’t realize what God has given us. And if we don’t realize it, we are in no position to learn how to draw upon the power of God and how to draw that power into our lives to bless us. Imagine how sad to get to the end of your life and find out that you had it all along, but didn’t access that power. I hope this book encourages women to find out for themselves so that they know how to draw more power into their lives. At A Glance Name: Sheri Dew Location: Utah Age: 60 Marital status: Single Occupation: CEO, Deseret Book Schools Attended: BYU On The Web: www.deseretbook.com Interview by Annette Pimentel.

As a molecular physiology professor at UNC Chapel Hill, Sarah Street is interested in the big questions of how the brain works: What is perception? What is reality? What is agency? In addition to having implications for how people of faith process spiritual experiences, Sarah hopes her work can also show that people’s emotional experiences have impact on their physical health. You went to BYU as an undergrad on a full scholarship for swimming, and then you moved into molecular physiology. Would you tell us about that career trajectory, how you decided on that initially, and where that has taken you since then? When I was an undergrad at BYU, I was originally thinking about physical therapy or medical school or something like that, but I had a few professors at BYU who were outstanding teachers, and they taught me how to think scientifically. I did research in an organic chemistry lab at the time, and also I did a lot of tutoring. So all that inspired me to change my career trajectory and do something that would put me in academia, where I would be able to teach and do research. I decided that I was going to forgo medical school, or at least put it off. And instead I applied to PhD programs, thinking that I was going to do some research having to do with women’s health –women’s cancers such as breast cancer and endometrial cancer — and why rates of those cancers are so much lower in women athletes, which was obviously something I was interested in since I was a swimmer. But then when I actually got to grad school, the very first course I took was a physiology course, and the first section of that was on membrane physiology and action potentials and electrical impulses that enable our brain to do what it does. And that swept me off my feet. I just completely fell in love with it. And I didn’t even look back at the cell biology and molecular biology aspect anymore. I just really got into neuroscience and that’s what drove my interest and my choices from that time forward. So, now I’m a neurophysiologist and I study circuitry in the brain: how these electrical aspects of neurons enable us to do what we are able to do. So you are teaching and researching now, as you always hoped to, but just not in the area of expertise that you anticipated. Right, exactly. I didn’t really think ever about neuroscience as an undergrad. At the time BYU didn’t have a neuroscience program at all, so I just did exercise physiology, and I really had no idea what neuroscience was all about until I came to grad school. So that was a little bit surprising. I want to go back a little bit first and talk about how you got to the point at BYU. What were some of the most important influences for you growing up that gave you the confidence and the drive to know that you could study this kind of complex science? Well, my mom and dad are both very education-driven. My dad was the first in his family to ever go to college, and my mom started going to school right after high school and she sort of has never stopped. As long as I can remember, my mom has been taking classes, or doing an extra degree, or getting an extra certificate or something like that. My mom so loves education. That was just totally instilled in the three of us. I have two sisters. It was just very much instilled in us from a very young age. I remember thinking about college back in elementary school because my mom would talk about it so much. College was something that we all just assumed would be in our future because my mom was constantly taking courses and challenging herself. I remember when she wanted to get recertified in math. She was taking a fairly advanced calculus class at the university in the town I grew up in, Pensacola, Florida. And she was talking about how all the kids in her class, who were obviously much younger than her, were just mad because she kept breaking the curve. My mom was just a very confident woman and she loved learning. That was just how my sisters and I grew up. I don’t think it was ever a question of whether or not we could do it. We saw my dad work his way out of, essentially, poverty that he grew up in, and my mom continued to learn no matter what situation her life was in. I think that we assumed everyone was like that. So it wasn’t anything I ever thought twice about. And did your church experience confirm that in you? Was there anything ever that you felt was at odds with each other or did they work together? I think that early on I didn’t realize that there was conflict because I was so into activities. I was in swimming and that took up most of my time. As a high schooler, I spent the majority of my time outside of school swimming. I never really put together that maybe some of the messages I was hearing in Young Women were at odds with what my mom was teaching me by example. My mom was such an example that you can do what you want as a woman, that I never really internalized the messages in Young Women that were contradictory to that. For the most part, church focused on the scriptures, and seminary, of course, focused on the scriptures. And lot of the cultural aspects, more of what maybe other women in my ward might have felt, they didn’t have as much of a space to come out and be discussed as often. I also remember that if there ever was a time that I was kind of put-off by something I heard at church, I would go home and talk to my mom about it. And she’d be like, well you know, we’re all different. Whatever messages I might have gotten at church that would be anti- to me being able to do whatever I want, either I just didn’t even pay attention to it because I was like, that’s obviously not true because my mom’s doing everything, or I might talk to her about it. I remember this one time when I was getting ready to go to BYU, I was talking about getting married and dating and all this stuff. I think it was pretty uncharacteristic of me because my mom looked at me kind of puzzled, and she’s like, “Sarah you’ve got a lot to give this world outside of marriage. Don’t dismiss these other things that you’re going to be able to contribute to the world with all these talents that you’ve been given.” I think I was like, huh. That’s more the environment we grew up in. Let’s go back to your research. Is there a specific project or a specific interest you’re working on that you could explain to us in lay terms? My projects have been widely varying throughout the years. I started off studying the auditory system. I remember this epiphany I had while I was writing my dissertation. There are these channels that are expressed in the neurons, which are our main cells in our brain that communicate all of this information. These proteins called channels enable sodium and potassium to exchange places along the membrane of these cells, which enables us to have these electrical impulses that then give us the ability to talk and walk and think and do all the things that we do. There are thousands of different channels that enable these small ions to move back and forth across the membrane. Any small changes in their function can lead to large changes in how these electrical impulses actually work. I remember sitting there thinking, wow. This is amazing that such little things can cause such changes in these electrical impulses that essentially make us what we are. They make us be able to think, be able to walk, be able to hear. They really underscore our perception of the world. And so that started me thinking about just how different people might be because of the changes or small differences that might exist in the channels that enable us to have these electrical impulses. It started me really thinking about, what is perception, what is reality, what is agency? To even have a bigger picture. These are the molecular mechanisms that make us human, that enable us to act, so to speak. If these little channels have such a big impact on the information coding that essentially enables us to do all these things, then what implications does that have for what I’ve been taught and what I know about our ability to make choices and be able to carry them out? So those are kind of the big picture questions I’ve had. Recently I did a post-doc studying how the circuitry in our brain that controls our eating behavior, our drive to eat, our drive to not eat, how that can change with obesity. My current research is focused on pain and how our perception of pain is determined by the circuitry in these channels that are expressed in pain neurons and how that can change with experience, and how that changes in neuropathic pain and chronic pain. It’s actual changes in the neurons and the circuits themselves that cause people to feel as much pain as they feel. And then how do you actually create treatments that can take advantage of the fact that we are starting to understand how these circuits and how these molecular mechanisms work so that people will experience less pain? In the midst of all of this, I think I’ve really gotten interested in how our brain interacts with the environment and how the environment interacts with our brain that really shapes these circuits. For instance, we have a lot of new information coming out about epigenetics and how people that are involved in a stressful environment, that can actually change how their genes are expressed. Not just in them, but then in their children as well. Would you define epigenetics? Yeah. Epigenetics is just the changes in gene expression that are on account of something that’s happening outside of one’s body. In the environment itself. It’s changes in gene expression that are due to something that happens outside of the genome itself. We know that the brain is already very sensitive to the environment. The way the circuits are set up is so much based on the experiences we have. And so I’ve really become interested in how experience then alters our neuronal circuits and our synapses in a way that either can make it more difficult for us to cope with life, or make it less difficult for us to cope with life. And now we have all this new information about, well, it’s not just our environment that’s changing our circuitry and our synapses. It’s also changing our genome itself. That’s really hard to study in a mouse. Because you can’t really ask a mouse, is it more difficult for you to cope with depression or less difficult to cope with depression, because we put you in a stressful situation? So essentially what I’m doing now is I’m making the transition to human research. And the way that I’ve decided to do that, from getting out of mice, is I’m actually going back to medical school to learn how to do clinical research. After talking to a lot of people, and determining it’s really difficult with just a PhD to do clinical research because you always have to rely on a clinician who’s going to have a patient population, I decided it’s just time to go back to medical school to learn how to do clinical research and actually look at how these changes in our brain actually affect health outcomes. So that’s the plan. So where are you in that process? I’ve been accepted here at University of North Carolina, which is more than likely where I’ll end up. Oh good! Well I would hope they would accept you. You’re already on their faculty. Yeah, I wasn’t going to take it for granted. I wasn’t going to just assume they would, but they did, so that was good. Can you expand your research to an understanding of how we understand and experience faith? I think that certainly experience is going to determine our perception of faith. Our whole premise of our religion is based on the idea that testimonies come with experience. The idea is that you have experiences which change the normal circuitry in your brain, then that’s going to lead to your ability to have more faith in these experiences. I like to think of it as a way Heavenly Father instilled in us the ability to continue to grow in faith and have more faith, because our brain is going to adapt to the experiences that we have. So when we have faith promoting experiences, things change in the way that our neurons and synapses work to be more open to future experiences? Yes. Absolutely. What do we understand about people who have sudden conversion experiences or something that they necessarily weren’t conditioned for? Is that something that you can explain using your model? I don’t know if I’ve ever even thought about that. It seems like it’s a rush of oxytocin and dopamine and these types of neurotransmitters that give us such a good feeling, that are then going to of course solidify whatever the activity was that they were doing at the time with those positive emotions. So I don’t know if any research has been done on that in particular. Most of the research in neuroscience along the lines of faith has been done with meditation and the benefits of meditation. And what are those benefits? I’m assuming they’re similar, in that they increase those good feelings. Yeah. Essentially they look at what your brain looks while you’re meditating and then how that then affects your brain long-term. They look at the types of brain waves that are elicited during meditation. Also people have tried to see if meditation can help people with attention deficit, stress relief, and mood disorders. The results are preliminary, but in general, they have shown positive findings that meditation is potentially helpful. So how has this changed your own faith over the years, to understand the physiology of it? Has it taken away the mystery of faith or has it made it more appealing to you? Certainly for me it’s made it more appealing because I have this tendency to believe that at the end of the day we’re all studying the same things. What I do in church is not outside the lines of science. There’s got to be some scientific, reasonable explanation for how I feel and what I’m experiencing there. For me, it’s never been a question of, is there a purpose to religion or is there a God? It’s just something that I accept and then of course God would understand the same scientific rationales and principles that I’m learning as a scientist. I’ve never seen any conflict with those two things. It’s just one and the same journey, so to speak. It’s the search for truth, whether that be through spiritual means or scientific means. It’s one and the same. I think it’s fun to think about how our brain works and how Heavenly Father uses those mechanisms to speak to us and to give us revelation. He’s going to work through those physical means to guide us. I think it’s just more fun to think about, not that I ever think I’ve come up with any of the answers. It’s just fun to see possibilities and how these two things interact. What would be a culmination of your career as a researcher? That’s a really good question. I really would like to show that experiences that people have are going to either positively or negatively influence how their physical body works, whether that be how their brain works or whether that be how the rest of their body works. And there are a lot of social justice implications in that: the fact that there can be an embodiment of social and structural violence. I think that’s really important to be able to show that people that grow up disempowered, or poor, or grow up feeling that the world is set up against them, that that actually is going to have real physical effects on their well-being, whether that be their ability to learn and think, or whether that be their ability to have their heart pump right, or for their body to fight off disease processes. I’ve felt really lucky in my life that I’ve had loving parents, I’ve been surrounded by people who’ve told me I can do whatever I want. That definitely has had an effect on my well-being, it’s had an effect on how my brain is set up, and what I’ve put into my brain as messages from what other people are telling me. I can’t imagine what that would be like if you grew up as a kid surrounded by messages that you’re not worth anything, you can’t do anything and the world is against you, look at all the things you don’t have. Those actually have physical implications. So what I’d like my work to do is show actual effects of those that are not just health outcomes because people were poor and didn’t get early enough care, it’s actually effects of the world we live in, effects that it’s having on their health that would happen regardless if they saw a doctor or not. What tremendous work. Shifting gears, you are single. What do you think has been the greatest challenge for you as a single woman in the Church? What have been some of the benefits in pairing your membership in the Church with the opportunity to pursue this career? I think that I’ve had a lot of the similar struggles that other single women have had in trying to figure out where you fit in a church where almost, on a weekly basis, you hear about the importance of family. Women’s value is definitely, in very real not even trying to hide it or make it symbolic sense, associated with being a wife and a mother. I certainly have struggled with that from time to time, because above and beyond just being single and not having the chance to get married, I’m not interested in being married to a man. I don’t work that way. That’s even a lot more difficult in that for whatever reason I’ve never had the desire to be a wife and a mother. At all. What’s probably been more difficult in hearing that message over and over again, that this is your destiny and this is what’s going to be your greatest contribution in life, isn’t that I’m not dating or I haven’t had the opportunity to be married, it’s that I don’t want to be. And yet there’s this expectation that you have to get married and you have a family in order to be like Heavenly Father, and all that made me wonder why He even created me then, because I don’t have that. Because I’m not dating, because I’m not getting married, the ultimate end of my salvation is at stake, where I don’t have the ability to make it to the highest degree of the celestial kingdom. So that was very difficult for a long, long time. But the good thing that came out of all of that is that it forced me to develop my own relationship with Heavenly Father. It forced me to ask Him myself. Because I was mad at Him for a long time. You know, why am I like this? If you made this whole plan so that I can be like you, and yet I don’t even have the desire to do the main thing, which is going to make me like you, then why did you create me like this? But then through lots of prayer and lots of pondering and lots of visits to the temple, what ultimately I realized is that He loves me exactly how I am, and He’s going to figure out a way to help me. Whatever the end goal is, He’s going to find a way to get me there. That’s how Heavenly Father works. He loves His children so much no matter who we are. Eternity is a long time for Him to work with us. What exactly it looks like on the other side is still pretty ambiguous. So that’s been the good thing about all of that. Presumably when you were at BYU, in your early marriageable years, you didn’t know that you were going to have this great purpose in your work, that really, in some ways, could only be possible without a family. What advice would you give to other single LDS women, who might not have an interest in or the chance to get married, but also don’t feel like they have the kind of career purpose that you do? That’s a really good question because I have so many friends who get to those years and they’re like, okay, the marriage didn’t happen or I don’t really have the desire to do it. And they don’t have anything else because all they’ve been told their whole life is that the most important thing you’ll ever do is be a wife and a mother. I don’t know if I have any good advice. I think the only advice for anything that’s ever worked in my life is have a good relationship with Heavenly Father and believe that He can guide you to find what it is that He wants you to do. I firmly believe that He has a mission for all of us, that all of us have some kind of contribution He wants us to make while we’re here and some type of very specific lessons that we can learn while we’re here that’s going to make us better human beings and more fit for whatever he has in store for us after this life. I think the only way we figure that out is through a personal relationship with Him. Sarah Street I’ve thought a lot about this, and I think that at the end of the day there are very few of us who fit the bill of the nondescript, homogenous Mormon woman. I don’t know very many people who are like that. I think that looking for other people to have the answers to something that’s so personal for your own life is something that very rarely works. I think you have to force yourself to go to God and ask Him what it is and then be willing to accept whatever it is He tells you and be okay with it. I think what I’ve done in my life is just have an open-ended vision of what it is that I’m going to be. Knowing that I have this interest in science and knowing that I really like teaching, those are things that developed over time. I don’t think I started liking science in high school, but it was college when I really started to excel in it. Certainly my love of teaching developed in college. Paying attention to those things and then taking those to Heavenly Father and being like, what do I do with this? You have to act along the way, but then you do it with this mutual relationship with Heavenly Father to help Him guide and shape what it is that you’re supposed to do. I think the only thing that’s been helpful in my life is to have an open idea of what’s possible in the future. Knowing that I want to do good and I want to make the world a better place and I want to develop whatever talents I have, but then counseling with Heavenly Father on what the best way to do that is. All the revelation that I’ve gotten and the direction I’ve gotten in my life has come kind of incrementally. But always, or at least for a long time, I’ve had this belief and this confirmation that Heavenly Father loves me, and He does want me to do good in this world, and He does have – whether or not it’s a specific mission, I think that He wants me to feel like I’m contributing to the kingdom, contributing to the world, contributing to make it a better place. And so He knows best how to help me do that within the confines of what I like to do. Not to be too deterministic about it. That’s the thing. It’s more of this mutual give and take I feel like it’s been with Him and me. But it’s all come down to having that relationship. When you hear things at church that are like, well that doesn’t apply to me (which most of it has not), I can be like, okay. What’s the principle underlying that, and then how do I make that work in my life? How do I hear the voice of God for me in these other things that people are speaking of at church from their own experience? It all goes back to this idea of synapses. We all have these different synapses, and that’s how they see the world. But then what’s the principle that’s good for all of us no matter what our neuronal brain map happens to be? And how do I fit that into my understanding and perception of the world? I can just imagine you listening to someone who you don’t quite agree with and analyzing in your own mind how her synapses are working to have caused her to say those things. Exactly. That’s what it all is. And it is freeing in that sense because I can be like, that’s great that that’s how it works for her, and then I really search for what it is that I need to hear from that. What is it that she can teach me from her experience? What is the principle that I can learn from that? And that’s a very difficult thing to do, but it’s certainly helped with this idea that I have to live up to these other people’s expectations. Their life isn’t my life, their brain isn’t my brain, their body isn’t my body, so it’s not going to work exactly like that. There’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all gospel. At all. There’s not a one-size-fits-all life. Literally, physically. Physiologically it doesn’t make sense. At A Glance Name: Sarah Street Location: Chapel Hill, NC Age: 37 Marital status: Single Occupation: professor Schools Attended: BYU (B.S.), UNC (Ph.D.) Languages Spoken at Home: English Favorite Hymn: “Lead Kindly Light” Interview by Neylan McBaine.

Ann Romney spent many years in the global spotlight as the wife of Massachusetts governor and United States presidential candidate Mitt Romney. However, with campaign trails behind her, Ann is now choosing to focus on the role closest to her heart: mother of five sons and grandmother. She recently published a book, The Romney Family Table, in which she shares her favorite recipes for bringing a family together at mealtimes. As part of her tour to promote the book, Ann met with the Mormon Women Project to reveal the joys and challenges she’s found in motherhood, as well as to discuss building empathy in young boys and having confidence in oneself as a mother. What are the most important habits and traditions you emphasize in your home to keep your family close, especially since your children are out of the home? It’s a requirement that we get together. They know that. Every other Christmas and Thanksgiving we’re together, and every Fourth of July we’re together. We see them a lot. I feel like we see them every three or four weeks; we’re always moving around to see them. It’s such a huge effort. It’s important that the cousins become friends. Of course, getting around the table and sharing food is so important. We are taking our first trip this coming summer with four of our older grandchildren, which will be a tradition that we’ll be carrying on from Mitt’s family. We’ll be touring the western United States: Zions, Bryce, and then to Yosemite, the Grand Canyon… No parents. Just the grandkids and Mitt and myself. We’re already thinking about principles we want to teach the about this country, about some of our great leaders. We want to make sure they have a love for this country and an appreciation for those who have sacrificed so much for it. Also, gospel principles. We want to make sure they know we read the scriptures, that we say prayers…. They’re doing those things in their own homes, but we want to reinforce them. We’ll teach them some songs – “How Great Thou Art” is one that Mitt’s father made sure to teach him and we’ll tell family stories: the histories of the family pioneers and those family members who made sacrifices. It sounds like you take a very strategic approach to it. Is that necessary? You have to. It takes effort. It takes planning. Things don’t happen spontaneously. Oftentimes it’s the woman who has to make those plans and make sure that they happen, and they won’t happen if you don’t plan them. Ann Davies Romney and Her Family Was eating together always something you had as a goal for your family, even from your early marriage? I don’t think I ever thought about it. It’s just morphed into what we do. I came from a strong family, not LDS, but we had strong family traditions of making conversation at the table and loving family. But I think one of the more important lessons my children observed at the table when they were growing up was how much Mitt and I loved each other. We didn’t speak harshly to each other. We were respectful of each other’s opinions. We didn’t disagree about raising children in front of them; we had those conversations quietly and privately about discipline approaches, but we had a united front always in front of the children. They saw, too, that he never raised his voice to me and that they would get in the most trouble of their lives if they talked back to me. So those reinforcements that happened all along established in their minds what it was like to have a strong marriage and have a life partner who you really respect. They picked that up and I see them treating their own wives similarly. They do the dishes like Mitt did and are involved dads. I truly believe the most important thing you can teach a child is that they’re loved and that God loves them. If they can really come away really secure in those things, they can be productive adults. That doesn’t mean they’re protected from tragedy and heartache, but at least they can have that sense of security and peace when they do have to go through those difficult times in their lives. Ann Davies Romney and Her Extended Family You’re particularly known for raising boys, your five sons, and I’m wondering if you had any particular tactics for instilling empathy in your boys? It seems that conversations about raising girls have become plentiful in our cultural consciousness, and now we’ve been seeing a swing recently towards conversations about raising boys. It’s often frustrating as a parent when you see a child misbehave or be mean to one another. That was often the hardest part for me! As I see them now as adults, I know they’re not mean. I think as a parent you have to remember children really do misbehave, and that’s just part of what you have to go through. You as the mom always have to be teaching, showing by example, reprimanding, helping, guiding… It seems like an endless process when you’re going through it, and it doesn’t seem like they’re getting it. But they do. And it just takes a long time. Specifically regarding empathy, we modeled empathetic behavior deliberately and we made sure they were involved in service. If we were taking a meal to someone who was sick, I made sure they went in the car with me and they helped me deliver it. So at least they saw that this is what we do. This is how we behave. When Mitt did service he made sure the boys came along and they helped out. They had to participate in it, they had to work for it, then they had to see the rewards of the people who they had helped. That was a very important piece for me. At the same time, we really taught them how to work and not to be instantly rewarded. To know they couldn’t have everything they wanted. The teaching moments had to be consistent. It seems like it’s endless and goes on forever and that you’re not making much progress. Honestly, it really does seem that way. But now I look at them as adults now and the only thing I can say is that it’s very rewarding to see my own grandchildren misbehave! Now my sons have to deal with it! I see them struggling, I see them frustrated. Now I’m saying to my sons, “Don’t be so hard on the kids! Be a little more patient! They’re really good kids!” It’s interesting to see the full cycle! You very publicly have had a conversation about motherhood not being “work”. In fact, you were accused of “not having worked a day in your life.” What would you say to Mormon women who are having that conversation daily in their private lives? What is your advice to them for how to respond and how to be at peace with their choices in their own lives? I would first say that the world never rewards you. You have to know that the decisions you make along the line are not going to get respected, but you have to know in your heart what is the right thing to do. If any of us are ever looking for the praise of the world, it’s short and doesn’t mean much. Staying true to your principles and knowing yourself… And not listening to the loud, loud voices but to the quiet whispers in your heart. It’s hard. It really is not easy. We all would like to have a good pat on the back and be told, “Good job. You’re doing the right thing.” We don’t get that. The rewards of being a mother take years and years. You have to be content in knowing you’re doing what’s right for you. Hopefully, you have a partner that values what you’re doing as the most important thing in the world too. It really is important work. Ann Davies Romney and Her Children The other thing we have to remember as women is that we have to respect each others’ choices. Some women are going to choose differently, and you have to respect that. You hope others will respect your choices as well. Women are having to make tough choices; the vast majority of LDS and non-LDS women are having to juggle both family and work. It’s very difficult to do both very well, and it’s a challenge most women face now. Power on, I say. Keep at it. Mitt was never so glad to go to the office when things got sticky at home. It’s definitely the tougher thing to do! It’s 24 hours. It wears you down. It’s fatiguing, especially when they’re small it’s wearing physically. And then when they get to be teenagers it’s wearing emotionally. You will also find that every single woman who has raised children wishes she could go back and enjoy those years, because we didn’t. We were working so hard, we were pushing so hard. And you hear it from everyone: “Oh, just enjoy those years!” And you don’t, you’re so stretched. Every once in a while you need to unplug, take a look around and smile and say, “Yeah, it’s totally crazy. But it’s wonderful.” Ann Davies Romney Is there anything you’d like to share with Mormon women specifically about how the gospel has informed the decisions you’ve made in your adult life? You haven’t always been a member of the Church. No, I haven’t always been a member and I had parents who were always pushing against me because of some of the decisions I made, whether it was having a temple marriage or having more children. They pressured me, yet in my heart I knew I was doing what was right for me. It’s important to know the gospel does give us the foundation and the perspective on life to know the things that are of real value. I’m so grateful that the gospel has given me my balance and my direction in life. It’s reassured me, and given me peace and comfort and love and hope. That’s what it brings to us. I can’t imagine making it through some of life’s toughest times without my faith. The associations we have at church, the priesthood we have in our homes and the blessings we have in the temple give us the encouragement and comfort we need to get through. At A Glance Name: Ann Davies Romney Age: 64 Marital status: Married since 1969 Children: 5 – Tagg, Matt, Josh, Ben, Craig Baptism: 1966 Interview by Neylan McBaine.

Daryl Hoole’s first book, The Art of Homemaking, was published in 1967 and lasted on the shelves of Deseret Book for 25 years. The unofficial spokeswoman for home culture in Mormonism for the second half of the 20th century, Daryl has been in demand as a speaker for women’s groups throughout the United States and Canada. She served on the Primary General Board, is the mother of 8 living children and grandmother of thirty-six. Would you take me back to the original motivations for homemaking and home organization to become a passion in your life. I grew up in a home with parents who were both orderly and organized. They were also gracious and warm and loving and involved in church and community and family. I saw a good balance. My father was a military officer. He joined the ROTC during the depression to help him through school, so in 1940 when world conditions became unsettled, he was called into active duty. I was 6. My mother insisted that we follow him, not stay at home. She loaded us up, my sister and me, in the car and the little trailer and we followed him all over. I had 18 schools before I finally got to high school. Six first grades! Different teachers in four different states so I laughingly say I blame all my problems onto those 18 schools! But during those years, all through the duration of the war, as we traveled coast to coast, I saw the advantage of organized yet flexible living. Everything was organized but never rigid, nothing was cast in stone. We would adapt and adjust and I realize now how much smoother you can adapt and adjust when things are first of all in control. Can you give me an example of how your mother had things organized while you were in this state of flux? She managed to streamline things so that we could quickly pack. She had papers that she kept filed. We always had a home even though we didn’t have a house to put it in. We settled down finally in Salt Lake, and by that time I was thirteen. We were glad to be back in Utah, and then four years later my father was called as the mission president in the Netherlands (also known as Holland) so off we went again. By that time I had two younger brothers as well as my sister. Mission presidents in those days were not released on a schedule like they are today and so we stayed for four and a half years and had a glorious experience. I was called on a full-time mission to serve in the mission office and proselyte after hours. In doing so I learned more about the advantages of efficiency and organization. I saw that the less time you spend with your papers the more time you can spend with people. Forty years later my husband was also called as mission president to the same mission! He was born in Holland, joined the Church when he was 15. Some young people in his neighborhood invited him to go to a near-by building to play table tennis. It was after the war and there wasn’t much to do so he went with them. He enjoyed the evening and they invited him back and pretty soon they told him about baptism. The building happened to be the church headquarters in Amsterdam. He joined the church and immigrated when he was 19 and settled in Salt Lake City. He was drafted into the US Army because of the Korean War. Upon his discharge, he was called back to Holland to serve a mission. Returning to Utah, he desired a college education He had dropped out of school in the fourth grade in Holland, speaking Dutch, so it was a big jump to the University of Utah, speaking, English. Blessings from his missionary service have been innumerable and his two years of military duty put him on a fast track to US citizenship and the G.I. Bill paid his way at the university. Tell me about the origins of your book, The Art of Homemaking. We had been married just a year when we had premature twin baby girls. Only one lived. The other died at six days. The one who lived now has triplets plus four other children. But anyway, back in those days I had a baby girl who survived and then a little boy fifteen months later and I had a lot of neighbors who would ask me how I managed. “How can you do this and have these babies and get dinner ready and have an orderly house?” A particular neighbor said she never saw the bottom of her sink or the bottom of the clothes basket or the floor in the children’s playroom. Another neighbor was full of questions. She was also a wonderful cook. So we had a good time: she would give me cooking tips and in turn she would come over and our babies would play and we would talk about household management. And at first I had no idea what I did; I just did what my mother had done. And my husband, who has always believed in me, even before I believed in myself, would say, “Well, think about something specific. Give her some tips.” At this time, my neighbor was teaching classes in nutrition for BYU Continuing Education and she mentioned my name to the leaders as someone who could teach classes in household organization and management. They were developing what they called a “school for brides.” They were going to have a twelve-week course for young girls getting married: diet, nutrition, shopping, how to carve a roast, how to shop and what to buy. I was thrilled to be asked by BYU to do that. So, I started thinking more and more about what exactly I did and compiling that information for each class. That class continued for years and years and years. The morning after that first class my phone started to ring: Relief Society presidents calling and asking if I would come talk to their sisters. I would put my own children in the nursery and I would talk to the women for an hour and teach them. The ladies always wanted a copy of this list or that schedule and so forth. So I was printing all my materials and then one day the BYU coordinators said, “You’ve exceeded your allotment of paper for the class. You need to start charging them for these notes.” So I presented the idea to the women and they were happy to pay for them. And one woman said, “Why don’t you put them in a nice cover and we could give them to brides for gifts?” That’s how my first book was born. That became the Art of Homemaking. I tell women who come to me in my classes that, with regards to papers, you’re either going to have a search or you’re going to have a system. And it’s just a lot smarter to have a system. I endeavored to teach true, eternal principles along with examples and stories to illustrate, but now in looking back, I can see the fruits. I’ve seen how these principles have blessed our children and anyone else who has used them. I taught a filing system I had learned after my mission working as secretary to Elder Adam S. Bennion of the Quorum of the Twelve. I would teach them how to have a place for everything and everything in its place and to put things away instead of put them down. I taught them laundry sorting and folding and putting away methods and how to organize drawers and closets. I could go on and on. Little things make a big difference.. It’s mostly more about habit than it is about time. I don’t think I spend as much time as some women who don’t keep a clean house because I can find stuff fast. I would teach that after your house is in order, your work really starts. If you try to begin your work before your house is in order you’ve got toast crumbs in your papers and children spilling their milk at the kitchen table because it wasn’t put away and everything going wrong. Messes left unattended create more messes. But if you first put your house in order and everything is where it belongs, then you can just cruise through whatever the work of the day is. How did you suggest women teach these principles to young children, who are so often the source of the disorderliness? You make it easy for them. You give them a specific place to put things. We required our children to take care of their rooms but we had low hanging hooks and shelves they could reach and containers to keep things together. I would ask the children to do something specific: instead of saying, “Go clean your room,” I would say, “Pick up your socks,” and “hang up your clothes,” and then either Hank or I would work with them. I think that is the answer: hand over hand, side by side, you work with children. We emphasized “first things first:” when you do this (your chores), then you can do that (play, go on an outing, read a book, see TV, etc.) I’ve always said in my teaching that an orderly house is what you want, but toys don’t count. Toys are not the problem. People’s projects are not the problem. That’s progress not neglect. There is a big difference between a house that doesn’t get the newspapers thrown out or socks picked up and one where there is life and activity and children with toys and people with projects. We gave each of our girls a sewing machine as they turned 16 and one year I think the sewing machines buzzed the whole month of December as the girls were in their corners making gifts for Christmas, but that was good. See, there is a big difference. We have sons whose garages look like they could be in Better Homes & Gardens. Clean, organized garages. They do really a good job! Our girls are beautiful homemakers and our daughters-in-law are as well. Someone said to me, “Who would want to be your daughter-in-law?” (They have the pressure of carrying on the reputation of the Hoole name after all.) But somehow they came along and they’re loyal family members. In fact, it was one of the daughters-in-law who came to me after one of our missions and said, “You should write again. My friends need an updated Art of Homemaking. They’re struggling.” So that is how my last book, The Ultimate Career, came to be; I did it with my daughters and daughters-in-law who had fresh perspectives. Each one contributed to the manuscript in many meaningful ways. How do you feel that modern technology and digital advancements change any of the principles that you taught? I assume that it changes some of the tactics, but do you feel like it changes the principles? No, it doesn’t change the principles. It just makes everything better, more efficient. Technology takes away a lot of the laborious part of homemaking. All these labor saving devices are wonderful because I think it gives you more quality time for your family and other people and projects and service. We used to have to clean an oven with a mask on and Brillo pads and toothbrushes and it would take me maybe an hour, hour and a half to do it. It was not a pleasant chore. But now I push two little buttons on my stove and it’s done. The 1979 Edition of The Art of Homemaking Have you written or spoken at all about a digital system that might mirror what you did with your own paper systems? Oh yes. In fact, my filing system is fully described and illustrated in my writings, but now it has basically been replaced by computers. I appreciate modern household items. I love my washer and dryer. I watched my mother do her washing in a double tub Dexter. Her washing was an all day process every Monday. Doing the laundry was a big job! She made starch and bluing, and she would take the clothes from one tub to the next and then to the wringer and then to the line outside the house and then she would take another day to iron all these items. She didn’t have the time that I have to read good books and go places and do things and give a lot of service. Mothers do a lot of carpooling these days. My mother never carpooled. She didn’t even have a car at her disposal. Carpooling now consumes a great deal of many mothers’ time, but it also gives them some captive audiences with their children. One mother said, “I raise my children by the mile.” That’s what we do now, but the principles – that children need to be trained and taught, and it is good to keep your house clean and neat — all those values remain just as true as ever. The methods are different but the purposes and goals remain the same.. Is there anything that discourages you about the development of modern technology? Are there any negatives to not spending a day doing laundry? How should we deal with life in the information age? I think maybe mothers were more inclined to be home with their children and I think that’s important Any true principle, if it’s carried to the extreme it’s no longer true. I think we now tend to overdo some things. If we aren’t careful technological devices replace relationships. I just read the other day about a three-year-old who was crying. When asked what he wanted, he said, “I want my iPad.” Not “I want my mommy.” That’s sad, you know? I’m afraid that people are losing communication skills and relationships are being affected. We’re having too many microwave dinners. People don’t sit around the table, they just grab food and go. I think what children need is good food on the table and you. Technology needs to be kept in proper bounds, it needs to be controlled. Then it blesses our lives. Take fire, for an example. When used properly it warms us and cooks our food. It’s wonderful. But if it’s out of control it can burn our house down. This is true with any of the modern things. In control they can bless our lives, out of control they can destroy us. I encourage mothers to be grateful for self-cleaning ovens and microwaves and washers and dryers and computers and all those good things, but don’t give up the soft touches. I have said that for every computer, you need a quilt. You have to balance the hard, cold computer with the soft coziness and the warmth and the charm of a quilt in the house. In addition to the publication of The Art of Homemaking, and your other books, would you take me through a couple of other milestones that were significant to you in your work? Our eight living children have been our joy. They’re all faithful and active in the church and are raising their children in light and truth. I had a wonderful husband who supported and encouraged me in every way. He was very successful in his own field so there was never any competition, threat or other concerns. I helped him and he helped me. We had memorable trips as a family as we traveled with BYU Education Weeks. We would have great times. As I would teach my class, they would all stay at the motel and swim and play, then we would see the sites. As a result, the children gained important information and valuable lessons in American and church history. When my father was released from being mission president in Holland, Elder Adam Bennion, the general authority visiting at the time, invited me to work for him in at church headquarters. I told him I needed to get back to school, I needed a social life. He said, “Do you want an education or a degree? If you want an education, come work for me.” Then later I got married and I had all these babies and so I didn’t get a degree along the way. I felt, however, that I had an education; I had a second language, traveled everywhere, domestically and foreign shores. I had countless opportunities as I went around to education weeks teaching my classes. I would always take other people’s classes. So I learned from the best minds in the church, but I didn’t have an official degree. Do you ever miss that? I was self-educated, so I never really missed it. One time, I did talk to BYU about going back to school and taking some classes, and they said, “Well, you could do that but don’t take anything in Home Economics because the value of your work and what has made you successful is that you’re telling practical things, not the academic things. Your laboratory is the home.” My approach was practical rather than just theoretical. There never would have been an Art of Homemaking if I had gone to school first, they said. Daryl at BYU in 2012 with Elder Oaks and BYU President Samuelson Receiving her Honorary Degree In 2012, BYU invited me to give a distinguished lecture on teaching children self-reliance and respect. I had thought I had given my last lecture three years previously when I retired from Education Week. They said there would be a dinner prior to that and I could invite my children and their spouses and of course my husband. I knew it would be a nice event, but I didn’t know it would be that nice. As I entered the formal dining room, I was just absolutely amazed. There were linen-covered tables with china and silver and orchids, and roses, and lilies and not cafeteria or cookery food but a gourmet dinner with tenderloin steaks with French sauces and so forth. And in attendance were Elder and Sister Dallin H. Oaks and BYU President Cecil O. Samuelson and his wife Sharon. The leaders of the university gave tributes about me. Before I started my talk in the auditorium with an audience of 500, I was presented with a plaque for my service in championing the family. They also awarded me an honorary alumna degree. So you have a degree! So I have a degree now. I got my degree! We as a family have laughed about it, but it really was a thrill of the lifetime. For a woman of your generation, you have had an interesting intersection of family and career. Do you consider yourself to be a career woman? Do you consider yourself to be a pioneer of women’s opportunities in the workplace? I was always a homemaker at heart. That was my first and main thing. One time I was introduced as an author and I thought, “No, No! I’m not an author, I’m a mother.” I was a full time mother, a very early morning writer and only a part time teacher. My career was not a monetized one. I didn’t get much money from it. I never charged the church for anything. We did sell books but I didn’t very often get paid for speaking. So it didn’t seem to be that kind of a career. I had to say “no” a lot. I had all sorts of funny requests for speaking: one woman asked if I would come speak in her stake because we had been babies in the new born nursery together at the hospital! I could go on. But I think I was an instrument on an errand and the Lord compensated for anything I might have not done with the family. Did you ever receive push back from any family or friends or ward members who thought you were taking it too far? I can’t think of anything. My husband didn’t and the children didn’t seem to think so. It was kind of like a church job. I’ve been a Relief Society president in the ward and stake and that’s kind of how it felt all the time. It felt more like a service project. It became extremely popular at one point for women to want to come to my home for a class and then take a tour of my house. I had a list of 800 women who wanted to do this. I just worked down the list. I had one lady call me and say, “My husband tells me that he will stop smoking if I will be a better housekeeper. I’ve got to come right now. He is in the mood!” and I just brought her right in. One woman said, “I’ve heard you speak two or three times and it was helpful, but it was when I walked through your house that I really ‘got it.’” That’s a lot of people going through your home! Wow! It is! One time some women came from some place in Southern Utah and their plans were to go to the Lion House and my house. But they didn’t tell me they were coming in a great big bus! So this bus parks in front of the house and these women come in. The driver stays in the bus and he leaves the motor on grind… My children came home from school to see this Greyhound bus and hear it go rrrrrrrrarrr as it just sat there. And they were a little embarrassed! They didn’t mind the women but they did not like that bus sitting out in front. Daryl Van Dam Hoole And what did your neighbors think? Having hundreds of women in and out of there? It’s been positive. In fact, some of them asked to be invited. They helped spread the word to their daughters and others. Besides, the women came only a few at a time once or twice a month. I have felt that women want to be happy and successful and joyful in their homes. I was an instrument in that. I like the little saying that if momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy. I think it’s important that women are happy because then husbands and children are happy. I think it matters that women find fulfillment rather than frustration in their homes because everything else is flavored by that. Obviously this was a very busy house for a long time. But with children out of the home now, how have you been able to apply your principles when it’s been just you and your husband? I still maintain the same standards, but doing so takes a lot less time. I have served on the Primary General Board and have served two missions with my husband. We have 36 grandchildren and 17 great- grandchildren. So I have been very busy as a grandmother. Just keeping track of their birthdays is a job. They drop in frequently and we go see them a lot. Family dinners are huge. It takes me a day to cook and a day to have the dinner and another day to clean up. Our house is still busy — I think the phone has rung three or four times since you’ve been here. I know! You are a popular woman! In fact, to get my work done with the phone ringing constantly I used to support it on my shoulder and talk using a long cord. Now I have a little headset. That way I can fold clothing. I can dust the plantation shutters at a window with one phone call. But I have enjoyed these later years because I have been able to write more books and articles as well as columns for Meridian Magazine and I have bigger church jobs and can go on missions. My main project right now is writing life and family histories, including my own. Is there anything that you would like to say about your husband? He passed away two weeks ago. What sort of changes do you foresee in your life now? I don’t want to make too many changes. I want to stay here. This is a good home. Paid for. And it’s about the right size that I can manage well. I have help with the yard. I may eventually have help in the home if I get so I can’t see the dust. Since Hank has been sick we haven’t traveled. Now I would like to go see the children more. Three of them live in the East so I would like to visit them. I enjoy going to lunch with friends and sometimes on Sundays I might say to some of the single women in the ward, “Whatever you’re having for dinner, why don’t you bring it over and add it to what I have and we will eat together.” Sundays can be a difficult day for people who are alone. Holidays are hard. I’m sure the children will make sure my holidays are filled but I don’t look to them to fill every Sunday. How long were you married? Fifty seven years. We were hoping to get to 60! They were wonderful years. My husband was a great companion and he provided beautifully for us. Good father, good supporter of me and I’ve always been able to say that he kept his promises to God and his promises to me and what more could I want. These last years during which I have been taking care of him have really been tender and rewarding. Our love for one another reached a new dimension, a very blessed one. He had to go everywhere in a wheelchair and, by the way, I was able to swing the wheelchair into the trunk! I have done things I never thought I would have to do but it has been a sweet service and he was so cheerful. Sometimes when people get sick they take out their frustration on their caregiver but he was always appreciative and kind. Not demanding but really of good cheer. Every evening, I would sit with him and watch whatever sports game he had on television. I just sat there and did it with him and I’m glad now. Sorry, I can’t talk about this too much without crying. His funeral was filled clear to the back of the cultural hall in our ward building.. We had beautiful music and ten speakers: each of our eight children and two grandchildren. Our poor bishop nearly perished over the thought of it. But each one gave a three minute talk and they were wonderful heartfelt tributes and testimonies. A very organized approach! Well you can say a lot in three minutes if you organize it and choose your words thoughtfully. I think of the Gettysburg address. We are still quoting it. The service ended right at the prescribed time. The bishop was very pleased Over the years as the children married and moved on we re-did their bedrooms, and my husband had a den and I had a den. They were next to each other and we could talk back and forth. I always said I could share anything–my car, even my toothbrush if I had to, but I can’t share a computer. He had his, I had mine. Everybody needs some space of their own. When the house was full of children, my space started out as a card table downstairs in the furnace room. It wasn’t even a finished basement at that time. Is there a parting message that you would like to leave? Yes, I am glad you asked that. I was speaking in California at a Know Your Religion program so men were there. One man came up to me afterwards and said, “If you had five minutes to talk to the women of the church what would you say to them?” I started to go, “Uhhhhh….” Years later, I did make a statement: I would say that the work in the home is a means to an end and the end is to nurture and prepare children for eternal life.. That’s a lot less than five minutes! At A Glance Name: Daryl Van Dam Hoole Location: Salt Lake City, UT Age: 80 Marital status: Married 57 years, now widowed Children: 9 children, 8 living Occupation: Homemaker Schools Attended: South High School, BYU Honorary alumna Languages Spoken at Home: English and some Dutch Favorite Hymn: “I am a Child of God,” “I Believe in Christ,” “How Great Thou Art” On The Web: www.theartofhomemaking.com Interview by Neylan McBaine.

A Nigerian mother raising her family in France, Patience Omorodion is inspired by a line that her own mother used to sing, “I will build the house of God before my own.” Patience was baptized at age eighteen and has found the LDS Church to be a home full of happiness throughout challenges and changes. As she lives and shares the gospel, Patience says that her desire to serve comes from, “Just having the love of God in our heart and the love of all mankind. For when you love Heavenly Father’s children you’ll be able to use the language that He has for them. You’ll be able to hear.” I’m from Nigeria. I was born into a family of ten children. My father, my mother, my brothers, and my seven sisters, and one has gone to the spirit world. It happened when she was a baby. I grew up in a family who love God. And as a child I always had a desire to serve the Lord. I had been looking for the church of God, but there were many churches. I couldn’t find the one that I really wanted, the way that I wanted to serve the Lord. I didn’t feel comfortable in all the churches I had been before I found the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A friend to my uncle who came to our home was exemplary to me. I was asking him why he was different from others. He said, “Because I am a Latter-day Saint.” I told him I was tired of going to churches because I didn’t really get what I wanted. He then said to me that this church was different. That his father was a pastor before and that he had to leave his church to this new church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And I asked him, “Does this exist? A pastor leaving his church going to another church?” He said, “Yes. My father did leave his church because he found the truth.” So I wanted to know more about this church. The first Sunday I went to the Church, I was so excited because of the way I was received by the Relief Society sisters. I was wondering why! I said, “Why are they so happy to see me?” The joy that I felt that first Sunday made me to come the other Sundays. So the joy of the sisterhood in Relief Society touched my heart and I decided to have the missionary discussions about the Church, and after, I got baptized into the Church. I’m so excited that I have the testimony that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. That’s helped me to know how much Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ love me. I know that Heavenly Father lives and is our grand Father and Jesus is our Savior, and the Holy Ghost is the best friend that we get in our heart in this life. That testimony has blessed my life a lot. After you joined the Church, what was the response of your family? My parents allowed me to go to church. When they now see the way I live, my mother is now telling my uncles, my nephews, to go and join the church that her daughter Patience is going to. My mother got baptized into the Church; my grandmother [was] also baptized into the Church. Some of my nephews joined the Church because each time they [were] talking about Christianity, my mother always say, “Go to Patience’s church. She is going to good church!” Tell us about your experience with cleaning the chapel. In Nigeria, I loved cleaning the church because I always love the song my mother sings: “I will build the house of God before my own.” That song touched me a lot. Each time I sing that song it reminds me of my duty to Heavenly Father to clean his church. So I always clean the chapel. When I joined the Church, they didn’t know that I was only the one doing [the cleaning] until one of the new glasses in the window got broken. The branch president would always announce every Sunday, “Thanks to everyone that came to clean the chapel.” I went to the branch president and told him that as I was cleaning, one of the glasses in the windows was broken. He now asked, “How many of you come to the chapel?” I said, “I was alone.” He said, “Do you mean that you come every Saturday here?” I said “Yes. I don’t know if other people come after I leave, but when I come I always make sure the chapel is clean.” To go to the chapel, I have to take a bus to the city center. From the city center I have to take another taxi. I was trying to do some extra work to save some money to be able to go during the weekends so that I would have some money to transport myself to the chapel to clean. But I think I was doing it because I was excited that the Church was true. Each time I’m in the chapel, I feel the Spirit so strong. How did you meet your husband? In 1987, a program for a vocational training was organized for the youth by the government. Though I was self-employed in wholesaling foodstuff business, I saw the need to acquire more skills in another sector of the economy. So one morning I set out to register my name in the Tailoring Sector at the Administrative office. There I met my husband, who was at the desk. I presented my application, which he graciously corrected because there was certain information omitted. After a month, he personally brought the acceptation letter to my home. And with this unsolicited kindness, I could not resist the feeling to invite him to our Family Home Evening, which he accepted. He appreciated the fact that people still meet as a family to discuss issues of common interest and have fun together. Seeing the joy expressed during this activity, I invited him to the Church. He met with the missionaries and underwent the six discussions and was baptized into the Church. Afterwards, we began dating and finally got married. Today we are parents of 7 children and a grandchild. Patience Omorodion and Her Family Can you tell us about your family’s situation after you were married? When we got married, after three years, there was a kind of a political problem my husband had in Nigeria. He had to leave the country. So I had to stay [in Nigeria] for six years without him the time for him to settle down here in France in order for me to join him. So, it was not easy, during that six-year period. Because of the gospel, I was able to continue with the three children: Comfort, Patience, and Wilson. So, we were able to stay for six years because we were close to the Church and everyone was of great help to us—my grandmother and my mother, my brothers and sisters, and my mother-in-law also. Everyone was of great help to us. Every Saturday we prepare our things before going to church on Sunday. As for Wilson—before four years [old] he can polish his shoes and Comfort helps to keep his shoes. Mummy does the ironing. As we go to church we sing while we go, “Called to serve Him / Heavenly king of glory / Chosen e’er to witness for His name.” It’s always the song we sing every morning when we are going to church. We were happy going to church. And before I go, I pray, “Heavenly Father, will you touch these children’s hearts that they might have the Spirit, that they be reverent so that I can worship you in reverence in the church.” It is always a miracle when I pray, because I know my husband is not there to help me with the three kids, but each time I pray I can see that the Spirit is very strong. The children are always quiet in the church so that I can worship the Lord. Each time they are quiet during the sacrament meeting, I feel so happy. What helped you to keep the Spirit and to keep your family close with your husband even when he was far away? During the time my husband was away, I never felt that he was so long away from home because every weekend he always give a call home. He had to talk to me, and to the children. He wanted to make sure everyone was happy, giving them sweet kisses. He was always there communicating. As we got the phone calls or the letters, the children and I would write sometime every Sunday after sacrament when we are back home and after having a rest. We would say, “Today we are writing a letter to daddy. What were you going to say?” The ones that know how to write can help the others. So we were always writing. He would always reply. The gospel was keeping me busy because I was serving as a Young Women stake president. With my business, my sewing, and everything, I was so busy. That was what kept me going, because I was busy during the day, working, taking care of the children. So I never felt too lonely, because I have never been idle. So every day, it was just moving. It was just moving until the day my husband said, “You will be joining me. Everyone will be joining me!” What was it like when you were able to come back together? It was wonderful. The first day I met my husband I was so excited to see him again after six years. Oh, it was like heaven! Heaven on earth to see him again! I don’t know how to express my feeling. I was so happy because it was really long. Especially with the children—although you have other family members, the presence of a father is different from every other person in the family. How was it for you coming to this new country with a new language and everything else? When my husband left for France, I thought maybe when the problem would be over that he would come back to Nigeria to join me. But he said we would be coming to join him here. So, the first thing I was thinking in my heart: “Is the Church there? If the Church is in France, I will find my home because I knew where I find the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint in any country in the world, I will find a home, and a place to worship the Lord.” My husband said the Church was there. Although I believed him, I didn’t know how strong the Church was in France. So, one day—the Lord knowing my heart, that I have been worried about the Church—as I was doing some cleaning in the home, I took time looking at the old Ensigns in the house. I wanted to look at every Ensign to take some messages over. I found an Ensign that read, “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in France is about 100 years, almost 100 years.” I was wondering! I said, this is a message for me. I picked the Ensign, and I started reading. After reading, I shouted! “Woo!” Ah, my mother heard me screaming. She said, “Why are you shouting?” I said, “I’m so excited the Lord has responded to my prayer!” She said, “What prayer?” I said, “I was worried if the Church was in France. The Lord just showed me through the message that I received that the Church is there.” I was excited coming. Because the Church was there, I will see family. Because I knew that members of the Church are my family. If I come here, I will find a home. I did not speak the language, but I knew that the language of the Spirit is very strong. Patience Omorodion How was it learning the language or adapting to a new country? The thing that I want to say is that even though I am not still perfect in the language, that I can communicate, I can hear people, what they say. When I came here I never had that. But now it’s easier. I can even give the lesson in the Relief Society. I have served as a first counselor in Relief Society. So all this is just a desire to serve the Lord. When the desire is there, the Lord will give us the words that he wants us to say. It’s just having the love of God in our heart and the love of all mankind. For when you love Heavenly Father’s children you’ll be able to use the language that He has for them. You’ll be able to hear. The songs that we always sing as Latter-day Saints are sweet words. Some words that are easy to learn. Those words that are good, they’re easy to learn because of the gospel. The Ensign, the hymn book, the scriptures teach us the language that we want to learn. I am often reading during my break time. I take some few minutes to read some passages in the Book of Mormon in French. So the more I read, the more I understand French. And my husband and children sometime when I speak in English to them, they reply to me in French because some of the children are not very good in speaking English; they always reply to me in French. It was really hard especially in the beginning when I could not talk to my sisters, or express myself. It was very hard. It’s not something that needs to wear us down. It’s the little effort you continue to make each day; it starts coming. I saw the language come naturally. You cannot force yourself to have it. As you continue to listen, and you continue to practice bits, you try to use some words that you already know. Tell us about your Family Home Evenings. We always have the best Family Home Evening! We call our neighbors. All the people, the tenants in our area, we call them all. But what I always loved was [to] make a nice little bag of treats that I share after this family home evening. Encouraging people to come and join with us because, they know each time they come to the family home evening they will always have a gift to take home. We always have a large number—sometimes fourteen, fifteen, twenty—come to family home evening with us. The parents of the kids would allow them to come. They are friends to my children, so they invite them to family home evening. Everyone would run down. My brother’s children also, my mother, everyone in the family, they join with the neighbors. Little children are always excited because they have this gift, this little packet to take home. You always seem to live with a smile and a hymn. What makes you so happy? First, I love singing. When I sing, the hymns give me the Holy Ghost. Even though I’m walking on the street, I sing in my heart. Some time I sing aloud when I’m driving. I love praising God. It makes me so happy praising the Lord. I’m happy because [of] everything that Heavenly Father has done for me. I always recognize that in my heart I remember every day. Every day I see the miracle of God, the good things of God. Especially when I enter into this country I knew that I came from Nigeria–there’s a lot of poverty. But when I came here I saw many good things. It was so beautiful and it gave me a lot of joy. The flowers, every good thing that I see around me gives me a lot of joy. Those things are the things that give me joy. I see that every day and that is good, I appreciate it. And I recognize every good that God offers to me in that day. People may say that is little. But I don’t see anything that is little. Every good that I receive is a miracle for me. I always love going to the Temple with my family. Each time there, I feel peace. It’s the place that I always love to pour out my heart to Heavenly Father. When I am in the temple I am in the presence of my Heavenly Father, his Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. Each time I go to the temple, I have always received a miracle. There’s always a solution to my problem. I feel peace. The scriptures I pick up at the temple, when I read, I receive the message of comfort from my Heavenly Father. All this can help us to pass through our difficulties. No matter how many people may combine against us to trap us away from the right path, we should know that we are not alone. Heavenly Father, and his Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are with us. We should continue to press forward. Continue praying and reading scriptures. Go to the temple, fulfill your church callings. Singing praises to God every day. Heavenly Father loves those who praise him. I love praising God. I know that when we praise God, we feel peace, and we receive our miracle. Heavenly Father is mindful of us. He knows what is best for his children. I’m so excited for His love! It gives me a lot of joy to know that my Father is with me. Patience Omorodion You have seven children now. What is your hope for your children? My desire for my children is for them to grow up in the gospel and raise up a righteous family. It is my desire and my worry every day. And I keep on praying and I’m doing my best to teach them the gospel. The gospel of Jesus Christ is divine. I do not know how to thank Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for helping me to find the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I do not know how life without it would have looked like. How I would have been able to be a better wife, a good mother, a daughter of God. It would have been very difficult. The gospel and the testimony of the truth that I have give me courage each day to go on. We should always cherish the gospel we have, because it’s the greatest blessing that we have in our life. We should cherish it because it’s going to bring a lot of blessings to us. And we will never have anything to regret about our life. I have really shared the gospel with many people in my neighborhood and I have found many converts to the Church of Jesus Christ. That gives me a lot of joy. The gospel is able to shape lives. Because we are instruments in the Lord’s hand, we should not let any trials or difficulties that we pass through stop us from the gospel. We should hold on because it is not easy, when we see people combining together in a different way, trying to combat with those who are on the right path. We should not be afraid. We should hold on. Because there’s something that gives me joy from the Book of Mormon—when Lehi talked about the spacious building. How the people who were walking went to eat the sweet fruit, how they pick it and they eat. But when they look at those that were in the spacious building and they did turn away. They turn away because they were many, and they thought because they are few in that place that they are not secure. I want to encourage every woman, as a Latter-day Saint, we should never be afraid of any group of people, no matter how many they may be. Whether they are outside or inside the Church. As long as we are holding on the tree, we are going on the right way. We should continue and never give up. We should never let any mockery disturb us from the right path. The only way we can resolve this problem is through constant prayer, constant scriptures reading, and be attentive to the Holy Ghost. I know that is very true. It has helped me a lot. At A Glance Name: Patience Omorodion Location: Lyon, France Age: 46 Marital status: Married Children: Seven (ages 24, 22, 18, 11, 8, 7, and 18 months) Occupation: Housekeeper Baptism date: April 9,1985 Schools Attended: Iguodala Primary School, Niger College, Cherryhome Fashion Institute Languages Spoken at Home: English, French, Edo Favorite Hymn: “Called to Serve” Interview by Heidi Wiseman.

When Josiane Lazeras was thirteen, she was baptized and joined a small, close-knit group of pioneering Latter-day Saints near Paris, France. Even as the gospel helped her develop spiritually, Josiane found that the Church also encouraged her creativity and talents. And it made her consider the significance of becoming “a mother in Israel,” where love, spirituality, and action combine. Motherhood, she says—like the gospel of Christ—is a stimulant: “It pushes you to action. It’s something that permits you to go beyond your strength.” Read this interview in French: Lire cette interview en français. What was your childhood like? I am Parisian. I was born in a region near Paris and I’ve always lived in the Paris region. I love Paris. I love always going to Paris: going to the museums, walking in Paris, seeing the exhibits and the theater. I’ve traveled the world, but I am always happy to come back. I’m happy to come back to my home. I think it is a wonderful city and a beautiful region as well. I learned about the Church in Paris. It’s a very funny story. The missionaries were going door to door and passed by my house. One of the two missionaries was called David Crockett. When my brother, who was fifteen at the time, saw David Crockett, an American, he instantly thought of cowboys and Indians. That night he said to us, “David Crockett is going to come to our house!” David Crockett did come, but he didn’t talk about Indians or cowboys. He talked about Joseph Smith, the First Vision, and The Book of Mormon. My brother was disappointed and he never converted or was baptized. My younger brother, who was eleven years old, and I (I was thirteen years old), were both touched by the message. We were both converted and baptized at that time. My mother was also baptized three years later. My mother is very religious. When I was young, I saw her praying. I learned to pray. When the missionaries asked us to pray to know if the message of Joseph Smith and The Book of Mormon was true, for me and my brother, prayer was already something we were accustomed to. Even when we were young, we had the habit to get on our knees and pray. It is something wonderful that my mother passed to us, a spiritual heritage. I’ve done genealogy work for my mother’s Swiss side and I was astonished and happy to see that many of my ancestors were named Isaac, Abraham, Jacob, or Moses. There really has been a spiritual heritage that has enriched me, I think. Then, after my conversion, the Church has enriched me spiritually as well. I was baptized in 1962. At that time, the Church in France was very small. There were only three branches in the entire Paris region: one in Paris, one in Versailles, and one in the southern part of Paris. That was all. Now, there are three stakes (since September 2013). Many people have the impression that the Church hasn’t progressed a lot in France, but when I look back I can see the progress! I grew up when we were very few in number. At school, no one knew about Mormons. My brother and I were the only Mormons there. Josiane Lazeras Was it difficult to be the only Mormons? No, frankly, it wasn’t difficult. There were only a few of us, but we were a very close group and the missionaries helped us quite a bit in preaching the gospel and in our personal progression. We had to walk for miles to go to church because there wasn’t a bus. We were a little like pioneers, I believe. I think if we asked the pioneers of the Church if it was difficult to be a pioneer, they would say “no” because they were supported by the Spirit even if they had difficult moments and many who died. But they were together—they danced and sang together. For me, I never felt that it was hard. We were sure in our testimonies. We were doing well. And we were together. I wasn’t alone. We were a small group, but it wasn’t difficult. In fact, being in the Church pushed us to accomplish things. For example, when the first chapel was built in the Paris region, it was at Versailles. It was necessary for us to contribute financially. We were adolescents and without income, but with the small group of members in our branch we created a show that we performed for every branch we could. We also asked the sisters to make cakes which we sold during the show. All of this was to earn money for the construction of the chapel. We did shows, and trips, and many things. I think it was the Church—the gospel—that pushed us to find ideas, to be inventive, to find things to do, in order to talk about the Church. I had a beautiful adolescence thanks to the Church because it encouraged us to do many things. What were your dreams for the future when you were a child or adolescent? My dream was to marry in the temple, have children, and raise my family in the gospel. It was a dream I accomplished, which is wonderful! I never had grand professional ambitions. I studied, I had goals, I worked, I tried to get to the best possible level of education, but I never had dreams of becoming the President of the Republic. For me, the most important thing is the family. Loving my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my parents, has been most important to me because I know that I will find them again after this life. My home will no longer exist, but my family will—I hope that my family will be there with me. I do everything for that goal. My dream is to have an eternal family. Since my adolescence that has been my dream. Josiane Lazeras and Her Family Do you think that your conversion changed your dreams for your life? I read a comic strip once that I really liked. There was a little boy who was looking at his mother’s wedding pictures with her. She showed him: “This is your grandpa, this is your grandma, this is me…” The little boy asked, “And me, where am I in the pictures?” “You didn’t exist yet” “I didn’t exist? That’s not possible!” When the missionaries taught us the plan of salvation and that we came from a pre-existence, for me that was obvious. For me, it wasn’t possible that we didn’t exist before this life. Even if I didn’t know the gospel, I would still have the feeling that there was a pre-existence. I said to myself, “Yes, this is natural. It couldn’t be any other way.” Without doubt, the reason why I accepted the gospel so easily is because everything seemed natural to me. I don’t think my conversion changed my life at the time. If I was much older, perhaps, it would have changed it, but no, at the time it didn’t change my life or my dreams. What was your experience becoming a wife and mother? I met my husband, who is also Parisian, in the Church. We’ve raised our family by our religious principles. The first time I had a baby, it was very difficult. I had been sick during my entire pregnancy and then my daughter was born a month early with many problems. We didn’t know much. Then doctor told us that it was certain that she would not survive. That was a shock. When I learned that this baby, my baby, a piece of myself was perhaps going to die, I cried a lot and prayed a lot. In my despair, I remember saying, “Heavenly Father, if you take this baby, take me with her.” I wanted to die with my baby because I did not want to leave her. It was very, very difficult. Under the priesthood, she was blessed by my husband and father, and she survived. I realized afterward that I never said, “God does not exist,” or “God is evil.” For me, even in my grief, I knew that my Heavenly Father was there. I wanted to die so I didn’t have to be separated from my baby, but that experience greatly expanded my testimony. I could say to myself, “Even in the worst moments, I know that He is there.” When I was fourteen years old, I received my patriarchal blessing. It said that I would see “the accomplishment of my vocation as a mother in Israel.” At fourteen years old, I said to myself, “What does that mean?” I wasn’t one who liked to babysit. Little children did not interest me. I didn’t have little brothers or sisters or cousins at the time. I said to myself, “What is this, a mother in Israel? I don’t want to live in Israel!” I didn’t understand what it meant. It was marked so each time I opened my patriarchal blessing during the years, I asked myself about it. Yet, those blessings spoken of in my patriarchal blessing have been very present in my life; my role as a wife and mother has really been the most strong and the most important thing for me. If something happens to one of my children, it affects me a lot. Because of this, I am always ready to help if it’s necessary. I had the opportunity, when my daughters were young, to take care of one of my nieces for a month. I realized then that I had developed the same bond with this child as my own. If I had adopted a child, I think I would have had the same love for that child as my own. It’s possible, I think, to have a maternal bond without a biological bond. It depends on the person, of course. But for me, I really believe that I could. There were two languages in your home? I studied English and received a degree in translating and interpretation. When I got married, someone told me, “That’s good! You can teach English to your kids.” But I wasn’t able to, I think, because English isn’t my native language. When you have all your children around you, can you really speak in another language? Things would come spontaneously in French and so I never really spoke to them in English. But I always had a lot of books in English at our house. Now DVDs are in several languages, but when my children were small, there were only VHS videos—Disney videos. I always bought them in English. My children would complain when they watched the movies: “But why? We don’t understand them.” I would say, “You understand the images. You will have the sound of English in your ears.” When my children were adolescents, I realized that they didn’t learn a lot in the language studies at their French middle school. So, when they were around fourteen years old, I sent my children to the United States for four months to live with an American family who didn’t speak French. It was hard for them at first, but when they came back they spoke English! I remember one of my daughters cried on the phone saying, “Mom, I don’t understand anything.” I told her, “Speak with your hands. That will work.” Twenty years ago I realized that English was indispensable in the world and in the Church. I subscribed to the New Era because it was necessary that my children could also read English. I tried to give them lessons in English and I think they’re happy now that I did. It’s useful everywhere. Josiane Lazeras and Her Family Do you feel you are a model for your daughters as they become mothers? I hope so! I really hope so. It’s hard to say because they are all different. Each one has a different life. I try not to give them advice. When I had my first daughter, I was advised to always lay babies on their side. Then, when I had my second daughter, it changed to laying babies on their stomach. After I had my other daughters, it changed to laying them on their back. When my oldest daughter had her first baby she asked me for advice. I don’t know why. I said, “Listen, I don’t want to give you advice. I’ve experienced everything: laying babies on their back, on their stomach, on their side. It changes all the time! You decide with your pediatrician and with your husband. Decide together. I don’t have advice to give.” That is a small example, but my daughters have independent lives. When they come to my house, it’s my house. But their house is their house. I don’t want to interfere—not in the sense that I don’t want to help—I do want to help, but it’s them who observes, who decides, and who acts. I think each woman is different and each woman is going to raise her children differently. I am not sure if I raised my four children in the same way. I think there were differences between the first ones and the last ones. It’s important to love your children, but that comes naturally when you have children. What is your definition of motherhood? It’s not a sacrifice. It’s not a commitment. It’s a bond that is very, very strong. It’s difficult to define. It’s a bond, but it’s more than that. It pushes you to action. It’s something that pushes you to act and permits you to go beyond your strength. There are nights as a mother when you collapse on the bed and ask how you had the strength to go that far. Motherhood is a kind of stimulant that pushes you to act for the well-being of your children. I don’t really know, since it’s hard to define. It’s love. It’s not something material or physical. It’s an emotional bond that is a push to action. Motherhood is love. I will define it as that. What do you think motherhood is for women who don’t have children? My youngest daughter isn’t married yet. She is a teacher and works in an elementary school. She has always loved children a lot. She has had nieces and nephews since her adolescence. I believe she fills a maternal role for the children at her school. I think that we can have a role towards children that approaches motherhood without being married and having children. It may be difficult to not have your own children. But by helping other people’s children, we can love the children on the earth and in the Church as well. Spirituality is part of a maternal role? Yes, it is very important because having children on this earth is wonderful, but life on this earth doesn’t last long. If we don’t prepare for eternity, we won’t have much after. If we don’t work to develop the spirituality of our children in order to be sealed to them in the temple, we will not be sure of having them in the eternity. And life is short. Spirituality for me is fundamental. The ordinances of the temple have such great importance—the sealing for me is essential. Otherwise, what will I have? I will only have a small amount of happiness and then afterward, an emptiness. Developing spiritually is the most important part. The most important. At A Glance Name: Josiane Lazeras Location: Paris, France Age: 65 Marital status: Married since 1974 Children: Four daughters (38, 35, 32, 27) Occupation: Retired translator, current missionary Baptism: September 22, 1962 Schools Attended: Degree in translation and interpreting Languages Spoken at Home: French Favorite Hymn: “Divin Amour” Interview by Ashley Brocious and Lauren Brocious.

Bérengère Doby says she has always had an altruistic personality, and looks for ways to put love into practice. Her childhood in southern France led to her mission service in Switzerland and then a career in health care. Now she has put a career in podiatry on hold to raise her young children. Bérengère talks here about how the lessons she learned as a missionary prepared her for marriage, motherhood, and a life of service. Read this interview in French: Lire cette interview en français. What was your childhood like? I grew up in Southern France in a little town called Espalion. I grew up there until about the age of eight, when my parents divorced. I had a good childhood at first, but because my father was an alcoholic, it was difficult later on, especially for my mother. In order to protect us, she separated from him. We moved into my grandmother’s house in La Marne à Châlons-en-Champagne. During that time, my mother became friends with a member of the Church who told her about the Church. My mother was baptized, but she left us with the choice to be baptized or not. She told us, “I’ve been baptized because this is the choice I’ve made.” We were nine, eleven, and my little brother was six. A year later, in 1988, my sister and I decided to be baptized and become members of the Church. Our younger brother waited until he was eight years old. You decided to serve a mission? My mission was difficult for me. My mother didn’t want me to go on a mission at all. She had become less active a year before, so she tried to prevent me from going for a year. Eventually I made the decision to submit my mission papers. I said, “Okay, I’m an adult now and I’m going to go on a mission. This is how it is.” So I left for a mission in Geneva, Switzerland. After I returned from my mission I learned that my mother had telephoned my mission president almost every day saying, “I want to talk to my daughter! I want to talk to my daughter!” Oh, that poor president. My mission was the most marvelous experience of my life. I learned what a home could be like, a home grounded in the Church and in the gospel. I had brothers and sisters in the gospel, which I had never had. Leaving the mission and coming back to normal life was really, really hard for me. It took about a year and a half, or even two years, until I could say, “I’m no longer a missionary, I am regular member.” My mission was truly wonderful though, even if there were some things that were very difficult at times, like companions I didn’t get along with, or people we’d run into who would say unkind things to us. These things were difficult. But missions are marvelous. I wish everyone could serve a mission, including all the young women. It’s really a fantastic thing. Were there things that changed you during your mission? Yes! During my mission, I learned more about myself. And I learned who I didn’t want to be once I got married. I learned that I have a special nature. I learned that could be a very good friend and have very good friends. One of my companions came from Mongolia. The customs and the relationships between people are completely different there, I realized. I saw this during one little experience. We took photos all the time on my mission, and one day I was looking through some photos. There were some of the two of us, but my companion didn’t think she looked pretty. The next day, I found my photos all cut up and I said, “Sister!” I was so angry that we had a fight. She explained to me that for her, in Mongolia, her picture and her body belonged to her, so she had the right to cut up the photos. I was so angry that I yelled. But then I said to myself, “Oh my, I don’t want to ever to that again, especially when I’m married.” That experience was an enormous help in understanding how to try to change from the natural man and truly be someone more humble, submissive, and closer to the Spirit. Bérengère Doby and Her Husband How did your mission influence your faith in the gospel? My mission is what made my testimony grow. It was small then it became enormous. This can’t be explained; you really just have to live it. I think that you don’t necessarily have to have a testimony for everything when you leave on a mission, since that’s not possible anyway. But going on a mission helps you to learn. You learn an enormous amount even before teaching other people and before sharing the gospel with them. And when you teach people it’s not you teaching. There are things that you don’t know but that you’ll teach because the Spirit testifies to us in the very moment when people need it and that is marvelous. You grow at the same time that you teach people. And it’s those moments that are fantastic. Do you think there were some things before your mission that were preparatory for you? Or do you think that your mission prepared you for some things later on in your life? There were some preparatory things that were very necessary for me to receive. The only real testimony that I needed was to have a testimony of The Book of Mormon and that Christ came to the American continent. I already had a testimony that the Church was true and that The Book of Mormon was true, but it was not as strong as what I was able to receive just a few months before I left on my mission. In fact, that was a really an important experience for me. I’m someone who doesn’t like to read at all. But I decided to read The Book of Mormon. So I spent my days reading The Book of Mormon. My mom said, “This does not happen. You must be sick.” Page after page, I read for a month in order to know every line of this wonderful book. It was a need, an internal drive to read, to learn, to understand, and to receive what The Book of Mormon needed to give me. When I came to 3 Nephi when Christ arrives and he visits the children and all the people gather around him, I cried and cried. I was all alone in my bedroom and I thought, “I hope no one comes in right now. They’re going to think something is wrong with me!” It was that moment when I received a profound testimony of The Book of Mormon and of Christ coming to the American continent. I needed that in order to have strength during my mission, I think. My mission did indeed prepare me for my life afterwards. We forget things, but missions prepare us enormously for parenthood, for marriage, for life with other people, for our whole lives, in fact. Everything that will come afterward. Missions prepare us for relationships with friends, and with people we will meet, and even for work. When I came home, every time I’d undertake something new in my life, I succeeded. Not because I had studied, not because I had the knowledge, but because the power I had gained during my mission was there. People around me could feel it. Missionaries have something special with them afterwards and it’s wonderful. It’s possible to not succeed after a mission, but in my life I certainly needed that power. I went to school for three years and did well in subjects that were normally not at my level. I was able to do them because I had acquired strength and power. Maybe this is just a lack of humility. However, my mission really has helped me enormously. What did you study after your mission? What sorts of professional things have you done? Right after my mission I worked in a center for cancer. I liked it, but since I didn’t like to see death, my goal was to move on to other things. I worked as a care giver, but after this I was able to find a position in a hospital for people with Alzheimer’s disease. I worked there for four years. While I was there I observed the patients and noticed that they fell down a lot. I asked myself why they were constantly falling. Was it their disease or was it a physical problem? I realized that in the center, the patients’ toenails and the feet were in bad condition. So I said to myself, “Why not study more so that I can cure these people and become a podiatrist?” I applied for a school and I studied there for three years. I received my podiatry degree in 2008. Since then I’ve worked a little bit, but I became pregnant so I decided to stay at home and take of my daughter. And now my occupation is mommy. What was your experience working with people with Alzheimer’s disease? I’ve always had an altruistic personality. I’ve always loved going to people and helping them. Even my husband says, “Stop already!” But I don’t. Sometimes I go over the top in serving and helping people. Being close the patients was a way for me to put that service into practice by taking care of them and to giving them lots of love. I wasn’t always patient. It was difficult because they’re not the most conscious people in the world so they’d act like one-year olds sometimes. We had big bay windows and when the patients tried to go outside they would often knock into the glass. On the other hand, there were moments when we were very close, when I had the impression they wanted to send us a message saying, “We’re okay despite everything. We’re happy, even if this may seem strange.” It’s really interesting to care for people who have problems like that, even if it is also very difficult. It’s both at once. The gospel gives us the opportunity to be able to understand these things in another way. In France, we have a problem with a stigma towards disabilities and mental illnesses that classify people as “not normal.” We have a big problem with that. It’s still taboo. It becomes a tragedy for a family to have someone with a physical or psychological disability. But for us, the gospel helps us with that in France. Even if it’s difficult for us to be in that situation, we have a different perspective. What was your experience becoming a mother for the first time? The day I gave birth was incredible and a little crazy. Throughout my pregnancy, I slowly came to realize that there was a tiny baby in me. You can feel the baby and that changes your perspective and your desires. You imagine what life is going to be like with a baby. On the day that I gave birth, right before my daughter came, I said, “This is it! I am going to be a mother!” The doctor looked at me in surprise, and my husband too. No one understood the change that happened in me. It was that moment that I really became conscious that I was going to be a mother. That was wonderful. In France, there’s a blood test to see if babies will have Down syndrome. My blood test did not look good. We had the choice to abort, do another test, or to just continue with the pregnancy. I chose to do the second test because I wanted to know the results to prepare me for the future. When you want to become a parent, it’s not certain if you will have children in good health—or what is considered to be “normal.” What is certain is that you’ll have the children Heavenly Father entrusts you with. It was this experience that helped me recognize the responsibility parents have towards the children they are entrusted with. It’s not, “Yes, I’m going to have a baby, a little doll. I’m going to be a mom because that’s my position as a parent.” No, it’s more than that. You’re going to be a parent and you have a real role towards your children. It was then that I realized the spiritual mission of parents. I was afraid, though, and I said to myself, “I’m not going to be able to raise a handicapped child. A normal child is difficult already.” But afterwards, it was really Heavenly Father who confirmed to me that the child that was coming was my child and I already loved her. Love was already there. Since I already loved her, why think of even more traumatic things than having a child who may not be normal? Bérengère Doby and Her Family For you, as a mother, what is love? Oh, it’s not even explainable. It comes from inside. It’s because of love that I stopped working because I couldn’t give my child over to someone else. It’s me who is the mother. We shouldn’t hover over our children, but it’s me who has the responsibility to educate them, it’s me that has the duty to teach them the things of life. I hadn’t thought of myself like this before. It’s hard to manage everything, but in the end I say to myself, “It’s me who gets to do this. I do it with love and I show them the things which to me seem best for them.” It’s a heavy investment in the life of a mom. It’s not easy, but in the end I’m happy to do it. For me it’s not finished yet, but I’m happy to do it. What are the joys of motherhood? The first time that your kids say, “I love you.” Oh, it’s fantastic! Or the first word, or the first look that says, “Mom, I know what you are doing for me and I love you.” Sometimes it’s a look from the baby who can’t speak yet, or seeing your kids happy. These are the best moments. They are wonderful. Is the Church a part of your motherhood? The Church is fantastic for parents. We try to pray regularly. It’s not very easy, but every evening we make sure to pray together. There are times when we forget or we don’t think about it but then I hear, “Mommy, are we going to do prayers together?” We can’t put it to the side otherwise it would set a bad example to say, “No, we’re not going to do it tonight because we’re tired.” Sometimes my kids come home from Church and say, “Mommy, I learned this.” There was a Stake activity for the Primary children and Léna was part of the Russell Ballard team. She told us a little about Russell Ballard then said, “That’s Ballard there, mommy!” It’s little things like that which she’s not completely conscious of, but she’s learning. She always wants to sing “I am a child of God.” She sings it in the car and it’s so cute. And now Adam, who is in nursery, folds his arms and says, “Amen.” The first time he said “amen” it was like he said “I love you.” It was the same feeling. We said, “Oh wow! He said ‘amen’! He knows we’re saying a prayer.” I thought it was me who taught them, but it’s the Church and it’s really good because it teaches me too. Bérengère Doby and Her Family Is it hard to teach and be an example? I hope I am a good example for my children. But teaching them is difficult in the sense that if we do not regularly study the scriptures or say prayers then it will be difficult to teach them these things. These are things I’m always re-examining. The more my children grow the more I can see that they are a replica of the faithfulness of their parents. Their expressions, their attitudes, their habits, are reproductions of us. How do you define motherhood? I believe that there isn’t a definition. Motherhood is a gift of giving your complete self. It is the gift of oneself. I think that a mother forgets herself completely in order to be able to raise her children. For me, it’s like that, even if we do keep our personalities as mothers. Motherhood is an extreme joy. There are mothers who don’t live like that; the hormones are sometimes difficult to put back in order after having a baby. But for me, motherhood is an extreme joy. I’m happy to be a mother. And for now, that means that I am mommy. I want to give one hundred percent to my children, without forgetting my husband. Bérengère Doby and Her Children What is the contribution of your husband in your family? I have a very invested husband. But we’re learning every day in our family. My husband wanted children but he was never around kids so it wasn’t always easy. He found that you are busy and you have to manage things, but it works out well. Little by little we’ve put our goals in place and now he takes the kids, he goes out with them, explains to them things about the Church, he takes on responsibilities that he didn’t necessarily take in the beginning. Little by little we complete each other. There aren’t defined roles for each of us. We are a team together and we try to work well together. Little by little we build our home, we make mistakes, we have successes, we have joys and pains, but above all we do it with a lot of love and the Church as our guide. At A Glance Name: Bérengère Doby Location: Montigny le Bretonneux, France Age: 36 Baptism: 1988 Marital status: Married Occupation: Mother Children: Two, son age 3 and daughter age 5 Schools Attended: College of Podiatry Languages Spoken at Home: French Favorite Hymn: “Le Jardin” Interview by Ashley Brocious and Lauren Brocious.

In 2010, Ali Pulley and her husband, Mitchell, learned the baby they were expecting had severe chromosomal defects. They were suddenly faced with urgent and wrenching decisions. In preparing for their baby’s birth, they were also preparing—spiritually and physically—for their baby’s death. But in the months awaiting baby Allegra’s arrival and in the 29 days of her short life, Ali says, loving and caring for Allegra was a sacred experience. Can you tell us the story of your daughter Allegra? In September 2010, after taking a pregnancy test in a Target bathroom, I learned I was pregnant with our fifth child. Already overwhelmed with the needs of young children, Mitch and I had to consciously choose to be excited about this baby so we would not resent it for the entire pregnancy. We knew from experience we would adore this baby the minute we met it. Because I was 37 at the time, I was scheduled to meet with a genetic counselor just prior to the mid-pregnancy ultrasound. I smugly canceled this appointment twenty-four hours before, thinking this pregnancy would be normal and this baby would be healthy, just like the others. I brought Levi (6) and Klein (2) to the ultrasound, thinking it would be fun for them to see the baby. Mitch, unsure of his schedule that morning, walked in just as we were being led back to our room. As we walked back, I remember asking Steve, the sonographer, “Will you please check the heart? I’m worried about it because my midwife had a hard time finding the baby’s heartbeat at my last visit.” At ultrasounds for my other pregnancies, the sonographer was usually chatty as the baby’s organs and body parts were pointed out. This time the chattiness lasted for only a few minutes before Steve became oddly quiet. Each time I asked about the baby’s heart, Steve explained he hadn’t been able to get a good look yet. Finally, after thirty minutes, Steve said, “Your baby has some abnormalities that are concerning. There is fluid on the brain, cysts on the spine, and a growth on the heart that’s pushed the heart aside, preventing it from developing completely. Also, the baby’s hands are curled with her pointer finger bent. These abnormalities are characteristic of a fatal condition called Trisomy 18. These babies usually don’t survive until birth, and if they survive birth they don’t live long.” He then asked if we wanted to know the baby’s gender. Yes. A girl. I knew this baby was a girl as soon as the pregnancy test showed a positive. After stepping out for a few minutes, Steve walked back in with the doctor, a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist. The doctor explained the condition as a triplicate of the 18th chromosome and said the condition was “incompatible with life.” We chose to confirm the diagnosis with an amniocentesis and reschedule our appointment with the genetic counselor. The genetic counselor told us 90% of babies with Trisomy 18 don’t survive pregnancy. Of the 10% that make it to birth, 90% die within the first month and the rest usually die within the first year. Our options were to terminate the pregnancy or to “treat every day as a gift.” If we chose to terminate the pregnancy, we needed to do it immediately to meet North Carolina’s legal time limit. Levi and Klein were with us as we listened to the sonographer, the doctor, and the genetic counselor. All were careful not to use the words “death” or “dying,” instead using “fatal” and “terminal” to describe Trisomy 18. Somehow, though, Levi understood. That afternoon the boys played on the floor of their room as I sat nearby thinking through our morning. Levi came over to me to say, “Mom, I don’t want our baby to die,” then gave me a long hug. Since Levi understood, we explained to all of our kids that our baby was sick and wouldn’t be able to be with our family for long. Mitch and I spent the weekend wrestling with the options. Initially, we hoped things would quickly terminate naturally to avoid making difficult decisions. We spent hours pondering the Church’s position on abortion since we potentially fit in one of its “exception” categories. Ultimately, we decided terminating the pregnancy would forever haunt us with “what if’s” and wouldn’t save us from grief. Confident in this first decision, we cautiously moved forward unable to predict this pregnancy’s end. Tell us about Allegra’s name. Although we always have a short list of names, we don’t usually name our baby, or even know the gender, until we meet him or her. In this circumstance, though, we wanted to know the gender and name the baby immediately in an effort to help us recognize her as a family member. We named her Allegra Sprouse Pulley. Allegra is an Italian word that means quick and happy, which was perfect for this little girl whose life we knew wouldn’t be long. Alison Sprouse Pulley's Duaghter, Allegra What are some of your memories of the pregnancy? Because every single cell in Allegra’s body had fatal flaws, we chose to provide hospice care if she survived birth. As a result, most of the second half of the pregnancy was spent planning for her death. I met with specialists to discuss Allegra’s condition, the ethics of not doing everything possible to save Allegra’s life, and her care. I researched hospice agencies. I interviewed labor and delivery nurses, explaining I wanted someone tough and kind who wasn’t a crier. I wrote an extensive birth plan. I visited cemeteries. I priced out funeral homes. I planned the funeral while friends planned the food for afterwards. My kids approached the issue of Allegra’s fatal handicap differently and were more concerned about her than her death. The appeals in their prayers were tender and honest. Mitch and I heard overheard requests for Allegra to meet Jesus, for her body to not hurt her, for her to remember us and for her to have fun in heaven. Our home had a calming peace about it even as my grief surfaced daily. Knowing Allegra would die allowed me to mourn in small ways every day, instead of being overcome. I waited to get out of bed in the morning until I felt her move inside me, reassured she was still with me. I prayed for her to be born alive even though statistics weren’t on our side. The triggers were different, but I felt sadness every day and tried to limit my tears to sunglasses, showers, or the pool as I swam laps. Why were you hiding the tears? I always thought of myself as someone who was tough and in control, so I didn’t want people to know how difficult it was for me to process the emotions and the uncertainty. I also didn’t want my kids to see me crying all time, consumed by sadness. Even with that sadness just beneath my skin, I was still able to function—which in hindsight was truly a tender mercy. My sense of humor was intact and I could get tasks checked off my “to-do” lists. I could still enjoy my kids, help them with homework, and take them to activities. They needed to know they were loved and not forgotten as we planned for and mourned their unborn sibling. On nights I was too sad to figure out dinner, we’d pick up Happy Meals and head to a park. The kids were thrilled with that! Although they knew the baby inside me would die, and they expressed concerns and disappointment, it didn’t affect their happiness. They could separate themselves from it and enjoy the day’s adventures. You started a blog, “Awaiting Allegra,” during your pregnancy. Why did you decide to do that? People responded differently when they found out what was happening. Some would drill me with questions, some admitted they didn’t understand, and some said nothing to avoid any awkwardness. The blog was a way for me to talk about what was happening on my own terms. Admittedly, every time I hit “publish,” I felt a little bit exposed. Amazingly though, the more I wrote, the more I found the posts to be helping people. Friends emailed, saying, “I haven’t had a bad day since I started reading your blog,” or “I read an extra bedtime story to my kids last night because of your blog.” Some felt they were getting an inside look at a very sacred experience. An OB from NYU said after reading the blog she would never treat her patients in similar situations the same way again. Other women pregnant with babies with Trisomy 18 contacted me, looking for advice or just needing to feel a sisterhood with someone in similar circumstances. Through the blog and its resultant comments and emails, we felt an outpouring of love and support that buoyed us. I think it would have been there anyway, but we may not have witnessed it as we did. Alison Sprouse Pulley's Children What were other ways you felt supported by community? In the past, I’ve always compartmentalized my life: church friends, neighbors, parents of my kids’ friends, teachers, gym friends. This was one instance where everyone in my life felt connected. Members of our ward did incredible things. We had meals consistently. Friends checked in regularly. Supportive notes were received. Sweet prayers were offered. Thoughtful gifts were given to keep our kids busy. The ward truly figured out how to mourn with us and how to comfort us. Wonderful neighbors supported us in similar ways. Some days the ward would have a meal scheduled, but a neighbor would also stop by with food. I knew if I needed time off, there were always a couple of neighbors I could call. One neighbor, whose kids were older, came by weekly to take Klein with her as she ran errands. Once, while Allegra was alive, Levi really wanted to compete in a neighborhood swim meet. Since neither Mitch nor I could attend, I dropped Levi off at the pool and told him to go inside and find Mr. and Mrs. Baker, knowing they would watch out for him. Church members, neighbors, teachers, and even strangers were so kind to us, often in spontaneous ways. I feel the experience deepened our bond as members of a community reaching out to one another and reminded me to look outside of church for great friends. Since most Trisomy 18 babies don’t survive the pregnancy, going into labor must have been a milestone. Did you expect to make it that far? A few months before Allegra was born, Mitch said in a blessing Allegra would be born alive. I dismissed this, thinking he was merely saying what I wanted to hear. A few days later I had a dream in which I was holding a baby with dark hair and full pink lips. I knew it was Allegra, but when I woke up I dismissed this revelation, thinking I was merely remembering a baby with similar features I’d seen at church the day before. Several times, Heavenly Father tried to communicate with me, but I wouldn’t listen. So when the time came to have Allegra, I put my hopes aside and trusted statistics instead. Holding a living baby with Trisomy 18 would be a long shot. We checked into the hospital on a Thursday night thinking I would be induced in the morning, instead, we realized I was in labor at two a.m. Because the drops in Allegra’s heart rate were significant and caused us stress we chose to not be hooked up to heart rate monitors. Even if her heart rate dropped dangerously low, we’d already been informed an emergency c-section was not an option. When she came out, the midwife immediately put her on my stomach. She was purple. We couldn’t figure out if she was moving, much less breathing. She was gurgly for a little bit, but as we watched, we could see her chest rise and fall and knew she was breathing. Allegra was born alive, but we had no idea if she was going to last a few minutes, a few hours, or a few days. We called my parents right away to get the kids and bring them to the hospital where they met her within the hour. Allegra weighed only four pounds and had multiple external deformities including a club foot, a missing ear, curled hands, and facial features that matched those of other babies with Trisomy 18. She didn’t look like a normal baby. But when my kids walked in, there was this beautiful acceptance of their baby sister. They adored her! They were excited she was alive and would join us at home. Within an hour of her being born, Mitch and my dad gave her a name and blessing. In that blessing, Mitch acknowledged that Allegra’s life would be short and then asked that she “touch the veil occasionally to let us know you are doing okay.” Alison Sprouse Pulley and Her Family While you chose to carry the pregnancy to term, you and Mitch decided not to medically intervene after Allegra was born. What was the process you went through to make that decision and what kind of care did you decide to give her? Honestly, I don’t completely understand why we sometimes try everything possible to prevent people from dying, particularly when we know life continues after death. With Allegra, the choices were to keep her in the hospital tethered to equipment or provide hospice care as we loved her in our own home. Staying in the hospital might have prolonged her life, but ultimately, it couldn’t save her life. The hardest part of choosing hospice was wondering if people were judging me. This didn’t sway my decision-making, but I did find myself thinking, “Do people think we are awful for not doing everything possible to save the life of our baby?” Hospice care was the right decision. We were home six hours after she was born. Hospice nurses and a social worker showed us how to take care of her and regularly checked in on us. We literally loved our baby to death in our home. Loving and caring for Allegra was a sacred experience. What was it like having Allegra in your home? One of us was always holding her. Sometimes we laid her down when she slept, but still kept her bassinet nearby. At the end of every day her hair was sticky from all the kisses she received. Each time Klein walked by, he wanted me to put her head down so he could kiss it again. As a result of the Trisomy 18, Allegra suffered from apnea which caused her to stop breathing, stiffen, and slowly turn purple. Watching her suffer through this was excruciating because not only did it look uncomfortable, we were also never sure if she’d recover. The apnea episodes got longer and more frequent as the days passed. I wasn’t sure how we’d react when we had Allegra, so before the birth we asked that visits be limited. As soon as we had Allegra, though, I wanted people to know her! The Monday after she was born we invited everyone over for an amazing “Quick and Happy Hour.” Our street was full of cars and our house was full of people. Allegra was held by everyone that walked in. Watching all this happen was so sweet. My midwife had wisely advised me not to breastfeed this baby, so my chest was completely bound up in ACE bandages and I was uncomfortable and tired, but still so excited to share this little baby. There was such a special spirit in our house and on our street. Everyone rallied around us to celebrate her life. My kids had a blast introducing her to everyone. They stood by the front door trying to charge people admission and climbed in the trees like little monkeys. When their friends walked up they would say, “Do you want to see our baby?” then push through to the front row. It was such a sweet way for them to share. Our daughter, Cairo, who was in third grade, had been tight-lipped about everything until then. She didn’t know how to process everything. But on the night of the open house, you can see in the blog comments that Cairo has an ongoing commentary with some of the visitors that evening. She had never wanted to talk about the experience previously. But that night she found her voice. Sweet Baby Allegra was with us for 29 days. The last week of her life she had to spend a lot of time on oxygen, her skin coloring had gone grey, and she’d eaten very little. After postponing a business trip for as long as possible, Mitch flew to California for a few days then came back on a redeye flight Friday morning. Friday afternoon I went to Mitch and asked that he give her blessing. Mitch prayed that, if she was suffering, she wouldn’t have to last much longer in her body. Our hospice nurse, Noxie, came over soon after and showed me how to bundle her for warmth and keep her comfortable with medicine. Before Noxie left I asked her my usual question, “Do you think this is it? Do you think she is dying?” She said, “I don’t know, Ali. I don’t know.” Exhausted from his flight, Mitch helped Allegra and me get settled then went to bed. I tried to lay down with her that night, but she was too uncomfortable to sleep. We sat on the couch for most of the night, dozing off once or twice for just a few minutes. I put her on the oxygen machine, attempted to feed her, changed her diaper, cleared her congestion, and gave her medicine, but she wasn’t getting better. I didn’t recognize the signs that her body was shutting down. At about three a.m. I got on my knees to pray with Allegra on my lap. My prayer was, “Heavenly Father, I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I’m exhausted physically and emotionally. I’m worried about caring for four busy kids and one with special needs. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m scared. She’s uncomfortable. Please, just let her go.” After a couple more hours I took Allegra outside to sit on my front porch and watch the sun rise. She was so still and so quiet—no longer struggling. When we walked back inside she took a breath that was unlike any other and I immediately recognized it as her last. I ran upstairs to wake Mitch and tell him Allegra was gone. We listened to her take a few final reflexive exhalations, then sat by the side of the bed and cried. Our kids were young; they were usually up before six, asking for food, asking for chocolate milk, asking for us to turn on the TV. But that morning they got up, went into the playroom, turned on the TV and shut the door without even coming in to talk to us. So Mitch and I were able to sit by ourselves and process what happened. We went into the bathroom and I bathed her in my sink one last time. I put lotion on her body, changed her clothes and wrapped her up in a blanket. Then we called the kids in to explain she had died. The kids gathered on the bed around her. Cairo cried. Cameron and Klein sat with tears in their eyes. Levi rubbed his special blanket on his cheek then sweetly offered to give it to Allegra. They stayed with us for a few minutes and then, amazingly, went back into the playroom to watch Star Wars while Noxie came to verify the time of death and the funeral home carried the body out. The sweet loving peace that filled our home while we had Allegra lasted for months after she died. Alison Sprouse Pulley and Her Family How did having Allegra and caring for her change you spiritually? Fortunately, faith in our Heavenly Father’s plan has always come easy for me. I don’t believe without questions, but I do believe without much effort. Through this experience though, we were forced to make so many decisions regarding continuing the pregnancy, choosing hospice instead of life-sustaining care, the birth plan, methods of burial, and how to talk to our kids about life and death that I wanted to be comfortable with our approach. To avoid regret, I daily sought guidance as I read and pondered scriptures, church handbooks, and conference talks. I sought the opinions of doctors regarding the ethics of our decisions, as well as those of trusted friends and family. I learned how to have a prayer in my heart as my requests for comfort and confirmation were continual. Spiritually, this was not just a period of accepting and believing, but a time of actively searching, pondering, and praying to know if our will was aligned with that of Heavenly Father. As the pregnancy progressed, I also learned about gathering strength. I temporarily eliminated people and activities that weren’t necessary. This purge wasn’t purposeful, it just happened as I focused on my family and their needs no longer feeling the need to know everyone or volunteer for everything. I didn’t feel guilty if I couldn’t nurture a friendship or feed the missionaries. Thankfully, our world shrunk, time slowed, and life was happier despite the terrible anticipation of loss. I think this simplification of our life was a tender mercy from a loving Heavenly Father. I believe Allegra survived for those few weeks because, despite her discomfort, she wanted to experience the warmth and touch of love in a physical body. I think she wanted to feel arms around her, lay on her dad’s chest, sleep beside her mom, feel siblings cuddling her, and be kissed on her cheeks and head. I could usually stop Allegra’s crying by picking her up or touching my forehead to hers. Touch and proximity were a comfort to her. After death, I don’t know if spirits can feel love in a physical sense. Spiritually speaking, I now feel my age, no longer a kid looking out of the eyes of an adult. I am assured our Heavenly Father knows our needs and meets them in ways we are unable to predict. In our most difficult times, He will prompt people to help us and He will provide small mercies or maybe even a miracle. I believe prayer (your own and those of others) can lift and sustain as it eases pain. I believe although one’s faith may come easily, life’s experiences are necessary to test and refine and deepen our testimonies. A few months after Allegra passed, I talked about our experience with a friend who said, “Oh, trials are so hard.” I thought about this then heard myself say, “I don’t know if I’d classify losing Allegra as a trial.” Because, despite the loss, having her was a sweet and sacred time for my family and we feel blessed for the experience of knowing and caring for her. In his closing prayer at Allegra’s funeral, Levi spontaneously asked, “that Allegra will have fun in heaven with Jesus and wait for us there.” She will. At A Glance Name: Alison Sprouse Pulley Location: Raleigh, North Carolina Age: 40 Marital status: Married Children: Cairo (12), Levi (9), Cameron (7), and Klein (5) Occupation: Stay-at-home mom Schools Attended: Brigham Young University (advertising undergrad and JD/MPA) Languages Spoken at Home: EnglishFavorite Hymn: “I Know My Father Lives” On The Web: Awaiting Allegra Interview by Annette Pimentel.

Laura Asioli made two important life decisions before she was ten years old. She decided she wanted to be baptized in the LDS Church, and she decided to become a lawyer. Laura says that as she studied law, she often felt the Spirit confirming to her that justice and divinity are closely intertwined. Today she is a solicitor practicing compliance law in the City of London. In this interview she reflects on balancing her Italian and English cultures, navigating a career while raising her two young children, and realizing that sometimes unexpected blessings come about after unexpected failures. Tell us about your background and how you came to join the Church. I was born in England, but when I was three my family moved to Italy. My dad is Italian, but my mom is English. My mom’s side of the family was Jewish, though not practicing, so I was brought up by my mom to think that the Messiah would one day come but that he hadn’t come yet. My father’s side of the family were predominantly Jehovah’s Witnesses, but my father had not shown any interest in religion growing up. One day, my mom saw two young men who obviously couldn’t speak good Italian trying to figure out how to buy bus tickets, so she explained to them in English how to do it. Then she asked, “How come you’ve both got the same name?” They explained the Church, and they took down her address. However, my mom never heard back from them for months and months. Finally, some months later there was a knock at the door, which I answered, and there were four gigantic guys standing there. Four? Yes! Four of them! At the time, my mom spoke to me in English but my English wasn’t perfect. I said, “Mom, why are there these men at the door?” Mom invited them in and told them, “We’re not interested in anything you have to talk about, but it would be good for me to have someone to speak English to and for my little daughter to improve her English.” The elders obviously took this opportunity to teach my mom and I the discussions…in English! Because my mom worked on Sundays, there was no way I could have ever gone to church if someone hadn’t said, “Okay, we’ll take this girl to church.” One family, the Di Iulios, would come round to the hotel where my parents worked, pick me up, take me to church, take me back to their home afterward, feed me, and give me spiritual nourishment, too. The spirit that was in their family, the spirit that was in the Church, felt like home. It just felt right. Six months later I wanted to get baptized. And so did my mom, although she hadn’t attended church much. I was coming up to my eighth birthday and would have liked to have gotten baptized as soon as possible after 9 March 1991. Now, if an eight-year-old were to tell me, “I’ve had the discussions and I want to be baptized,” I’d wonder if she really meant it and if she really believed it, even though we know the age of accountability is eight. So I understand why my dad, who didn’t believe in the Church himself, wouldn’t allow me to be baptized. But I was very mature and I knew that I really felt good when I went to church. I wanted to be part of it. Finally after a few months, my dad allowed my mum and me to get baptized, and we did so on 17 May 1991. I still remember the Elders’ names: Elder Flynn baptized me and Elder Stephens baptized my mom. The Di Iulio family kept taking me to church with them for two more years until we moved back to England. Coming to England meant that my mom didn’t have to work on Sundays anymore, so she was able to come to church with me. My father eventually got baptized, too. Laura Asioli and Her Husband Is your husband a member of the Church? Yes. He’s Italian and was born in the Church. His parents, Roberto and Loretta, were amongst the first members in his town. We met at a Young Single Adult convention in Italy. He’s an incredible pianist and he was playing the piano one evening, which caught my attention so I tried to make polite conversation about his skills. He didn’t seem that interested. Of course we had friends in common. Among Italian members, everyone knows everybody. I had always said that I was going to marry an Italian who served his mission in London so that he’d be able to speak great English but still be Italian. As a joke, my friends would give me updates on where their mission calls were. They’d call and say, “It’s not me.” Then I got a call one day from my best friend who said, “You’ll never guess who has been called to the London South mission! That guy who plays the piano and who doesn’t know of your existence!” I laughed. After his mission, I was on the social site LDS LinkUp and I saw that he was too, so I added him. He didn’t know who I was so I had to explain and then he wrote, “Oh, that’s nice. Are you going to be in Italy soon?” I’d never even said that I wanted to meet up with him, but I said, “Fine.” I’d actually already booked to be in Italy the weekend after we exchanged messages and he said, “Okay, then we’ll meet up.” We were engaged within four months and married within nine. We’ve been married six years and have two little ones: Gianluca, who is three, and Alessandro, who is one. Laura Asioli How did you decide to study law? I was about ten when I decided on law as a career path. I knew I had to be a lawyer. The gospel had a great influence on that decision, actually. I pondered on the concept of Christ as the Mediator and as the Advocate, and that started me thinking about the role of an advocate. I loved the idea that one day I would be able to assist people obtain justice. As I later studied law, I often felt the Spirit—not only confirming to me that what I had chosen to study was the right path for me, but also that law and divinity are intertwined. I remember being particularly moved in one law seminar when the professor introduced the concept of “natural law” and the idea that God is everywhere and in everyone. Within humans is a divine spark which helps them to live in accordance with nature. Thus it was suggested that even man-made laws—those written by the legislature—could be traced back to God, since He had given those judges the light of Christ in the first instance. It wasn’t obvious that I would become a lawyer. Neither of my parents are graduates of college although they always encouraged me to aim high. My mom finished high school, but my dad didn’t even finish high school, and I have seen them struggle more than what I would have liked to. I knew from a young age that I wanted to be financially stable. And I knew that anything was possible if it was the Lord’s will and if I put in the effort. I got encouragement at school, too. At sixteen, I went to college, which is two years in England, and studied law. Then at university I did a Law and Italian Law LLB, followed by a Competition Laws LLM. What kind of law do you practice? I’m a compliance lawyer, which I bet most people reading this interview have never heard of! But I assure you, it’s an up-and-coming practice area. In layman’s terms, I assist the business organization to conform to regulations, rules, policies, or law. My work is varied and could involve advising on sanctions issues, bribery offences, lawyers’ code of conduct, or lawyers’ account rules. How do you navigate working full-time with small children at home? I know it isn’t ideal. After my first son was born, I really wanted to be a full-time mom. He was so young. But financially we just couldn’t do it. My husband’s still at university. He works all the time, but he’s studying law and management himself so we have fees to pay, and although his wages are reasonable, they aren’t as high as they could be if he were a graduate already. So I had to go back to work. We tried to find things for me to do when my husband could be home, like cleaning at night or working in supermarkets at night or doing a cash till job. For seven or eight months I applied for jobs nonstop, every day a new job. Sometimes they would tell me how many applications they had already received for the position, and it would say something like, “700 applications.” I wasn’t getting any responses at all. So I said to my husband, “It looks like I need to go back to work in the City.” Laura Asioli and Her Son Deep down, I always knew I would return to work in the City, as my patriarchal blessing alluded to the fact I would succeed in my career and be a mother. In fact, it has been a great source of strength to me as the promises in it are great: if I put my family first I would have doors opened to me career-wise and I would be able to do both. The miracles actually started six years ago, right before we got married, but they didn’t feel at all like miracles then. In England, when you’re done with your base degree and one year of law school, you sit for exams and then enter a two-year training experience. Finding a training contract is extremely competitive. Probably one out of 500 people find one. But I managed to get a training contract that was due to start in September 2008. In July 2008, I found out that I’d failed one of my exams. I was absolutely heartbroken because I’d always done extremely well. I’d never failed before! So I appealed, but the professor said, “You can’t actually have re-marks at law school. We can have a look at the exams, but we can’t change your status, whatever it is they find.” They actually found errors, things they hadn’t marked in my favor, so basically they were saying, “You should have passed, but you failed, and there’s nothing you can do about it so you just have to re-sit the exam.” I was absolutely gutted. I didn’t understand how Heavenly Father could let it happen. I said, “Heavenly Father, why are there all these problems? I’m getting married in the temple and I’m trying to do right, and I failed.” I was lucky enough that they didn’t cancel my training contract, but they did push it back six months. What was I to do for those six months? So I joined a temporary employment agency. The agency said, “There’s a job in compliance. You’re not quite qualified right now, but we’ll give it a go. If they like you, well, then, all right.” They liked me and took me on for six months. Then I went on to my training contract, thinking that disaster of failing my exams was all behind me. In the meantime, my husband needed a job, too. My dad, who was a waiter in a restaurant, began to talk with one of his clients. At one point in their conversation he said, “My daughter just got engaged to an Italian man who doesn’t have a job and doesn’t have any money. He just came off his mission that he served for his church.” The man said, “What religion is he?” My dad said, “He’s a Mormon.” This man was an American, and he said, “I love Mormons! Tell him to interview at my firm.” He happened to be the global head of human resources for one of the world’s largest investment banks. So my husband went along with no qualifications at all and interviewed. This powerful man said, “You play the piano. You’ve been on a mission. I think you’d be good in compliance.” So my husband landed a job in compliance, working alongside qualified lawyers. It just so happened that he’s great at it and really enjoys it! He has been working in compliance for over six years now. Both my husband and I see this as one of the great miracles in our lives. I worked my six months in compliance and went on to my training contract. Then the financial crisis hit and my husband lost his job because everyone was being made redundant. One day I saw my boss from my six-month compliance job and she saw I had been crying and asked, “What’s the matter?” I said, “My husband’s lost his job.” She said, “What does he do?” I said, “He actually does compliance too.” She said, “Tell him to grab a hot chocolate with me and we can talk about possibilities in the firm.” The firm just so happened to be a “Silver Circle” firm, one of the biggest law firms in the world, and they offered him a job in the compliance department. It never would have happened if I hadn’t gotten to know her in the six months I worked there. I finished my training and went to work in-house for a large international bank, but after my second son was born, I realized our visions of my future at the bank weren’t aligned. I cried a lot and prayed a lot and fasted a lot. I went to loads of interviews, but the jobs either wouldn’t pay enough or wouldn’t be flexible enough. One day, I left the baby with my husband on his lunch break while I interviewed, and when I went to pick him up, my old boss (who had now been my husband’s boss for six years) was there. She asked how I was doing and I told her about my job hunt. She said, “It’s a shame that you need a permanent job because we have an incredible temporary job open in this department which would be perfect for you.” I said, “That’s okay. Temporary is better than nothing.” So within a week I was working there again, but this time in a senior role, assisting her supervise a team of eight lawyers. My boss is a woman who’s got a kid and who’s pregnant herself. She totally understands family demands. Probably once a week I worked from home. She’s all right if I work nights to make up hours I missed staying home with a sick kid. It’s the best set-up you could have ever, ever wanted. I have now been able to find a permanent role in-house at a financial services firm and they too have promised the flexibility my family needs and a great exposure to interesting and challenging work. I think back to six years ago when I failed the exam. At the time I was devastated. I couldn’t explain why I failed. But everything in our lives in the last six years has come thanks to my failing that exam. I wish I could go back and say to my doubting self, “Be a bit more faithful! Trust God! He sees better than you do.” Laura Asioli and Her Family You have spent your life moving between England and Italy. You’re married to an Italian but live in England. How does your family navigate the two cultures? I’m very strongly Italian. We live in a little Italian bubble. We have Italian TV. We only read the scriptures in Italian. We bought an Italian wood-fired oven so we can have Italian pizza. When we invite people to our home, we want to give them an Italian experience—Italian food, music, TV. We’re raising our children Italian. We won’t ever let them hear us speak to them in English; we only speak to them in Italian. My husband and I always speak to each other in Italian. So in that respect we’re very Italian. We would live in Italy if there were work, but there isn’t any. My father-in-law is working in Dubai; my brother-in-law has been working in Switzerland. Very few people have work. So we live in England and embrace the fact that it’s the country that’s allowing us to raise a family. My husband served a mission in England, so he has a love for the country already. We respect England. Your life as a lawyer and a mother of young children is busy. How do you nourish yourself spiritually? We try to be creative with our use of time because we don’t have blocks of time to just sit down and study. Our commute to work is quite long, an hour and ten minutes each way, so we study on the train. When I iron, I put on my headphones and listen to General Conference. I can consume half a conference session each time I iron. We try to get spiritual nourishment as a family, too. Obviously, we pray night and day. We also try to turn every evening into a Family Home Evening. My husband is on the high council, so he has meetings some evenings, but if we’re home we try to read scriptures—well, the Book of Mormon Reader or something like that—with the kids. With his calling, my husband has to travel on Sundays three weeks out of four. We only have one car, so the kids and I would walk and get the train to church, which was fine and even fun sometimes, but it meant that I was out with the kids for six hours every Sunday, with three hours of church in the middle. Because of those pressures on our schedule and because my kids don’t see much of their father now as it is, the bishop felt inspired to call me as visiting teaching coordinator recently. It means that now we can travel a couple of weeks in the month with my husband to other wards. In 2012, after fifty years’ presence in the country, the Church finally gained legal recognition in Italy. What does that mean? In terms of day-to-day life for members, there’s nothing really different. People go to church just the same. But in the bigger picture, it’s a huge miracle. It would have been a struggle to build the Rome Temple, for example, without official recognition. From what I had heard, the Church long ago bought ground for it, but in Italy, the police have rights to raid any public place at any time. So the Church couldn’t start building until it was recognized as a religion and could have talks with the police about why they couldn’t just enter at any time. Being recognized as a major faith presents one new challenge: certain professions will now be incompatible with certain church offices. Under Italian law, ministri di culto (religious ministers) cannot be legal professionals, nor can they be local councilors or mayors. (They can be elected to parliament but I think that is a lacuna.) The theory is that they may take advantage of congregations for their work-related/political means. There is a worry that, for example, a well loved, local Catholic priest could preach from the pulpit that his congregation are to vote him in as town mayor. Clearly, this has little relevance for Mormon congregations where a bishop is likely to preside over a small congregation and is therefore unlikely to influence the vote in a substantial way. Although pretty much all legal professions are incompatible with any office above that of branch president, it is a small price to pay to be on par with the Catholic church. Right now in Italian culture there’s a feeling that reminds me of what Joseph Smith referred to as “an unusual excitement on the subject of religion.” A lot of our friends are unhappy with the churches they’ve grown up with. They have unanswered questions. So I think it’s a great time to be doing missionary work in Italy. Now that our faith has been recognized officially, it’s gotten rid of a lot of discrimination. Before this, if you said to people that you’re Mormon, they wouldn’t even know what it was. But there has been a lot of press interest in the Church. We know a journalist who wrote a lovely article on the Church because she knew us, and that brought more good press about how the Church is doing a lot of humanitarian work, and so on. I think the Church is becoming well-accepted as an alternative to Catholicism. The members in Italy are extremely faithful, extremely devoted, extremely caring. I think it’s a very special land. At A Glance Name: Laura Asioli Location: Essex, England Age: 31 Convert to Church: Yes, at the age of 8 (baptized 17 May 1991) Marital status: MarriedChildren: Gianluca (3) and Alessandro (1) Occupation: Solicitor Schools Attended: University of Kent, Universita’ di Bologna, King’s College London andCollege of Law Moorgate Languages Spoken at Home: Italian Favorite Hymn: “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing/O My Father” medley Interview by Annette Pimentel.

My hardest choice ever was to let God back into my heart. All through my childhood, I’d known that my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ, love me. It was a conviction that carried me safely through the often-tempestuous adolescent years. I knew God’s love in the good times, like when I met my husband, and the bad times, like when I miscarried my first pregnancy. That fixed knowledge helped me find peace and direction. And so it went through unemployment, major surgery, under-employment, my firstborn being diagnosed with autism, another miscarriage, and watching the family I grew up in fall apart—God’s love was a constant that gave me strength, purpose, and hope. Then, shortly after I weaned my second child, I was struck down by a major depressive episode. I knew that depression could strike anyone and that it was a medical disorder, but I also knew first-hand God’s healing power. From Him, I sought relief from this ailment. None came. As I grew more desperate, I read the scriptures, I prayed, I attended the temple with intense purpose—all to no avail. I felt cut off from my Heavenly Father and from my Savior. I couldn’t receive the revelation I’d relied on throughout my life because the Spirit speaks to our hearts and minds—but my heart and mind both were broken by the depression. I was left in misery, suffering the emotional pains of spiritual death. Eventually, I was able to see a psychiatrist who prescribed medication that did more to lift the darkness than all my prayers had. Though I was grateful for that partial relief, I also felt surprisingly angry. Are we not promised over and over that the Gospel brings peace to our hearts and that our Heavenly Father’s plan is one of happiness? So why could I get those things from a pill but not from Him? He lives—even in my darkest moments, I never doubted that—but I felt that for inexplicable reasons He had turned away from me. The depression was turning out to be a life-long struggle. Then one day I realized I had a choice: I could go on feeling angry and abandoned, or I could repair my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Even though I still couldn’t entirely trust my emotions, I chose to reach out to Him. I began daily scripture study and prayer again. And while I couldn’t go back to the way things were before the depression, I found that with God’s daily grace I could move forward in my faith journey. It has taken me a long time, but I have come again to a place of surety. I know my Father lives. I know that He loves me enough to let me struggle through the lessons I need to learn. I know He trusts me enough to try my faith. Above all, I know that despite how I felt, the reality is my Savior had already experienced every moment of my despair, frustration, and anguish. I never was and never will be abandoned. At A Glance Name: Hillary Stirling Location: Pleasant Grove, UT Age: 37 Marital status: Married Children: Two (ages 12 and 9) Occupation: Paralegal Schools attended: Brigham Young University, Utah Valley University Languages spoken at home: English Favorite hymn: “How Firm A Foundation”

Rachel von Niederhausern has always had a passion for humanitarian work, but she wasn’t sure what she would do with an MBA until she realized she was meant to be a social entrepreneur. “I care about social change and I love serving people,” explains Rachel. She has co-founded two non-profit organizations and is now on the board of Family Humanitarian Experience, which empowers communities of developing countries through village-driven, sustainable projects. Rachel talks here about how she’s managed to meld her education, talents, and interests with her family life, including how she encourages her four children to discover joy in service, and how her own life of service helps her find peace of mind. How did you first get started with humanitarian work? It’s definitely always been something that’s been in my heart and that I’ve been aware of from a very young age. I remember that even as a child, I would notice the person at a party or somewhere who might not have the most friends. Then when I was around fifteen years old, I read the book Les Miserables. The story of freedom and how someone comes to freedom through love and God’s love for them had such a profound impact on me. Ever since then, I knew that my purpose was to serve people. I continued to notice people in my neighborhood or different places and strived to help as much as possible. But then I started volunteering in more specific ways. About ten years ago, my husband Steve and I went and served a meal at a homeless shelter in Salt Lake when our oldest was just a baby. Going there for the first time opened my eyes to a bigger community of need. I realized that where we lived, in northern Utah, there wasn’t something like that going on, providing an atmosphere of love where people could come if they didn’t have enough money to buy food, or a place where they could go to feel friends or community support. That experience led me into some other projects. You’ve helped start two non-profit humanitarian organizations. Tell us about those. After serving at the homeless shelter in Salt Lake, my brother and I looked into doing something similar in Cache Valley [Utah]. At the time, there was a meal for the homeless at a restaurant on Thanksgiving, but nothing at Christmas. For me, family dinner time is the best! My cherished memories. When people gather around the table and eat and laugh and share love, it’s heaven on earth. We wanted to provide that, so we put together a Christmas meal. The response was overwhelming. Over 200 volunteers came and sacrificed their Christmas Day to serve at this meal. My brother knew my desire to do humanitarian work and to have a non-profit. So for my birthday in 2008 he gave me papers saying that he had started a non-profit for us. That was the best birthday ever! I couldn’t believe that he had made my dream a reality. The funny thing is, we had no clue what to do with a non-profit from there. Rachel von Niederhausern Our eyes and our ears started to perk up to different things going on around us. After the first Christmas meal with our non-profit, the pastor at the First Presbyterian Church approached us and said, “Where I lived back East, there were community meals like this once or twice a month or more. Maybe we should consider doing something like that here in Cache Valley.” So we started looking into it, and the program turned into Loaves & Fishes. The meal is served twice a month now, feeding over 200 people each time. I’m one of eight people who sit on the board of directors and oversee things. It’s amazing, all the civic and religious groups who volunteer to organize meals. Students from Utah State University; local businesses; the Presbyterian, Catholic, Lutheran, and Episcopal churches; LDS wards; the Buddhist sanga; Bahá’í groups. Each group coordinates and gathers volunteers, then people from our board help them plan the menu, give suggestions, gather food, and take it to the kitchen so it’s ready for the volunteers to prep. I don’t live in Cache Valley anymore, so I go up when I can, take part in meetings through Skype, and help do computer work from home. I can’t say enough how God’s hand is apparent. He put the right people with the right strengths and ideas together to make that project go and keep it together. It’s really God’s work. Now you’re also on the board of Family Humanitarian Experience (FHe) and have taken your kids on trips to Guatemala to do service work. How did you get involved with that and what are your responsibilities as an executive director? After we started our non-profit, I saw a trip to Guatemala through Choice Humanitarian. The volunteers utilize professional skills and do a lot of education and knowledge transfer on these trips. My brother had served his mission in Guatemala, and so we decided to go on one of these trips with a sister of ours. While we were there, I taught a business economic workshop to 30 women. During the trip I felt like, “This is what I am meant to do!” But the only thing I needed for my joy to be complete was to have my husband and children there with me. So I told the founder, “If they ever do this for families, I hoped to be involved.” Six months later, he called and said they were ready to start family expeditions. Did Steve and I want to be a part of it? Of course I jumped at that chance. That’s how Family Humanitarian begin. We strive to help create prosperity in first- and third-world countries. It’s so beautiful, taking people from here to help there and then seeing how the people there change our lives. As leaders of FHe we coordinate the expeditioners into groups for our medical team, our education committee, our agriculture committee, or our building project. We also handle phone calls and emails back and forth to coordinate logistics with our in-country director, as well as working with the expeditioners here by doing orientation calls to prepare them for the trips. What type of work is done on FHe expeditions? We want to do projects that are driven by the villages. We started by looking into what and where the needs were and what work we could help with. We had a connection in Guatemala and he turned into our in-country director. He is a native Guatemalan who was an architect for the LDS Church for a long time, and saw many rural villages that have basic needs like decent living shelters or good sanitation. Because government-run schooling there is so poor, children end formal schooling at an early age or don’t have opportunities for education. So that is a blessing to have someone there on the ground, knowing the people, asking the questions. Like I said, the projects are driven by the local people so they’re telling us what they want to learn about and what projects would benefit their community. That usually involves a lot of teaching. We set up medical and dental clinics to train rural health care workers. We have doctors and dentists from our expedition see people, make assessments, take blood pressures, and work on teeth extractions, but also train the Guatemalans so that they’re learning along the way. There are also education workshops with teachers from our group teaching their teachers professional development and classroom management. We do business and economic training too. Right now it’s teaching a lot about budgeting and saving, and how to help them learn how to spread their money out evenly over twelve months, because they get paid only a few specific times of the year after harvesting their coffee, cardamom, and corn. Finally, we do building projects. Last time we worked on a secondary school, because there aren’t a lot of them there. There are primary schools, which end at about sixth grade. I coordinated the teacher education and business workshops. I helped teach and made sure that our teachers on the expedition knew where to go and that they had the supplies they needed. I also worked with the locals to make sure the workshops were set up. For the upcoming expedition this summer we’re talking about a project to help people get wood-burning stoves in their homes. Now they just cook on open fires, which is really harsh on their health. Also, more building projects. There’s a medical clinic there and they’re working on adding on a wing for infant and child care. How are children involved in the expeditions? How did you prepare yours to go? The children work on the building projects. The older youth also got to work in the medical clinic and helped a lot with triage, crowd control, and handing out medication. With the dentists they got to pull teeth. We also set up a youth program so they had a lot of cultural experiences and got to see women weaving, making tortillas, and different things like that. Also, just the simple opportunities for the kids to interact with the village children—to laugh, play soccer, and have fun. We took three of our kids on our most recent trip over Christmas. They were [ages] four, seven, and nine. To prepare, we would take all of our kids to the homeless shelter and serve people on the streets with volunteers from K2 Church. We also went around the neighborhood to do some fundraising. We took around letters and a little treat, and our oldest explained what she was doing and asked the neighbors if they had any work she could do to earn some money. She also held a few cooking camps at our house, which was fun. With the younger ones, we prepared a lot by talking with them, explaining what we would be doing, looking at pictures, talking about how this was our Christmas, and explaining the meaning and joy of service. Rachel von Niederhausern and Her Family What changes have you seen in the villages since the first time you went? To be honest, the change is very gradual. This time we were working in the Senahú area. I noticed that some high-quality learning is taking place with the youth in that secondary school. It was also really exciting on one trip to see a woman who I taught on my first trip come and tell us that she had worked on what she had learned and it had really impacted her life. She was able to save money to send her kids to school and have a more stable year by spreading her money out evenly. You have a background in public relations and an MBA. How have you used your education to pursue your goals and interests? I’m so grateful for my education and for all the opportunities we have to be educated here in the U.S. It’s helped me so much. I’ve always loved people and I’ve always loved business. When I first went into PR I didn’t have a full idea of what it entailed. The skills of writing, being familiar with a computer, are very handy, as well as knowing how to give a presentation. My MBA honed those skills even more, with numbers, accounting, spreadsheets, assessments, and how to organize groups. What’s always fascinated me about business is how large groups of people create things, wealth or health or whatever they want to create, through marketing and other channels. But because my ultimate goal was being a mother, I didn’t know how that was all going to come together. I didn’t really ever plan on using my MBA for a career. But then after the very first expedition to Guatemala with my brother, I read an amazing book about microlending by Muhammad Yunus, called Banker to the Poor. The story is of him noticing need, what he did, how that helped inspire so many, and the programs that have been created that changed so many lives and communities. He talked about this term called “social entrepreneurship.” When I read that I thought, “This is why I got an MBA! That is me! I care about social change and I love serving people. I am a social entrepreneur.” How do you find opportunities in your everyday life for you and your children to be involved in humanitarian work or community service? I love the quote by Mother Teresa, when asked at her Nobel Prize ceremony, about how to create world peace. She said you start by going home and loving your family. I think that’s so right on. I would even take it one more step and say start by loving yourself and then those things just open up. There’s no scientific approach to it, really. When I was newly married with my first baby, I wanted service opportunities, so I prayed for them. I used my car as a service mobile. If I saw someone hauling groceries, or someone elderly walking along, if I felt inspired to do so, I would roll down my window and ask, “Do you need a ride?” I’ve met so many amazing people that way. That’s a perfect thing since my kids are usually in the car and they notice it. Now that they’re older, they say, “Hey, let’s stop!” I’m so glad God’s helped me to do that. There are always neighbors who need meals. I love to cook, so I take meals and have my kids help me deliver them. Church also provides so many service opportunities. Beyond that, there are volunteer centers in most communities, or big organizations like the Red Cross or the Mormon Helping Hands. Just call and ask about volunteer opportunities. It’s been amazing living near Salt Lake now and going down to the shelters more, making friends, getting more involved in the homeless population. Even just going down, walking around and exposing the kids to something different than our little happy bubble. There are always opportunities right by us. That’s the beautiful thing. If you put it out there and you start thinking about it and praying about it, God will open up the way for you to do it. It’s not to say there aren’t times when you wonder how it will happen when you are totally out of your comfort zone. I’ve had some sleepless nights wondering how a project would come together or how the funding would come through. But God always assures me it’s in His hands and that I just need to trust and listen. Rachel von Niederhausern What barriers do you see that prevent people from being more involved in their communities? I think we’re content—which isn’t necessarily bad, but we’re often content to live our life and have fear of reaching out to someone we don’t know. Maybe not knowing where to look, or not really looking. Because if you’re looking, you’ll find chances to serve. Money is also something people have mentioned to us. “We could never do that because of the cost.” Money is nothing to God. God will provide the way. You can do fundraising and people in your own community want to support you in that. Some people can donate money, some people can donate their time, and some people want to donate both. You just never know where someone’s at. People in our neighborhood are so happy to help my children have those experiences. God will provide the money in miraculous ways. What do you hope that your children gain from these experiences, whether close to home or far away? My ultimate desire and dream is to have freedom in the world, and to have everyone have the joy of being free. To have good health, good educational opportunities, and to be able to live their own truth. I hope by me living my passion, that my children are inspired and motivated to also live their truth. It doesn’t matter what that is. Each person has their own unique gift to give to the world, and I hope that they are empowered to do that. Especially as they see other cultures and people who have different life experiences. That’s the second thing: I want them to see people who have many different life experiences so that they know that they’re okay, no matter what. You are loveable and you can be loved no matter what has happened to you or where you live. God loves us all equally and wants the same blessings for all of us. How do you balance your time between motherhood, helping manage organizations, volunteer work, and your other responsibilities? It’s just all messy! I don’t know much these days about balance. I have learned, however, about priorities. Serving my family is my top priority, and my life’s work of serving humanity as a disciple of Jesus Christ is my priority as well. And there’s time to do both. But at different times I might be spending more actual physical time with one or the other. Loaves & Fishes doesn’t take too much time now because it’s running well and I’m good at delegating. With Family Humanitarian, if there’s an expedition coming up, a few months beforehand I’ll spend five to ten hours per week. It’s not overboard because the work is spread out over many people. I’ve learned over the past few years that you have to stay in the present moment. When you’re with your children and doing your family work, there can be such joy. And then when we’re coordinating these projects, that can be also joyful. But there are also times, of course, when I wonder where I left my brain. I’ve got spit-up running down my shirt and my house isn’t spotless. But it’s all good and real. I’ve let go. I lived a lot of my life trying to be perfect, and that caused a lot pain. Now I don’t worry. That’s the main thing, I think, about finding balance. Don’t worry, just trust. Because each day God will show you what is needful. I strive to stay as close to God possible. That’s how I find peace. I will go by myself in the car and just sit—by the temple, or overlooking the valley. Or I’ll sleep sometimes on my porch underneath a tree there. I take little mini-retreats to be with myself and with God. Rachel von Niederhausern What changes have you seen in yourself as a result of these experiences over the years? The biggest one is more peace of mind. These projects have helped still the demons in my head and keep them at bay a majority of the time. In the Mormon culture, we grapple with the need or want to be perfect. I think a lot of people worry about what they’re doing or not doing, if they’ve made mistakes, or if they’ve done enough. My perfectionistic tendencies caused me a lot of pain—living in the past or living in the future, just the worry. My mind would constantly beat me up. It was painful and there were some pretty rough years. Then one day I just realized I needed to rely fully on God and his mind, his ways. Every day is a new day to God. You could have been the lowest of low, done the vilest of things, and if you are willing and wanting to repent and turn to him, he will be there with open arms, ready. This work has gotten me to let go of perfection. Seeing people and places that are so far out of my comfort zone have helped me to stretch and grow and realize my capabilities, and with God’s help, what is possible. I let go of control and I’ve been so much happier since. God has showed me that my dreams and my passion and my family are all one beautiful circle. People are made for love and light. God is so mindful. He loves all his children, no matter where you are, and if you tap into that love then you can’t help but start seeing others who need love. But it has to start with yourself, and then with your family, and it’s all one circle of love. Let it be messy, and let it be real, and just don’t worry. Don’t even try to be perfect! It’s no fun! Rely on the Atonement and on Heavenly Father’s perfect plan and then love and joy will flow so much better. At A Glance Name: Rachel von Niederhausern Location: Utah Age: 34 Marital status: Married Children: Four Occupation: Mother/social entrepreneur Schools Attended: Utah State University Languages Spoken at Home: English Favorite Hymn: “Amazing Grace” On The Web: Global Neighbors Interview by Nollie Haws.