An American student at the University of Leipzig, in Germany, Michelle has spent the last two years studying “mommy blogs” and writing her Masters thesis on the subject. Michelle describes what motivated her to study in Germany, how her church experience is different there, and why Mormon women have special justifications for keeping blogs. You are American, but are currently living in Leipzig, Germany. What motivated you to pursue a graduate degree at the University of Leipzig? I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah but I’ve always had a mysterious longing — maybe it’s the Spirit of Elijah! — to connect with my ancestors who were from Switzerland. My last name is Swiss, and I always thought it was such a shame that my family hadn’t kept the language. I always wanted to learn German. I took a German class in junior high school and I went on a one-month long summer program in Kiel through the University of Utah, and I loved it! I went again the next summer, and finished college that semester in Germany. I worked for the Church for two years after that in the Family History Library in Salt Lake City. I love libraries. I love to read, and I had worked for the Salt Lake County Library system. I was actually called on a mission during that time and I ended up not going. I just didn’t feel right about it. In hindsight, I feel like my mission was to work at the Family History Library. I was already serving the Lord and I was training 75 senior missionaries at any one time. Michelle Glauser That takes a lot of confidence to turn down a mission call. Where did you find the strength to say, “This isn’t for me”? I can tell you exactly where that came from: I had already been engaged and that was one of the most defining experiences of my life. I loved him, and I thought we were great for each other, but I just knew it wasn’t right. The more I prayed about it, the worse I felt. But there is all this social pressure to marry and I kept trying to ignore my feelings and tell myself I was just nervous. Finally, I was talking to my sister and I said “I’m just so confused, I don’t even know what I’m confused about anymore.” And she said, “Hello! Sounds like a ‘stupor of thought’ to me!” So when I turned down the mission call, I had already changed paths once when I walked away from the engagement. With the mission call, I thought, “The Lord wouldn’t tell me not to serve Him!” It made no sense to me. But finally, the same sister said, “Michelle, you need to take one minute and think about what you would do if you didn’t go on a mission.” And so I took her advice. And in that one minute I had peace after total chaos for a whole month before, so I thought, “Okay! Well I guess that’s my answer.” How did you end up in Leipzig after working for the Family History Library? I worked at the library for two years. I totally threw myself into that job and I loved it, but I was burnt out. And so I went back to my dream of living in Germany. I applied for Masters degree programs. Coming here to the University of Leipzig has been the best decision. I know this is exactly what I was supposed to do. I have now been here for two years, and I recently finished my Masters program. The program itself was actually in English, but I have the members of the Church here to thank for my German cause they were patient with me! What is the church community like there in Leipzig? There are just little differences. The Church is of course a universal thing, but the way the people greet each other here is different. Everyone shakes hands with everyone else when they come into the chapel. One of the biggest differences is the importance of music. People here are hardcore about their music! I have always loved music, but I have never been a singer myself. When I got here, I decided I would sing in the Stake Choir. Here, they have two huge Stake Choir performances each year: at Christmas and at Pentecost. They perform songs you would never hear from an American choir: Lutheran hymns, Reformation hymns… “All Creatures of Our God and King” but with different music than we’re used to. Everyone brings their own songbooks, their own personal LDS hymnbooks. There are a few hymnals at the chapel for visitors, but it’s expected that people will bring their own. And when they say they “play” the piano, they play the piano! They are amazing musicians. There are seven or eight organists called in my ward; there could be more, those are just the official ones. Leipzig is the “City of Music” because Bach lived here, and so people here really know their music. In America, I often feel that people don’t really know how to sing tenor or bass, they just kind of go along with the melody in a different octave… but here, the members really know what they’re doing. Does that affect your Sunday worship to have that excellent music? It helps, absolutely. The musical pieces people play in between talks in Sacrament Meeting are usually classical pieces. When I’ve been asked to play the piano in my ward, I’ve gravitated to playing an arrangement of a hymn, but I think that’s just from my experience in an American ward. I’ve played classical pieces in Sacrament Meetings the last few times and they turned out alright. Michelle Glauser Do you attend a family ward there in Leipzig, or is there a singles ward you attend? We have what are called “outreach centers” that senior missionaries run. These centers are open during the week so that young single adults can get together and have a safe hangout. There are Institute classes at night and there are huge conferences for young single adults about once a month. It’s a vibrant singles life. People date differently here because everyone lives far apart. There’s actually a German-speaking Mormon version of Facebook online, so everyone has their friends and they can look at each other’s pictures online… Are you interested in dating Americans or Germans? I stay away from Americans as much as I can! I kind of have a different attitude from most of the Americans I run into here. Most Americans are living an American life, just in a different country. I, however, really try to incorporate myself into the culture and only speak German. I always feel weird when people define me by my passport. People say things like, “Oh, I know another American. Maybe you guys should meet each other!” I always think, “Well do we have anything else in common?” I try to avoid the whole American scene. My mom of course would love me to come back to the United States and marry someone there! Dating here is very different than in America. Guys and girls just talk to each other and then there will be a group activity where they’re near each other and then they’ll be kind of together and that goes on for a long time… But to really go out on a date, just two people… no one does that. I’m constantly reminding German guys here that Elder Dallin H. Oaks said it needs to be “paired off, paid for, and planned”! From your American perspective, how do LDS women in Germany differ from their American counterparts? It’s very expensive to live in Germany and have a family, so almost all German women work. Most women balance both roles of mother and worker. The childcare system is excellent here — the people who work in them are well-trained. They have degrees in child-raising. Discussions in Relief Society have more of a debate style than I’m used to in the U.S. From my experience in American Relief Societies, I remember discussions being flowery and everyone told happy stories. But here, people aren’t afraid to speak up and say, “Actually I don’t agree with that point.” It shocked me the first few times, but women here have an understanding and friendliness that I eventually picked up on. Tell us about your Masters thesis. How did you decide to write about female bloggers? I actually started writing about Mormon women bloggers specifically but all of my peers and professors said, “You’re too close to your subject! You need to back up a little.” I did end up writing one essay about Mormon women bloggers and it was published in a Turkish literary magazine. In my article, I said Mormon women have unique justification for writing. I talked about how in the first chapters of the Book of Mormon, the people are told to keep records for family genealogy and to preserve the language. To keep the religion alive and persuade each other to believe in Christ. Modern day prophets have told Mormons that writing is a source of power: it follows the example of scripture, Christ commanded it, and also, it keeps God in daily remembrance. In your thesis, you write about the difference between men’s autobiographical writings and women’s, saying that men’s writings are much more accomplishment-oriented. Why is women’s writing so much more personal and doesn’t dwell on public recognition like men’s writing? The obvious answer is that women throughout history haven’t had a big a role in the public sphere. One autobiographical scholar, Jill Conway, has said that women’s autobiographical writing is a spiritual journey and uncertain in its explorations. I agree with that to some extent, but I think within Mormon autobiographical writing it is actually quite certain: LDS women share their testimonies of things they are sure of. Men, even today with blogs, use writing as a way to brag and show off, whereas women are willing to show their weaknesses and talk about the more private sphere because that’s what they know. They’re the ones spending more time with the children, so they’re going to write about what they know—their experiences in the home. In your research, what was the main difference you found between LDS bloggers and non-LDS bloggers? Well, LDS bloggers bear their testimonies of Christ far more than non-LDS bloggers, obviously, but the biggest difference I would say is their surety—the surety that what they are doing as mothers is right. The mothers who don’t have the belief that motherhood is sacred are the ones who write about disappointments in motherhood. They aren’t sure where their identity lies: in a public career or home with their children. One major difference is in the tone of the blogs. The Mormon women write about disasters with their children and they do it in a humorous way. They always end up writing about it abstractly in the end. They say, “I’m actually grateful to have this challenge in my life because . . .” They end up talking about how grateful they are and how these experiences make life interesting and funny. The non-LDS women are simply like, “What am I doing? What a mess!” Do you think it is a self-selecting group of LDS mothers who are putting their lives online? They already have the confidence to go out before the world and say, “This is what I do and I’m proud of it.” Are there other LDS mothers who don’t have that confidence and therefore don’t enter the blogging world? I have thought about that a lot as well. I definitely think LDS bloggers are a self-selected group, but there are places for the women who don’t feel so confident about their roles too. For example, the blog Feminist Mormon Housewives is written by women who are more likely to debate if motherhood is what is really good for them, and yet most of them stay within the traditional mother role in practice. Have you looked at any journals from the Mormon pioneer women and contrasted those to what Mormon women are doing today? It seems that women’s narrative has been a thread throughout Mormon history. I have done quite a bit of work comparing pioneer women’s journals to Mormon mommy blogs today. The similarities are fascinating! There was one pioneer women’s journal I read who talked about the journey to Utah and I analyzed several of her statements. She wrote about how bad she felt for the children and she wished she could help them more. The themes were so similar to what mommy bloggers write about today. The pioneer women had those same justifications for writing at that time that we have today: they had the Book of Mormon, and they had the prophet who wanted things recorded. In your thesis, you reference Betty Friedan’s pivotal 1963 book when you say, “What [Friedan] did not foresee was that the future form of autobiographical writing, the blog, would make a way for educated mothers to stay at home and have public involvement simultaneously.” Do you see the Mormon blogs as an effort to get publicly involved, or do they focus solely on the idea of validating motherhood? I think the Mormon mommy blogs definitely do meet that need for public involvement that Betty Friedan talked about, but they don’t do that overtly. The writers don’t say, “I’m writing this blog because I want someone from the outside world to give me some sort of feedback.” Because of Mormon women’s unique justifications for writing, they would be writing anyway, even if there weren’t social feedback or influence. As I say in my thesis, a blog not only confirms her life as being interesting, but it gives her a grand, physical accomplishment that can give her immense satisfaction. Outside of the Mormon sphere, there is much more emphasis put on a cohesive community of bloggers and really making an impact as a group. BlogHer, for example, is all about getting as many women bloggers together as possible. The focus is more on building an impacting, public community in that case. So what are your goals now that you’ve completed your Masters thesis? Well, now I am just waiting for my grade! I’m still here in Leipzig and now I’m studying Chinese and Spanish. I’m thinking I might pursue a doctorate with a focus on a similar theme of autobiographical writing, but we’ll see what happens! At A Glance Name: Michelle Glauser Location: Leipzig, Germany Age: 24 Marital status: Single Occupation: Student Schools Attended: University of Utah, Universitat Leipzig Languages Spoken at Home: English, German Favorite Hymn: “Come Thou Fount” (“Komm Du Quelle”) and “Be Still My Soul” Current Church Calling: Pianist, organist, Primary teacher On the Web: Visit Michelle’s own blogs at michelleglauser.blogspot.com and germanyfromanamericanperspective.blogspot.com Interview by Neylan McBaine

Over four years ago, Becky Hendrickson moved with her family from bustling San Francisco to a 23,000 acre ranch on the Big Island of Hawai’i. As the mother of five daughters, ages one to twelve, Becky homeschools her girls with a focus on loving nature, developing personal responsibility and limiting the world’s negative influences. What took your family to Hawai’i? Would you describe your physical surroundings and how they differ from your previous homes? My husband and I have spent most of our married life living in the San Francisco Bay Area, and planned to raise our girls in the city. However, when my husband got a job offer managing a property in Hawai’i, we felt, surprisingly, it was the Lord’s will that he take the offer. South Kona is about as different physically from San Francisco as it can be. In San Francisco, we lived in a two-bedroom condo on the corner of a very busy six-lane street. We walked to school, church and work. Our building employed 24-hour security personnel. We had very limited outdoor space. By contrast, in South Kona we live in the middle of a 23,000 acre ranch. We are surrounded by trees, grass, guava bushes, grazing cattle and a view of the ocean. Our nearest neighbors are half a mile away, and they are our only neighbors! Beyond that, it’s three miles down the road to “civilization.” How has your mothering changed since raising your children in Hawai’i? What inspirations or traditions have you adopted from your new culture? What new challenges have you faced? In many ways, I feel more comfortable being a mother in Hawai’i than I did in San Francisco. I often times experienced embarrassment in the city because of comments or looks I would receive from those who clearly believed I had brought too many children into the world. I remember feeling such relief and joy when I went grocery shopping in Hawai’i and discovered, to my delight, that I was not the only mother in the store with four children tagging along behind! The people of Hawai’i are very family oriented, whether or not they are members of our church. Extended family is also very important here, and members are very concerned with those in their family circle. I often hear the phrase, “She is my cousin.” This is a loose term and could mean the two are related in a very roundabout way. Still, the family connection is made and is meaningful. Another tradition that I enjoy here is that all the adults are considered “aunties and uncles” by the younger generation. At church, instead of “Sister Hendrickson,” I am “Auntie Becky.” For me, it is a reminder that I really am a caretaker for all the children I come in contact with, whether I brought them into this world or not. And how nice it is for my children to have so many aunties and uncles around, even though we have no blood relatives on the island. I have seen a negative effect, however. It does take a village to raise a child, but the parents need to be ultimately responsible. There are unfortunately many children in Hawaii who are abandoned by their parents and are left to be raised by grandparents, aunties and uncles. This situation becomes difficult for everyone, but is especially felt by the children. What do you feel that your children are taking away from your time in Hawai’i that they wouldn’t get living elsewhere? I have always desired to teach my children personal responsibility and a good work ethic. I think that living where we do opens up options for learning these things that would be learned differently elsewhere. Because we have so much outdoor space, we have room to keep animals. The girls are in charge of caring for them. Our animals include a cow and her calf, a dog, a pig, three guinea pigs, two rabbits, fish and shrimp. President Boyd K. Packer once said something to the effect that it’s good to have animals around for children to learn responsibility. They soon learn that animals don’t feed and care for themselves. Our girls understand this. We also had mice and a lamb that died. I feel this is something important to learn about, too. Death is difficult for young children, and I am glad they had some experience dealing with it before their grandmother and uncle passed away. Because we are able to keep a cow and milk her, the girls have a great connection with where things really begin. If you asked many kids (or adults!) where milk comes from, they would likely answer, “The grocery store.” I love that my daughters experience some things on a more basic level and see the work that goes into actually getting the milk, cheese, yogurt, or beef. It carries over to many parts of life. Also, because we live in Hawai’i on a ranch, we are surrounded by nature and it is so beautiful! We enjoy seeing the ocean daily and the girls are free to experience nature at its finest. We don’t have to do as we did in San Francisco, and go “find nature.” There is a great book out about children and nature called Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv. The author links the absence of nature in children’s wired lives to the rise in child obesity, attention disorders, and depression. It’s interesting reading. Rebecca Hendrickson Would you discuss the role of nature and environment in your home? Why is it important to you to limit commercial influences in your home? I have long felt that since we are natural beings, it makes sense that what is natural is best for us. We try to eat “natural food,” meaning that which is made up of things we can easily identify. I also cook from scratch because the food resulting from my efforts is more delicious, more nutritious, and much less expensive than processed foods. When someone is sick, it makes sense to me that whoever is sick should get plenty of rest and lots of fluids. We try to go with natural remedies whenever possible before getting a prescription for a chemically made drug that may have serious side effects, which are not usually discussed by doctors. As an example, one of my daughters occasionally gets a stuffy ear, due to allergies. Instead of taking her to the doctor, where she would undoubtedly receive an antibiotic, I cut up an onion, put it in a paper towel, and have her hold it on her ear for 10 to 15 minutes. This does the trick by drawing moisture out of her ear and leaving her feeling comfortable again. As a mom, using nature as an ally is fulfilling to me. Over the four years we have been in Hawai’i, we have not needed to get prescriptions for any illnesses for our girls. When we were in San Francisco, our pediatrician pronounced our family one of the healthiest she had known. I honestly feel that this is largely due to focusing on good nutrition (yes, we eat candy and other junk, too, but try to moderate), getting a good amount of sleep (all our girls have an early bedtime and I don’t wake them up in the morning — they wake up when they are finished sleeping), and not being stressed out by an enormously busy schedule. I don’t think that is healthy for anyone. Now, the question about limiting commercial influences. We got rid of our TV many years ago and could not be happier about it. There is a whole world out there that is largely ignored when we spend time in front of a screen. And the time that is freed up, because we are not concerned with making our schedule fit with our “must-watch” TV shows, is huge. Being a bit removed from it, I am always astonished when I see what is acceptable on TV with each passing year. It is mostly not what I would want my family (or myself!) to view. I realize that there is some “quality programming,” but I argue that if you love the cooking show, you would learn a whole lot more about cooking by actually cooking, rather than just watching it on TV. We also view very few videos. I feel strongly that when it come to screen media and kids, less is more. Children find all kinds of ways to spend their time and learn without realizing it , when they aren’t absorbed in watching or listening to what money-hungry programmers offer them. I understand that you are homeschooling. What is your daily schedule? How do you manage with little ones around? What are your educational priorities? This is our first year of homeschooling. I had quite a bit of fear at the idea of teaching my children in our home, but because their two previous private schools closed due to financial difficulties, I had to really look at the idea seriously. My husband and I became convinced that this was the best educational option for our daughters, and so we jumped in with both feet. We ordered a wonderful curriculum which we are very satisfied with. We have also added some extras. My husband teaches our two older girls “night classes.” So far, they have worked on astronomy, Photoshop Elements, and Page Plus classes. He has also, with the neighbors, undertaken a building project. The goal is to build a fort (designed by six of our collective children) complete with fire pole, dungeon, and swinging bridge. We have also added piano lessons, Spanish lessons with a native speaker, and French lessons using language software. My daily schedule starts out something like this:5am- Arise, work-out, pray, read scriptures, do some paperwork (bills, budget, etc.)6:15- Shower and prepare breakfast for family7:15- Eat breakfast as a family and have devotional/scripture study8:00- Clean up breakfast, girls care for animals and make beds, etc.8:30- School begins at the “Princess Academy” At this point, my two older girls follow their weekly plan, which we map out together on Saturday. They have a list of all their assignments to complete during the day, and we try to focus on “eating the frog” (getting the worst part over first). The three younger ones come with me into another room for circle time, which we all enjoy. After circle time, my kindergartner and baby usually play while I focus on my third grader until snack and recess. The older two girls, who are in 5th and 7th grades, mostly follow their curriculum along without needing as much direct “teaching” from me. I am always available to them if they get stuck, or have questions. Not all days go smoothly. Some days no one wants to work. Some days the baby needs extra attention or an early nap, so my attention is divided between all the competing needs. I just do my best each day as it comes. I find that if I try to do three things at once, I go crazy. So I will pause and perhaps tell the girls to go play for 10 minutes while I get the baby down, or go read their book until I can get to them and answer their question. After snack and recess we hit the books for a hour or so longer, until we are ready for lunch. Our book work is usually done by lunchtime. The afternoons are spent practicing piano, working on French, cleaning the house, folding laundry, playing, reading or running errands. I find that I have to remind myself daily (or more often) to not worry so much about the mess that is continually being made. It’s always cleaned up before dinner time, and my heart is at peace again! My husband and I outlined our educational objectives before we started homeschooling. Through our education we will strive to develop:– a strong and active intellect-the ability to receive direction from God-the discernment of truth and error-the refined capacity of the senses-the discipline to communicate in a manner consistent with who we eternally are-uprightness and integrity-the ability to bear social, emotional, mental and physical burdens with grace-a sense of reverence toward and trust in God-a love for purity and virtue-the healthy function of our bodies-active service on behalf of just and virtuous causes-enthusiasm toward the opportunities of parenthood-self-reliance and provident living. How have you relied on your scriptures in your role as a mother? Have there been specific instances when the scriptures have given you insight into how you should treat your children? Reading from the scriptures is important enough to me that I generally rise at 5 o’clock in the morning to read the scriptures before my daughters wake up. I feel that the scriptures truly are an iron rod, and that if we hold tight to them, everything will come out all right. If nothing else happens when I read the scriptures, I at least know that I have put the Lord first in my day, and I know He honors that effort. I find inspiration and insights that are uplifting. The spirit is invited into our life and home when we read the scriptures. I need that, and my family needs that. One of my favorite scriptures that I try to remember in my mothering is one we usually associate with the priesthood. To paraphrase Doctrine & Covenants 121:41-46: Power and influence (including that of motherhood) can only be maintained by persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, kindness, and pure knowledge. We must reprove with sharpness when moved upon by the Holy Ghost (I usually reprove when I am angry or irritated) and afterward show forth an increase of love. Another scripture which has proved helpful many times is Abraham 4:18. I found this scripture while wondering how I could give instructions to my children and have them obey me. Just asking my 5-year-old and 3-year-old to go tidy up their room wasn’t working. “And the Gods watched those things which they had ordered until they obeyed.” I realized that for children that young, I actually had to watch them obey, and encourage them along the way. That was a very helpful insight which led to one of my parenting hints (I keep a list for myself inside the cupboard): “Never make a request unless you are willing to help them follow through.” Sometimes children just cannot obey without a little help from a parent. Happily, this gets better as time goes on. I don’t need to watch my older girls clean up their room, but I do follow up with them, always. What are your favorite ways to spend time with your children? We enjoy each other in so many ways! Just earlier this evening we spent a couple of hours enjoying a family Halloween party planned and executed by our 10-year-old, complete with dinner, bobbing for apples, cookie decorating, pin-the-nose-on-the-pumpkin, trick-or-treating, and musical performances. We love singing together. The girls are old enough to hold a melody or another part while Greg and I sing more parts. We enjoy games, karaoke, reading aloud together, working on projects, going on overnights, hikes, or just running errands. We also love cooking together. My husband made up this great game where we pick some recipes randomly from several cookbooks, make a grocery list, go buy the ingredients, and make a meal out of the recipes we picked. We all love it. At A Glance Name: Rebecca Hendrickson Location: South Kona, HI Age: 39 Marital status: Married 15 years Children: Five (ages 12, 10, 8, 5, and 1) Occupation: Homemaker and full-time mother/teacher Schools Attended: Brigham Young University – Idaho, Utah State University Languages Spoken at Home: English (Italian French, Spanish, Hawaiian) Favorite Hymn: “How Firm a Foundation” and many others Current Church Calling: Young Women’s Beehive advisor Interview by Neylan McBaine

The first time Faustina Otoo went to church, in Nigeria in 1985, the members’ love made her feel like she was in a “wonderland”. Since that day, Faustina’s journey in the church has taken her back to her native land of Ghana where she now serves as the front office receptionist at the Africa West Area office complex at the Accra Ghana temple. As the single mother of two children, Faustina is especially proud that her daughter is about to graduate from college. How did you first became acquainted with the church? I lived in Lagos, Nigeria with my husband and my children and I found the Church there in 1985 through a friend. This friend and I were going to meet part way to the church so he could go with me, but when I got to the meeting place, he wasn’t there. So I asked people around the area and they directed me to the church. This was a small place in Lagos, and when I got there the morning session was over and people were coming out of the meeting. And everybody who came out met me, or shook hands or hugged me or gave me a kiss, a peck on the cheek…. My friend was no where to be found and I was like, “What is going on? I don’t know these people!” I have not seen such love anywhere in my life. I was a bit scared. I said, “Did my friend sell me to these people or are these people crazy?” I was really really in a wonderland. Then the couple missionaries asked if they could tell me more about the church before the afternoon session was packed. I loved everything they told me. I loved the story of Joseph Smith, even though I was skeptical, something told me it is true, it’s right. So I accepted the Book of Mormon and went home and I fasted and prayed. And I loved the testimony from the Spirit. I got to a time in my life when I was wondering. I asked myself three questions: Why am I here? What am I doing here? Where will I go after this life? That was when I really started going to church. And I was jumping from one church to another. I remember the very day we were coming to the Latter-day Saints church, my little daughter was about 10 years old, and she said, “Mom, why are we changing churches every day?” And I said, “Well, until we find the church that is right we will never stop going. We will keep going until we find the church of Christ.” And that is when I came to this church. I was given the triple combination scriptures. I prayed, “Lord, I have read in the scriptures that we should not add or remove anything from the scriptures. Why this Book of Mormon? Why do I have to get another scripture?” And after my prayer, I took the book again and I opened. It went straight to Doctrine & Covenants Section 138 where it talks about the three days of the Lord in the spirit world and how He organized the righteous spirits to bring the Gospel to the unrighteous and it made sense to me. It makes sense. This Section 138 makes First Peter in the New Testament clearer, when Peter wrote, “For this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the Spirit.” (1 Peter 4:6) What Peter wrote is more reasonable to me now that I have the Book of Mormon. And so I accepted this book. I got baptized, and my daughter got baptized with me. You mentioned a husband. Were you married at this time? Yes I was. It was a difficult time in my marriage because my husband was going out with other women and doing all sorts of things. So he left us on our own. I was a full-time housewife and things were very difficult for me. But that’s when I found the Church. He never came back and we finally got divorced. When he left us, I told everybody in the Church that I needed a job to sustain myself and my daughter. I stayed in Nigeria for two more years. I met Sandra Rogers, a white lady from Utah. She made me feel that I am also a child of God, and she became my role model. I finally decided to come back to my country with my daughter. I am from Ghana originally, and my son was already living back in Ghana too. Faustina Otoo and Her Family You now work as the front office receptionist at the temple office complex in Accra. What led you to this position? When I got home to Ghana I was practicing hair dressing to raise my children. I decided to do some cleaning jobs too and I got to clean the homes of the area presidency here. At that time we did not have this temple complex, so they just had a lot of offices around the city and I was cleaning those church offices too. In addition to cleaning, I was serving as a church welfare missionary in the employment resources center. There, I learned computer and office skills and all those things very well. There I got a job as a part-time secretary to the Church Educational System Coordinator. I worked in the CES Coordinator’s office as a part-time secretary for two years. Now I am at the front office in the Africa West Area office here at the temple complex. Have you had experiences while you’ve been working there that have helped your testimony grow? Yes, a lot of them. I remember before we moved into the temple complex here we were in a rented place. We had a visit here in Ghana from Elder Burton of the Presiding Bishopric. I’ve listened to his talks a lot in General Conference. He is a good speaker and I love to listen to or read his talks. When he came here he was going to meet with the area managers and their spouses. I was not an area manager and there was no way I could attend that meeting and hear him talk. So I prayed: “Lord, I know that I don’t belong to this category but I want to sit at the feet of this, your servant, and listen to him talk.” The following day, the Area Temporal Affairs Director came to the front office and said, “Faustina, Elder Burton is going to talk to us tonight and I want you to be there, even though you are not in the area management. What you can do is help my wife get the place ready and then when everybody is settled you can also be there to listen.” It was a wonderful experience for me. I got a chance to listen to Elder Burton. Another instance was when Elder Holland came to Ghana with his wife, Patricia. Then also, I wanted to be there. The then-Area President’s wife, Sister Jolene Pace, called me and said, “Faustina, Sister Holland is meeting with some sisters. Will you please come and help make my house ready for her?” So I cleaned the whole place and got it ready. I got a chance to sit with Patricia Holland and listen to her and learn from her. She gave me a gift of a book she wrote. Those kinds of experiences clearly help you feel connected to the core leadership of the Church. What else helps you feel connected to the women of the Church, specifically? Just a month after my baptism, I was called to be the Relief Society president in the Bariga branch in Lagos, Nigeria. At that time I didn’t even know what the Relief Society was all about. I answered the challenge, and that’s when I started working with the sisters. I asked questions and I learned hard. It was a small branch, so I was the Relief Society president and the teacher, the compassionate service leader, a visiting teacher… and I did all of these things with the help of the couple missionaries. We went and visited everyone, and I encouraged the sisters to come. Faustina Otoo I didn’t know if I was doing anything good until about ten years later when I visited the ward in Lagos that I had been baptized into. When I got to the Relief Society room, a woman was standing before the sisters, teaching them. she ran to meet me when I entered, hugged me hard, and she was all in tears and she told the sisters, “I am here because of this woman. She taught me how to come to church, even though I had to change many buses before I got here. She taught me how to take care of my children, how to prepare simple, nutritious food for my family during home making. She taught me how to pray for my children…” and all that! Since I moved back to Ghana I’ve also been involved in the Relief Society here. Recently, I lost my father, and we held a funeral. All of my Relief Society sisters were there to support me. When I got home, a friend called and said, “There were only four sisters in our Relief Society meeting that Sunday. Everybody else went to your father’s funeral!” It showed me that we are working together to bring our families to Christ. These sisters really make me feel good. We relate to each other very well. Visiting Teaching is good, Enrichment is wonderful: we eat, we learn, we dance! It’s so fun. I love it. Faustina Otoo Would you tell me about your children? You have been a single mother for many years now. What have been the greatest challenges raising two children by yourself in the Gospel? I actually had three but I lost one. When my marriage was over, I prayed to my Father in Heaven. I said, “Father, I did not go to university or college. I have been a housewife all my life. But I put my hand in thine. I want my children to go to university. Whatever it takes. Help me.” I washed, I scrubbed, I cooked, I did all sorts of things. Any job at all I would do, just to send my children to school. My daughter is graduating from Utah Valley University in April 2010. You can imagine how that makes me feel. Sometimes I have to pinch myself and see if I’m still alive. To see if this is happening in reality. The Lord has dug me out of a pit, a pit even deeper than the pit of Joseph when his brothers threw him out to be eaten. The Lord has brought me out of that pit to a high mountain. I can go into the temple and I can sit in the Celestial Room and I can talk with my great Father. I am so blessed and I am so happy. It’s really good. I have a lot to improve upon. But from where I am coming from, the Lord has carried me on His shoulders. At A Glance Name: Faustina Otoo Location: Accra, Ghana Children: Three (one diseased) Interview by Neylan McBaine

Robin joined the Church after September 11, 2001, when she reasoned that “if there could be such a force of organized darkness in the world then there has to be an equal opposite force of organized good.” That same year, at age 22, she married a member of the Church and cemented her life to the Gospel. Since attending law school, Robin has worked in energy regulation in Washington D.C. while passionate about resource and environmental issues. How did you first encounter the Church? What factors led to your conversion? I grew up in a small town in California called Bishop, which is a big skiing, fishing town and then I went to school in Los Angeles at Pomona College. I moved to San Francisco right after that. But along the way I had two friends who served missions for the Church and I wrote to them both while they were gone. So, that is probably where the seeds were planted of the Church as an institution that was of interest to me. I got these letters from my friends and I could feel their sincerity, but the last sentence of the letters would always be like, “I know that the Atonement is real and the Church is restored” and I would be like “I have no idea what you are talking about!” The language was so unfamiliar to me! I am sure, knowing what I know now, that for my friends this was the most important part of the entire letter. But I just thought, “That makes no sense. I don’t know what the ‘atonement’ is.” But there was just a spirit that was conveyed with that testimony. Robin Lunt What did you do after college? I moved to San Francisco to take a job up there. One of the missionaries I had been writing was from the Bay Area and he came back from his mission right at the same time as I was moving up there and against the warning of my other friends who were members of the Church, I saw him almost immediately after getting home. He was just so strange! But there was a sort of thing inside of me percolating about the Gospel and the Spirit. I studied philosophy as an undergrad and a lot of continental theory and I was attracted to the existential questions. I had a strong sense that there was a God and there was something more to the world than just what existed, but I was skeptical about any sort of organized religion. But my missionary friends had planted a seed in my mind, so I started going to a couple of churches in my neighborhood in San Francisco and every time I would go, I would just feel that hollowness, like, “This is silly.” I felt closer to God on my own, like walking on the beach, or reading. But that was in 2001 and September 11 was sort of a breaking point in my thought process about the way the world works. I do not know how conscious it was at the time, but it occurred to me that if there could be such a force of organized darkness in the world, like we saw on September 11, then maybe there would have to be an equal opposite force of organized good. The World Trade Center attacks were a Tuesday and that next Sunday, I went to the Latter-day Saint chapel three blocks from my apartment. I was looking for solace and comfort in the midst of all that chaos and heartache and uncertainty. I walked in to the chapel for the first time and literally the second I stepped into the building I felt the same spirit that I had felt in my most personal connected moments to God. So I was like, “Oh man…” and I had mixed feelings. On one hand, I rejoiced that this most intimate fear could be something that is shared with other people. But at the same time it was this horrifying cliff. I thought, “What does this mean for my life? This is not what I was planning.” I called the missionaries and had them meet me in Golden Gate Park and I had the first lessons there. Would you say that the most powerful force in your conversion was the personal witness of the Spirit in your life, more than social aspects or doctrinal aspects of the Church? Yes, I think that that is accurate. I do not think it would have happened otherwise. But it is kind of hard to separate them, right? It was a combination of recognizing the Spirit in my own life and then experiencing it through these faithful members of the Church. It is hard to separate one from the other, but I think that the Spirit ultimately is the only thing that can really convert anyone. How did you feel your life changed at that point? That was a crazy year, because I joined the Church — I started the discussions in September and then joined the Church in January, 2002 — and then I met my husband Scott right after that and then we were married that October. My poor parents! I think there was sort of an increased honesty in my life. Just really wanting to have my being be whole and to be on that journey of progression which the Gospel teaches us is possible from this moment throughout eternity. It wasn’t just, “What am I going to do in my life?” but more like, “Who am I going to be as a person?” If I was going to make such a big shift in my life, it had to be for all the right reasons, and I needed to be committed with every essence of my being. So I finished the discussions and met Scott right at the same time, and the timing made a great courtship, because I had no façade. There was no room for that: if I was going to take this path it needed to be forever. Robin Lunt What were the greatest challenges for you initially after joining the Church? The big challenge was my family… feeling like I was separating myself from them and making a decision that they did not agree with and did not share with me. My sister told me, “I had this dream that we were out riding our bikes and you took a different path than I did.” So it was heartbreaking to feel disapproval from them when I was making the very best decision of my life. They were the people who I had trusted to help me, to reassure me of my decisions. When I married Scott my dad literally said, “This means you will never leave that church.” That was part of the point, yes! Your parents got divorced a few years ago. Do you think your faith allowed you to be a help to them during that time? Or did it remained a roadblock in your relationship with them as they were going through that struggle? I had perspective that my sisters did not: I had already gone through that process of saying,“Your identity is not my identity. I have made a decision to join the Church and let it define who I am,” and that created a separation in my relationship with them. That made their divorce less painful to me because it was less shattering, although still really hard. The Gospel helped me tremendously as I went through that trauma. Also, they then were so preoccupied with their own problems that they were not worried about whether or not I was making good decisions in my own life. So in some ways it shifted the attention off of me, which I appreciated. You went to law school after living in San Francisco. When did your interest in environmental law first become apparent to you? I am not exactly sure. I have always been interested in being outside and the beauty of the earth and traveling and understanding those things. But my interest is more in resources than it is in traditional environmental law such as pollution. My interest was initially in water. I grew up in a small town and the town has stayed small in part because the city of Los Angeles owns most of the land and monopolizes its water supply. That combination of resources and the development of community and society is something that is intriguing to me. There is a book called Cadillac Desert and it is one of the pre-eminent books about water and how water shaped the Western part of the United States. The book begins with the author flying over Salt Lake City and discussing how the Mormon pioneers and how they created a lush landscape out of an uninhabitable place through the use of local resources. That idea was intriguing to me. Can you describe what do you do professionally in your current job? I am the assistant general counsel for an association here in Washington D.C. that represents state utility commissioners. They are the people who regulate essential services like water and electricity, natural gas, and sometimes transportation and I work in the energy sector. So I work on electricity, gas and other resources that are regulated. Do you feel there is a connection between environmental consciousness in our personal, home lives and what the Gospel teaches us about being stewards of the earth? We have been told to “till and take care” of the earth, but too often we just till it. There is a Welsh song that talks about how God gave us responsibility for all of the creatures on the earth because He loves us most. With all of our divine attributes, we have the opportunity to learn how to take care of the earth, to utilize our resources in a way that will not deplete them for future generations and really create an opportunity for future generation to thrive. But we are in consumptive mode. I am too. I think of all the ways that I waste things. It is much easier to use a paper towel and throw it away than to use a towel and then wash it. For me, not wasting is a spiritual principle. I do not think in the Millennium the Savior is going to come and just fix everything. I think He is going to say to us, Okay what should we do? It will be more like the Brother of Jared [a character in the Book of Mormon]. And we will have to figure out how to make the earth full again. I feel strongly that as we come to know the earth better, we will be better stewards of it. I’ve started a project called Engaging Earth to help promote this idea. One day I was chopping celery in the kitchen for a soup and I thought, I have no idea how this grows. I would not be able to identify and pick a celery plant out of a field. If I have a better sense of how food comes to us, then may be I would be get more pleasure from the food I eat. I would think more carefully about how it is grown and who was involved in growing it. I would get engaged in the community that contributed to my being able to sustain myself through eating. How do you feel your identity is shaped today — eight years after joining the Church — by being a professional Mormon woman? I feel that my work is important. My spiritual goals and my professional endeavors need to be married because I am spending so much time at work and I want to be doing something that really matters to me. When I am in the working world, I am often there as an emissary for the Church, especially because I went to Brigham Young University for law school. The first thing they know about me is that I’m Mormon. I thought about that when I decided to go to BYU because I was hesitant about having that be the headline of my professional identity. But it actually offers really interesting opportunities. For example, I was recently at a professional conference and was introduced to a woman who had also attended BYU. The moment we were left alone, she proceeded to tell me her life story and her struggles with the Church and that she had recently divorced and that she struggled with the culture of the Gospel and that she felt isolated and she knew it was true but was not sure it fit into her identity and I just was… shocked. Because here I am in a new job as an attorney in a world apart from my spiritual life, but I have the chance to say to this woman, “I’m so sorry you’re struggling. You know, the Church really is a very diverse place. You should come to our ward in D.C.!” and she and I genuinely connect as sisters. But the other thing is I want to have a family, right? So my professional pursuits are tempered by my desire to have kids and my knowledge that that is an eternal principle and much more valuable than any memo or brief I will ever write. Being a Mormon woman is fabulous. And I know what it’s like to be a woman outside of Mormonism. It’s not so great. There’s a lack of identity. Not being chaste hurts any woman but you don’t realize it and so then it creates this weird confusion and complexity that is unnecessary. I’ve been thinking recently about how Moroni buried the plates, and how that is a little absurd. I mean, it’s impossible to imagine in our modern days something like burying plates. But my husband said, “If you had records and you wanted to preserve them for the future, wouldn’t you bury them?” And I guess I would. And for me, so much of the Gospel is that way: It is much simpler and profound than we make it out to be. I think that is true also of our gender. We make womanhood way too perplexing. Our gender is inherently part of who we are and we’re going to continue to progress throughout eternity. It’s that simple. At A Glance Name: Robin Lunt Location: Washington D.C. Age: 30 Marital status: Married 7 years Children: Due with first in May 2010 Occupation: Attorney Convert to Church: 2002 Schools Attended: Pomona College, Brigham Young University Law School Languages Spoken at Home: English Interview by Neylan McBaine. Photos by Scott Lunt.

As a teenager in Sofia, Bulgaria, Eva sought for truth and found the restored Gospel. Now a mother of three living in the United States, Eva’s passion for learning continues to drive her personal and professional pursuits: “Lost in Learning”, her recently published fine art photography monograph, features the original manuscripts and objects used by the world’s great discoverers as they too sought for truth. Her work has been collected by institutions including The U.S. Library of Congress (Permanent Collection), The British Library, The Marriott Library (University of Utah), and The Victoria Albert Museum (National Art Library). Together with her husband Eva homeschools her children so that they can share in her search for knowledge. When I was fifteen and growing up in Sofia, Bulgaria, I really wanted to find God in my life. I was searching fervently for God and truth and I went to about seven different churches. But I was never satisfied. It was never the one. There was always something missing, something empty. Good churches, but they were not full, not quite complete. One day I met the missionaries. They were two elders, one from Utah, one from California. They actually had a street board sign. In Europe they do that a lot, where they go around and talk about pictures they’ve posted on a board. I plucked up all my courage to try out my English and ask them where they were from and what they were doing. They just stood out: They were in a park, they had their picture boards. It was just different. They gave me a card that said where and when they met. Eva Koleva Timothy and Children What was it about the Gospel that convinced you it was the truth? I remember attending Sacrament Meeting that next Sunday for the very first time. We met on top of a stadium in a little rented room. It had Dale Parson’s depiction of the Savior taped up on the wall. Nothing like those fancy Utah chapels — but it was so amazing because I felt the same Spirit — truly, I felt such an overwhelming sense of peace. It was right as the missionaries were passing the sacrament that I felt a strong this feeling of peace, like this was the right place for me. I’d never felt anything like that before in my life, in any of the other churches I’d been to. It was like I could talk to God. It was right. I was complete. I can still vividly remember that feeling of taking the sacrament for the first time. We joined the church in 1992, after only four weeks of attending. My whole family. Mom and dad too. It was a miracle: they quit smoking and drinking. We all felt the Spirit and we all were baptized. So how did the Church change your family’s life after your baptism? I enjoyed sharing the Gospel with others though I did feel like a bit of an outcast in my high school , like anyone might who is the only member in their school. But the biggest change came when I was about to graduate from high school. I met a sister missionary, Saren Eyre, in Sofia whose family offered to sponsor me to come to America. Both The Eyres and Michael and Celia Blackburn were very generous in supporting my education and coming to Utah. The dream of my heart, since I was three years old and could understand what was going on around me. was to go to America. People would laugh at me. We had no money, and we were in a Communist country! You couldn’t just leave the country. But I had this hope and this faith that it would happen. And it did! With God all things are possible. I love my sponsor parents, Richard and Linda Eyre. They met my mom and dad and promised they’d take care of me. Of course since I’m their only child my parents were concerned about letting me go at age 18. I went to Ricks College [now Brigham Young University – Idaho] and after a year at Ricks I transferred to the University of Utah and lived with the Eyres. Then I served a mission to New York City. What legally did you have to do to leave the country? I had to get a student visa and take the TOEFL [Test of English as a Foreign Language]. The fact that I passed that was a miracle in itself because I didn’t study English formally. I just spent time with the missionaries and went to the movies. I just went with it. I was immersed in it. I loved it. I dreamed it. Every second I had I listened to the Voice of America radio program and the BBC [British Broadcasting Company]. When you really have a passion for something it’s not like “Eat your vegetables. Learn this.” Learning English became my whole life. I would bring my 3×5 note cards to the movies with me in the dark and I would write down any new words I heard. I got a dictionary for my birthday, an American slang dictionary. I was never happier in my life! Let’s move on to your photography. What were the influences that led you to be a photographer? Growing up in Bulgaria, an old country, I was immersed in the history of incredible men. History was always passion of mine — ancient and Medieval history especially, like Alexander the Great and Da Vinci. Another factor was that my dad was an amateur artist. He painted the Beatles as a mural on our kitchen wall. The whole band, with long hair and everything! That was totally against the regime, I mean, we could have been in jail for that! He did auto body work for a living but he had a little studio at our house and during any break from his work he would create masterpieces. So art was a part of my life because of my dad. And history was in my life because of my country. It all comes together through my photography. Has your focus always been on historical objects? Not always. I’ve taken pictures of many different things. But photographing history is what makes my heart really start beating fast. I have three principles that guide my life and my art: “Discovery”, “Light” and “Life”. In my life, these principles led me to the Gospel and I prayed and pondered for a long time how I could reflect these principles in my photography. Finally, it came to me when my family and I were living in Oxford, England. Spending time there on the campus of Oxford University I was busily engaged in a project to photograph all 39 colleges. Some of it was commissioned architectural work some was just my personal drive as an artist, but it was great as I had access to many places the public can’t go. I got to see where great minds have lived and worked like Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. One night, I was reading The Discoverers by Daniel Boorstin and my prayers were answered. I read about the Imago Mundi which was a manuscript by a French astrologer, Pierre d’Ailly, which greatly influenced how Columbus calculated his voyage to the new world. It said that Columbus hand written notes were in the margin and as I read about the manuscript I was on fire. I knew I had to find and photograph that manuscript. Where was it? They had a facsimile copy of the book at a College in another state, which I was able to get a hold of for photographing. That was the beginning of my project, Lost in Learning. The project is a traveling collection of 30 black and white framed photographs showing the instruments and manuscripts of Columbus, Sir Isaac Newton, Galileo Galilei, Handel, Leonardo Da Vinci, and others. The project has taken me six years to complete, and most of the time when shooting I would go up in my studio on the third floor and lock the door and follow the spirit of inspiration. I would shoot for an hour, sometimes two and come down from a shoot exhausted and drained, but knowing there was something amazing in the making. The whole experience of creating these images was very spiritual in nature and I often felt guided in my work. You were alone in your studio? For the most part, I’ve shot alone, though working with these instruments and books that have defined so much of history I certainly felt a close connection with to these incredible figures whose lives and works I was documenting.One of my favorite things about the project is how history seemed to come alive when looked at from a new angle or through another lens. That’s what makes it unique — it’s not just “Here’s the book, here’s a picture of this guy.” I would sometimes put two books together and it becomes a different story. I really want people to look deeper into these people, to see the kind of “carpe diem” passion they had for life. From there I hope people look inside themselves and discover that same well of creative inspiration. It’s in all of us. These people had imagination, they had creativity. They wanted to figure out things, experiment. And that’s exactly the way we are when we’re born. That’s what kids do 24/7. We’re all born discoverers as little children and it’s so important to nurture and rekindle that spirit throughout our lives. So how have you been raising three children while doing this? My husband is very supportive of my passion for photography and my passion for life. He’s always given me time. I can’t thank him enough. He works full time and then comes home and makes sure I have my time. Without him none of this would be possible. We homeschool our three kids because this innate passion for learning is so important to us and we want them to be free to learn what they want to learn. As such we tend to view learning and education rather broadly, something more than just “doing school”. My six-year-old knows more about DaVinci than I did when I was in college! Because he sees me doing it. He sees me shooting DaVinci. So he says, “Mom, what’s this book all about?” Having the kids see and do and ask questions it stays with them and gives them a platform for building knowledge throughout their lives. Of course finding time isn’t always simple. Sometimes I’ll get up before the kids do. Sometimes I’ll do late hours. Sometimes I’ll even try involve my kids, especially my oldest, my six-year-old, because he’s picking things up so quickly now. He takes pictures right next to me and I can show him what I’m doing, not just tell him about it. He’s not afraid, he might make mistakes but he is right there with me. I expose them to what I do, talk to them, explain to them. It’s not just this secret thing that I do. They’ve really been a big part of my work. I bring them to my studio with me, I show them the objects I’m shooting and teach my kids about why they’re important. There’s never a dull moment in my house! I love being busy and in the midst of things. Naturally, I love peace too, and I try to make the most of living so close to the ocean. I feel like I go to the temple when I go to the ocean and spend a few hours watching the waves and pondering about God’s blessings in my life. When I spend time at the ocean I come back recharged and say, “Yes! OK, now we can go on.” At A Glance Name: Eva Koleva Timothy Location: Newbury, MA Age: 33 Marital status: Married 10 years Children: Three (ages 6, 4, 2) Occupation: Photographer Convert to Church: 1992 Schools Attended: Ricks College, University of Utah, Oxford School of Photography Languages Spoken at Home: English and Bulgarian On the Web: View Eva’s photography and the Lost in Learning project at LostInLearning.com and Illumea.com Interview by Neylan McBaine

Lisa Jones is the mother of two sons, one on a mission and one in high school. But before she was “mom”, she was a soloist with the New York City Ballet from 1975 to 1985 and a favorite of the company’s founder George Balanchine. Lisa talks about these two distinct eras in her life and why she was so ready to transition from being focused on herself as a dancer to being focused on others as a mother. What was the role of ballet in your childhood? Both of my parents were involved in dance and theater and I basically was dancing in the womb. I came out dancing! My mother was a dancer and my parents were always in the studio or in a theater. That was the environment in which I grew up. I remember being maybe 3 or 4 years old, dancing around the big girls in a ballet studio, holding on to the barre… And then when I was 5 years old, I gave my first solo performance in a little mint green tutu. I remember taking a bow — it was the first time I had experienced applause — and thinking all that attention was so wonderful! It was so exciting! To have all those people clapping for me! My next strong recollection is from when I was about 10 years old and my parents and I drove eight hours to Dallas so I could audition for the San Francisco Ballet’s summer program. When we got there, my parents were told that I was actually too young to audition: The entry age was 12, not 10. But when my parents told the people running the audition that we had driven 8 hours to get there, they let me audition anyway. A few weeks later I got a letter saying I had been accepted into their summer program. So that was my first scholarship. Subsequently, every summer after that I had scholarships to study at different schools. I was at San Francisco Ballet for a couple of years, then the Harkness School of Ballet, and then School of American Ballet and American Ballet Theater. At age 16, I accepted a winter scholarship with the School of American Ballet and moved to New York City. George Balanchine [founder of the New York City Ballet and its feeder school, School of American Ballet] first saw me dance in a rehearsal when he was choreographing works for the Stravinsky Festival in 1972 [a festival to honor composer Igor Stravinsky who had died the previous year]. I was wearing a red leotard with a white skirt… and he liked what I was wearing. He told the costume designer that he wanted the same look in the Stravinsky Festival. Two days later, I was invited to become an apprentice in the New York City Ballet. I was 17 years old. I joined the Company as a full time member in 1975. Lisa Hess Jones Dancing When you arrived in New York, did you remain committed to going to church? Yes, I went right away and joined a Family Home Evening group. I was fully committed. I feel like I’ve always been blessed with a testimony. It’s never been hard for me to believe. Those first few years in New York were so busy — we would go on tour and sometimes I would perform on Sundays — but I always felt like the Lord was there with me. I would ask Him to keep me strong and healthy and to help me perform well, and I always knew He was there. I never actually lived by myself when I got to New York. I had a cousin who lived with me at first, and eventually my younger sister came to New York to dance in the company as well. Did members of the company know you were Mormon? Yes they did. In fact, Mr. Balanchine liked the fact that I was religious. He was a very religious man, and he liked his dancers to take care of their bodies. So he liked that I didn’t smoke or drink. My peers certainly partied, but I never felt pressure to join in. I loved classes, I loved performing and I worked hard, and I had lots of good friends. I’ve never felt like it’s hard for Latter-day Saints to be involved in the performing arts. It was a total joy for me. Was there a role that was a particular highlight in your career? Well, it was always a big deal when Mr. Balanchine picked a new young dancer for the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy in New York City Ballet’s annual production of The Nutcracker, so it was very exciting when he picked me to do it in 1982. I also loved dancing the role of the Dew Drop Fairy in The Nutcracker. One particularly hard role for me was as the Third Theme in The Four Temperaments. The role required a very agile, limber dancer and I was more of a leaper and jumper. I remember crying to the ballet mistress: “Why is Mr. Balanchine casting me in this role?” And she replied, “He wants you to grow. He believes in you.” How did you transition from ballet into motherhood? In 1983, I was a soloist and Mr. Balanchine was giving me lots of roles to dance. But then he got sick and passed away. The whole company was in transition after that, and it felt like a natural time for me to move on. I got married around that time as well, at age 28. It felt like it was the right time to start a family. Lisa Hess Jones and Her Sons It took me four years to get pregnant, though. My husband’s job took us out of New York and we moved around to several different places. I continued dancing in local companies. I was 32 when I got pregnant with my first son. Then I transitioned into teaching and choreographing. That was something I could continue doing while I was pregnant and for a while after I had my first baby. Were you emotionally prepared for motherhood, or did you miss what you had left behind? Motherhood was something I really wanted to do, I was excited about it and I was ready for it. I made a clear decision to transition out of the career. I had to actively choose motherhood; it wasn’t just going to evolve. I had to commit myself to this new life, not just try to work a baby into my career. It was a bit of a transition for me to go from performing to full-time motherhood, mostly because my career in the ballet had all been about me: how my body looked, what my costume was like, how strong I felt, if my make-up was on right… And then motherhood was all about focusing on someone else. I loved having young children. I made such wonderful friends with other mothers when my boys were young, and I loved doing little kid things with them… going to the zoo and Chuck-E-Cheese and the playground… Things I didn’t get to do as a child because I was always in the ballet studio. I don’t think I did fun things with my boys in reaction to being deprived of them in my own childhood, but I certainly thought how fun it was for my boys to have these experiences. I loved seeing my children get to do the things that I didn’t. When my two boys were young, I didn’t feel any need for them to know about my past life. We had photographs of me performing up around the house, but it wasn’t until my older son was in high school that he actually Googled me and found all these references to me in programs and reviews. I think that’s when it became real for him: “Hey mom, you were in theNew York Times!” But it didn’t change anything between us. I was still just mom. At A Glance Name: Lisa Hess Jones Location: Palo Alto, CA Age: 52 Marital status: Married 25 years Children: Two sons Occupation: Choreographer Schools Attended: School of American Ballet, Ballet Theatre Languages Spoken at Home: English Favorite Hymn: “Abide With Me; Tis Eventide” Current Church Calling: Primary teacher Interview by Neylan McBaine

Raised with little religion in her home, it was during college when Callie went to Hebrew University in Jerusalem that she first embraced her Jewish heritage and converted to Orthodox Judaism. Despite her full immersion in the Orthodox community and faith, Callie cultivated a private interest in Mormonism, particularly in temples. Callie eventually left Orthodox Judaism to join the Church and raise her children Mormon. Her rich spiritual journey has been thoughtful and deliberate. Tell me about your Jewish upbringing. I grew up in St. Louis. My mother was Jewish but was raised as a Reform Jew (the most liberal form of Judaism) and was totally not religious. My dad was a secular Christian, but not religious at all either. When my siblings and I were growing up, my parents tried to give us the best of both worlds. So we would celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas, as well as Passover and Easter. I don’t want to be judgmental toward my parents, but I felt that it was without any real meaning. It was really more about the food and culture around it, not really about the religious meaning. I think certain people are born with a spiritual soul, and I was one of them. I was always asking questions, wanting to know where I came from, and where was I going when I die. My parents are great people, but they are just not wired that way. So I didn’t get a lot of spiritual nourishment as a kid. I even begged my mom to take me to Hebrew school, and I remember her so clearly saying, “You know, Callie, I did that as a kid, and you are so lucky you don’t have to do that!” Callie Appelstein Growing up, I knew that I was Jewish. I had warm and fond memories of Jewish holidays, and I felt something pulling me toward Jewish life. So when I when to college in Washington, I started going to the local synagogue a couple of blocks from the university and started going to the services there, and loved it. I loved the community, culture, and the rich tradition, and I soaked it up. How did you become an Orthodox Jew? I decided that if I wanted to know more about Judaism, I should go to Israel. So my junior year I went to Hebrew University in Jerusalem. I would say a vast majority of students there identify themselves as Jewish but are not Orthodox, which seems odd, considering that I wanted to become more religious. They had a program in the evenings where you could learn more about religion, so I joined. In this program, they matched each American student up with a religious woman about the same age. So I was matched up with a woman named Chani from Brooklyn. She was a young woman from an Orthodox enclave in Brooklyn and was sent to Jerusalem to look for a husband. So while she was dating in Israel, she was willing to take me under her wing and teach me more about Orthodox Judaism. Something within me clicked. The Judaism she taught me was much different than the one I learned growing up. I thought that Judaism was about eating bagels and watching Woody Allen movies and things associated with cultural identity. I didn’t know that religious faith could be so deep. At one point, someone in the orthodox community said, “So if you are here to learn more about being a Jew, why are you at Hebrew University? Why don’t you leave Hebrew University and join a seminary?” These seminaries are educational institutions for people like me who are American Jews without any Jewish background who want to become more religious. So I took their suggestion and dropped out of Hebrew University to join a women’s seminary called Neve Yerushalayim, located in a very Orthodox Jewish part of Jerusalem called Har Nof. My parents were beside themselves, since I had left the university and forfeited all of my credits. But I spent the rest of my time in Israel there. It was an intense experience, since it was all new to me. We were not only learning the Torah, but also what it meant to have a Jewish home, how to keep kosher, the law of modesty, and the Sabbath. It’s a very commandment-driven religion. So much of it is about your daily actions: what you eat, how you eat, even which shoe you put on first. There are a lot of laws to learn! When I came back to America, my family didn’t know what to do with me. They were a little confused, and maybe even a little upset. I remember my mom telling me that for her, Orthodox Judaism is as foreign as Roman Catholicism. It’s so different from the liberal American Judaism that most American Jews know. What was it like living as an Orthodox Jew? What did you gain from the experience? Long story short, I lived as an Orthodox Jew for ten years, immersing myself in that world. I got married, and eventually ended up living in the epicenter of Judaism in St. Louis. To some extent, it was a really rich life. The community feeling was very meaningful for me, as well as being connected to these people. I also felt anchored spiritually. I felt like I had something that was tying me to past generations of my family, and I felt like I was embracing something that had been forgotten by my mom and her parents. I felt like it was the right thing to do. One of the things that appealed to me early on about Orthodox Judaism is the sense of boundaries, knowing what to do and when to do it. I liked having these guidelines. I also liked the family culture. The children were loving and respectful; they were different from the kids I had seen growing up in secular America. I thought that if that was the family I wanted, I should become an orthodox Jew. Callie Appelstein Outside the Headquarters/Synagogue the Chabad Lubavitch, a Large Hasidic Jewish Group, in Crown Heights, Brooklyn Describe your crisis of faith with Orthodox Judaism. Ten years later, after my first daughter was born, I really had a crisis of faith. First, I was working so hard to do the things that I was supposed to do. I was trying to follow all of the commandments the best I could. But if you don’t grow up with Orthodox Judaism and adopt it later as an adult, it is really hard. And I realized that I felt really empty inside. I just didn’t feel like I was getting anything out of it. I felt that if I was working so hard to do this, I should feel fulfilled and happy, but I didn’t. Around this time I started going to a local moms’ group, none of whom were Jewish. I looked around and saw all of these mothers who were wonderful people and were devoted to their children. I realized maybe there is more than one way to do this. Maybe there is more than one way to be a good parent and have great kids. Maybe Orthodox Judaism is not the only path to get there. I also never really felt like I fit in the community in some ways. I even remember thinking to myself, “Am I really Jewish? Because if it wasn’t for my genealogy, I wouldn’t be sure.” I started to wonder if this was the life that I wanted for myself and for my children. Did I want the rest of my life to look like this? So I went to meet with leaders in the Jewish community to talk to them about what was happening, because I was terrified. I had put so much of my adult life into this. The main message I got from these leaders was to do more mitzvahs (commandments) because every mitzvah you do will tie you closer to God. I remember someone telling me that every mitzvah is like a piece of thread, and the more threads you make, the thicker the rope gets, and the stronger your connection will be to God. And I really tried doing that. But no matter how zealous I was in doing the mitzvahs, it didn’t work. A couple months later, I decided to step out of the Orthodox world, which was scary, especially living in an Orthodox neighborhood. What was it like when you decided to “step back” from Orthodox Judaism? I remember the first time driving a car on the Sabbath. I was totally freaked out. I looked around and thought, “The world is going on. It’s the Sabbath, and people are going shopping!” It was freaky to take that step and think that I was breaking the Sabbath—and yet I was okay. My husband also decided to step back with me, since he had some similar issues. We tried some other synagogues in St. Louis, and some more conservative synagogues (which are in the middle of Reform and Orthodox), but we never felt like any place was a match for us. What else contributed to your “crisis of faith” with Orthodox Judaism? For me, I believed that the Torah was God-given. I totally believed that it was divine, and so I didn’t think it was ours to change. Some Reform and Conservative Jews say, “The Torah made sense back then, but we live in different times, so we need to adapt and change it for our time,” and that never rang true to me. But I felt like a hypocrite, because while I didn’t think we should change the Torah, I felt that the commandments, as the Orthodox Jews understood them, didn’t make sense to me. For example, on the Sabbath there are hundreds if not thousands of rules stating what you can and cannot do. For example, you can’t switch a light on and off on the Sabbath. And I remember thinking to myself, “I understand it is important to keep the Sabbath, but I don’t know if God really cares if I turn the light switch on or off. Or if He cares that I use an umbrella when it’s raining or push a stroller.” Callie Appelstein So I was caught in this funny space, and there weren’t any synagogues that I felt comfortable in. My husband and I didn’t really do anything for a couple of years, which was hard for me. But I was floundering a little bit, and I didn’t know what to do. Then I had my second daughter, and I wanted so desperately to give my daughters a religious tradition, because I had felt cheated by not having anything growing up. But I didn’t want to give Orthodox Judaism to my children. What made you become interested in the Mormon Church? My interest was piqued when my husband and I were living in Seattle and we decided to take a weekend trip to Las Vegas for our first anniversary. We had a layover in Salt Lake City and when I stepped off the plane, I remember seeing all of these signs inviting us to go to Temple Square. I remember thinking, “Wow! I want to do that! I wonder what this is all about!” My husband thinks that this was the start of everything and jokes, “I should have seen where this was heading!” So we got home from Las Vegas, and I was fascinated; I wanted to learn more about the Church. I discovered on TV that we had the BYU channel, so I started watching that in the evenings. In the Jewish world at the end of the Sabbath, all of the men go back to the synagogue after sundown to have a prayer service to mark the end of the Sabbath, and I remember watching BYUtv while my husband went to the synagogue. I felt a real sense of shame about it, but I was fascinated. My friends and family teased me about what they called “my Mormon thing.” So what did you do as a result of your fascination with the Mormon Church? After a couple of months, I decided I wanted to go to Utah and check it out. I think it was more of a voyeuristic thing, because to me it was so different. But I was just so fascinated and wanted to see what it was all about. So we went to Salt Lake City for one long weekend, and we went to the BYU campus, Temple Square, and saw the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Looking back, I think, “How crazy is that—this Orthodox Jewish couple going to Salt Lake City and bringing their kosher groceries with them so that the wife can see all of this?” It’s odd. But I loved it, I really did. One of the sister missionaries who gave us a tour of Temple Square gave us a copy of “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” and I remember thinking, “This is what I believe. There is some truth here.” If you had asked me at the time if I had any interest in joining, I would have said, “No way, I am a Jew. But this is really interesting.” So I went back to Utah a couple of times by myself. Callie Appelstein Outside the Manhattan Temple When we would travel, I would always try to find the Mormon temple in every city we were visiting, and my husband would take pictures of me outside of the temple. I was fascinated by temples. I wanted so desperately to go inside and to know what went on inside. And I remember telling somebody, “I wish I could go in now, but I know that when the Moshiach (Messiah) comes, all of these temples will be opened and then I will have a chance to go inside.” Tell me about your friendships with other Mormon women. When we were in Seattle, I worked part-time at a store that sold scrapbooking supplies. The owners were members of the Church, and I formed a friendship with the wife. We enjoyed each other’s company, and we were curious about each other’s faith. We had good conversations over the years back and forth, and I really loved her. When we left Seattle and moved to St. Louis, I gave her a book and she gave me the Book of Mormon. She wrote her testimony in the front and had made notes throughout the book. I was so touched that she would do that for me. I had no intention of reading it, but it was such a nice gesture, so I couldn’t throw it away. When I got here to St Louis, I put it in a box in our basement and forgot about it for a couple of years. But I never let go of my “Mormon thing.” I still enjoyed watching BYUtv and reading about the Church. I was also involved in a movement called “attachment parenting.” Something that was really meaningful to me was baby-wearing, where you carry your baby in a sling close to your body. I helped to form a baby-wearing group in St. Louis, and I met a woman named Jamie who was also passionate about it. We formed a deep bond right away, and we were deeply connected spiritually. She was LDS, and at the time I was stepping away from Orthodox Judaism, but was not interested in the Church. We would have really wonderful long discussions about faith and beliefs and we just really “got” each other. We could exchange ideas and go back and forth. It was really wonderful to meet someone who really understood me. What was the turning point for you to be more receptive to Christianity? I think that one of the turning points was one of the firesides with Gladys Knight in St. Louis. Jamie knew that I was a huge R&B fan, and she said, “Hey I have an extra ticket to go to this event, do you want to come?” So we went, and it was wonderful. I was touched. I remember as we walked out to the parking lot, she asked me, “Do you think there is a reason that you have had a lot of friendships with Mormon women?” And I said, “No, I really never thought of that before.” We then sat in her car for hours talking, and at one point, when I was talking about my misgivings about Orthodox Judaism, she said, “So you think that the Old Testament is true, divine, and God-given, but the laws that were drawn out of it by the rabbis don’t apply anymore?” And I said, “Yes, that is what I think.” And she said, “You know Callie, that’s exactly what Jesus taught.” I said, “Really?” She then gently suggested to me to read the New Testament and encouraged me to see where it took me. The next day, I started reading. I thought it was great, but I didn’t know if Jesus was the Messiah. That’s a big hurdle for a Jew! But my mind was more open, and we continued to have these discussions. Eventually, my friend suggested I meet with the missionaries. I was really hesitant at first, but then I thought, “You know, maybe I will meet with them. It would check something off my bucket list. If nothing else, it would be a great story to tell at parties about how I met with the Mormon missionaries.” So, I did. When I started to meet with them, a lot of it wasn’t new for me. I had already been watching BYUtv, as well as General Conference. But some of it was new. Whenever I considered Christianity, I always felt like I couldn’t accept it for one simple reason: a lot of other Christian denominations say that if you don’t accept Jesus, you are going to hell. And I couldn’t accept that. There are millions of good people in this world who are living good lives who have never heard of Jesus or who live in a culture where it is not possible for them to even think about Jesus. And I knew that I could never be a member of a faith that would condemn them because they never had that opportunity. So when I asked the missionaries that question, and they had a real answer for me, I thought, “That makes sense. Maybe this is true.” As a Jew, what were the hurdles you had to overcome prior to joining? I think I was waiting for a sign. I prayed and I read a lot. I kept waiting to feel that “burning in [my] bosom.” But that never came for me, at least when I was investigating the Church. But I wanted it to be true and I hoped it was true. I remember watching General Conference before my baptism and thinking, “Everything they are saying makes sense, but I don’t know about the Jesus part” (which now sounds crazy!). But I thought, “There is so much truth, and maybe that’s true too.” And if I could get over that hurdle of Jesus being the Messiah, then really the whole “Joseph Smith thing” was no big deal. I realized that if I hoped the Church were true, I had to put my faith into action. So I decided to be baptized, and I hoped that after doing so, I would receive the confirmation that I had made the right choice. I remember when I told my husband, he was absolutely alarmed. So I decided to delay it until he could be okay with it. I got a real testimony very quickly about priesthood blessings, because while I was going through this, I really wanted to be baptized. But my husband was not ok with it, and I didn’t know how to move forward. One of the sister missionaries told me that I should get a priesthood blessing, which was a new concept for me. But I went and had a beautiful blessing. When I went home that night, my husband sat next to me, and said, ‘So, if you were baptized, what would that mean and what would that look like?” So I told him and he said, “All right, I think that is okay.” It was almost immediate. Shortly after, I was baptized, in January 2010. It didn’t happen overnight, but I did receive that confirmation that I was looking for, and I am grateful that I decided to make that leap of faith. How have you tried to incorporate Jewish traditions as a Mormon? I know that I have this incredible heritage and traditions to pass down to my children. I think they are lucky to be members of the Church, as well as lucky to have this Jewish background that is so beautiful. If I could pull it all together to make it meaningful for them, it would be a wonderful thing. But I have not gotten there yet. I remember a couple months after I joined the Church, somebody in the ward was doing a Passover Seder, and she said to me, “Callie, you should be a part of this.” And I thought, “Are you crazy? I am finally at the point where I am free from all of that. And I don’t want to do it!” For Jewish women the holidays and traditions are a lot of work—especially Passover. Jewish women all over the world dread Passover, because it is an enormous amount of work. You literally clean your house from top to bottom, as well as every drawer, nook, and cranny. And you have to clean out your whole kitchen and get rid of everything. It probably doesn’t surprise you that when I was living as an Orthodox Jew, I dreaded the holidays. I think that by and large Orthodox Jewish women would say that they feel fulfilled and it is a wonderful experience for them. For me, it wasn’t. So when people suggest that it would be great if I did all of the Jewish holidays plus all of my responsibilities as a member of this Church, I say, “No, I am not interested right now.” Callie Appelstein and Her Children I know it would be great for my kids, and I know that I am not obligated to do Passover at the same level that I used to. But part of me is resistant. So, I am happy to still do the fun things associated with Judaism, like Hanukkah and Purim. They are both such low-pressure holidays. I would love to get to the point where I could introduce my daughters to their Jewish background. I really hope that they will go to Israel one day. I would love to go as a family. But to tell you the truth, I don’t incorporate a lot of Jewish tradition into my life right now. What has been the hardest part about joining the Church? In terms of my relationships with the Orthodox Jewish community, some people are still quite friendly and wonderful to be with. But there is another segment of the community that has not been as kind. That’s been hard for me because even though Orthodox Judaism was not the right path for me, I still have enormous respect for it. The people are wonderful, kind, and generous. I know that my choice has really confused and upset some of them. But I think the hardest part for me has been my family’s reaction. They surprised me because none of them are religious. While I don’t mean to be disrespectful, I think a lot of modern American Jews do not define themselves by what they believe, but by what they don’t believe. And what they don’t believe in is Jesus. So for me to accept Jesus must have been offensive to my family. My extended family has been very upset and very confused about my decision, and I have been trying to deal with it gracefully. I realize that they don’t really know a lot of other active Mormons, only Mormons who have left the Church (which doesn’t help my cause!). So I feel like I have to play my cards right to show them that there are positive things about the Church. I hope that as the years go by, they will see the positive impact it has had on my daughters. I think that their hearts will be softened, at least a little bit. My husband has been great, though. When I joined the Church, I didn’t have a solid testimony yet. I wanted it to be true and I hope it was true, but it was a huge leap of faith for me. Now that I’ve settled into my life as a Church member, I can say that I have received a quiet confirmation that it is true. What I hoped for and what I had been looking for throughout my life is here and it’s real. When I joined the Church, I could have exchanged one set of commandments for another, but I’ve realized that when I internalize the gospel and open my heart to the teachings of Christ, I’m led by the Holy Spirit and I don’t need to preoccupy myself with a checklist of things I have to do or things I can’t do. When I create a condition that allows the Spirit to guide me, I’m directed so that I know what to do and what is most important to focus on. I’m incredibly grateful for that and for my membership in the Church. At A Glance Name: Callie Appelstein Location: St. Louis, MO Age: 39 Marital status: Married Children: Two daughters ages 7 and 8 Occupation: Freelance editor Baptism: January 2010 Schools Attended: Schools Attended: Evergreen State College (BA), University of Missouri (MLS) Favorite Hymn: “Lead Kindly Light” Interview by Sarah Shumway.

Char Weiler and her husband have chosen to “let the children come,” and at age 27 she recently gave birth to her fifth child. Char consistently makes choices that prioritize her children’s spiritual education and their time together as a family. Her love for her family, the Savior and her divine role as a mother reveal a confident, powerful and beautiful woman. What examples of successful mothering have you had in your own life? Fortunately, I had a mother who was very nurturing. My mom worked while I was young because she had to help pay for my father’s education. It wasn’t something she wanted to do. But my mom was really good about dropping whatever she was doing if one of her kids had a need. That’s the thing that stands out most about my mom. She genuinely cared about us. She was very physically compassionate, always. Even when I was 18 years old she would still rock me in the rocking chair. Nurturing came to her naturally. And I’ve got to add my dad in there too! He really did a lot to teach me how to take personal criticism so that I could grow as a person. He taught me the importance of integrity. Is there a specific lesson that comes to mind? Yes, there is. My mom had to go back to work when I was in junior high school so I babysat my little brothers when I got home from school. I remember one day in particular I really wanted to make chocolate chip cookies. I called my mom and asked, “Can I make cookies?” And she said, “No, I’m tired, I’ve been working all day. I don’t want to come home to a mess in the kitchen.” I told her, “I will clean it up! I promise!” So she finally gave in. Well, after the cookies were made, I got distracted and ended up watching some TV instead of cleaning the kitchen, and I fell asleep without fulfilling my promise. At about two o’clock in the morning, my dad dragged me out of bed. My mom had come home from work and the kitchen was in shambles. My father stood there while I cleaned all the dishes, wiped down the counters. And when I was done he said, “When you make a promise, you need to keep it.” I just hated his guts that night! But it was probably one of the most enduring lessons he ever taught me. Cause it worked: as I cleaned, I thought, “Man, my mom would have been doing this after a whole day of work.” Afterwards, he hugged me and told me he loved me but he wanted me to understand what was acceptable behavior in our home and in life. Since I’ve been married, the person whose example has affected me most has been my mother-in-law. She’s an amazing woman. She was a stay-at-home mom and raised ten kids. She’s consistent with her teaching, specifically teaching her kids the gospel. She has a love for reading, is incredibly frugal and very very loving, compassionate. She is pioneer stock. She’s taught me the value of being a mom and the potential strength you can gain from motherhood. She is long suffering and patient, and she doesn’t come by that naturally. Naturally, she has a temper but she has learned to overcome the impatience and the trials and the exhaustion of motherhood. It’s shaped her into a beautiful, strong, wise, well-read woman. People seek her out for advice. She’s one of my best friends. Char Weiler and Her Daughter Did you and your husband discuss the size of your family before you got married? We did. We don’t have a specific number we’re working towards, but we do take them as they come. We try sincerely to accept what we can take, not just what would be convenient. We joke around about having a dozen… and that might happen with our pace! Just having completed your fifth pregnancy, are you comfortable with the path you’re on? I am amazed by the Lord’s ability to expand my capabilities as a mother. It is overwhelming at times. I’m busy, but I’m happy. It’s hard work, but I’m willing to do it. I remember being overwhelmed with my first baby. I remember crying when my husband came home. I look back on that and I just laugh because I’ve grown so much! I know that the Lord will provide. I don’t worry about having enough love for my babies because I’ve learned that motherly love does not divide, it multiplies. Why is it important to you to take as many children as you are capable of? Those children’s spirits are going to go somewhere, and I want them to come here. I know they will be coming to a loving place. It’s a really committed form of missionary work at its heart. These children are born in the covenant and they will always be a part of that, always a part of the happiness we share. Plus, I love big families. Children who come from big families tend to be less selfish, I’ve noticed, because they have to give more, share more. I think it’s wonderful to bring a baby into this home. Already, our newest little one has six people who love her and dote on her every smile and it’s a great network to be born into. Is motherhood something you always aspired to? Is it natural for you or are there some things you’ve had to work on? I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but I did not always see motherhood in the light that I do now. I have to say, there was a time when I wondered whether mere motherhood would fulfill me and enable me to employ my talents and reach my potential. I asked Heavenly Father about it. It was on a walk one day that I received my answer. I was having a conversation with the Lord, sort of an informal prayer, something I do a lot. I put to Him the questions that had been stirring me. In response, I heard a still small voice ask me a question: “What more could I ask of you than to raise a child of mine?” It was then that I realized how much Heavenly Father values motherhood. If we, his children, truly are his greatest creation, then anything else we do in this life pales in comparison to parenthood. Godhood is parenthood. That marked the beginning of the path I’m trying to follow today. I know that Father in Heaven looks on mothers’ work with great respect and eternal gratitude. We are doing great things, and though there are times when we crave more tangible, immediate evidences of success, there will come a day when our posterity will rise up and call us blessed, and God will claim us as his own and tell us we’ve done well. The work of motherhood has become fulfilling for me, especially when I have an eternal perspective on what I’m doing. As I’ve become less self-conscious and more confident in my mothering abilities, I don’t crave that external fulfillment anymore. I love reading. I love growing, but I no longer feel like I need to go outside my home to get fulfillment. I probably will go back to school someday just because I love to learn and I won’t always be doing this forever. My undergraduate work was in musical theater. I would probably go into something else now, since I’ve been reading all of these books as an adult and discovering these other sides of myself that I didn’t know I had. When I do go back to school I’ll be a more seasoned person. I’ll really get to milk my education. I’m very excited about that. What specific decisions have you and your husband made to put your family first? I couldn’t raise these children without my husband really being there and being an active part of what we do. When he comes home, he is home. He has hobbies, but he is available to the kids and to me. We make decisions about our family every night. We talk about how the kids are doing, how we’re doing, what we’ll try tomorrow, what impressions we’ve had during the day. It’s just what we talk about. The first thing we’ve done to put our family first is we let them come, as we are feeling up to it. We have them. We focus on having patience — it can be chaotic to have lots of little voices and running feet and tantrums. We’ve tried really hard to make the children the priority. I think it was President Ezra Taft Benson who said to prioritize the Lord in your life and everything will fall into place or fall out of your life. That’s something we live by. We try not to take on too much excess. I want to be able to follow my mom’s example: I want to be able to sit down and really listen. There are times when I don’t do this as well as I’d like, and I feel so disconnected from my kids. Really the joy of motherhood comes from listening to them, when they say funny or inspiring things. When they teach you where you need to improve. Your husband is a lawyer. Have you made career decisions as a couple that would allow him to spend more time with your family? Yes, when my husband finished law school at Harvard, we chose to move to a law firm in Oregon that didn’t pay as much as our other options but required fewer billable hours. I recognize that not every woman can choose to stay home with her children like I can, but my husband’s job can provide for us. My husband and I choose to put our family first in that way. He could be doing something more aggressive with his career but we chose this firm and the location for our family. Are there mothering tools or tricks you use frequently? Temporally, the mothering tool that is most effective is multi-tasking! Spiritually, I do not do half as well during the day if I have not read the scriptures in the morning. Char Weiler and Her Family Do the scriptures provide mothering guidance, or does reading them put you in a frame of mind where you can deal with the day’s demands? I think it’s both. The Lord blesses us according to our obedience and I feel like I show Him that I’m submitting to His will when I put it first in the morning, before my kids are even awake. When I wake up early to read my scriptures, everything is smoother. I am blessed both by the words in the scriptures and through the impressions that come throughout the day. The scriptures have recently helped me understand my oldest daughter better. We moved about a year ago and she just started attending school this past fall. She is struggling to adjust to all the changes in her life right now. The kids at school can be mean, and her self-esteem has taken a hit. I wonder how I’m doing as her mother guiding her through these changes and whether or not I’m messing her up in some way. I tend to be harder on her than on my other children. I ask myself, Why? I’ve been very prayerful about it, and have come to the conclusion that I do it because of fear. She’s my oldest, and I judge my progress by her. I don’t like to feel like a failure. Fear is the antithesis of faith. Fear is from the devil. Faith is how the Lord wants me to motivate my daughter. It’s really like the priesthood: “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by gentleness and by long-suffering, by love unfeigned; By kindness and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy and without guile. Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.” (Doctrine & Covenants 121: 41-44) Another tool that’s helped our family is to do a devotional every morning. I got this idea from my mother-in-law. She did this every morning, which really blew my mind when I met her family. They got up at 5 o’clock because her kids had seminary. They would sing and pray and read the scriptures. The kids went off to school with the right perspective. It also taught them patience! There were mornings when they just did not want to do it. Elder David Bednar put it very eloquently in the last General Conference when he described the scene in his house: “He’s breathing my air!” We carry on this tradition in our family, and there are times when we don’t feel we get much out of it. Then there are times when it’s just magical and the Spirit is there and it’s just amazing. Doing this teaches the kids to sit through a lesson. It teaches them how to be patient and loving and recognize the Spirit. I try to tie everything back to the gospel and it gives us an opportunity to start our day with that perspective. You mentioned that you love to read. Are there other things you do to refill your personal well? Exercise is my stress relief. I try to eat well. Every day, I have a quiet time. The kids play on their own and I go up to my room and take a nap if I need it. Or I read. Also, I get a night off every week when my husband takes over with the kids, so I go out with friends or work on a project that’s important to me. I try to let down when I play with my kids, and put housework or other things aside. That’s really hard for me, but I try to keep my perspective. My son is at a stage where he tells me at least 20 times a day that he hates me. It hurt the first two hundred times, then I just stopped caring. I know he doesn’t realize what he’s saying. He’s so fickle in his affections. His loyalty lasts only as long as I keep the cookies coming. Still, there are those magical times when I am administering relief to a boo-boo. He tells me, “I ludge you doe much.” I look deeply into his eyes and I know he’s sincere. That fills my well enough to get me through the next week’s “I hate you”s! What is your educational philosophy for your children? Well, my oldest just started first grade, and it’s her first year in school. I didn’t put her into Kindergarten, and that last year we had together was a bonding year for the two of us. We became very close. I just didn’t think she was ready for school. I wanted another year to really teach her to listen to her conscience and build her confidence. From their education, I hope my kids are able to see God in spite of the secular world we live in. I hope they learn to be good missionaries, and to develop good people skills. I hope they learn a love for work and learning. I know that the education they get at home will be spiritually-based. The more kids I have, the more interesting reactions I get from people as I go places. The things I usually hear are, “Oh, I’d love more kids but I just don’t have the patience.” For me, it’s been an opportunity to develop patience. Living for someone else is living like Christ. I love being a mom because it gives me an opportunity not just to live for my work but to live like Christ. It gives me skills like patience, compassion, hope, not to mention the temporal skills of running a house. Wouldn’t the world be such a better place if people had moms who really cared? At A Glance Location: Char Weiler Location: Portland, OR Age: 27 Marital status: Married almost 8 years Children: Five (ages 6, 5, 3, 2, and 2 months) Occupation: Mother Schools Attended: Weber State University Languages Spoken at Home: English, Spanish Favorite Hymn: “There Is Sunshine In My Soul” Current Church Calling: Ward choral director Interview by Neylan McBaine

Two of Lynn Anderson’s natural born children carried a rare genetic disease — epidermolysis bullosa (EB) — which prevents a child’s skin from growing with their body. After thirty years of nursing her children and grieving their deaths, Lynn founded an organization that raised money for EB research at Stanford University. Lynn now rejoices in a newly-approved treatment that will save the lives of many EB children. You had two children who suffered from epidermolysis bullosa. Chuck passed away in 1988 at age 27, and Christine in 1993 at 14. What is EB? The term epidermolysis bullosa essentially means “skin blistering.” There are several forms of the disease. Christine and Chuck suffered from one of the two lethal forms. Because of a genetic defect, the protein that connects the two layers of skin was missing. You can think of it as having no “glue” to hold the skin together which resulted in the skin tearing or blistering with the slightest provocation. Their skin was so fragile that lifting them under their arms as a baby completely removed the skin. Pants rubbing on knees and the pressure of shoes caused blisters or sores. Simple activities such as walking, bathing, or even enthusiastic hugs would tear the skin. Blistering and scarring also occurred in the mouth and esophagus. Sometimes they couldn’t open their eyes for days because the rapid eye movement of sleep had caused lesions on the eyes. Lynn Anderson and Her Husband Baths were the hardest part of their lives. If you have had a cut finger, and know the sting of putting it in water, you can imagine the excruciating pain of climbing into a bathtub when most of your body is an open wound. The old bandages had to be soaked off because they often stuck to some of the sores. A whirlpool bath of Clorox water was then used to cleanse the wounds. Because towels caused too much friction, we used a blow dryer to dry the skin. The wounds were then covered with antibiotics and non-stick bandages. The final layer, a soft gauze wrap, covered them from neck to toes. This process took about three hours and left them totally exhausted. One of the most disabling effects of EB was the scarring that occurred between the fingers which caused severe deformities. Chuck’s hands were surgically corrected to free the fingers. The surgeon cut around the wrist and actually removed the whole outer layer of skin just like a plastic glove. He then would wrap the fingers and splint them while new skin grew. This painful process went on for ten summers before Chuck decided he just didn’t want to do it anymore. Because most of their calories were used for healing, Christine and Chuck were also plagued with chronic anemia and growth retardation. At their healthiest, they weighed no more than 80 pounds. The worst effect of EB was the pain. During the last years of their lives, 70 to 80% of their bodies were covered with angry wounds much like burns, only their wounds never healed. They never knew a day without pain. What kind of quality of life did your children have? In spite of their suffering, Chuck and Christine were amazing in their ability to find meaning and joy in their lives. They loved their brothers and sisters who were helpful and loving. I don’t remember a time when Christine or Chuck was angry or bitter towards God or felt hateful about their lives. At times I would look at their wounded bodies and think, “If I had to live with this, I would throw myself off the Golden Gate Bridge tomorrow!” At one time I asked Chuck how hard was to live with EB, and he answered “I don’t really know because it is all I have ever known.” Chuck was particularly gregarious and had an amazing self image for a young manplagued with EB. When I think of heroes, he is truly one of mine. We lived in anaffluent community where the high school students were pretty sophisticated. Chuck wasso much his own person that he wore overalls to school because they didn’t rub his waist.Add snap-closing shirts (buttons were too hard for him), tennis shoes, and a cowboyhat. You get the picture! He had a remarkable ability to draw people to him andmade friends throughout the community. Chuck would “hang out” at the police station where they eventually invited him to ride inthe police helicopter. He regularly rode the Goodyear blimp when it was in town andoften sat in the control tower at the Oakland airport watching the airplanes come and go.From age 16 until 22, as “Honest Chuck,” he co-hosted a game show on San Francisco’smost popular radio station. Christine had a harder time being “different.” One of my most vivid and lingeringmemories involved the morning drop off at school. She would wince in pain getting inand out of the car, but once on the school sidewalk, she would put a smile on her face,force herself to stand tall and walk as though no hurtful wounds hid beneath herbandages—amazing courage for one so young. She was the essence of sweetness. Herbedtime routine required about 30 minutes to deliver medications and hook up herfeeding tube. She would often say, “I’m so sorry you have to do this when you are tired,Mom.” Imagine! Chris and Chuck were an inspiration to our family and to all who knewthem. Near the end of their lives, when life became void of any quality, both Chris and Chuck reached a point where they really didn’t want to live anymore. They were ready to move on. Both died within two weeks. I have always believed that God knew their desires and, in His love and mercy, took them when they were ready to go. What were some of the spiritual lessons you took away from your experience with these children? In many ways, my experience with Chuck and Christine was a spiritual journey from the beginning. My belief in the hereafter was the only way I could accept their having this horrendous disease. That belief also sustained them. If I had thought this life was all there was for them, I think I would have been bitter, angry and frustrated toward God at the unfairness of it all. I also learned that God does give us with strength when we face difficult challenges. When Chuck was born, I knew nothing about the disease. The disappointments came in small steps as the disease progressed and more symptoms became evident. After our second son, Cory, was born healthy, we arranged for genetic counseling and learned that our chances were one in four of having an EB child with each pregnancy. We decided not to have more natural children and were blessed with the adoption of two girls. We were looking for another adoption when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with Christine. Gary was a bishop at the time and, being the optimist that I am, I believed this pregnancy was an answer to my prayers. The baby would be healthy because Gary was working so hard as a bishop. When Christine was born with EB, I was totally unprepared and overwhelmed with despair. The whole map of this awful disease lay before me, and I felt horribly guilty for bringing such suffering to this child. I truly felt abandoned by God. It was a real crisis time for me. Fortunately, that feeling was short-lived because I needed my Heavenly Father more than ever before. I felt such grief that there was a heaviness that was actually a pain in my chest. It was Christmas time when we brought Christine home. As we walked down the stairs to our house, I could see could see my mom through the window playing with our other children and I thought, “I will probably never be entirely happy again, but I’ve got to summon the strength to make life normal.” I didn’t want the children to know how absolutely devastated and heartbroken I felt about Christine’s future. I protected myself by going to the grocery at night when women with healthy babies would not be there. I rarely went anywhere but to church and left early so that people could not show their sympathy, fearing I would burst into tears. Isolating myself in our home was comforting, though not healthy. Christine was about 9 months old when I was blessed with an insight at a testimony meeting. A woman spoke about issues that were difficult for her. I felt a kindling in my heart for this woman and baked cookies for her that afternoon. It was so healing to get out of myself and my own problems. I look back now and wonder why it took me so long to plug into the message of the gospel: that we will find ourselves in serving others. For a while service was my therapy. If I was having a bad day, I would bake cookies for someone. Within a very short time, my grief totally left me. I felt free of despair and truly happy again. Actually, I think life with Christine and Chuck was a spiritual journey for all of our family. Not one of us could have accepted the sadness of their lives had we not known there was a life beyond mortality where they would enjoy bodies free from pain. Because of Christine and Chuck, we learned about sensitivity and compassion. My heart still swells when I think about the kindness, service and love given to them by their siblings. My spirituality was also strengthened by seeing so much goodness in others. So many people lovingly embraced our children and generously supported the work of our foundation. For that we felt tremendously grateful. Gratitude, too, brings healing. Lynn Anderson and Her Family Would you describe how you started the EB Medical Research Foundation? In the late 1980’s Stanford recruited Dr. Eugene Bauer to head the department of dermatology. He was deeply committed to EB research. Because of his stature in the medical research community, he was able recruit other top dermatologists, and almost overnight,, Stanford’s dermatology program became one of the best in the country. In 1990, Dr. Bauer contacted Gary and me about starting a foundation. He believed his team was making progress that might lead to a genetic treatment for EB patients. Being an unknown person representing an unknown disease seemed an enormous challenge, but with the help of friends who provided time and professional skills, the foundation was started. Fortunately, Steve Young came on board early as our spokesperson. We began very slowly, though I remember feeling quite jubilant that first year when we raised a whopping $25,000! We have always been a “kitchen table” type of organization with no paid positions and have kept it volunteer so that nearly all contributions can go to research instead of overhead. Our first major breakthrough came with the support of Nu Skin Enterprises—truly a company with a heart! I went to the leaders of Nu Skin in part because I knew the leadership was LDS, and because I thought it would be great for a company called Nu Skin to provide “new skin” for children who desperately needed it. In 1996, Nu Skin committed a 10 million dollar grant to be distributed over a nine year period of time directly to the Stanford Department of Dermatology for EB research. In addition, they have given and continue to give generous gifts to our Foundation each year. Nu Skin has also helped develop public awareness of EB through their conventions and the development of a beautiful video through their media department. They have truly been our partners in the fight for a cure for EB. Without Nu Skin support, the research would not be where it is today. The foundation has become a huge presence in Hollywood, with Brad Pitt and Courtney Cox on your board and Oprah dedicating a feature spot on her show to EB children. How did you get this kind of exposure? A few years ago, Gary and I came to the conclusion that the Foundation would die with us if we didn’t find someone to help in its leadership. We were fortunate to find the Joseph family who had the needed skills and motivation. Andrea and Paul had an EB baby and were anxious to help move EB research forward. They opened a second office in Los Angeles. Fortunately, they have connections with the entertainment community which has been extremely helpful in spreading the message of EB and in raising research funds. We’ve gone to new heights with their help. How close is the research to finding a cure for EB? When we started the Foundation, I didn’t think we would live to see the day when a cure was possible. We had participated in so many experimental programs that came to nothing. I am thrilled to tell you about our great news! After 22 years of research, Stanford received FDA approval for a gene-therapy treatment for EB patients with the form of EB that took the lives of Christine and Chuck. Human trials should begin sometime during 2010. This has been the focus of our prayers, our time, and our efforts for so many years. Gary and I feel tremendous gratitude for the gifted scientists who have been so committed, dedicated and prayerful in their research of EB. We have gotten to know them well, and respect and love them dearly. Would you describe the treatment? It’s a complicated and it isn’t our ultimate hope, but essentially they take the EB child’s skin and they grow it in a lab dish. You can’t graft donor skin to people, it never works. So you have to start with the patient’s own skin. Then the doctors use a vector, which is a virus that has been cleaned out, to take the healthy cells throughout the body. The hard thing was getting the healthy tissue into the stem cells because skin sloughs off about every 3 months so the correction is lost, but the doctors now have the correction in the stem cells where it’s permanent. It’s not a cure-all, but if you take a new baby and graft all their pressure points, they’re going to have a relatively healthy life. This treatment would have saved my children’s lives and prevented them from having the pain and the side effects they had. Because of Stanford’s willingness to share their research every step of they way –instead of protect it like many universities do until they have the cure — their knowledge inspired research programs all over the world. It’s a day of gratitude and great blessings for me. Do you feel that being Chuck and Christine’s mom has been your calling in life? I don’t believe God foreordained me to be the mother of EB children, but it certainly became one of my callings. I also don’t believe God intended for Chuck and Christine to have EB. I think it was an accident of nature, the result of the genes that Gary and I carry—one of the risks that all of us face in mortality. Our growth comes from accepting and trying to overcome that which comes to us. I think that God (and possibly Chuck and Christine) knew that they were coming to bodies that were not perfect. Though He didn’t provide the miraculous instant cure for which I prayed, He was with our family. He was our loving partner, weeping when we wept and giving strength when we most needed it. The recent research success has been a tremendous blessing. It is a great comfort to know Chuck and Christine’s suffering came to something good. God was with me and with these children. He was my partner in this, weeping with me when I was weeping and buoyed me up when I needed it. With the miracle of this new treatment, I feel like my children’s suffering has come to useful end. That is a real comfort to me. At A Glance Name: Lynn Anderson Location: Piedmont, CA Age: 70 Marital status: Married 49 years Children: Five (45, 39, 37 and two deceased) Occupation: President, EB Medical Foundation Schools Attended: Brigham Young University, Boston University, San Francisco State University Languages Spoken at Home: English Favorite Hymn: “Because I Have Been Given Much” Current Church Calling: Ward Activities/Fellowship Committee On the Web: Learn about Lynn’s EB Medical Research Foundation at www.ebkids.org Interview by Neylan McBaine

In 2001 at age 20, Chelsea Strayer escaped cultural pressure to marry young by following a childhood dream: She bought an airplane ticket and enrolled at the University of Ghana. Chelsea spent the past year living in Ghana again, studying the healing ceremonies of traditional spiritual priests for her PhD dissertation research. She discusses the abundance of divergent but equally good choices in her life and how she’s learned to be true to herself. In my life, there are consistently contrasting realities where both side are right. I grew up in a very traditional Mormon family: my dad’s a Church Education System seminary teacher, my mom’s a stay-at-home mom of eight kids. But I also have this crazy life in Africa. I see those as two different lives, but there’s one thing that runs through it and it’s this idea that there is more than one “right”. Both of these lives are good. For some reason I’ve been able to tap into a guiding confidence in my own ability to know which of two good paths is right for me. I was an extremely obedient girl and I never did anything wrong but I always had different opinions. I remember a specific time when I was in kindergarten and my dad came home from work. I climbed on his lap and he asked me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I thought, and I finally said, “I want to be the President of the United States!” And my dad said, “Well, you can’t. Your husband will have to be president, cause you’ll be watching the kids.” I was just this little kid but I remember so clearly that I said, “No, I can do it. He can watch the kids.” I absolutely loved and respected my dad, but I knew even at that age that his answer didn’t seem right to me. Chelsea Shields Strayer Another example occurred in grade school when my family went to a production of West Side Story. We were all laughing afterwards because I had a crush on one of the Latino characters — I think his name was Chico. My parents were trying to teach me a lesson and they teased me: “We don’t think interracial marriage is good. Why do you always like the ‘Chicos’?” And I remember thinking, “What’s wrong with that?” It had never crossed my mind that that was a bad thing. This was a long time ago, but those sentiments were in Mormon thought at that time. They have since changed, but even at that time I felt opposing impulses. I loved the Church and was obedient, but another part of me knew these pseudo-doctrinal points weren’t right. These opposing impulses played themselves out when I got to Brigham Young University for college. I met this wonderful guy: cute, return missionary, from a wealthy family. He was my first real boyfriend. But I was unsure I wanted to marry him — it wasn’t that I thought it was wrong to marry this boy, it was just that I was unsure. After the first six months of dating him, I started receiving intense pressure from my church leaders and peers to marry him. My bishop called me into his office to tell me marrying this guy would be a good thing. I heard, “You’d marry him if you were a better person.” “You’d feel right about it if you were living your life right.” My grandma actually said to me, “That boy is the best thing about you!” Can you believe it! In my mind I knew it wasn’t bad — how could it be bad? But it didn’t feel right. I wasn’t receiving support from anyone in my culture. There was no narrative that allowed me to say, “Yeah, he’s perfect, but I don’t feel right and it’s okay for me to feel that way.” This went on for a long time — back and forth — and I continued feeling trapped. In my mind, it was this huge moment and I had to somehow break away to figure out what I really felt in the face of a culture that was so intent on pushing me one direction. The only way I could figure out to break free from this pressure was to retreat to a goal I’ve had since I was a little girl: I wanted to go to Africa. I had wanted to go ever since my mom had rented Rootsfrom the library when I was a little girl. I used that as my excuse to say, “I can’t get married until I’ve accomplished this goal.” But the problem with that was that people reinterpreted my own goal to fit the cultural expectation: “Well, you two can go on a mission to Africa together someday.” Eventually, I felt so trapped that in 2001 I bought a ticket and went to West Africa by myself at age 20, having never left the country before. You were still enrolled at BYU at this time. Did you go on an official study abroad through the school? No, I applied to the University of Ghana as an independent student. It was scary. I just flew over hoping it would all work out because email was still so bad over there. My goal was simply to experience Africa. I had no idea it would go beyond this initial visit. I thought I would just get married. I had never envisioned a future for myself. And Africa was chaotic — it wasn’t this beautiful, planned thing. It was a stupid, silly girl who wanted to do something different and felt trapped. It was more of a lifeline. I just had to do it, I had to exert some control over my own life. Did you remain active in the Church in Ghana even though you felt these tensions with the culture regarding marriage? Yes, very much so because I felt like they were both right. I love the Church and the members. I never felt abandoned by Heavenly Father or felt like my prayers or my personal experience were ever diminished, like I did by the culture. In my personal prayers I felt very confident that the Lord loved what I was doing. So there was that conflict between what other people thought was good and what, deep down, I knew was good for me. When I got back from Africa, the answer from the Lord came as, “You’ve got two choices, and they’re both great. You can get married and live a life that you know already: marriage, kids, staying at home. That’s something good and you can have that. Or you can have a life you don’t know anything about. It’s a blank slate. Who knows if you’ll find someone else to marry, who knows if you’ll succeed at anything.” I went with the blank slate and decided not to marry the boy. I just took a step off the edge. So how did you follow up on that answer? What were your next steps? After I got back, it was almost three years before I dated anyone else. I almost felt betrayed: Why did I feel impressed to follow this path if there was nothing or no one else for me? Looking back, I realize that was the gift: I was able to finish and take the next step without the distraction of boys. I wasn’t confident enough yet to pursue my dreams. I didn’t have any examples in my life of women who worked or had advanced degrees. My realm of possibilities was so limited. I had applied to graduate school when I met the man I would eventually marry, and I remember in my mind thinking, “I applied and got accepted, but maybe I won’t actually go, or maybe I won’t finish because I’ll have kids. Or something will come up.” My husband was raised by a single father in a completely different home, and he said, “Well, why won’t you go? Why wouldn’t you finish?” I’m curious about your church experience in Africa across the years you’ve been going there. What was the Church like in Ghana in 2001 when you first went, and how has it changed over the past eight years? When I first got there in late 2001, the headquarters for the entire West African area were located on one floor of an office building called the Gulf House. In fact, when I got there I had to ask around even to find where it was. There were just a couple of missionaries in the cities. This past year I spent there, there are over twelve stakes in Accra alone. We have buildings: an entire huge church building in Madina, multiple in Kumasi, multiple in Accra. A whole compound that now houses the West African area offices with an Missionary Training Center that I helped open. I don’t know the specific numbers… I just go there and see the buildings grow! A lot of the men who were the elders quorum presidents and bishops when I first went there are now the stake presidents and area authorities. What are some of the striking characteristics of the Mormon women in Ghana? What is their greatest contribution to the Church there? To answer that, you have to know something about how church structure is perceived there. The hierarchy gives people a place, a traditional structure that is being lost in their villages and certainly their cities. So as people move into cities, they are no longer part of their traditional “queen mother” or “village elders” structure that holds people together. The Church really has stepped in: It has home teaching, it has families, it has built-in positions of righteous power and authority. It gives people responsibilities that they’re not getting in their political culture at home. It provides a place for everyone, including women in the Relief Society presidency. In the traditional village structure, as queen mothers, women really do have a lot of power. They are not under the elders or under the chief. Their opinion is what it is: It’s equal. A lot of the Ghanian women I know in the Church carry this confidence over into their church callings. Mormon women in America don’t have this same attitude. We feel like our opinions are useful and they help in correlation, but our attitude is that the Relief Society is a subsidiary of a greater hierarchy. For a lot of Ghanaian women, that doesn’t run through their minds. This is their calling, they’re supposed to receive revelation, this is their revelation. That confidence is something that is amazing to me and really something to look up to. On the other hand, women in the villages are very different from women in the cities, and so church is very different in the villages. Because the village women traditionally aren’t given as much education as men, they are not as literate and don’t speak English, so that confidence and assertiveness is nonexistent. All of the Church literature and manuals are in English, and most of the women can’t read Twi, their native language, not to mention English, so they can’t read or teach the lessons. In most of the village branches I’ve attended, there are usually 25 to 30 men in attendance, and there might be some teenaged girls and an older lady. The women are intimidated and usually don’t come. This past year in the village I was living in, we had a Relief Society meeting once. The branch had a Relief Society president and she could give the lesson in Twi, but because she had to read the manual in English she didn’t feel comfortable asserting herself as a teacher. The one time I insisted “Let’s do Relief Society!” the bishop came in and taught the lesson. I don’t want people to think it’s this way all over the country. In Accra, where people can read and are more educated and there are couple missionaries, it is different. But because of the Priesthood and because men do cherish and honor it and look at it as a blessing, it’s often intimidating to the women. My husband and I had a goal of trying to engage the women in our local branch and getting them to talk more in Sunday School. Would you describe your academic program and what you did for the past year in Ghana? I majored in Anthropology at BYU and attended Boston University (BU) for graduate school where I worked on doctoral work in Biological and Cultural Anthropology. I chose this focus so I could study the traditional healers that I’ve worked with since I started going to Ghana. At BU, they have the top African Studies center in the nation. So I was able to learn specific African languages and take specialized courses that I wouldn’t have been able to take anywhere else. Once I did that study abroad on my own in 2001, I went back to BYU and began leading summer study abroad trips to Ghana with the help of a professor. In the course of those trips, and as a result of my own work as an undergraduate, I made really great contacts: traditional healers with whom I became friends. These friends allowed me to see ceremonies that no average person can just walk into. I decided I wanted to study these ceremonies further. This past year, my husband and I spent the whole year in Ghana to do my dissertation research. I was able to go to tons of ceremonies all year and record the cultural aspects of their religions, the hierarchy, the gods, what the different spirits mean, what’s really going on during the ceremony. The whole structure. Chelsea Participating in a Healing Ceremony in Ghana What is their traditional religion? The indigenous religion in Ghana is called Ashante and one of the basic beliefs is that there is an omnipotent god, but he doesn’t interact with people. Below him are smaller gods who interact with people. And underneath the smaller gods are intermediaries — human priests — who are able to communicate with both the small gods and with people. Because there is also a belief in witchcraft, you need these healers, these priests, to protect you from being cursed, find out who is doing the cursing and heal you from the curse. There is also a belief that you’re born with a spirit and a body, and so there’s a whole physical world and a spiritual world and they interact. If your spirit it damaged, it can affect your physical body. People usually don’t go to spiritual healers right away. It’s usually after something small — say, an infection — continues to persist and you’ve tried doctors and other options. At that point, you might say to yourself, “Perhaps it’s not my physical body that’s sick. Perhaps I have a spiritual ailment.” You might also go to healers for purely spiritual matters, such as, someone cursed you and you want the curse removed. Or you want to do well on an exam and you want the gods to take care of you. This past year, I was talking to a man who is LDS and also attends the indigenous healing ceremonies once in a while. He and I were discussing how many Africans are now accepting non-indigenous religions like Christianity and Judaism and Islam. He brought up the point that with traditional African religions, a lot of the punishments are imminent: If you do something wrong, you will see the punishment imminently. You will get sick or your business will fail, something like that. The punishment is immediate. Whereas with the gospel of Christ and other world religions there’s a punishment, but it’s in the next life. He kind of laughed and winked at me: “Well, which would you choose? Immediate punishment or time to say, OK I’m sorry! Christianity is a lot easier!” An interesting tension between Mormonism and traditional religion focuses on the reality of the priests’ power. There is no doubt in the Ghanaian mind that the spiritual healers have real power, but they don’t know where that power comes from. For centuries, the early Christian missionaries told the indigenous people that there was no such thing as witchcraft. But people responded by saying, “Of course it exists. I feel the effects of it in my life everyday.” So while accepting Christianity and its message, they would still rely on spiritual healing to protect them from witchcraft. One thing that’s cropping up all over West Africa right now are hybrid religions, where the spiritual priests protect people from witchcraft by invoking the power of Christ. Over the course of my eight years of going there, I’ve seen these hybrid religions increase every time I go. So people continue to feel that the traditional healers give them protection from witchcraft that the Christian churches can’t. What this does for Mormons is create a lot of confusion. People say, “Ok, so we’re not supposed to go to these traditional healers because it’s not our religion and it’s the power of Satan, but it works.” No one doubts that spiritual healers work. One of the most interesting Sunday School lessons we had was on the family and one of the first subheadings in the lesson manual said, “We are all children of God.” And there’s a paragraph about how God loves us all, we’re his children, and then it moves on. Well, we spent 90 minutes discussing this subheading: “We are all children of God”. This is why: If you’re barren and you can’t have a child, you try everything because children are such an important aspect of life in West Africa. It makes you a woman, it makes you a mother. If you don’t have children, you’re not an adult yet. Women will try medical intervention and inevitably they end up at a traditional healer. It works — people go, and they get pregnant. So the question we debated for 90 minutes in Sunday School was, “If these women get pregnant by going to a healer, is it a Satan child? Or is it a child of God?” It was this huge debate. Nothing like that would cross our minds in the United States! We would just skip over that. Of course all children are children of God! And what was so funny was that during that whole conversation not one person raised their hand and said, “Well, the healers don’t have power. It doesn’t work.” It’s never an option that it doesn’t work. The question is where does the power come from and what does that mean for our church? Are you bringing Latter-day Saint doctrine into your thesis discussion? No, my thesis is very different. My research looks at the biological aspects of the indigenous healing ceremonies. This past year I was there, I actually took measurements before and after the ceremonies — physiological measurements of heart rate, blood pressures — and I show that there’s a relaxation response that occurs during the healing ceremony via the rhythmic drumming, the dancing and the chanting and praying. There is actually a physical relaxation response which promotes healing. I’m trying to show why these healings actually do work. In America, the relaxation response has been studied thoroughly — if you adjust physical states and you get your body back to homeostasis your body can function and heal itself quicker. I would love to study priesthood blessings in the same way — show how this same principle of relaxation response corroborates with our healing experiences. Can you describe the conditions you’ve been living in the past year while in Ghana? Well, first of all, I have to say, my husband is a trooper! He has traveled a lot and so when I proposed we go live in Africa together for a year he kept saying, “Oh I’ll be fine!” And I said, “No, this is different…” At first, we lived in a family compound. The compounds in the villages are a bunch of rooms in a circle with a courtyard in the middle where everyone cooks and interacts. But at night the whole place would be locked up. So we were locked in our room every night. And our room was a concrete box. So the third night, I ended up having to go to the bathroom and I was locked in this room! We ended up having a bedpan — in the 21st century! — so that if I had to pee I could just wake up and do it there and we’d take it out in the morning. Also, you can hear everything. People will play music all night long so they can have conversations and live their lives without their neighbors and in-laws hearing. So all night long you’d hear Celine Dion in French or you’d hear domestic abuse… There was a baby who got circumcised in a room close to ours and you could tell it was done unprofessionally and the poor kid got infected and just screamed all night. There were goats and chickens roaming around… After one night when all of the above occurred, my dear husband said, “I cannot take this for a year!” So we ended up moving to a teacher’s dorm at a boarding school, and we had our own little flat. That was nice, and my husband ended up teaching English at the boarding school. It wasn’t as crazy there. We got malaria, typhoid. All sorts of crazy stuff. We were in the middle of nowhere. We were getting our water in a bucket from a pond, and we had to bucket shower and wash all our clothes by hand. We had to iron all of our clothes cause there’s this thing called botfly and it lays its eggs in anything that’s damp. So botfly lands on your clothes and lays and egg and if you wear it, even if you think it feels dry, they can actually go into your skin and grow. We had to iron all our garments! Most locals let the little girls in the village wash their clothes, but we didn’t feel comfortable doing that so we washed and ironed them all ourselves. But garments aren’t made to be ironed, so I had all these garments that were normal sized when I got there and hanging way down to my calves by the time I left! Was the past year good for your marriage? It was fantastic. Well, I don’t know: we’re pretty co-dependent now! My husband flew home to the States once while we were there and he missed his flight cause we had been traveling together for a year and a half and we were so used to our different roles that he forgot his passport. Passports had been my job! We had become so close as partners that we were in trouble when we were separated. To wrap up, I want to return to the idea I started with that has defined so much of my experience: There are times when both sides are right. I could have married my first boyfriend or I could have pursued my interest in Africa. Both were right. The gospel works, but so do traditional healings. I often think of Eve when she had two choices: Eat fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, or obey God and abstain. They were both right, they were both good. The whole situation put her in a position of making a decision. She made a choice, and she paid the price for that choice. We are put in the same position in our own lives. Life can be a series of varying good choices. This is specifically applicable to women in the Church. We judge each other because we think there’s one right way, but really were constantly met with a series of choices where both options are good. Both can be right. But you have to accept the consequences of whatever you choose. I think it is in that active decision making where we grow and learn. At A Glance Name: Chelsea Shields Strayer Location: Baltimore, MD Age: 27 Marital status: Married 4 years Children: Currently pregnant with first Occupation: PhD candidate in biological and cultural anthropology Schools Attended: Brigham Young University, University of Ghana, Boston University Languages Spoken at Home: English, Spanish Favorite Hymn: “Be Still My Soul” Interview by Neylan McBaine. Photos used with permission.

Whitney Johnson is a co-founder of Rose Park Advisors an investment firm based in Boston based on the concept of ‘disruptive innovation’. She was previously Merrill Lynch’s Senior Telecom and Media analyst for Latin America, receiving the highest industry and peer awards in her field. When she’s not picking stocks, Whitney invests her time on building communities that do good and do well. She is the architect of the Know Your Neighbor and Dare to Dream communities. What do you do at your current job? How has your past career prepared you for this current position? I am currently the president of a start-up investment management firm, Rose Park Advisors. There are 3 partners: one of them is Clayton Christensen who is a professor at the Harvard Business School [and formerly an Area Authority Seventy for the Church] his son Matthew Christensen, and myself. We currently have about $20 million in assets under management from families and individuals who have entrusted a portion of their net worth to us to safeguard and grow. We do this by buying stocks in companies as being disruptive or disrupted, in the parlance of Clayton Christensen who is the architect of “disruptive innovation” and that are under or over-valued. Prior to founding Rose Park Advisors, I was on Wall Street working as an equity analyst for Merrill Lynch [now Bank of America]. I think there are a number of ways my Wall Street experience prepared me for this endeavor. First, I had to build financial models on companies, to meet with management and then make a decision as to whether or not I thought the company was over- or under-valued. Second, I needed to be able to communicate my ideas both verbally and in writing to a number of different constituencies from our internal sales force to our external clients to the management teams of the companies I followed. And third, while I absolutely had the support of a very large Merrill Lynch, a large organization behind me, I was also running my own franchise and thus needed to build my my brand. That’s very much what we’re doing at Rose Park Advisors: we’re building a business. So there’s more transferability of skills than one might expect initially. Whitney Johnson How did your upbringing and your youth in the Church play a role in where you are today? I was reading an interesting piece yesterday by Penelope Trunk, who writes the blog Brazen Careerist and is Jewish. She made the comment that “Religion is the best preparation for a career” because in both, you have to ask yourself, “What do I want from my life?” So I would start with that as an umbrella comment. My religion really does help motivate me and help me decide what’s important to me in my career path. In terms of my own upbringing, my parents were both Mormon, although my father joined the church when I was four or five. My mother worked. She was quite driven but she was constrained in her choices given that she started her career in the late ‘50s, early ‘60s, which was really the height of the post-War movement to have women go back home after their extensive involvement in World War II. So I saw that as a model of something that I too could do. As the oldest child, I was inherently very driven. I felt the need to be successful so my parents would be proud of me, as often happens with oldest children. In many ways I was raised with traditional expectations in my family, but even more so because it was in the ether at that time and it was certainly reinforced at Brigham Young University where I went for college. My mission to Montevideo, Uruguay also influenced my career decisions — I learned Spanish on my mission which I have used throughout much of my career. Studying music in college, which is oftentimes not thought of being a skill that is at all transferable, certainly to finance, has also been helpful. Music has a beginning, middle and end, studying music helps us develop “musical intelligence”, in the words of Howard Gardner, which then allows us to be able to craft or structure a presentation. In addition, giving discussions on my mission over and over again taught me how to have a very intimate one-on-one conversation with people and talk to them about things that matter. It further helped me learn to craft a dialogue which is a very important skill in business where people are entrusting their money to you. When did you discover that you were good at Wall Street work and that you enjoyed it? My husband and I got to New York after I graduated from college. It took me nine years — with my mission and time off to work — to graduate. Basically the entire decade of the 1980s. I really was not very focused, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Getting married certainly grounded me, because of the person I married. When I got to New York, I knew I didn’t want to do anything in music. I knew I wanted to use my Spanish. I also knew I had to work because I was putting my husband through graduate school. I started working as a sales assistant — basically, a secretary — for a stock broker. I couldn’t actually get a job on Wall Street because I had a music degree and because I was a woman. But it was during those two years when I was working as a secretary and I saw other people around me coming into Wall Street analyst jobs from undergrad and I thought, “You know, I’m as smart as they are. I’m going to figure out how to do that.” The drive towards a career really didn’t kick in until my late-20s. I was a late bloomer. I was eventually able to jump over to a professional track. This worked, but I would not recommend it to any woman who wants to work professionally today. Don’t start out as a secretary! You are forever pigeon holed. I worked hard and I got very lucky. As you progressed in your career, was there a tension between your career and your activity at Church? This wasn’t the mold that a lot of your peers were fitting into at that time. Did you feel pressure to drop out and stay home with children? There was some judgment among my peers at church and I would say it was on both sides. I knew that I did not want to have children immediately. We didn’t have children for ten years and that was by choice, and I felt like it was the right decision. I felt like Heavenly Father was okay with that decision. So it wasn’t me just being rebellious. It was the right thing for me. But at the same time, I found that I was judgmental of women who had children early in their marriage. I remember being in our Manhattan ward and I had just gone to see a film by myself and it was so fun and I was talking about it. A woman who was probably even younger than I was and already had a few children said to me something akin to, “You know, you really need to have children so you can be righteous.” That kind of judgment ebbed once I got into my 30s and it doesn’t happen anymore. That’s in part because I’m not judgmental anymore. I am much more comfortable saying, You know, we all get to have our own personal revelation. Let me go to personal revelation for just a moment. Where I have come to — and I think this is really important when we consider the choices we make as we live our lives — is that there are some baseline questions we need to ask ourselves: Am I worthy to hold a temple recommend? Have my husband and I — and children even — sought the Lord’s will and are we following it? And if we can answer yes to those questions to ourselves, then we’re doing the right thing. I’ve had priesthood blessings where I was told that it is important for me to work. So that’s my revelation, that’s for me. This has helped me be at peace with my decisions and not be defensive. You waited 10 years to have children. How did your career affect your children once they came? I was working over 80 hours a week and my husband was still working on his post-doctoral research, so we had a nanny for the first few years. Initially, I was working for financial reasons and then I ended up making more money than my husband. But now, I work because I want to work. I need to for me. Whitney and Her Family I think one of the positive aspects of my working life is that my ambition doesn’t get funneled through my children — well, that might not be completely true. We’re all ambitious for our children! But I think that, because I have my own life, I tend to let them have their own lives a bit more than I would otherwise. Have I been tempted to stay home with them full time? No, only on really bad days at work! I have that fantasy of, What if I were home doing this and that? But it’s really not the right thing for me and I don’t think it would feel that great. I feel I’m a positive example to my children. I’m glad, however, that they have women in their lives — women in our ward, etc. — where the moms are at home and the dads are the go-out-and-work dads cause I think it’s important for our children to see that there are different ways of living their lives and that they are both right before the Lord. They can then choose what feels right for them. Are there any specific things you have done to grow closer to your children during your time with them? One thing I like to do is read to them at night — although my son who just turned 13 isn’t so keen on that any more! They’re going to school in Cambridge, MA now so I end up driving them to school an hour away. I didn’t think it was a big deal initially, but the reality is that an hour in the car together each morning, five days a week, is actually a big deal. Moms who are with their kids all day long probably don’t recognize how valuable that is, but for me it is a scarce resource so that’s been a good thing for us. What prompted you to leave Wall Street? With any decision we make, there’s a push and a pull. The “push” for me was that I was really at the top of my game. I was a double-ranked institutional investor, which doesn’t mean anything to anybody outside the industry but it’s good. I didn’t perceive that I was going to make any more money than I was making, there wasn’t another ranking for me… I’d kind of figured it out. I started thinking, “What do I do next?” It’s not enough for me — although making money is great — to just dial it in. That was the push. The “pull” was that I was starting to realize that there were other things that were interesting to me. Entrepreneurial things I wanted to try. I was also tired from traveling a lot. After I left Merrill Lynch and moved to Boston, there were two or three years when I wasn’t working full time and that was a really important time for our family. Now that I’m busy again with Rose Park Advisors, there’s more balance than there was when I was at Merrill Lynch. Have there been specific situations in your workplace when you’ve been treated differently because you are a woman? I would counter that with the question, “Has there been a situation when I wasn’t treated differently?” It’d be easier to answer! The double-standard behavior is just constant. At my job on Wall Street, for example, I thought that there would be fair compensation for performance. One time, I approached my boss and said, “These are 10 metrics that are very easily measured and my numbers are 20% above my peers.” But they didn’t like me asking to get paid commensurate with that! There’s been academic research by a psychologist at Cornell University who says that we can’t be considered feminine if we ask for resources, and so it was considered taboo for me to ask for something because I was a woman. Another example. There was a time a couple of years ago at Rose Park when we were negotiating a deal with some potential investors. We were all in a room together, discussing the deal, and they told us, “You know, we would really like it if there was someone on your team with ten to fifteen years of Wall Street experience and who is about 40 to 45 years old.” I was sitting right there. That was me. But it was as if I wasn’t there. They needed to say, “We want a man” too, but they didn’t. There are also times when it works to my advantage and I don’t want to downplay that. If you’re the only woman in a room of 16 men, you can probably get any of those men to talk to you. What are Dare to Dream and Know Your Neighbor? How have you found time to fit in these projects in the midst of your professional and family life? I have a really supportive husband, and that absolutely makes a difference. One of the important questions to ask ourselves is “What would I do if I didn’t need to make money?” And these two projects are what I would do. I’m really passionate about building communities that make a difference in the world. It sounds cliche but that’s how I feel. Know Your Neighbor is a website and a blog focused on teaching members of the Latter-day Saint community how to reach across the aisle to members of our communities. What I have found with members of the Church is that we have a mindset of circling the wagons and, historically, for good reason. But we’ve got to move beyond that. For the sake of the Church, because it will not grow if we’re not willing to connect with people outside the Church. And also for our own sakes, because there are many, many good people in the world and we need to look for common ground outside of religion. I was serving as my ward’s Public Affairs Representative when I created the Know Your Neighbor concept. The idea was a gift to me from Heavenly Father. It was inspiration. Dare to Dream sprang out of my professional experience and the satisfaction I received from getting to the top of my chosen field. But after I left, I would talk to other women my age and ask, “What do you want to do? Let’s make it happen!” And oftentimes their response would be, “Well, I don’t have a dream” or “I don’t have the skills to do it.” I wanted to say, “No! You can do this!” I want to confirm the idea that we don’t dream in isolation. With women, in particular, the skills we bring to any enterprise are so often overlooked that we need other women to see what we’re doing and help give our dreams life. Even in women-owned businesses, men will look at them — who often control the purse strings — and say, “I don’t get it” and then the business doesn’t get funded. Something that makes me sad is that on the one hand, women in our culture are encouraged to stay home which works for a lot of people when they’re young. But then as we get older it’s ironic to me that the women who do have careers — if we’re successful — garner more respect than the women who have stayed home. And I think that’s part of the reason Dare To Dream matters to me: it’s my way of saying, Whatever choice you make, whether you’re at home or not, is valid and important. As women, we have to support other women because if we don’t then we won’t dream and if we’re not dreaming we’re not happy. At A Glance Name: Whitney Johnson Location: Westborough, MA Age: 47 Marital status: Married 22 years Children: Two Occupation: Principal, Rose Park Advisors Schools Attended: Brigham Young University, NYU Stern School of Business Languages Spoken at Home: English Current Church Calling: Primary pianist Interview by Neylan McBaine. Photos by LaNola Kathleen Stone.

In December 2004, Patricia’s oldest son was charged with murdering his girlfriend. Tormented with grief and unable to sleep, Patricia saw a late-night infomercial for the Church on television and called for a Book of Mormon. What she has learned about forgiveness, compassion and the warm embrace of the Saints has carried her through the crushing experience. Something happened to me the other night. I had problems sleeping because of the heat. I don’t have an air conditioner because it makes me and my granddaughter ill. It was so hot, I took off my undergarments and went to sleep. I had the worst dreams, my confidence level went down, all the things I am handling came into my head. I felt as if I was about to lose everything, I felt like I can’t handle the situations in my life. I became a very weak person. I became convinced the only way out of this is to pack up and leave the United States, to go home to my country of Trinidad, give my granddaughter Christina back to her mom, not thinking at all of how that would affect her. I became this uncaring, weak minded person. My thoughts were to just give up and go. It was the worst feeling I have had since my baptism. I got up feeling so very sad, not knowing where to turn. It was warm and I was perspiring. I took a shower and put on a clean set of undergarments. It was too early to leave for work, so I went back to bed, only this time my courage to face anything came back, the sadness went away. I asked myself, “What were you thinking to uproot Christina again? That would be devastating for her.” I felt as though the Patricia I know was back. That was when I realized it was because I had put my undergarments back on. They are my shield of strength and courage. It was yet another story for my spiritual journal. *** I have two sons, Kirton, who is 38, and Mike, who is 34. Both are college graduates, Kirt from Hunter College in New York City and Mike attended the University of Maryland. Kirt liked history and reading. He will read anything from comics to politics, and he liked reading the encyclopedias as a child. We had a good life: I worked and they went to school. My husband moved out when Mike was in middle school. We are legally still married, but we have been separated for almost 20 years. He will not accept or sign divorce papers, I don’t know why. We will never get back together. He did step up though when the boys were in college. He paid for their education, so they never had to work while attending college. Patricia Joseph Would you describe what happened to your son, Kirt, and how it affected you? Kirt was once the center of my attention. I missed him when he moved out, but he would always pass by on Fridays with his dinner. He liked Mediterranean pizza, no meat only vegetables. He took good care of his health and his teeth. He suffered, however, from very deep depression. He hid it well. During Thanksgiving in 2004, I felt something and asked him if he wanted to get help. He said he could handle his depression on his own. His girlfriend of eight years had recently moved to Connecticut and he was traveling back and forth to see her. I thought that was making him tired. On December 14, 2004 my world changed. It changed in a way I would never have expected. I got a big blow to my head and heart. I was at work when I received a call from a nurse in a Connecticut hospital: Kirt had tried to commit suicide. I went to the hospital only to find out his girlfriend was dead. She had been killed. I asked Kirt if he had anything to do with her death, and he said, “No mom, how could I?” I always trusted my sons so I believed him then. It was when I got home my world started to turn over: I called his hospital room, only to be told that he was being questioned by detectives. I spoke to the detective, and he told me he was arresting Kirt for the girl’s murder. My only question to him was, “Did he confess?” He said no, but Kirt was with her, had opportunity and motive. Kirt had been at the girl’s Connecticut apartment where he drank some Vodka. He didn’t even like beer, so this was very unusual for him. But he was also on some pain medication for braces he had just had put on his teeth. His girlfriend had another guy at the apartment and she yelled at Kirt and called him names and said the other guy could give her more than Kirt. Kirt told me that he got in his car and drove home. When she was found dead, the other guy who was there that night gave Kirt’s name to the police. About a year after that horrible night, Kirt he wrote me a letter telling me he believed he did kill her. He doesn’t remember how or with what, but he thinks he had to have done it. That night, he was charged with the death of the girl. I screamed and cried and curled myself up in a ball, I had no idea what to do. What I did not know at the time was that I had guardian angels with me. A friend of mine arranged for a lawyer in Connecticut. Everything happened so fast, I was in a dream. My son, my quiet, polite son, who did not believe in anyone taking another life! My Lord knows how much it hurt. Every bone in my body ached, then the first time I saw him in handcuffs and leg irons, I thought my world would end. I wanted it to end, there was nothing else, or so I thought. I barely existed. My son took a plea bargain, which was what his lawyer suggested, but the district attorney at his sentencing confirmed there was no proof he had killed the girl. I was running out of money, I used my annuity and my pension, so I could not put up any more fight. I had to let it go. I lived in shame, I hid from the world except to go to work and home. The only joy I had in my life was Christina, Mike’s daughter — my granddaughter– who lives with me. My son has abandoned his own daughter to live with another woman. I have lost all faith and trust in this son also. I thought I was a great mom: both of my sons went to college, never having to work their way through school. I was always there for them, before and after their dad left. They got the things they needed, they were never without anything. I even took a week vacation to spend with Mike in college, which he asked me to do. I attended his classes with him, had lunch, met his friends and took notes. I believed that I was a good mom, but it seems to have been in my dreams, because now I have woken up and it is not so. How did this experience lead you to the Church? One week I was so ill, I stayed under the covers in pain, but the doctors could not find anything wrong with me. I had difficulty sleeping, I slept for 10 to 15 minutes at a time. It was at this time, one night — or early morning — when I could not sleep I turned on the TV and caught the end of an advertising program for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Always being sort of curious about the Church, I called for the tape they were advertising. This was about 2:00 a.m. in the morning, but when I called I got a person on the other end. The person asked if I would like someone to come by and meet with me. All along I assumed Mormons only live in places like Utah, Missouri or Arizona, not New York, but I said yes anyway. Later that day I received a call from a young man. He introduced himself as a member of the Church and asked when he could come over to meet with me. We set a date for Thursday of that week. But still I figured, “This person cannot come from those Western states to meet with me!” I was unprepared for them, and they showed up promptly at my door on the day and time that was set. When I saw these two young men, I had to invite them in. They told me about Joseph Smith and my silent thoughts were, “Why would God show up in the United States?” But I listened, because I was impressed by their knowledge of the scriptures. They offered me a book, The Book Of Mormon, and as a silly New Yorker I asked how much the book cost. They said it was free! Wow. Before they left they asked if they could say a prayer with me, and I agreed. When the young man prayed, I thought, “What a strange way to pray.” However, I promised to read the book and they said they would be back. I took the book with me the next day on the train. I took the ‘R’ train which would take longer so I could read. I started to read and did not understanding anything, so I put the book away. I planned to give it back to them and say, “This will not work out.” But one of the elders told me, “No one understands it at first and we are still learning from to understand it ourselves!” That made me feel better. The next day, again I tried and began to understand it. I even did the worksheet at the back of a handout they had given me. This truly surprised me and it felt wonderful. The feeling puzzled me. I continued to read and to listen to them pray. Their prayers touched me. After about two weeks they invited me to the church. They told me that there were two Mormon families living in my building! I said they must be new, I would have known, because I thought I knew everyone in my building since I have lived here for over 30 years. When I learned who the families were, I could not believe it! One was Susan, my friend of five years. I had babysit her children and watched her apartment when they went away. One thing I’ve learned about being LDS is you do not have to push the religion on anyone, or wear it on your shirt sleeves. The fact that Susan had never pushed her religion on me made me want to be a part of this Church. After several visits to the ward and lessons from the missionaries, I knew I wanted to be a member of this Church. The teaching of the scriptures, the way they prayed, the sacrament meetings, the testimonies, the honesty of the members, it was what I wanted, or, rather, needed in my life. The members welcomed me every Sunday. I was made to feel so very loved and supported, even though they did not know I needed support at the time. I was carrying the world on my shoulders because of Kirt’s crime. I walked with my head down in the streets. I thought I was the only person with this sort of problem. When I decided to be baptized, I felt I needed to tell the missionaries and Susan and my other LDS neighbor, Jeff, about my son in jail. It was painful and shameful to talk about, but I knew I had to. However, when I did tell them, there were no shocked expressions or no one pulled away. It was an embrace I had never felt before, no contact but I could feel the acceptance and embrace without the touch. I had never experienced anything like that in all my life. I knew this was the place and people I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I have finally found the true meaning of Christianity. Patricia Joseph What had been your experience with Christianity up until that point? I was born and raised a Catholic in Trinidad, West Indies. I was christened, had my first communion and confirmation and we went to church every Sunday as children. When I came to this country, I went to church for a little while, but quickly grew tired of it. It was after Christina came into my life that my thoughts about going to church changed. We went to church every Sunday morning since her birth. One Sunday when she was about two years old, we got to the church and she sat down on the steps and said she did not want to go to church. (Children in that church had to be very quiet, there was nothing for them to do until they were old enough to attend classes for first communion at 6 years.) For some reason I did not force her, and we went back home. We met a family — Susan and her husband and kids — that day outside our building waiting to go to their own church. I didn’t know what church they went to, and I didn’t ask. So no church for a long time. When my son went to jail, I went back to church to see if I could find some peace. I tried talking to the priest but he never seemed to have time to listen. He was only interested in how much money you put into the church. There was no one else. The other members all had their cliques and that’s who they stayed with. I tried to get comfort out of the sacrament or the sermon, but nothing. I had heard other people talk about reading the Bible when they wanted answers, only I did not know how to look for the answers or even how to pray except to say the Our Father, the Hail Mary and the I Believe, the prayers I grew up saying. I said them over and over but still no answers or peace, no courage or strength. One night I wanted so bad to end my life, I called my sister she told me to call Unity [a Christian hotline]. I did, but the person was so sleepy, she hurriedly said some sort of prayer, which did nothing for me. I knew I had to face this alone, so I stayed alone with my thoughts of dying. It was during this time I made the call and that changed my life, my way of praying and studying the scriptures and the Book of Mormon. What was it about the Gospel that touched you most at this difficult time in your life? Reading the scriptures and praying as I heard the elders pray, my life started to change. It was then I realized that I could also save Kirt and his girlfriend. I prayed and started to walk with my head up again. I blamed myself for giving birth to a person who might have taken another person’s life, and it was not until I read the Book of Mormon that I realized I was not responsible for my son’s action. Without the Church, without the word of God and Joseph Smith I would have not been able to ease the pain in my heart. I have two dear friends in my ward, Susan and Jeff. They and their families are the other Mormons that live in my building, and now Jeff is my home teacher. When talks and parts of the scriptures seem foreign to me, I call on Susan to help and this she does, regardless of what time it is or what else she’s doing. Jeff is my strength, he see in me what I think I have lost: courage. He is always there to pick me up and I love them both so very much. From the very first day I set foot in the church I have been made to feel needed and wanted. The Relief Society sisters are so very remarkable. They have rallied with me in my sorrows and pains. When I received my first Ensign, it was after my first General Conference. I read the talk given by Elder Bruce D. Porter on “A Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit” and I read the 51st Psalm. It blew me away. I was on the train and for some reason could not breathe, I wanted to get out of the train. When I did I called Susan, I asked her to explain to me if I had read and understood clearly that Kirt can be forgiven if he seeks the Lord’s forgiveness. We talked for a long time. The words of the talk give me hope and courage. My concern is his future. He is not a bad man, it’s just that he cannot live with himself, he wants so badly to die. I knew it would be hard to convince him that he can be forgiven, but for me, just knowing that he can be forgiven and that I can see him after my death makes a huge difference. In that same Conference, there’s President Thomas S. Monson’s talk on the mark of virtue: “Our actions are preceded by our thoughts, and when we commit sin, it is because we have first thought of committing that particular sin.” I took the blame for a while for not seeing the pain my son was in and doing something to help him. I have passed on what I’ve learned to Kirt. He has said he cannot not live with himself thinking he caused the death of someone he loved, or having to say on an application where he was for 6 years and why. But even though he has not shown any signs of belief he has stopped attempting to take his life. He is still clinically depressed but not suicidal. Only my sister, Jeff and I have visited Kirt in jail. He is still in prison and looks terrible. He has stopped showering and brushing his teeth. He looks like an insane person. Having the Gospel in my life is the only thing that has gotten me through this ordeal. Being able to pray like we do is such a blessing, I can say exactly what is in my heart to Our Heavenly Father. I have been able to openly talk about the bad judgement my son made. I no longer hide from the world. Giving up coffee and tea was nothing compare to the blessings I have received. I was given my dignity and my courage back. Patricia Joseph What has been your biggest challenge in joining the Church? Having to accept for financial help from the Church. A couple of months ago I was so backed up with my maintenance and I was trying to keep up with the mortgage. My home teachers came to visit and asked if there was anything they could do to help me. I said no, I was OK. When they left I realized I had lied to them, so about 2:00 a.m. I got up and sent them an e-mail, sort of clearing my mind about the lie and also hoping they would not see it for a long time. But they did and went to the bishop, after asking a family member who I thought could help me and being turned down. The Church offered me help. I was so ashamed, but desperate, I had to accept it to keep a roof over Christina’s and my heads. I tried missing church but was too guilty and wanted to be honest and stand up to the fact that I was losing my confidence all over again. I did however, keep up with my tithing, leaving my mortgage unpaid for 2 months. I received a letter from the bank saying they were going to default on my loan because I owed them 2 months’ mortgage payments. I called the bank to let them know I would give them the money when I got paid that Friday. The person at the bank said, “You are paid up. We received your payment of last week.” I did not send out any money, I had none to send, no one knew what was going on in my life, as this I did not even tell my home teachers. I called back the next day and was told the same. It blew me away. Then I thought maybe they took it from my husband’s account, and if they did he will call me soon and call me the worst of names! They did not take out his money, but somehow it was paid. I thanked the only person who could do that: the Lord Jesus Christ. No one else could have paid it, no one knew. At A Glance Name: Patricia Joseph Location: Brooklyn, NY Age: 61 Marital status: Married but separated for 18 years Children: Two (38 and 33) Occupation: Medical biller Convert to Church: November, 2007 Schools Attended: Graduated high school in Trinidad, attended New York Business School Interview by Neylan McBaine. Photos by Julie Darger.