Born into the Church in Samoa in 1944, Safalaia attended Brigham Young University, Hawaii, and was among the first group of dancers to open the Polynesian Cultural Center in 1962. Safalaia describes how the PCC helped her gain a greater appreciation for her own culture and for the church’s missionary program. I was born in American Samoa on April 27, 1944. My great-grandfather is known to be the father of the Church in Samoa. His son was very sickly, and he went to all the ministers at that time and they couldn’t make him well. My great-grandfather noticed these pagalagi, howlie missionaries. (Pagalagi is Samoan for Caucasian and howlie is Hawaiian for Caucasian.) He sent one of his sons to call them over and so he did. They blessed my grand-uncle and he got well. So the whole family joined the Church, and there was a lot of family. I think he had about eleven children and a lot of them were married, so they all joined the Church. They were the ones that began the Church in Samoa because of that blessing. Tell me about your experience at BYU Hawaii. I didn’t want to go to the Church College, which is what Brigham Young University, Hawaii, used to be called. My girlfriend and I were planning on joining the military service, but my mother found out about it and she said no. She took me directly to school. I was embarrassed to go to the Church College of Hawaii. I didn’t have any money, but I got a scholarship. All I thought was that I wanted to go see the world with my girlfriend. But my mom had better ideas than I did and I’m grateful. My friend didn’t go to school, but I did. I’m glad my mother made that choice for me. If I had gone into the service, I don’t know where I would have ended up, because my values, you know…. I was just out of high school. So young. At the Church College, we learned Church values and we learned to talk about the Church and how to apply those values in our lives more. My mom, she had so many children; she had all of us and two grandsons because my sister just left them and she didn’t take care of her children, so we were raised as siblings. We had eleven children in my family, including my two nephews who became our brothers. Safalaia Arvay Si’ufanua I decided on a major by looking for the easiest thing to do, because when I went to school I wanted to have fun, not study. My mom said, “As long as you go to school it is good.” I needed someone to teach me how to focus. I didn’t know. I went down the easy route. How were you involved with the Polynesian Cultural Center? In 1962, President David O. McKay felt that because the Church College had so many Polynesians, it should be a place to show how the Polynesians live and to show how they are so similar in their songs and traditions. I was among the very first group of dancers to open the Polynesian Cultural Center. There was a Polynesian program and a Maori program, where we were taught how to do Maori dancing and different types of hula, and we got into Tongan dancing, but I never did get into the Tahitian dances because I didn’t care for the hips swinging kind of thing. The idea for the PCC started because in the Laie Ward that I was in, we did all these dances at our ward parties, our hukilaus. At the hukilaus, we had Hawaiian and Samoan and Maori students, and from those dances the idea of the Polynesian Cultural Center came up. It started in my ward, representing the students who came in. I love dancing Samoan, and in the Samoan section of the PCC we had taupou dancing. Taupou dancing is originally from Samoa and it is when just one female dances on stage. I was selected to dance this solo dance when we went to the Hollywood Bowl in 1965. Taupou means “king’s daughter dancing.” My mom made our headdresses and things, things that are really hard to wear. My mom had the tapa to make into a blouse, with a top and a strap. She would use cloth to bind my hair with ribbon and then attach the headdress. It was tight and it hurt. Then my mom dyed hair blonde to attach around the headdress. Coconut midrib parts from the leaves were held together to keep the mirror on the headdress in place. Then they put feathers around the sides and they intertwined them, and then there was headband around everything. We had teeth, like boar’s teeth, and of course we had a top and waistband and a bottom. Then we would oil down our skin with coconut oil. I loved it. I was very shy and dancing was something I wouldn’t do except on the weekends at the Polynesian Cultural Center. Who did you meet while participating in the PCC? I met a lot of Maori friends, Tongan friends, Samoan friends, Hawaiian friends. I’m very shy and just don’t mingle that much, but because I was a part of the show I got to make a lot of friends. It opened me up to knowing friends because we were interacting by dancing. How long did you work there? I worked there for four years and then I quit because I had too much PCC and couldn’t concentrate on school. I really enjoyed it, but I had to concentrate on my school or else I wouldn’t be able to graduate. The best part was that it helped take me out of my shyness and also to be part of the culture that I was very proud of. What did you like about the PCC? The Polynesian Cultural Center helped me learn my culture. You hear about it and you see your people doing it, but when you become part of it you learn. It was very exciting to be in the very first group and it was very special to be a part of it, to be the nucleus of where the whole concept of the Polynesian Cultural Center started. In fact, we were there when Elvis Presley came to visit. I heard he was really happy during his visit. He was supposed to depart but he stayed and became part of the festival and we honored him. I was told that Elvis Presley was very touched and really loved his experience at the PCC. I would like to see a video of that. The Polynesian Cultural Center helped me to appreciate being Polynesian. It helped me because I was always very shy and it helped me to say, “Hey I can dance too and be part of the show.” It was a privilege and blessing to be part of the Polynesian Cultural Center. Did you ever travel with the PCC? We performed at the Hollywood Bowl in 1965. The Church supported the PCC’s tour because it was such a good way to spread the gospel. It was a wholesome show compared to the shows on Waikiki, where the dancers are scantily dressed and they cover up their bust but everything is skimpy all the way down. Our shows were wholesomely done. Even the knife dance is really fierce but nothing is out of place; everything is done tastefully and respectfully. That’s why I really loved being part of the PCC. There was nothing immodest or offensive. The language of our songs was clean. Our songs didn’t use words that were degrading or disrespectful. It was a tool for showing the similarities of the Polynesians and also how they are different. In addition to our dancing and our dress, our show showed our basic ways of life. Basically all of the Hawaiians, Samoans, Tahitians, Tongans, and even Maoris who are far away, basically eat the same thing but prepared in a different way. Did the PCC change your thoughts about missionary work and the Church worldwide? I think missionary work is really very important, and for us, as Polynesians in the show, it gave the audience the idea of what our Latter-day Saint lives are like. The Polynesian Cultural Center helped me know that it was the Latter-day Saint views that help our show to touch other people. Our dances were fun, clean, and not degrading. They helped our audience feel happy. Some of the show was hilarious and some was very dangerous; in fact, they had a fire walk and they walked on it and actually sat on the fire. During the knife dancing, one of the things that the guy did was put a hot knife on his tongue. On his tongue! When did you leave Hawaii? I left Laie when I was about 24 and then I went to Samoa for two years to work and then back and forth to Hawaii after that. I came to Provo in 2005 because I have schizophrenia. My son has taken me in and I am happy to be here. For six months before I came here, I didn’t know who I was. I’m not sure if some medication prescribed to me in Samoa was too strong or something. The police found me on a curb and picked me up and now I am living here with my son. It has been a wonderful experience being here. I am involved with a mental health program here and I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve seen here. We’ve gone to Logan, to Moab… places I’ve never been before. How has living in Provo been for you? I like the Church in Hawaii and Samoa and I like being here. The difference is that here, in my ward, the couples are very loving. They show their love openly, whereas in Hawaii or Samoa, couples sit down and I don’t see anybody putting arms around each other or holding hands, or saying, “I love you.” Here, I’m really touched by the couples. I walk around and see them give each other a kiss on the cheek and holding hands and if a child cries, a husband will walk out with them. In Samoa, it’s either the mother or the daughter who goes out. The father sits down and he’s the king. Here, the husband and the wife work together. I’m very impressed with our ward. I just got called as a missionary for the Missionary Training Center. I will be helping missionaries speak Samoan by pretending to be an investigator a couple times a week. I am very excited about it because I can speak both English and Samoan. At A Glance Name: Safalaia Arvay Si’ufanua Location: American Samoa Age: 66 Children: One Son Schools Attended: Brigham Young University, Hawaii Current Church Calling: Missionary for the Missionary Training Center Interview by Elizabeth Clayton Smith.

As her name suggests, Ruth epitomizes wise, eternal choices: After being the only one in her family to join the church in her native Bolivia, Ruth came to the United States to pursue additional training as a dentist. The death of her first child was crushing, but she chose to endure two more pregnancies, each resulting in a healthy child although requiring months of bed rest. She is currently pregnant a fourth time. Ruth discusses how she uses her time while on bed rest, how she uses her dental skills for good, and how she appreciates being able to spend time with her children. How did you find out about and join the Church? I was almost 17 years old in my last year of high school in La Paz, Bolivia. I always studied and got good grades, but I was also among the popular teenagers and liked to hang out with my friends. One day, the principal came in and told the class that he wanted all the students that were sitting in the back to move to the front. I wasn’t happy because he directed me to sit next to a girl that everybody teased. I thought, “Oh great, there goes my popularity.” She was well respected because she was excellent in school—a perfectionist who got the best grades. Most kids didn’t think too much for that, but I always admired it. I sat next to her for almost the whole year and at midterm we started becoming friends. I noticed that she was talking with other classmates, inviting them to her church. At that point I didn’t know what the invitation was for, but thought it was maybe a party on the weekend and I didn’t want to miss out. The other girls had something else to do on Sunday, but for me Sunday was the most boring day of the week! She told me the address of her church and that I had to wear a skirt. I went to the LDS church and it took me almost an hour to get there because it was on the opposite side of town from where I lived in La Paz. But I kept my promise and I went to her church. Ruth Wise At church, everybody was really nice and polite. In Young Women, the teacher taught about being daughters of Heavenly Father, and that because we are daughters of a king we have the right to inherit the things of our father. That means our father is perfect and lovely, he has endless charity, and he has endless knowledge of everything. We possess that ability as well. And because we are daughters of God, the goal of life is to achieve perfection. I’ll never, never forget that. It was the most impressive statement. Suddenly everything made sense. I knew that I was somebody special. I always believed in God, but I just felt that in my soul that this was right. I am a daughter of God and I can achieve perfection. At that moment, my friend shared her testimony about why at school she tried to be the best she could. Not just for the grades, but because she had the assurance that she was a daughter of God and that everything that was put in her hands she tried to do her best because she couldn’t do less than that. So I was touched by the lesson of the teacher and the integrity of this young woman who was living the principles of the gospel. I thought, “I know these things are true and I can have the same life as she has.” After that I rode the bus for an hour to the other side of the city to take the missionary lessons in the chapel with my friend and the missionaries. I was baptized into the church a month later on October 10, 1992. What was your family’s response to your conversion? When I joined the church they were supportive of me getting baptized. But it was hard when I started to go to church every Sunday. My brothers made fun of me because I wore long skirts and they told me I looked like a nun. We never usually went to church on Sundays, maybe once every six months or so to the Catholic Church. But I’m the youngest of a large family and I was the only one living with my elderly parents. Some Sundays it was hard on me. My family wondered, “Why does she want to go to church in the morning instead of spending time with the family?” They told me, “Don’t forget your family comes before church.” For several years the best part of my Sunday was going to church. But I also struggled on Sundays because I was living in a house where my family wasn’t LDS. They were my parents and they were not bad people, they just had different habits. How did you decide on a career in dentistry? I believe it was inspiration that family members suggested that career for me. I’d always wanted to be a physician… to be an OB/GYN and deliver babies. But my brothers approached me before the registration for medical school and asked if I wanted to get married and have kids someday. I said yes. At that point, I was in Bolivia where things are different. To be a physician, you basically have to work in a hospital. If you get lucky to get a job in a hospital you have to decide between family and work. You don’t have a middle ground. My brothers told me, “If you decide you want to get married and have kids you cannot have your career. You’re going to waste all sixteen years of school or you have to decide to leave your kids and choose your job.” They then suggested that I study dentistry because in Bolivia there are a lot of female dentists. They told me I would be able to open a small office in my house and can still be with my kids. I thought it was a good idea, so instead of registering for medical school I registered for dental school. Ruth Wise and Her Children In Bolivia, after you graduate from high school you have to take one year of prerequisite courses before dental school. Students have to know the basics of biochemistry, biology and zoology. After that, you take three different tests and the students with the highest scores are allowed into dental school, which lasts for five years. When I was in my second year of dental school I just knew that Heavenly Father told me to make the decision because I just loved it. Why did you decide to leave Bolivia and come to the United States? That was Heavenly Father’s influence, too. At the time, I was doing fine in Bolivia. I still lived with my parents when I finished dental school and opened a dental practice with my best friend (who became a member of the church as well). I also had a brother who lived in Los Angeles, and he mentioned that I could come to the United States for a few years and try to do a specialty or post-graduate study. In Bolivia, if I wanted to work for a university, a degree from a United States school certainly opens a lot of doors and also brings in a lot of patients. At that time, many people my age were trying to get visas to go to the United States because they were young, single professionals with more chances to get married in the United States. I prayed about it and asked, “Heavenly Father, if this is real please open the door. If this is not real, please close the opportunity. I’m fine here with my family and I’m happy.” The day of my interview, one of the application questions was: Have you ever applied before for a U.S. visa before, mark yes or no. If yes, why do you think you were not allowed into the United States? Actually I’d attempted before when I was fifteen years old because my brother thought it was a good idea for me to graduate from high school in the States, but they denied me a visa. I remember being in the line with all the forms filled out but had left that answer empty because a friend working in the embassy told me if the U.S. denies your visa once there’s a greater chance to get denied a second time. I prayed to God to open the doors. Inside, I felt like I should put that I never applied. But I went forward with faith and put yes, I had applied, and that I believe the reasons they denied me the visa was because I was too young. I went to my interview where they asked me a few questions, took my passport and asked me to come back in the afternoon. When I returned to pick up my passport they called my number and said congratulations! I opened my passport to see they had granted me a ten-year visa to the United States. I couldn’t believe it. How did your life progress once you came to the United States? I think one of the main reasons Heavenly Father wanted me to come to the United States was to meet my husband and marry him in the temple. I met my husband in Bolivia when he was serving a mission, two weeks before I came to the United States. My father was receiving the missionary discussions and Abraham (my husband) was teaching him. I was living with my brother in California studying English at a community college when Abraham finished his mission and my father asked him if he could bring me some papers that I needed to apply to the university. Abraham agreed and when he came back he gave me a call. He asked me if he could send the papers by mail, but his dad suggested that I could go to pick up the papers from him in Washington state and spend time with his family for a few days. My brother found a $70 roundtrip ticket to Oregon, three hours from his house, but I felt odd and wasn’t sure. My brother pointed out that I should take advantage of the chance to meet this family because once I started university I wouldn’t be able to travel. Now I think that was probably inspiration. I met Abraham Wise and he was not a missionary anymore, and I met his wonderful family and I fell in love with them as well. Everything was perfect and it happened at just the right moment because I was in my highest spiritual state. I also missed my family in Bolivia and felt in my heart it was time for me to form a family. We were married four months after we met and decided to live in his hometown in Washington. Abraham worked to save money for school, and I worked as a dental assistant while I studied for the dental board exams. You then faced the seemingly conflicting inspiration to start a family and continue your education, both of which involved trials of your faith. We stayed in Washington for two years, where I passed one set of dental board exams. We felt that it was time to have a child, but at the same time, when we were in the temple, we felt that I should continue towards the path of becoming a licensed dentist. It was a little confusing because I couldn’t tell what Heavenly Father wanted for me. I couldn’t understand that. In any case, we decided to have a baby. When I was five and a half months pregnant, I went into labor early, and our first daughter Hannah was born but she didn’t survive and died the same day. Two weeks later I got a letter of rejection from the University of Minnesota, where I applied for my dental residency so that I could get my license to practice in the United States. At that point I thought, “What is happening here?” It was really hard, a trial of my faith. We decided to go to Utah so Abraham could continue his studies. I wasn’t sure what my plan was. I didn’t want to work. I was still healing and I decided just to study hard. I studied for four weeks as a way to escape, because the pain was too great. While Abraham was in class, I would go to the BYU library and study from 7 a.m. until 10 at night, and eventually I passed my second board exam for dental school. I decided to try again to go to the university. I called the University of Minnesota and asked the secretary if there was anything else that I could send to apply for residency the following year. She said she would talk to the director and they would call the following Monday. I was still struggling with my pain and it was hard living in Provo where it seemed that everyone in my apartment building was pregnant. The day Abraham finished his last test of the semester, the secretary from the dental school called said that one resident wasn’t able to complete the program and they wanted to know if I wanted to fill the spot. They wanted my answer right away and I needed to be there ”yesterday!” I was already late! Ruth Wise and Her Children What did this mean? I knelt down in my living room and I literally felt that Heavenly Father was in the room, touching my head and telling me, “You have to trust me that I always keep my promises. Even though you don’t have your daughter, your daughter is going to be waiting for you, and now you’re going to get into the university.” That was the promise I had felt six months before. When Abraham came back I told him what happened. We went to the temple and asked the Lord one more time. We felt that we should move to Minnesota and that Abraham should support me in my career, which he did. Three days later we moved and I started school right away. After two years of residency I was licensed to practice dentistry in the United States and Abraham finished his undergraduate degree as well. You then moved to Boston for your husband’s graduate school and decided to have another baby. Was it a challenge to not pursue your career full time after you’d worked so hard? No, it was not a challenge. I knew that Heavenly Father wanted me to use my hands, but I knew as well that it was more important for me to have a family. After two years of totally focusing on a career, I felt like it was the time to start a family. It never was hard for me to put my family first. Even though my patriarchal blessing told me that I was going have a career, I knew that what was most important to Heavenly Father was to have a family and bring kids into the world. Due to a medical condition you had to go on long periods of bed rest during your pregnancies. What have you learned from the experience? Everything happened so fast with Hannah that the doctors didn’t know what the problem was and there were a lot of unanswered questions. When I got pregnant the second time, I met a very good medical specialist in Massachusetts. Two weeks later, when he checked me again, I experienced the same problems I had with Hannah—my body started dilating and I was going into labor too early. The doctor performed immediate surgery for an “incompetent cervix” and put me on bed rest for the remaining four months. It was a sacrifice, but I was willing to do anything to save my child. I knew Heavenly Father provided this good doctor to help me. It’s the sacrifice that I am willing to go through with each child because I love them. How do you maintain a positive attitude and keep yourself sane while on prolonged bed rest? First I dream of holding my child in my arms. Sometimes my body hurts so much I feel like I have to get out of the bed. But the thought that my child could be born prematurely and endure a lot of needles and months in the ICU brings me back to bed. The way I survive is to make a schedule for myself. For example, during my second pregnancy I would wake up at 7 a.m., and from 7 a.m. to 8 a.m. I would read my scriptures, and from 8 a.m. to 9 a.m. I would write in my journal, and from 9 a.m. to 10 a.m. my mother-in-law would teach me piano, and from 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. I would chat with my sister Italy. I made lists, something that I could check off every day to feel fulfilled. My lists gave me the confidence that I could make the hours pass faster. I thought of all the books I wanted to read, but soon the books got really boring and I couldn’t read or watch television or movies any longer! I got creative and my mother-in-law was kind enough to help me with craft projects. There were many things that I had wanted to do but never had time. I tried to be positive and take advantage of all the time on my hands. I dealt with depression during my third pregnancy because my husband was doing an internship and we moved to a different city for the summer. My mother-in-law came to visit again but this time, she was not just taking care of me. She had to take care of my daughter as well. Still, I managed to do family history. And I took advantage of the chance to do continuing education for dentistry and take courses online. I learned a lot of things. It’s the same thing spiritually. I read the scriptures, I ponder, I write in my journal, and set goals for myself and for my family. One of the other things I like to focus on is visiting teaching. You don’t know how many times I read the Ensign to prepare my lesson. When I am on bed rest I am able to really read about the subject of the lesson, pray about it, ask for help from Heavenly Father to see what other people need. I think one of the important parts of being on bed rest for me is trying to find ways to give service. That’s one of the keys: I don’t want to be the one who only receives, receives, receives. I want find ways to give, because that really fills my soul. How do you balance work and motherhood today? I always put motherhood first. My kids, my husband, my family, my house—they are everything in my life. Even though I work, my work has to adapt to my family. I work one day a week and have to arrange babysitting. People always ask me if I can work more, and my answer is always the same: I cannot do it. What does your part-time arrangement look like? When I was living in Massachusetts I decided to get licensed in Washington state, where Abraham’s family lived. That worked out well because I would just work sometimes, two weeks at a time, always during a school break, when my in-laws could help me with the kids. I developed a relationship with a dental office in Washington, which called me from time to time and ask if I could cover appointments for a week or two. If something was convenient for my family and for Abraham’s family as well, I would fly there, work for seven or eight days, and then return to Massachusetts. It was really great, because while I was a full-time mom, it allowed me to provide financially for the family, too. When I moved to Virginia, I applied to different offices and chose one where the environment was conducive to my lifestyle choices. The office is located only five minutes away from my house, which means I don’t have to deal with traffic, and they are a pediatric clinic. Eighty to 90 percent of my patients are children, which I love, and they love me. I just work one or two days a week and it’s a very good arrangement and a good environment. Why do you feel such a draw to work with kids? It was probably because I was a mom already and I knew how to connect with kids. I like them and they like me—we make a good match! In my case, I felt that it was a calling from Heavenly Father. Knowing that, I try to reach out and make an impact on families, particularly Hispanic families. It’s unusual to see a Hispanic female dentist. In my case, I always felt that being a dentist was a calling from Heavenly Father. Knowing that, I always try to reach out and make an impact on families. I know I am a dentist and have to fix teeth and all that, but I sometimes feel like I’m in the theater changing roles: at one moment I’m a mom, another moment I’m a doctor. Suddenly I have my hair up, I’m in my uniform and I’m Dr. Wise. I once tended to a little girl who was all dirty. Her hair was tangled, her nails were long and were dirty, and her nose was dirty too. This was the second time she came to me like this. So after our dental exam I took the girl back to the bathroom and said, “Honey, how old are you? I’m going to teach you that it’s very important to wash your hands, clean your nails, wash your face, clean your nose, and if you just arrange your hair in a nice, neat ponytail, you look so beautiful.” I hope that I reached her, I hope that she can teach that to her little brothers and sisters. That’s my wish when I go beyond teeth. I hope I’m healing the whole person, not just the teeth. Ruth Wise How is the role of motherhood different in Bolivia versus the United States? Being a mother in Bolivia includes being a working mother. Most moms have to work. It’s just part of life to work and take care of the family. Often the older siblings are in charge of the younger siblings. In my case, I was practically raised by my brothers. Most of the kids in Bolivia do the same thing because the mothers work so hard, they cannot afford babysitting, and we don’t have daycare in Bolivia. You have to rely on other family members. Even though I remember not seeing my mom too much growing up because she worked two different jobs, I respected her because I knew that she was doing all these things for her kids. Kids in Bolivia learn to work together and sacrifice together. In my case I grew up feeling like my parents worked so hard that I had to respond in school; I had to study, I had to be a good student so that my parents didn’t have additional expenses. In my case, both of my parents were working all the time to support a large family. People are used to it, though, because there are not a lot of options. But I think here we are blessed to have knowledge of motherhood and I’m impressed with my friends who have so many years of schooling and choose to stay at home and raise their children. They have the great opportunity and blessing to be at home raising their kids. At A Glance Name: Ruth Wise Location: Arlington, VA (originally from La Paz, Bolivia) Age: 34 Marital status: Married Children: Hannah (deceased), Eliza 4 years old, Sariah 2 1/2 years old and future baby to be born July 2010 Occupation: At home mother and part-time dentist Schools Attended: Universidad Mayor de San Andres, La Paz Bolivia and University of Minnesota Dental School, USA Languages Spoken at Home: Spanish and English Favorite Hymn: “I’ll Go Where You Want Me To Go, Dear Lord” Current Church Calling: Ward missionary Interview by Nollie Haws. Photos by Scott Lunt.

As a high school student, Rebecca decided that broadcasting was definitely not an industry in which she wanted to work. However, her dynamic radio personality and distinctive voice opened doors to television and radio work which she pursued piecemeal as her three sons were young. Now with grown children, Rebecca is the host of FM 100.3 in Salt Lake City and a host on BYU TV. Would you briefly tell me about the journey of your career? Interestingly, my high school, San Diego High School, had a special broadcasting program. This was the early 1980s, and it was a new program and the teachers handpicked outspoken, extroverted participants. I was the student body president at the time, and the faculty encouraged me to get involved. I attended the program classes three or four times but felt there was a lot of emphasis on presentation rather than content. This turned me off broadcasting, and as a high school student, I deliberately decided I did not want to go into broadcasting. When I went to BYU, I studied organizational behavior and business communication, following theory from people like Steven R. Covey, who was just beginning his career. My schooling included things about improving the lives of people, making people’s lives easier. Ironically, however, in 1988 I married a television producer. Rebecca Cressman My husband, Dale, graduated from BYU’s broadcast program and had worked as a television producer. Because of this, and his connection with the business, opportunities came for me to work behind the scenes of television. For example, someone at a station would hear my voice and ask me to voice commercials. Before long, I did some radio voice work for a station in Vermont. And then, after ten years of living outside of Utah, we moved back and a station was looking for a radio show host. Before long, someone recommended me for a job, and I went from being a radio disc jockey to a radio hostess on a talk radio program. Then someone asked if I would like to try television. I was certainly not a television reporter, but I did my research and worked closely with my husband, and soon, I was a public affairs reporter for the Church. From there I went to morning radio for five years and then I was back in commercial radio. With all of that, it’s clear that I came into the business backwards. As every door opened, whether or not I felt completely ready, I just walked through it. From the beginning, some people set out to be a television anchor, and it’s very deliberate. That’s not how it worked for me. Opportunities would come and I would walk through the door whether or not I felt totally prepared. Working in the media, how do you remain unbiased but loyal to your beliefs? Growing up in California, I often had people ask me about my beliefs, and so it became easy and natural to talk openly about my faith. I think that’s why I’ve never had a hard time talking about my beliefs. I am not afraid of the truth. If someone wants to know about my beliefs, I’m happy to share. In situations when I’ve had to report on something that sheds a negative light on the Church, I’ve never worried. I just report the truth. How have you and your husband prioritized your careers? It’s been very fluid. Wherever we’ve lived, I have found work. But I have been flexible. Not only did I work in broadcasting, I worked at the YWCA teaching children to swim. I also worked at a state college in student affairs. I taught Spanish at a ski academy in Vermont. I also worked at a physical fitness gym. I always pursued things that I loved and was interested in. I’m one of those, however, who received the painful news from a doctor who said, “I don’t think you’ll ever be able to have children.” I was given this diagnosis in my early 20s, just before I was married. I was heartbroken. I had just returned from serving an LDS mission in Bolivia, and children were always tender to me. But because of this news, I knew it would be difficult to have children, and I was open to fostering my career. Rebecca Cressman When our first child came, within our first year of marriage, motherhood became very precious and important to me. From that point, I made family my priority and wanted to be home to raise my three boys. Although I did things here and there to help pay the bills, I didn’t go to work full-time until after my youngest was in school. In what ways has your career opened doors for making a positive difference in the lives of your family and your community? I have been able to do so many rewarding things. For one, I host “Living Essentials,” a television series that provides helpful ideas on life, health, and family. It really enriches lives. People around the world watch the show and can relate to stories and feel empowered to face problems they might have, like depression. I’ve had the chance to interview specialists in all sorts of diverse fields. I have talked with the area’s best family therapists, the most experienced educators, the most qualified financial planners. The program not only touches others’ lives, but I have been helped, too. I have learned things to help me broaden my views and become a better mom. How do you balance church, work and family? I don’t. I first look at my children and make sure they are happy and that my relationship with them is where it needs to be. I do the same with my husband. My family always comes first. My work keeps me very busy, but I enjoy it. I also enjoy my church calling as a gospel doctrine teacher. But there are a lot of things I have to shelve. If the Relief Society passes around sign-ups for canning, I might have to shelve that, and other things. I’m sure I could also be a better neighbor if I weren’t working full-time. I reconcile that, knowing there was a time when I could bake bread and take it to the neighbors. Now I think to myself, “Rebecca, there was a time when you did those things. It’s okay for someone else to step in and play that role, too.” Looking back, how do you feel about your choice to be a working mom? How is your view of motherhood different than that of other LDS women? I never would regret having spent more time at home. When I was raising young children, however, the secret was looking for the right kind of work. I was flexible. I would do freelance jobs or limit work to small amounts of time a day. I would also work early in the morning when everyone was still asleep and then get home at 9:30 in the morning. All of this I did piecemeal. I treasure the times when my kids were young. I miss holding a baby and caressing the cheek of newborn. I really enjoyed those years, and I continue to have a deep connection with my kids. I have one son with learning disabilities, and I’m grateful for the blessing to have been home while he was young. I know he wouldn’t be where he is now if I hadn’t been able to dedicate that time to be home. In conjunction with motherhood, I have found opportunities to develop my interests. My mom encouraged individuality. She always told me to try things, to go for it, to do what I loved. When I went to BYU, I was the California girl with flip-flops and hair down to her waist. I knew I didn’t fit the mold in a lot of ways. I’m a feminist. But I didn’t feel the need to conform, either. I pursued the things that interested me. I always did what I loved and had a passion for. And, again, when an opportunity came, I walked through the door. Many Mormon women feel they are duty-bound to give up a career and be a stay-at-home mom. How do you feel about that stereotype and what would you say to other women who feel like they have a lot to give both personally and professionally? I have a friend who recently said she was worried about going to our high school reunion because she didn’t have a resume of accomplishments; she had stayed home to be a mom. I think we need to be at a place where we’re happy, proud in our role as a mother. We need to say, I do this and I love it. It makes me happy. Our influence as mothers is immeasurable. One thing I strongly believe is that if our children see us happily living the gospel they’ll want the same thing for themselves. Women don’t have to have a full-time job to develop their talents. They can do little things here and there. I would just encourage them to walk through those doors that open themselves to opportunities. Rebecca Cressman on the Living Essentials Set What is your next pursuit, personally and professionally? A lot of people have asked this question and wonder if I’ll write a book. I think, however, that I will focus on some of those things I’ve left behind because I just haven’t had the time. I want to get my food storage, not because I think there will be a disaster tomorrow, but so I feel prepared. I want to document memories for my children with digital scrapbooks. I will try to do a better job at the things I’ve had to overlook. Now that my three boys are grown, I look forward to the days of having a house full of little children as a grandmother. There’s so much to look forward to. At A Glance Name: Rebecca Cressman Location: Spanish Fork, UT Age: 45 Marital status: Married Children: 3 boys: Troy (20), Parker (18), and Mikel (15) Occupation: Radio Host- KSFI FM100.3 Salt Lake City, TV Host-BYUTelevision Schools Attended: Patrick Henry High School, San Diego, CA , Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah, Lyndon State College-Lyndon Vermont Languages Spoken at Home: English, Spanish Favorite Hymn: “How Great Thou Art” On the Web: http://fm100.com/?sid=121875&nid=46 Interview by Melissa Hardy

As a young clothing designer selling to Neiman Marcus and Henri Bendel, Maralyn’s clients included Jackie Kennedy Onassis. But because of influential parents and a mission to New Zealand, Maralyn was always grounded in loving others and teaching the gospel. In her interview, Maralyn discusses her ever positive outlook, her life with an inactive husband, and her continual quest for projects that keep her mind and spirit invigorated. Tell me a bit about your background in the church. I grew up in a home where the gospel was really lived. Mother and Dad always encouraged my siblings and me to be the best we could be. My dad always said that if you read the scriptures and go to church, you can do anything. My father was a professor, a doctor of sociology, and my mother was an author, artist, and actress. They served two missions to New Zealand and I was born there. I don’t remember that first mission because we returned home when I was six months old, but my parents served their second mission when I was older. At that time, Daddy was the mission president and said, “Maralyn, come over and visit us!” So I went to New Zealand to visit and he called me on a mission. I had a Maori companion. She was only about five feet tall and I’m five feet seven and a half inches tall! My companion was a terrific sister missionary. I’m grateful I had the opportunity to serve a mission and learn a new culture. I learned both from my parents and from my own experiences that the key to teaching the gospel is love—loving the gospel, loving the people, and loving the opportunities that you have. I think that teaching the gospel is one of the greatest challenges; it’s all about teaching and living the gospel to the best of your ability and helping others to see the good in it. Maralyn Lavenstein How did you get interested in fashion and the business world? My mama—I remember she was always doing something—she always had to have a ” project.” She sewed a great deal and she taught me to how to sew when I was three years old. As just a kid, I learned how to cut a doll’s dress! It was mom’s influence. Because of her, we always had a very clean house, she cooked great meals, and she went back to school at age 50 to get her master’s degree! She was also a great painter, she wrote two or three books, she acted in plays, she was a president of BYU Women and she was a Relief Society President. Mama used to say, “to create is good for the soul.” I believe that. I think there is so much to do, so much to create. I can remember when I went to visit her when she was about 86 years old (she died at 88). She said, “Oh honey if I just have a project, I can keep going.” I said, “Mom what more do you want to do?” I looked to mother as an example of a woman doing all that she could. As long as she had a project I could see how happy she was. I majored in merchandising in college. Well, I had a double major in merchandising and in textiles at BYU. Then I had a minor in dance. After working at ZCMI for several years, I had an interview with Jerry Stutz, the president of Henri Bendel, a high fashion store in New York City. Jerry made me an offer to buy for their sportswear department and for their sports dresses, so I took it! Why not, you know? The job involved travel . . . we traveled all around the world, to Paris, Ireland, England, and Italy. We went to all the couture fashion shows. I also designed ready-to-wear for Henri Bendel. One year, I designed a coat that was on the cover of a magazine and Jackie Onasis Kennedy called up and bought it. It was exciting! Later I owned my own women’s and children’s clothing stores in Salt Lake City. I also designed and manufactured clothes for some larger department stores like Neiman Marcus and Lord and Taylor. At one point I went back to school for Interior Design and owned an interior design studio as well. Did your colleagues know you were Mormon? Oh yes, when my husband and I were planning on getting married, Jerry Stutz, the president of Henri Bendel, said,” I want to give you an open house.” She called me up the day of the open house and said, “I have ginger ale, orange juice, tomato juice, and 7-Up. What else will you drink?” She knew I didn’t drink and neither did Jim. We had a great time. Tell me about your husband, Jim. Jim was a vice president at CBS at the time we met. One day, my sister’s father-in-law, who was also the President of ZCMI, and his wife called me up. They had been in New York for some meetings and called me at 11:30 at night. She said, “Would you have lunch with us tomorrow?” I said, “Oh I’d be glad to.” If I had known it was a blind date I’d never have gone! But I went and Jim was there. They had known Jim for a long time. We had a wonderful time. After that, however, he didn’t call me for two weeks. He always kids me about that. Anyway, he finally called; we dated, and got engaged. Jim was not a member of the church when we met, he grew up in a Jewish family. But he had worked closely with some general authorities who were instrumental in putting the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and The Spoken Word on CBS. They introduced Jim to the church. Later he was baptized and we were married in the Logan Temple. Maralyn Lavenstein Jim’s father died before I could meet him. But his mother lived to be 102 years old. I’ll never forget one day when I had been to visit her with my daughter. We were sitting on a terrace in New York City. Jim’s mother said, “Do you believe that there is a hereafter? Will I see my husband again?” Of course that opened the door for a conversation on testimonies and sharing the gospel. We had a nice discussion but she never joined the church. Our first baby was born in New York City, several years later we moved to Salt Lake City. Jim took a job with a communications company and we had our other two children. We were both very engaged in raising our family and furthering our businesses. It was a busy time! During the period when our children were young Jim discontinued his activity in the church. That was a tough time. But throughout our marriage we have had love and respect for each other and the things we believed. There has also been a generous dose of humor –to get us through! That’s what I mentioned earlier, we have to love—to love living the gospel and to love others no matter what! As a woman married to an inactive member of the church, I’ve never felt like I was out of the norm. I think in our life we all struggle through different problems. I certainly have been challenged by Jim’s inactivity but it’s a rich and rewarding life. I don’t think it’s hurt me. It hasn’t hurt my testimony at all. He has been very supportive of me and my church work. When you ask me to tell you about my husband the first thing I want to say is that he is a wonderful man and has taught me so much and I know he loves me and I love him. Next, he is known for being an avid newspaper reader. He reads several papers everyday and there is never a dull discussion in our home! He keeps me on my toes! He’s been a great father and has always been interested in the kids and what they are doing. He still sends newspaper articles to our children and grand children about the things they are interested in. Maralyn Lavenstein You have such a positive outlook on an issue that many people would find difficult. What are some of the tools that have helped you in this nontraditional situation? The most important thing is to remember you are a child of God. Through prayer you’ll be guided and directed if you do what is right. The Lord can only help you if you are obeying his commandments. Namely, we have to love one another. None of us are perfect. And therefore you have to be tolerant and give of yourself and never deviate from what you believe. I think that’s the biggest test and challenge that we have. Always remember the gospel plan as we know it to be true and never deviate from those principles, and yet love one another. That’s the center of the gospel. You get the strength from prayer and the Holy Ghost. What was it like moving around with a young family? We did move around a lot. Jim’s business opportunities took us around. From Salt Lake City we moved to Boise, Idaho, then we moved back to Salt Lake for a few years, then we moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma, and from there to Chicago. We’ve actually lived in several areas of greater Chicago too! Well, it was a challenge. I think the first thing that helped us was staying active in the church. The kids and I went to church and met a lot of great members in all the places we lived. I had many opportunities to serve and share my testimony. In Tulsa, I was the Relief Society President. I held callings in the primary as well. And later when the kids were in high school I taught early morning seminary. That was a challenge! The kids adjusted okay to our moves because I was home most of the time. I was home while they were in their teenage and growing-up years. Jim was supportive and always wanted to help me out where he could. Our kids made friends easily and Jim kept them focused on their school work. How time flies! After our kids moved out, we sold our business in Tulsa and retired to Chicago. We thought Chicago would be a good place to be in order to see all the kids. Even while moving around and getting homes settled and helping the kids adjust, I always found time to create and to learn something new. Here in Chicago I started a business designing home textiles with antique and vintage fabric, jewelry, and handbags. I’ve done a number of shows and have had a retail space in a great antique store called Vintage Pine. What advice would you give women searching for who they are? I believe in life that women have to be fulfilled as much as men. We have a time and a season, as the scripture tells us. But too many of us forget that and we let ourselves get lost. There are so many things to do in life and so many places to go and so much to see and so much to read. I usually have five or six books from the library at any one time. I can’t keep up with all of them so I read what I think is interesting. I think that we have to keep our minds bright, too. Jim’s mother worked for the United Nations on women’s projects well into her 90’s and my mother kept her mind going through painting and writing. When I think of the gospel, it’s a gospel of progression. If we want to get to the Celestial Kingdom we have to do more than what we think we can do. We sometimes lose sight of the wonderful things that can be done. The more we grow, the more our children grow. To stay home and take care of our children is the most important thing in life. On the other hand, you have to be doing something so that your children see you and grow by that example. All of us have gifts and great challenges in life that we should try and make the most of. I would say think about what you like to do. If you like to sing, practice singing. If you like to read, read good books. You might find that you want to do some painting or drawing. Or if you like to write, start doing it. It’s a matter of doing! I think too many of us are to the point where we think, “I’ve gone to school. . . I have my degree. . . and that’s it!” You have to find yourself and what you want to do and figure out what you need to continue your path of growth. It will change and take a different direction as you get older but I think it’s so important to understand that you are you. And have fun doing it! At A Glance Name: Maralyn Lavenstein Location: Chicago, IL Age: 80 Marital status: Married Children: Three children, six grandchildren Occupation: Homemaker, designer Schools Attended: Brigham Young University Languages Spoken at Home: English Favorite Hymn: “‘Til We Meet Again,” “We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet,” “I Know That My Redeemer Lives”—There are just so many, it’s hard to nail down just one Current Church Calling: Relief Society Instructor Interview by Cassandra Arnell. Portraits by Momoko Fritz.

After serving a mission in her native Venezuela, Ines Pinate married another returned missionary only to have the marriage end three years later in a divorce. Now, with an 8-year-old son, this single mother is attending medical school. In her interview, Ines expresses her love for her Heavenly Father and explains how being a doctor helps her be a better Christian. How did you learn about the church and gain a testimony of the gospel? I knew about the church through my older brother who lived in another city at the time. I was around twelve years old when I knew that he was attending the church. At that time, I did not have much contact with my brother. One day he invited me to go to his house and to the church. When I visited the church, I liked it so much. I felt peace and I saw that it was different. My brother took me to the baptismal font and he said to me, “Sister, here is where I will baptize you.” At that moment, I did not understand him. Then I came back home. I lost contact with my brother again. Later, he sent the missionaries to my home when I was 20 years old. That was when the missionaries started teaching me the gospel formally. I was not ready to accept the gospel but everything they taught me I felt was true. I felt it and I knew it even though I had not yet prayed and asked about the Book of Mormon. Those missionaries taught me and my family for one year. Finally, I was baptized on October 23, 1994. By that time I had read the Book the Mormon. I prayed, and I got the confirmation that the Book of Mormon was true and everything that the missionaries had taught me was true. I had a testimony. My sister and I were baptized. So, we knew the gospel through my older brother. It was a long process in order to get baptized but finally I did. You served a mission soon after you joined the church? I served in the Barcelona, Venezuela, mission from 1997 to 1999, after I had been a member of the church for three years. It was my best experience. I feel like it was yesterday. Through my mission I got to know Jesus Christ. I could understand him more. I lived experiences that I thought Jesus Christ might have had when he was teaching the gospel. I was so close to him. At the Missionary Training Center I fulfilled all the rules that the president of the MTC said. If he said that I had to go to bed at 10, I did it. I obeyed everything. My Heavenly Father blessed me so much when I was on my mission. I served a mission with a purpose, which was that my sister who was so reluctant to the gospel would accept it. I made a covenant with my Heavenly Father. I was going to serve a mission but when I was done with my mission I hoped my sister would join the church. It was a personal covenant with my Heavenly Father. Every month I sent a letter to my sister with a scripture. A month before I finished my mission, I received a video on which was recorded the baptism of my sister. That was so exciting for me. It was so wonderful to hear the testimony of my sister. When I returned from my mission, I saw my sister so strong in the church. She was a great strength to me. I could see that our Heavenly Father fulfills his promises, if we fulfill our promises too. My mission was a good experience for all the people that I met, all those who I converted to the church. But the greatest reward was to see my sister as a member of the church. Would you tell us about your marriage and your divorce? I married eight months after I came back from my mission. I was 23 years old when I met the father of my son. He was a returned missionary too. He served his mission in Maracaibo, Venezuela. I met him at a single adult dance. He started a courtship with me. One year later we were married and sealed in the temple in Venezuela. After three months, I started feeling some difficulties in my marriage. I realized that my husband was doing things that were not right. I was so frustrated and disappointed about it. He started not to attend church because he was more and more concerned about money. He started working on Sundays. He did not fulfill anymore his calling at the church. He became inactive in the church. I got pregnant three months after getting married. I was very sensitive to everything. I tried many times to ask him to go to the church with me but his heart started changing. I was in that situation about three years. I told him that I had married with him to be happy and to have a family. I shared my testimony with him. I said to him that I wanted a man of God. I remember that it was a Sunday when I forced him to make a decision. I said to him, “If you won’t change your attitude, we can’t be together.” He made the decision to leave our house. He abandoned my son and me. He did not have more contact with his son. My son was one and a half years old when my husband decided to leave me. Finally, he asked me for a divorce. He started living with another person. I meditated upon my marriage, if I should keep it or finish it. I decided to file for the divorce. Now I think it was really a good decision because he hurt my feelings many times. He started to hate me. I think that my separation was something good that happened in my life. He always blamed me for his mistakes. He lost the communication with our Heavenly Father. I know marriage means two people but I could not handle that situation anymore. It was the best decision that I made for me and for my son. Sometimes some members of the church disagree with the idea of divorce, but I think there is a reason why divorce exists, especially if your marriage is hurting you so much. I feel good now. I have peace even though I haven’t heard anything about him for a year. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me strength to keep going in my faith. My son is a happy kid even though he doesn’t have his dad next to him. My son is attending church and he is a good kid. You are now a medical student at the Universidad Bolivariana de Venezuela. Why did you decide to enroll in medical school after your divorce? My mother advised me that the best thing for me to do after my divorce was to study because if I stayed at home, I would get depressed. The new government in my country introduced a program which gave people without a lot of money the opportunity to enroll in medical school. In my hometown, there was an education school and a medical school. The degree in education was not very interesting to me. So, I decided to study medicine. I study Integral Medicine known as well as Family Medicine and I will be graduating next year. Ines Pinate and Her Son How old is your son? My son is 8 years old now. How do you find time to be with him while studying? It has been a difficult challenge for my son. He always tells me that he doesn’t like that I study medicine because I have to be on call some nights. I have to leave him with his grandmother. He has to sacrifice because I don’t have as much time as I used to have before I studied medicine. The only time that I have to be with my son is the afternoons after work and Sundays when we go to church. Also, when we have our family home evenings and when we read the scriptures together. I always say to him that when I am done with my studies we are going to make up all the time that we are not together now. I always hug him and we say beautiful things to each other. The most difficult thing about my studies is not having enough time to be with my son. How does studying medicine help you be a better member of the church? To be a doctor is to be supportive, charitable, and honest. When you are a doctor, you have to live the things that you tell other people to do. For example, I cannot tell others not to smoke or drink if I am doing those things. I feel that I help my fellow men with medicine because many of the patients come with emotional problems. I teach them the gospel indirectly through the medicine. For instance, the Word of Wisdom. I tell my patients there are things that are not healthy for their bodies. I teach this principle and I help them to live it. The education that I receive at medical school helps me to live with professionalism, ethics, and with truth. All the principles that are taught at church I can apply in medical school. For example, the principle of honesty. I cannot lie in a diagnosis of a patient because it would bring a lot of consequences and I would cause chaos. Another principle that I apply is to be a good example all the time. I need to be a good example for my patients. Service is another principle that I can apply in medicine. The principle of sacrifice. I give my time and if it is necessary I will give my own life to save others. I have to work as team with a lead doctor and other coworkers in order to help others. I think all of this has helped me strengthen the principles of the gospel within myself. I like medical school because it helps me to be a better person and to be better Christian. Ines Pinate and Her Son How do you feel Heavenly Father guides you? The communication that I have with my Heavenly Father is so special. I pray so much. When I sleep, I relate what I dream with the things are happening in my life at that moment. Through the members of the church and the scriptures, the Father answers my prayers. I think if I had not this kind of communication that I have with the Father, I would not be strong in the church. I feel that my Heavenly Father takes care of me and protects me. I know that He loves me and I know that He wants me to look for him. What are some challenges of being member of the church in Venezuela? There are many challenges. It is not easy to live the gospel in Venezuela. President Thomas S. Monson said recently in a General Conference that we are living in world of perversity and iniquity. Venezuela in particular is a country in which it is difficult to live the principles of the gospel. For example, my coworkers live together with their partners without marrying because they think that marriage is not necessary according to the world. It is difficult for me as a single mother because men don’t want something serious. Men don’t believe that a single mother like me cannot just live together with them. It is a big challenge for me right now. I live the gospel. Men cannot understand that a woman like me who is 35 years old cannot have a relationship with them without marrying. Even though I teach them the gospel it is difficult for them to change. I am alone. I don’t have many friends. I cannot become friends with other members of the church because I am so busy. This a great challenge for me at this moment. What are the good things about being a member of church in Venezuela? To have the truth in our lives is an advantage because it helps us avoid difficult situations. For example, in Caracas, Venezuela, there are many night places. We know as members of the church that those places are not good to go because they don’t help us have the Spirit. Being a member of the church helps us avoid those places and gather together in the right places. Even though Venezuela is a country that it has so much violence, we are protected. We are in our homes or in right places. Do you feel supported by the Relief Society sisters or ward members? Do you have support from your family members? Thanks to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in this town, thanks to my family and to the sisters of the Relief Society, I can do what I am doing right now. I am grateful for my bishop who is a wonderful man, the president of the Relief Society who is my friend and my mother who has been a great support for me in this moment that I live alone with my son. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for everything that I have. The gospel is my great treasure. I know that the gospel is perfect even though we live in a world of iniquity. There is piece of heaven here. I have had the support of everyone here which it is why I can keep going. At A Glance Name: Ines Pinate Location: Santa Lucia, Venezuela Age: 35 Marital status: Single (divorced) Children: 8-year-old son Occupation: Medical Student Schools Attended: University Boliviana of Venezuela Languages Spoken at Home: Spanish Favorite Hymn: “Oh Say, What Is Truth” Interview by Neylan McBaine. Translation from Spanish by Luz Moronta.

From 1975 to 1981, Saroeun Eav fought for her life and the lives of her children as she suffered under the rule of the Khmer Rouge in her native country of Cambodia. In this excerpt from her life history, Saroeun tells of death-defying escapes, bearing children in labor camps, and, eventually, her escape to the United States where she joined the Church and raised her children in the gospel. I was born in Battambang, Cambodia, in 1952. As a child, toys that kept me entertained were coconut shells, the soil on the ground, banana leaves, and animals such as dogs and cats. I started school in the 1959. I was seven years old. My parents lived on a farm, which was 3½ miles from my school. My older brother took me to school on his bicycle with him. The first day of school my mom gave me a red skirt to wear. I was so excited to wear it. My family was very poor. We could not afford to buy chalk in the stores to write with in school, instead we went to the pond and gathered the topsoil and made that into chalk. The soil was smooth and soft. We rolled it in the shape of chalk. This was used as my chalk at school, but the color was gray instead of white. My parents made most of my school supplies such as the board, which I used to write with. My parents never had extra money to give to their children, nor to spend for school supplies. We never ate breakfast. We brought snacks to school to carry us through lunch. For snacks, my mom made small pieces of rice balls which were sprinkled with salt and wrapped in banana leaves. My brother and I would take them to school for snack time. I learned to work very hard at a young age. My parents were farmers and grew their own rice, fruits, and vegetables. I carried buckets of water with a yoke on my shoulder from a nearby river, which was ¼ of a mile from our home. I used this to water all of our plants. When our fruits and vegetables were ripe, I would help my parents pick the fruits and vegetables to sell at a public market nearby. My life was busy and difficult when I was young. I did not have much fun. When I had free time from work, I read a book so I could learn by myself. It was so hard for me to ask my parents if I could go out with my friends. They would usually not allow me to go. The only fun activity my parents allowed me to do with my friends was to jump off bridges into the water to clean ourselves off. That was why they would let us do that. In 1966 I was forced to drop out of school. My parents could not afford to have four children in school so they had me quit school and work with my older sister. The money we earned helped my other siblings continue in school. Leaving school was hard for me. I cried every day at work for the first week. I loved school and I wanted to go back so I could learn more, but I knew I couldn’t. My parents supported me so that I could go to school through my seven grades. I am grateful to them for that. Even though I didn’t have much of a chance to receive all of the knowledge that I wished for, I will never forget the kindness that my parents gave to me. In the middle of 1969, Leang Eav, who had been teaching school and living at Pursat City, came to teach school in my town. After he had lived in our town for one year, he came to rent my parent’s house. Leang and I became good friends. After he knew me better, he told his father that he was in love with me and he wanted to become engaged to me. When I was told that, I felt a little confused and embarrassed. Leang and I were good friends. We were like brother and sister especially because we had dinner at my parents’ house so often. It was so hard for me to decide about Leang. From then on I was kind of afraid to talk much to him like I use to do. I told my Mom and my older sister that I would think about marrying him. It was very hard for me to change my mind quickly from thinking of him as friend to thinking of him as a husband. While we were engaged we could not go anywhere alone. We needed to have a chaperon with us. For thirteen months before we were married, we had a chaperon whenever we were together. Saroeun Phin Eav In February 1973 I gave birth to a cute baby boy who we named Alain. We loved him very much. After Alain was born, our life was filled with blessing and gratefulness. But this happiness did not last long. The Khmer Rouge destroyed our happiness. In March of 1975, the Khmer Rouge defeated General Lon Noll who was the Cambodian President. During this time, the Khmer Rouge sent all government employees, business people and school teachers including my family to work on the farms. Transportation was not available. To get to the farm we had to walk and if we resisted in any way, we were killed. After they took over Cambodia, the Khmer Rouge played their new national anthem over the loud speakers throughout the city. It was April 17, 1975 around 9:00 am. At 2:30 pm that same day, they drove their car with loud speakers and told all the people to attend a meeting the next morning at 9:00 am. All former government teachers, soldiers and doctors were supposed to go to the elementary school near the lake. Most of them were killed right away. The Khmer Rouge had tricked them. My family had a meeting with another group of teachers and business people, and so we were not killed. One of Khmer Rouge leaders made an announcement: He ordered us to pack and told us that we were leaving town for three days. We were to pack only the important things that we needed during the three days. They said that no one was to be in their house at 4:30 pm. The meeting wasn’t long, maybe about 30 minutes. People left the meeting very quiet and in great sadness, including my family. We watched the road fill up with people trying to find the exit to get out. But along the sides of the road, from north to south and east to west were Khmer Rouge soldiers. There was no way to escape. People were confused and concerned. There were children crying and calling out, looking for their parents. Most of the families were separated from their husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, parents, and grandparents. The Family Escapes. Drawing by Alain Eav The Khmer Rouge forced their authority cruelly on the people of Cambodia. It was so sad for me to see all the suffering. I couldn’t believe how mean they were treating all of us. It was so hot on that day. We sweat so much we became dehydrated. We were so lucky that we were able to sneak past the Khmer Rouge guards to walk toward the north where there was busy traffic with many cars, motorcycles, bicycles and pedestrians. All I heard was crying, praying, people calling each other’s names, and distraught voices all around me. On that hot day, the dust blew all over. It was in the air and all over the road. It was very hard to breathe, especially for the children. Alain was fussy because it was so hot and our day had been so long. Alain was not able to take a nap and was so tired. This trip was so difficult and miserable for my family. My husband and his brother pushed the handcart through the water, mud and on the rough road. I carried Alain and tried to follow them. I tried many ways of carrying him to make Alain and myself comfortable, but it didn’t work. Alain was so uncomfortable. He was crying and fussing all day long. That year, we often took many difficult and sad trips by force. I felt so sorry for my baby. He was having such a difficult time and I didn’t know what to do. I was crying inside my heart because I didn’t want Alain to know that I was crying. I was so sad at that time and then I heard my husband’s voice say, “Push, and push harder”. I knew they were stuck in the mud. I put Alain down on the ground, I told Alain, “You stay here and mom me is going to help your dad and your uncle”. Alain stood up on the ground and said, “Go mom, go”. I gained more energy after I heard my baby’s voice. He had understood. My husband and my brother-in-law were smiling at Alain and said “Don’t move Alain, we will make it because of your help.” Finally we got out of the deep mud. We were forced into a labor camp. We worked extremely hard to survive. We woke up at 4:00 am every morning to be ready to work at 5:30 am. We worked all day until 7:00 pm without complaint. We dug the roots of trees in the water to make a space to plant the rice. Even though the water would splash and get us wet, we had to work in wet clothes all day. It is too hard to describe how difficult and miserable it was. Pushing the Handcart Through the Mud. Drawing by Alain Eav We lived in that place around six months. I remember being so tired and dizzy and sometimes without any appetite. I worried that if I wasn’t able to work, the Khmer Rouge might kill me. So I always forced myself to do it. We finished all of the work by the end of the season to grow rice and vegetables. The Khmer Rouge had moved and split our group into groups of 6-8 families. Each group lived in a different village. I still don’t know what happened to the people in my first group. I was very concerned for my husband. The Khmer Rouge wanted to destroy all of those who were educated, businessmen, teachers, and those who had ever served in the former government. I was so frightened that I had no energy to pack, but I forced myself to do so.We left that village at the end of October 1975. We walked pushing the handcart through the mud, rain, and wind. We had a very hard time on this trip because it rained so much. We got to the next village on the same day around 3:30 pm. They gave us an empty old house to stay in and in the late evening, the Khmer Rouge would come to tell us what and where to work the next day. I was worried about myself because I didn’t feel good and I was so tired all the time. I tried to force myself to work hard though because I was afraid the Khmer Rouge would kill me. The Khmer Rouge didn’t care whether people were sick or healthy. Honest people didn’t even matter to them. They just cared about those who had the ability to work. In this new village, they gave me the job of braiding thatches with the group of ladies. They used them to cover up the roof or wall of people’s houses. I didn’t like the sitting-down jobs because I was pregnant with my second child. I had a hard time to sitting on the ground while I was a pregnant. But to survive, I had to fight for it. In March 1976 I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl. We named her Rachna. Two weeks after Rachna was born they sent my husband back to work. This time was a very difficult time for me living with two kids just two weeks after labor. It was a bad situation but I had no choice. I prayed to God to help lead and guide us, to take good care of us, and to keep my family from harm. They sent me back to work 1½ months after Rachna was born to continue working at the same job that I had left. A month later, they changed me to another job of grinding rice. It was a hard job with a newborn baby. I worked the grinding rice job for one month. Both of my arms trembled and were weak. I didn’t have any sensation in my arms. I had a very hard time nursing, giving my baby a bath and carrying her when she needed me. In January of 1978 we were moved to another labor camp. I was worried and sad because I was thinking that all my family would die that day. I prayed to whoever had the most power in the world to please help my family and please save us from the harm. After I prayed I felt sad, but at the same time I felt happy because we going to die together rather than apart. We were into the third year of life under the Khmer Rouge, which was miserable and bitter. We worked very hard but there was still not enough food to eat. My husband worked the same job he had had for the last month, making roof tile. My job was to harvest rice. Sometimes I took Alain and Rachna with me to work and other times I left them at home. When Rachna stayed home with Alain, on my lunch break I would have to run home to nurse Rachna and run back to work. My husband would come to check on them too while he was on his lunch break. We would take turns to check on our children when they were home by themselves. I was so happy about my kids that I forgot about my hard work, suffering and hunger. Everyday my husband and I would run back from work to home to check on our kids during our lunch break. I told my husband about them. We were so lucky to have them. We both agreed that our life was so blessed because of them, and we both thanked God for the blessing that we received. We did not want our kids to stay with the baby sitters because most of the babysitters would steal the food from the kids to feed themselves. Everyone in the whole farm was starving to death. One cup of rice soup had about 15 to 20 grains of rice. One evening Rachna was eating her food and one grain of rice with some liquid dropped from her spoon and fell onto the wood floor. She tried to pick it up many times but she couldn’t and then she laid herself down close to the wood floor and licked it up with her tongue. As I turned around to get another spoon for Alain, I saw her but I didn’t know what she was doing until I heard she say, “I got it. I got it mom.” I felt sad because I knew she was so hungry that even if a grain of rice dropped on the floor she would try to get it. We did not leave our kids in the house everyday. Some days there was no rain so I took them with me. Alain and Rachna liked to play in the field. Alain liked to catch insects like grasshoppers, crickets and baby frogs. He would cook them in the fire when it was cooking time. He shared them with his sister. Often he tried to share some with me. I thanked him for being nice and thinking about me, and then I told him not worry about mom and to give it to his sister if he wanted to or to eat it for himself. He would say to me, “Mom I want you to taste it, it has a good taste and it will give you energy, mom.” I would eat it to make Alain happy. I just couldn’t believe that my hungry son who was not even five years old would try to feed his mom a baby frog’s leg. One night I couldn’t sleep at all because I was so confused and worried about the future. I had a thought in my mind and it seemed like someone whispered to me, “Stop worrying about everything. You will get worse if you keep worrying. Depression and stress will destroy your life before Khmer Rouge can kill you. Your kids will live a miserable life without you.” After that, I tried to forget all the troubles that I had. I had to try to be strong for my children and my husband. In January of 1979, Vietnamese communist troops took over Cambodia which was previously controlled by the Khmer Rouge. We thought it would be a good time to escape our work camp with all the chaos, so we thought about escaping from the countryside and going back to our home city. I was afraid: If the Khmer Rouge saw us on the way back to our town they would kill us. I didn’t know if we could go through with it. There was a dark cloud in my head. Before I got into bed, I knelt down and started to pray to ask for help. I said, “Whoever has the most power on earth and in the heavens, please help and bless our family to get through these problems as you know my family’s life is miserable right now. Please bless my family and give us a sign to know where to live. Please let us know if my family’s life would be better here than my hometown and if so please keep us here. If living there would be better, please send us there right away.” I was so tired that I lay down and put my arms on my chest and quickly fell a sleep. The next night and following two nights, I repeated my prayer using the same words. The Family in Thailand with Alain, Rachna and Baby Mithona Two days later, we all escaped from where we were living, Village Baray. We left Baray at 6:00am around the time people leave home to work. We tried to pretend that we were going to work like usual. We walked and ran on our bare feet. We carried my daughter and my niece on our shoulders by putting them inside a big square cloth, which we tied up and hanging them on a long stick of bamboo, which was 2 yards long. We then put that on our shoulders and tried to balance ourselves as we walked. My husband and I took turns carrying them and carrying Alain. Sometimes Alain wanted to walk by himself. Sometimes he walked and sometimes he ran. He enjoyed this trip because he didn’t know whether we were in trouble or not. My older sister carried our food supply and old clothes, which were heavy for her. My Dad walked with a cane. We walked for more than 4 hours not stopping because we were afraid the Khmer Rouge would see us and kill us. In November of 1979, my family escaped from Cambodia to Thailand. We escaped because the Vietnamese communists and the Khmer Rouge had similar ideologies and we feared what our lives would become. This was our second escape. The first was from the work camp to our home city, and this journey was from our hometown to a refugee camp in Thailand. We were so afraid because many families who attempted to escape were robbed and killed by Vietnamese and Khmer Rouge soldiers and Thai robbers. We lived in a United Nations refugee camp in Thailand for 18 months. My third child, Mithona, was born in that camp. The Yeakleys, who were an Latter-day Saint family in Washington State, sponsored us to come to the United States. When we were in the United Nations camp my husband was the one that studied English so he knew how to ask the flight attendant for what the children needed when we were on the plane to the United States. I did not know any English at all at that time. The Family in the United States I was so happy when I saw the Seattle/Tacoma airport and the people, but I became scared when I heard them talking. I didn’t understand them and so I started to worry. The first thing that made me so excited was getting off the airplane and to know we were in the United States. The exit door from the airport went around and around and made me dizzy. On the way home from the airport, I was sick because I didn’t like the food on the airplane. I didn’t eat anything except water and I was so tired and also getting out of the parking garage of the airport made me dizzy. On July 1st we moved to an apartment in Redmond, WA. At 10:00pm on the Fourth of July we were frightened from the sounds of the fireworks. I started to pack some clothes for all of my kids with shaking hands. I had nowhere to go, but it was what I was used to when we were in Cambodia. I was desperate. Living in United States was supposed to be a safe place for our children to live. Yet, I heard the fireworks, which sounded like very loud gunfire. Then my husband snuck over to the window and opened the curtain to see what exactly was going on outside. After he opened the curtain, I asked him right away, “What do you see?” He told me that he saw the people standing up in groups seeming to be having fun. They were not scared. I then took a look for myself. I saw children and adults burning the fireworks in the stick and I realized that it was fireworks. I decided to be baptized in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on August 14, 1982 in Bellevue, WA Stake Center – the same place that my husband and my older son were baptized. I couldn’t be baptized the same time with them on December 26, 1981 because I was pregnant and I had a morning sickness every day. I couldn’t concentrate to follow up all the lessons that the missionaries were teaching me. Four months after Michael was born, I went to janitor training and got a certificate. After I was baptized I realized that we needed to strengthen and protect each other by teaching and living the Gospel in our home. Our family was sealed in the Seattle Temple in 1984. My first son Alain served in the Washington D.C. South mission. My youngest son Michael served his mission in Tokyo Japan North. All four of our children are married and have graduated from Brigham Young University. The Eav Family Today We have been so blessed to have twelve grandchildren – seven girls and five boys. When we first came to the United States on May 28, 1981 we had five people in our family, but now our family has grown to 22. My children have grown up, got married and have kids of their own. Our lives have been blessed since we became members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We have also been blessed to grow up with the righteous people because they show us their great love and support. They are the best example to our family and we have learned a lot from them. Our family has been greatly blessed from living the gospel truths together, learning, praying, and obeying God’s commandments. I’m grateful for my children having strong spirits in the Church, and for their loving and supporting each other. I am so thankful for the brother and sister who taught my family and who did not give up on my family and for their love and support. I am grateful to Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ for leading, guiding, protecting, and comforting my family’s lives. I am so grateful for the many blessings that I have received. At A Glance Name: Saroeun Phin Eav Age: 58 Marital status: Married Leang Eav Children: 4 Interview produced by Neylan McBaine, with assistance of Mithona Eav Nielsen.

In four years, Catherine became the mother of five children, including two sets of twins. Catherine recounts her long struggle with infertility and how time in this personal “wilderness” helped her to see motherhood differently. Catherine also shares some of the complexities, joys, and coping strategies that help her live–and love–her busy life as a mother of five under five. What is the story behind your having five children all under five years old? My husband, Doug, and I were married in Salt Lake City and moved to Washington D.C. a year and a half later for work. Soon after the move, we decided we wanted to start a family. For six months to a year we tried on our own, but when we didn’t have any luck we went to our obstetrician to get some guidance. From there, we were referred to a great reproductive endocrinologist who did a lot of testing and determined I had high follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), which indicated low ovarian reserve. My egg quality was poor. Catherine Arveseth with Her Five Children We tried intrauterine insemination (IUI) several times because it’s less invasive than in vitro fertilization (IVF), but it didn’t work. After four years of trying and saving our money for possible IVF cycles, Doug and I were seriously considering two options: we would either adopt or try IVF. At church one Sunday, someone from LDS Family Services spoke about adoption. I was so emotional. We watched a movie about birth moms and what it takes for them to give up their babies and how many children need to be adopted. I was a blathering mess. After this experience, Doug and I did a lot of praying and finally felt IVF was the right route. Our first IVF didn’t provide great odds but we ended up with one good embryo from the eight embryos doctors were able to harvest. Two of those were implanted, and the good one took. That’s how we got our oldest daughter, Eliza. As we thought about how we would pay for another IVF treatment, a divine thing happened. The company my husband worked for changed healthcare plans to create an umbrella for infertility. This meant we went from needing to save $10,000 to having the treatment covered 100 percent, without a penny out-of-pocket.At this time, Eliza was only nine months old. We knew, however, that we wanted to take advantage of this insurance plan while it was still available, so I weaned her and we tried another IVF treatment when she was a little less than a year old. This was a better cycle, with two viable embryos. Both were implanted, and we knew there was a 50 percent chance both would take. We weren’t sure if Eliza would be our only child. If so, we would be fine — but if we could get twins out of this round, we would be thrilled. Everything worked out, and our twin girls, Alexandra and Samantha, were born. Catherine Arveseth with Two of Her Children The girls came almost two months early. Eliza was nineteen months old. This was a huge surprise and, actually, a very scary experience. The day they were born I had not felt well. I had vomited a couple of times and had a relentless headache that I couldn’t get over. I wasn’t sure what was wrong, so I called our physician and he asked me to go the hospital for monitoring. Just as I was pressing the elevator button for the labor and delivery door to open, I had an eclamptic seizure. In just twenty-four hours, I went from having normal blood pressure to such high blood pressure that it affected the brain and sent me into a full-blown seizure. Doug and I happened to be just twenty feet from the operating room, so the nurses came rushing and took me to the O.R. for a crash C-section. Luckily a physician was there who had been at the hospital longer than expected; he was just putting on his coat to head out. He went right back in and started my C-section. Both placentas abrupted during the seizure, so both babies were blue and had to be resuscitated. Had we been anywhere else, the babies would never have made it, and I may not have made it, either. Our physician lived only five minutes away and arrived in time to deliver the babies and finish the surgery. When he came out of the O.R. to talk to Doug, his shirt was covered in blood and he said, “That is the first time I’ve delivered babies in my street clothes.” I feel like the conception as well as the delivery of these two babies was a miraculous thing. We felt so grateful. While I was in the hospital recovering, my dad sent me a verse of scripture from the Old Testament. “He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.” Psalm 121:4. The Lord was so vigilant in ways we could never have foreseen. Everything was in place for us to have those little girls. What caused you to want more children after such a frightening experience? Doug was ready before I was to try for more children. The first year of our girls’ lives had been so exhausting. We were in Virginia without family. And although we had a wonderful ward that we couldn’t have done it without, the grunt of a mother’s work belongs to the mother. We are the caregivers. At the same time, Doug’s work was very demanding and often required him to work evenings and Saturdays. He was also serving as a counselor in the bishopric – so he was gone much of the time. I wasn’t quite ready for another baby, but we look back now and know we were prompted to move ahead. Catherine Arveseth During those months of deliberation, we made an unexpected decision to move back to Salt Lake City. We had been in Virginia almost eight years and thought it would be our home for a long time but an opportunity in Salt Lake presented itself and we felt urged to make the move. I knew I did not want to start over with the fertility process. If we were going to have more children, I wanted to use our fertility doctor in D.C. When we approached the doctor about another round of IVF, he said that, considering what happened with our girl twins (who are fraternal), he would only implant one embryo. We were fine with that. I had done the twin thing. I did not need to do it again. When the doctor did the transfer this time, Doug had a strong impression it would be a boy. Usually the physicians are very technical and use the term embryo, not baby. But this time he said, “We are going to place the baby right here.” Hearing those words made it seem real and within reach that the process might work another time. Only a few weeks before moving, we had a positive pregnancy test. At nine weeks gestation, I had an ultrasound, and sure enough, just one baby was growing. That’s what we had planned on. Then, at about fifteen weeks, I had some bleeding and was worried I might be losing the baby. When I went in for another ultrasound, I saw two round circles on the screen that looked like heads – the exact image I had seen with Ali and Sami. I almost stopped breathing. The tech said, “Are you aware that there are two babies in there?” My response was, “No. There cannot be. No. There is no possible way! We only put in one embryo. There cannot be two babies!” How did you come to terms with God’s will for you? Initially, news of another set of twins was shocking. I didn’t accept it right away. While staring at the ultrasound screen I got cold and my limbs begin to shake. It felt like the fight or flight syndrome was in full swing. I thought, How can I do this? How am I going to meet the needs of two more babies? While waiting to see the doctor, I called Doug and told him we were having identical twins. There was silence.Then he said, “What did you just say?” I repeated our news and he said, “No way. There’s no way. Really?” I laughed (or I was going to cry) and said, “Yes! I saw them, they’re in there. That one embryo split!” He answered with excitement, “That is awesome!” I oozed into my chair and said, “Really, you think that’s awesome?” And he said, “Of course. What are the chances? This is the Lord. He’s working in our lives.” Catherine Arveseth's Five Children It was Doug’s expression of faith—in that moment–that made me realize this was completely divine and in God’s hands. Hearing him say it would be okay and we could do it again was exactly what I needed. Within minutes, I too began to realize how amazing this really was. Occasionally, Doug would remind me that my patriarchal blessing says I will have sons and daughters. I always reconciled that by thinking I would have sons-in-law. But sure enough, we had sons. What are some of the realities of your day-to-day life? My days involve tons of multi-tasking. I feel like there’s never a break. I rush from one need to the next, probably because my children are at such young, needy ages. Some days I feel like all I do is change diapers—we have four in diapers—and wipe noses. In the middle of that, I try to nurse babies and make dinner. It was after the boys turned six months old that I pulled out a new set of pans my husband had given me for Mother’s Day. I looked at them and thought, cooking–what is that? I haven’t done this in a long time, but, wow new pans – you look so nice. A couple of nights ago, I had dinner on the stove while I was bathing the boys one at a time in the kitchen sink. In the midst of turning to stir the noodles and then bathe a baby, I had the girls on the back porch playing. I could see they had found water coming out of the drainpipe, were filling up cups and making mud pies. I couldn’t really intervene because I had a hot stove and a baby in our sink. Before long, the girls ran into the house covered in mud, rushing to make it to the bathroom. The twin girls are potty training, so they ran to the toilet and started calling for me. They had to sit and wait. Someone is always waiting in our house. It’s a really housebound time, and it’s hard to even step outside with all the kids. We rarely load everyone in the car and go somewhere. Since the boys were born, all of us together have been to church, my mother’s house, and my mother-in-law’s house. That’s it. As a mother, what are some of your coping strategies? As a product of our circumstances, I’m trying to live in the now and enjoy and soak up as much as I can. I promised myself that because we went so long without children, and I knew what a gift they were—even though they did come all at the same time—that I would not complain. I knew it would be hard, and I do sometimes find myself complaining about the logistics (I never have enough hands) but not in my heart because I know it’s such a blessing and honor to be a mother. I’m already feeling the brevity of this time. I can see that this season doesn’t last very long. Soon the kids will be grown and through these phases where they are so needy. I’m trying to enjoy the moment as much as I can. I take a lot of pictures and try to see things through my children’s eyes. Writing about our life also keeps me sane. I blog, which is a great outlet when my life right now is so insular. I’m not meeting with many people face-to-face, so it’s a way for me to connect. Plus, writing things down helps me see situations in a more humorous light. I also want to capture the feelings I have right now. If I don’t, I’m afraid it will be gone, a blur, and I won’t remember at all. My children are learning independence – probably earlier than they would have otherwise. I have to let them do things for themselves and each other. Like getting dressed, even if the outfit clashes horribly, doing their own hair, or making a peanut butter-jelly sandwich. This usually means more messes but I’m getting okay with that. My twin girls have basically potty-trained themselves – with assistance from their big sister. And all three of them have learned how to help me with things around the house. They empty the dishwasher, take out the garbage, help me gather and sort laundry, clean up toys, assist with meal prep (Eliza is a great potato peeler). Things aren’t always done my way, but I’m grateful for their help. Catherine Arveseth and Her Family A few nights ago I heard Eliza in the hallway saying, “Hold still. I’ve almost got it.” There she was, kneeling on the floor, trying to put Sami’s diaper on for me. I asked her to help Sami find the diaper box but she went the extra mile by trying to put it on (something she’s never done before) – because I was in the middle of changing the boys. Moments like that fill me with love for my children and help me embrace our circumstances. All this independence, however, can sometimes lead to unsupervised disasters. Yesterday, the kids unraveled an entire roll of toilet paper, tore it into tiny pieces, then sprayed down the laundry room, and themselves, with OxiClean. These kinds of things can make me so crazy, but I have to see it through my children’s eyes. They’re exploring, and I try not to get frustrated. I can also tell when I’m maxed out and need to leave the house. When these times come, I get a babysitter and do something for myself. I like to meet a friend for lunch or sit at Barnes and Noble and read. How do you find the time to renew yourself? It’s hard to carve out time to feed myself spiritually. I admit there are times I don’t feel very spiritual or in-tune. Life has been so intense. In the days when the boys were new, I would often get ready for bed and realize I hadn’t even looked in the mirror or brushed my teeth all day. During that time, I was praying, but good scripture study was nonexistent. Lately, I’m in a better routine. It helps if I get up early to read the scriptures, and I always read before bed. I tend to sacrifice sleep to feed my soul. Maybe that’s not the best thing, but when everyone’s in bed and it’s finally quiet, I feel such a need to renew myself. I’ve been thinking a lot about this time when it’s common for young mothers to feel spiritually barren. We’re in our own little wilderness. A good friend of mine keeps a letter in her scriptures that her mother gave her before she went on her mission. She wrote, “Like Alma, John the Baptist and all the other recobites, you will be out in the wilderness. But that is where all the fiery things happen. It is where God likes to come.” I love that idea. Even though this is such an intense time, He does not forsake us—even when we can’t be as spiritually committed as we’d like and when our spiritual study isn’t what we want it to be. My heart is there. I want to give my spirit the time. I want to be diligent, but I’m doing the best I can. I have to trust that’s enough. And when I look back, I think I’ll see that He really does visit in those times. He’s a part of it. He’s there. He’s handling my life even when I don’t see and feel it. How did the years of infertility change your perspective on motherhood? It made me much more grateful for the privilege of being a mother. During the difficult years before children, I read everything in the scriptures about waiting on the Lord. There had been promises made in my patriarchal blessing, and in other blessings I had received, that I would eventually be a mother. The long wait made motherhood that much sweeter, and I knew I never wanted to take it for granted. In thinking again about the wilderness analogy, there must be opposition in our lives. When people go through that wilderness and finally receive the gift they’ve been waiting so long for, the drinking from the well is that much sweeter. You can drink much more deeply because you’ve been without for so long. My wilderness made me grateful. Because of it, I never want to be distracted as a mother. I want to funnel all of my knowledge and energy into mothering. I want to give all I have to these children. How can mothers focus on enjoying rather than surviving motherhood? I can relate to survival mode, the feeling of being the mommy martyr – feeling like you’re not getting out, you’re not doing anything for yourself – you’re stuck meeting needs that seem so basic. I am enjoying motherhood, and for me slowing down is key. As the mother of twins, I have to multitask. At the same time, I have to resist the temptation to, for example, read all the kids a quick story and shuffle them off to bed. It’s helped to find time with each child individually. I have to stop myself and take those one-on-one moments to have a small conversation with a child or wrap a little one in my arms and give them a hug, or snuggle with them at night. When these opportunities present themselves, it’s so easy to hurry past them. However, when I can tell a child needs that one-on-one time, I probably need it too, maybe even more than they do. When I stop, I’m filled. It only takes two minutes. I don’t know why I’m in such a hurry to move on to the next meal, nap, or whatever it is. Another helpful strategy is a shift in thinking about housework, feedings, cooking, and laundry as drudgery. Julie Beck once said it’s just as much an honor to feed and nurture your children physically as it is spiritually. I also love the proverb, “Work is love made visible.” When we are working in the home for our families, it’s all out of love. We made the choice to be mothers and we are motivated by love. Letting that mentality flow out of us and into the work that we’re doing can keep us from being frustrated by the daily chores – the tasks that are constantly undone.I actually love that my children are all smooshed together. Although it’s fast and furious right now, and will probably always be that way, I think they will be good friends, as they experience the same phases of life together. They are lucky to have each other. And it’s a privilege to be their mom. At A Glance Name: Catherine Arveseth Location: Salt Lake City, UT Age: 35 Marital status: Married 10 years Children: Five – Eliza (4), Samantha & Alexandra (3), Spencer & Gordon (10 months) Occupation: Exercise Physiologist, Freelance Writer Schools Attended: University of Utah – BS (Exercise Science), English Minor Favorite Hymn: “Abide With Me” Current Church Calling: Relief Society Teacher On The Web: http://dcarvys.blogspot.com/ Interview by Melissa Hardy. Photos by Katrina Anderson.

After being able to have only one child, Ruth Renlund became a personal injury trial lawyer. At the peak of a long and fulfilling professional life, Ruth has now become the wife of a General Authority serving in South Africa. In her interview, Ruth discusses the challenges of having an only child within Church culture, and how she’s transitioned from being an independent professional to serving with her husband in a foreign country. Did you always plan on a career in law? Not really. I grew up in Salt Lake City, the second of six children in a family where education was encouraged. My father was a lawyer who defended insurance companies and my mother was a registered nurse with a bachelor’s degree. I had an early interest in the law, but was discouraged by my father from pursuing it. He had a low opinion of women lawyers because he felt that the time demands were too high for it to be compatible with raising a family. This was in 1976, so I finished my undergraduate work at the University of Utah quickly and then went on for another year to get a teaching certificate. I taught English and debate for three years at South High because that’s what they needed, even though my background was in history and French. I married Dale Renlund after college and planned to teach until he finished medical school. Then I’d raise our family and after that I planned to return to some kind of graduate work. A cross-country move for your husband’s medical training, a new baby, and an unexpected illness led you down a different path that ended up with you going to law school. What happened during that period of time? We moved to Baltimore, Maryland for my husband’s internship and medical residency. I had my daughter, Ashley, one week before Dale started his internship. A year later when I was 25, when Ashley was just sixteen months old, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The disease is very rare in young women; it’s commonly found in older childless women. Thankfully it was caught early. I underwent a total hysterectomy, nine months of chemotherapy, and a second surgery. My doctor told me that if I survived five years I would be considered cured. I didn’t expect to have a huge family, but I always thought we’d have more children, so we grieved when we found out that we’d only have one child. Of course, adoption was an option, but because my health was uncertain, we weren’t sure if I would be around to raise the child I had. I prayed for guidance, and at that point we knew our family was complete. I was impressed to go to law school and fulfill a deep-seated desire. Ruth Lybbert Renlund and Her Husband How did you balance school and motherhood, since your husband was also in a rigorous training program? When Dale was a resident he had a demanding call schedule, on call every third night. You don’t just marry a person, you marry a lifestyle. So I was basically a single mother, and when I embraced that it became easier. At that same time he also was called as the bishop of an inner-city ward, so when he wasn’t at work he was doing Church business. I treated school as a nine-to-five job. I arranged for all of Ashley’s childcare, preschool, and after-school arrangements. I’d go to school, come home, spend time with Ashley, and then study at night. During finals Dale would take her with him on home visits while I studied. It actually worked out quite well because no one could refuse letting him into their home with such a cute four-year-old. How did your law career progress and what have been some of your most rewarding professional experiences? I enjoy the intellectual challenge and helping clients solve their problems. Law crosses all aspects of life, so I could be a generalist and still have interactions with business and people. After finishing law school at the University of Maryland, I began at the Utah Attorney General’s office, working to bring lawsuits on behalf of the state. I enjoyed it, but came to a point where I wanted to work more closely with individuals, so I searched for a firm where I could do that. I ended up doing personal injury trial work. I’ve handled multi-district litigation representing hundreds of clients as well as individuals with catastrophic injury cases. Working with clients and becoming almost like family at difficult times is very rewarding. I’ve gotten high school graduation announcements, wedding announcements, and so forth from former clients. I also encounter many of the same attorneys on the other side of the aisle in trials so I’ve come to know people and respect them. It takes time to build those relationships, but they’ve been very fulfilling over the years. How did you juggle your various roles as Ashley was growing up? It went day to day. Some days I had to be Mom and was home. Other times I had to be the lawyer and stay late at the office to take care of some work. Other times I had to be the spouse. It doesn’t equally play out each day. You have to respond to the situation that’s there. It was nice because my mom lived close and Ashley went to her house on Fridays when she had a half-day of school and got to spend time with her grandma and cousins. How did you nurture your relationship with your spouse amidst your busy schedules? We planned vacations and weekend getaways six months out and held dates firm. We resisted when life encroached. Dale worked in cardiology doing heart failure and heart transplant medicine. He did a fair amount of international travel so I’d take time off work and travel with him. We also took regular family trips. Sometimes we could get away for a week, other times two days. We also tried to do date nights, which often involved attending a church meeting. Sometimes stake conference would be our date night. We also always tried to catch up in the evening. If he couldn’t come home, he’d call. Thank goodness for phones. What reactions did you receive, if any, about having one child in a church where large families are the norm? People can be very judgmental and it was often hurtful. People who knew us and our situation were understanding, but others would often ask, “How many children do you have?” When I responded, “One, and we’re so thankful for her,” they often looked surprised. Maybe this is rude, but if people started to pry I’d just tell them that it was none of their business. Even with one child, I heard comments like, “When will you have a family?” I do have a family! Ashley once asked me when she was going to get a big sister and I told her that ship had sailed, but that one of the benefits of being an only child was that she could travel with us. You can’t do that easily with a larger number of children. When my father was serving as a general authority in Hong Kong, Ashley went with me to visit them. She also went with us to China, Paris, London, and other places. We told her she could go anywhere she wanted for school because our entire education budget was available to her. One of the reasons we moved back to SLC from Maryland was so that Ashley would have a sense of family beyond her parents. She had her cousins nearby, many of whom were close to her in age. What was your reaction to your husband’s call to the Quorum of the Seventy and subsequent assignment to South Africa, since it had such big implications for you as well? I was thrilled that he’d be deemed worthy to serve in such a calling. It was also a huge shock. I’ve always had an independent life. In my work I went by my maiden name to have some professional separation from my husband. I’ve served on the boards of corporations. Now I’m Sister Renlund and people don’t know about my background. I say, “Just call me Ruth.” What was involved in wrapping up two careers before embarking on your new adventure? It was busy. I met with every client to let them know I’d be leaving. I discussed cases with my partners to decide which would be the best fit for each situation and to ensure a smooth handoff. I got mixed reactions when people found out I’d be leaving to help supervise missionary and humanitarian work in Africa. Some said, “Good for you, Ruth. There’s more to life than being a lawyer.” Others responded, “How can you leave when you’re at the peak of your career?” I just tried to explain my commitment to my church and my faith. What are your new responsibilities? I worried about that when he got called because as the spouse you have to create your own role. I travel extensively with him to mission tours, stake and district conferences, and on other assignments. I do a lot of speaking and training of women auxiliary leaders. We’ve averaged one mission tour a month and are gone for seven to ten days at a time. We’ve been to the Democratic Republic of Congo and recently returned from Uganda. Dale and I have had a chance to work together as we discuss our meetings. One of us will discuss what we addressed in our trainings and suggest ideas for what the sisters or priesthood brethren need to hear. It’s our first time with somewhat of a joint calling and I’ve enjoyed it. In addition, I have two official callings. First, I was asked to write the history for the Africa Southeast Area regarding the activities of the area presidency. I just finished the 2009 area history and am working on the 2010 edition. Second, I’m on the public affairs committee. I work to help the Church and its mission to become better known. We also have fifteen senior missionary couples and I help get them acclimatized to the area as far as managing how to function in this new, unfamiliar environment. How have you been able to use your skills and talents in your work in Africa? I am a problem solver and no matter where you are, there are always problems to be solved. We just went on a mission tour to Uganda and there are twenty issues that need to be resolved, like getting curriculum distributed to the Saints. So we have to find who’s responsible and go through the proper channels. I’ve also begun blogging, which has been very fun. I take pictures of our experiences because there’s no way you can describe Africa in words. How have you grown as a result of these new experiences? What have you learned from the African culture and people? I’d like to think I’m more tolerant, less judgmental. President Hinckley spoke of our church as a great worldwide family and I thought, “Of course.” But it’s different when you have a face with it. I’m more appreciative of the blessings I have. Our experience has been heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. These people have nothing as far as the world’s goods, but those with the gospel feel rich. The people know their Bibles very well and treasure them. The work is going well here because many have a believing heart and they recognize the truth. They also have the challenge of working against cultural traditions. I was just in a gospel doctrine lesson where a new convert was teaching about the trials Joseph faced in Egypt. She was the only member in her family and they just found out that her niece had leukemia, a rare disease in Africa. Her family accused her and her new church of bringing this disease upon her niece as a result of witchcraft and praying in their temples. She understood trials, but it was still so sad to hear of such a situation. The people will walk 45 minutes each way to church and then stay all day for services and then for a fireside. While we were in Uganda, a group of Saints camped out overnight on the church grounds because they were too far from home and couldn’t afford to make it back for the next day’s meetings. So we had missionaries calling us on a Sunday morning asking if it was all right if they bought food for these people. The women dress in beautiful clothing for church with their bright colors and elaborate headdresses. They are very committed and faithful. Do you think that there’s a difference in Africa with having more of the essence of the gospel than cultural influence that might exist in a more Western area? Yes, that’s a good way to put it. We were working with RS leaders recently and asked them what challenges they were facing. They responded that they had a hard time getting the women to come to stake quarterly enrichment meetings. I asked about what other meetings they were required to attend and they mentioned that they held meetings every Wednesday where the women would get together and share recipes, knit, talk about parenting, and learn other skills. I was astounded. They held these weekly meetings and had great attendance because the culture is agriculturally based so there’s nothing going on at night. We asked if there were any literacy needs and they replied that they were helping women learn to read, so it sounded to me like the women’s needs were being met, which is what’s important. Our only suggestion was that perhaps they incorporate some of the Enrichment nights with the existing weekly meetings. I was just surprised that with all the poverty and physical hardship that their concern would be about attendance at enrichment night. How was the transition for you to Africa as far as culture, security? It’s a big difference. Salt Lake really is a small city and Johannesburg is a big city, so everything just takes longer, even just the basic things such as getting around and going to the grocery store. Security is also very different. We are surrounded by walls and I can’t get out of our house without using at least three keys. There are no such things as deadbolts in Africa. There are keys to the bathroom, keys to the pantry, etc. We also travel places that the locals say that they don’t even go. Driving on the left side of the road has also been an adjustment. What have you learned from your life experiences so far? One thing I’ve always felt strongly about is that there’s no one way to be an LDS woman. Each has a right to personal revelation and is expected to use that. It should be personal and we shouldn’t let other people’s comments shake our direction. I think women are particularly susceptible to that. At A Glance Name: Ruth Lybbert Renlund Location: Johannesburg, South Africa Age: 54 Marital status: Married Dale G. Renlund (1977) Children: Ashley Ruth Renlund, age 29 Occupation: retired (for the moment) lawyer Schools Attended: University of Utah 1974-77, B.A. History: University of Maryland, JD 1986 Languages Spoken at Home: English Favorite Hymn: “How Firm A Foundation” Current Church Calling: Afrtica Southeast Area historian and public Affairs Committee Interview by Nollie Haws

Blue married Doc thirty-five days after he returned home from his mission. Nine years later, he revealed to Blue that he didn’t actually believe in God. Blue discusses how spiritual laziness in her early marriage contributed to her husband’s crisis of faith, how her family now functions with its unusual dynamic, and why she stays in her marriage and in the Church. Tell me about meeting your husband. In my patriarchal blessing I was told I would be led to a righteous young man who would love me, and that we’d be married and have a family. As eighteen year old freshmen in college, Doc found me and we quickly became best friends. While he was basically in love with me from the start, I had zero interest in waiting for a missionary and kind of resisted letting my feelings evolve in that direction. But the better friends we became, the more impossible it was for me to resist falling in love with him. Did you ever have any doubts that marrying Doc was the right choice for you? That year as we grew closer, I knew that if I was supposed to marry him I’d need to know for sure that he was the one. So for the first time in my life, I really fasted, intent on getting an answer. And to my joy, I got it. I just knew. The spirit showed me my answer in a way that confirmed he was my match. I couldn’t have made it through the years he was gone without the assurance that it was the right thing to do. We got married about a month after his mission ended, and quickly settled into a busy life that included church, work, and school. Unfortunately, we didn’t establish a habit of reading the scriptures and praying regularly together. Today I have a testimony of the importance of regular scripture study because that is our armor; it is the way that we can protect ourselves every day. But Doc and I weren’t doing that at the time, which I feel led to what happened next. During the first year of our marriage, Doc decided to look into some questions that had come up during his mission about the church. He went to the BYU library to research topics and find answers to his questions. Quite unexpectedly, as he delved into the history more deeply, he began to lose his faith in God. But instead of mentioning anything to me about it, he just kept it to himself, because it was painful. Pretty much within that first year, he went from a true and faithful member, to not believing in God anymore. But again, he didn’t tell me what was happening within, because he didn’t foresee where this road was going. He thought, “I can compartmentalize this. I can live the Mormon life, even if I don’t believe it and it won’t be a problem.” He didn’t realize that as time went by it would become harder and harder for him to live at odds with himself; that he would eventually grow weary of it. Did he live as if he were a believing Mormon for many years? Yes. He continued to attend church and serve in callings. He told me once, when I asked him why, “It’s a good journey and the journey is the reward.” There are a lot of things about the church that he likes. It teaches good principles in general, and it’s his heritage since he comes from pioneer stock. After college we moved to Chicago where he continued his studies and earned a Ph.D. We both really loved our ward there. He found friends in the ward who he could relate to, members who had questions and weren’t just “swallowing the kool-aid” (his words). Many of them had found a way to reconcile their questions and doubts with their faith. When did he finally tell you about what he’d come to believe? About nine years after we were married. I was pregnant with our second child… He sat down next to me one night and somehow it just came out that he didn’t believe in God. This caught me completely off-guard. I’d realized he wasn’t as gung-ho about the gospel as some people, and had various questions about our church specifically, but it had honestly never occurred to me that he didn’t believe in Jesus Christ as our Savior. He suggested that I only believed because I had been raised in the United States, and if I’d been raised in Japan, I would believe in Buddha. If I had been raised in India, I would have believed in Hinduism. I’d never even thought of that. This was an earth-shattering realization for me. Doc was studying to be a scientist, and I thought, Scientists don’t have an agenda, they just want truth. So if I had read and studied like he has, I’d have concluded what he’s concluded, and therefore he’s probably right. I was just devastated. My whole life shifted in an instant. My whole belief platform was yanked away from me. I could see the possibility that everything I had believed wasn’t true; that maybe I had imagined it. Maybe it was all in my brain. I suddenly couldn’t trust any of the spiritual experiences I’d ever had before… except one. When I was fifteen years old I was at the beach, and got sucked far out to sea. After considerable time trying to make it to shore, my energy was spent and I was struggling to fight for my life. Suddenly, the suggestion came to my mind (when I was so tired and fatigued) that I should just take a little nap to get my strength back, and then I could keep trying. I wasn’t really thinking clearly, and I thought, “Yeah, that would be a good idea.” I had just shut my eyes to do it when what sounded like an audible man’s voice pierced through the fog in my mind and decisively instructed me, “Pray!” I instantly jerked back to alertness, and replied in my mind to him, saying, “I can’t pray, I can’t get to the bottom of the ocean to kneel.” Then I saw my whole life flash before me. That’s such a weird and amazing experience. You would think that it would take a long time, but it was almost like an instantaneous awareness of everything, with certain things highlighted all at once, in this case all the lessons I’d heard about how we can pray anywhere, about anything, no matter what. This experience didn’t seem to use up any time, and it was the first time I realized that I didn’t have a clue about some of the ways God has of communicating. I simply said, “Heavenly Father, please help me.” No typical formalities, or even “amen” at the end. And I don’t know what happened, but that was the last thing I remembered before I woke up on the sand, with a bit of a sunburn from being there a while. This happened on a blistering hot day during the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles, and the beach was utterly packed. When I woke up I looked around. No one was paying attention to me. No person had rescued me or they’d have been with me. When the recollection of what had happened out there hit me, the realization that God was real, and not only that, but he knew me, simply overwhelmed me. Somehow I was saved from a watery grave. I’d been snatched and preserved for some purpose. My life mattered. I held onto this experience for years. So that night when my dear husband told me he didn’t believe in God, even though I could almost explain away all the others, that was the one spiritual experience I couldn’t disregard. There was simply no other explanation. At this point did he tell you that he’d been doubting for nine years? Yes. For nine years he had a secret that I didn’t know about… which in and of itself felt like a betrayal. I thought, “But we tell each other everything. How could this be?” He has since said many times that he wished he’d told me from the very beginning of his crisis of faith. After he told me about his loss of faith, not a lot changed in our day-to-day. I had my own crisis of faith in response to his, but we still lived like active believers, paid tithing, attended church, served in our callings and enjoyed the fellowship of our ward. But after he finished his Ph.D., we moved to New England, and Doc had difficulty finding any kindred spirits to connect with in our new ward. We were both suffering spiritually. He didn’t want to disappoint his family and hadn’t disclosed his loss of faith to any of them. So it was this big secret that I had to bear alone. After struggling with it for a few years, I encouraged him to talk to the bishop about where he was with his faith. Eventually he agreed to, and our bishop (who was also scientifically trained) encouraged Doc just to compartmentalize his beliefs. That helped for a little while. And by “compartmentalize” you mean live as a Mormon and work out his theological issues within himself? Yes. But for my husband, it didn’t feel like there was anything to work out. He just thought, “I don’t believe. I don’t know there’s a God. I don’t think anyone can know.” Did he ever go through a time where he tried to fast and pray and read his scriptures to work out his spiritual problems, or do you think he faced it with a scientific approach? I think that he concluded that he’d spent two full years reading, praying, studying and teaching the gospel every day as a missionary, and there wouldn’t be any point in trying that route again. He also studies the human brain in his profession, which he says is an amazing organ that we know almost nothing about even now. He told me “I wouldn’t trust any answers I got because our brains are capable of producing amazing experiences, and we interpret them through our life experiences. They don’t necessarily mean what we think they mean”. I always felt like this was a tidy and convenient excuse, because it leaves no room for faith in his life, only evidence-based beliefs. But that said, his seems to have been an honest fall from faith, despite the common perception that “he must have sinned or done something to lose the Holy Ghost.” I admit, I thought that too at first. But I believe we can lose our way by giving into carelessness, doubt and sin. My husband and I were careless about reading the scriptures and saying prayers. We entertained doubts, and we all sin everyday. We need the Atonement and regular repentance in our lives if we’re to keep the Spirit with us. If we don’t guard ourselves against those things, then we’re in danger of things we don’t even know are out there. It’s the small and simple things that bring great things to pass, like a strong testimony and sense of purpose. What’s “smaller” than prayer and reading the scriptures? What’s simpler than studying His word and feeding our spirits and remembering Him every day? Please talk about how you struggled with Doc’s loss of faith. After my initial shock wore off, I confess trying to play “Let’s Make a Deal” with God. I prayed, “Okay, Heavenly Father, if you need to blind me or maim me or give us some trial to humble him, it’s a small price to pay for my husband’s soul.” It didn’t take me long to realize that this wasn’t how God works (and that I wasn’t all that humble myself). Time went by and his agnosticism became an enormous wedge between us. It’s not entirely his fault. A lot of people look at me and say, “Oh, you’re a saint for hanging in there,” but the fact is that I did a lot of things that contributed to the situation, too. After my initial crisis of faith passed, I determined to stay close to the Church and I had Doc’s blessing and support in this, but from then on my position was, “I’m right and he’s wrong.” I thought that clearly I’m the believer so I’m in the right. Smug sure is a clever form of pride. So for a long time I operated as though all our problems were entirely his fault. I thought things like, “If he’d told me when it happened, before we had kids, this would be a no-brainer. I’m not strong enough in my faith to be married to a closeted apostate! I need a man I can lean on.” But now we had our lovely children to consider, and we both want what’s best for them, to say nothing of the fact that he and I love each other. My attitude only served to make him feel like nothing he did was good enough. I remember him saying, “I will go to my grave knowing that I’ve disappointed you. There’s no way that I can undo this, and it’s just tragic. I didn’t want you to be the star of your own personal Shakespearean tragedy.” It’s just sad, and from his perspective there’s no way around it. He didn’t expect this to happen. Neither of us asked for it, but it is what it is. So what happened next? Things degenerated a lot. Our relationship became very rocky. I wasn’t doing well spiritually on my own, and finally things were so bad that one day I thought, I can just leave the church. No one here would care, and it would remove this big wedge in my marriage, it would be a way to improve something in my life. I remember I hadn’t been studying the gospel on my own for years at that point (outside of church attendance), including reading The Ensign magazine. But for some reason, as I was wrestling with my relationship with the Church, the Ensign came in the mail and I started reading President Hinckley’s article where he promised certain blessings would come into our lives if we’d read every day and finish the Book of Mormon before the end of the year. For some reason, I thought “I’ll take this little challenge.” It’d be kind of a parting “Hail Mary” to the Mormon Church. I had no idea this challenge was going to become a church-wide movement. I started reading the scriptures consistently everyday, and after a few months I somehow developed a testimony of the Book of Mormon. I remember the moment it happened. The book became almost like an epic movie while reading the Alma war chapters. Before this, I couldn’t keep anyone straight and most of it didn’t make sense to me. There were nice verses here and there, but I didn’t get all this talk of war. So how surprising that it was in the war chapters that the spirit of that great book started to work in me! Suddenly I could almost “see” the people, they were alive and distinct individuals to me and it was as though I could feel and sense what they were experiencing vicariously. It was an amazing spiritual experience. I spent all day reading… I literally got lost in it and it was delicious in a way that people had described before, but which I had never experienced. So I finally had this tiny little Book of Mormon faith, and I was almost like, “Oh, great!” Honestly, I kind of hoped it wasn’t true so I could leave the church with a clean conscience. But now I had to stay. I knew something in a way I never had before. And that was hard but it was also good. Because for the first time I had this kernel of bonafide faith…. and it was the smallest little kernel… but it was real. Finally my testimony wasn’t just based on belief, or acceptance or upbringing or social friends. I was staying in the church because darn it, it is true. Were you upset because you didn’t end up with the life you had envisioned for yourself? No doubt I’ve spent a lot of time hosting a glorious pity party! My attitude was, “I did everything right. I got married in the temple and did all the things I was taught. This shouldn’t have happened!” No one ever told me “Set your goals, but if life doesn’t work out the way you planned….” So when things didn’t work out the way I expected, I was caught off-guard. I think that’s something we can do better—to prepare our children and ourselves–with skills and awareness needed to handle unexpected life events. Talk about how to live happily with unanticipated changes, especially in families. Satan will use anything he can to tear apart families, and the adversary started using my husband’s decisions and beliefs to cast doubt in my mind about whether I should stay in my marriage or not. I mean, wouldn’t it be better for me to leave him and go find a righteous man who wants to raise the kids Mormon? That’s the idea that I had to fight and wrestle with. You and your family moved to Salt Lake so Doc could attend medical school, even though he was already well-established in his scientific career. How have things changed for you as a family since making that decision? I knew medical school would be hard; I thought I knew what we were in for as a couple and family. But I had no idea how rigorous and demanding the process would be. I had accepted where we were as our “new normal”, and figured we would just ride out forever, with Doc as a closeted heretic living like a believer. But after we’d been in school a couple of years, he came to me and said, “I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t live the lie. I need to start edging my way out of the church.” He stopped taking the sacrament, and made some other changes that were very disheartening for me. I had gotten so comfortable with how we’d been, and this was yet another change. I was having a really hard time with some other struggles already, and this just tipped me over the edge. I fell into a deep depression, that required me to pull in and let go of a lot of things just to survive. Why was it so hard for you to see Doc actually leave the church, when you’d known for years he didn’t believe? It was hard because I love the guy! I also felt like it was my job to fix him. And that as long as his only struggle was not believing, then he’d be able to have his change of heart and no one would ever know what we’d been through. Edging his way out of living like a Mormon terrified me like nothing else. I worried over his soul like never before. Then I had lunch with a friend who was in a similar situation, but after they were married her husband actually became totally anti-Mormon. He never set foot in the church, and began making a lot of the same choices mine had made. She finally decided, “I can either accept him for who he is, because he’s a great father, a great husband and I love him, or I should let him go because it’s not my job to make him feel like he’s not good enough.” She said it was the hardest process, but she finally made peace with their situation. It was hard to break those habits of judging him, but once she did, their relationship got closer and things really improved. In that moment I had an epiphany that what I had been doing was holding back my love, being critical of Doc, looking at the motes in his eye and ignoring my own beams. I had a lot of repenting to do because of that, and felt truly humbled for all the hurt I’d caused him with my judgment and pride. I wrote him a letter and expressed how much I love him, and how sorry I was for all the years I had held back my love and acceptance and made him feel bad about things. I thanked him for all the wonderful things about him, including how he’s stuck it out with me through everything when so many other men would have just walked away and never looked back. It took a lot of weight off my shoulders to finally have that insight, and I was so grateful for that tender mercy. How has it changed things? It is really hard for me to change habits, and I’ve had to work at not saying things I would have said in the past. But we are sealed together and I want to be with him forever. I don’t pretend to understand the ins and outs of all that, but I believe that if I live as well as I can, that’s all I have control over. If I love Doc as unconditionally as I can, like our Savior loves him, that’s all I can do. I don’t know how it will all work out, but I’m somehow not worried about it the way I used to be. I’ve felt peace about it finally. As I mentioned, I used to think it was my job to save him. I still have a lot to learn about the atonement, and I worry about how his choices will affect our children through their teen years and beyond. They may struggle in ways they might not have if he’d been a strong member leading by example in the church., and that scares me just like it would any mom. I don’t know what kinds of things they’re going to have to deal with, but I do know that no one gets through this life without our own customized set of circumstances and opportunities to learn and grow and prove ourselves. We will all make major mistakes, but Heavenly Father loves us anyway. I’m just trying to become like Him. What things have helped your marriage the most? I think the thing that helped our marriage was me helping me. This included finding a good therapist to work with. There were so many different things I had to address—things that happened during my upbringing that affected my self-esteem and my sense of identity, as well as all my relationships. Developing genuine faith in Christ has been a big key. He has always been near me, even when I didn’t know it. I’m discovering that everyone struggles to figure out who they really are and why they’re here. I know now that there isn’t just one way to be a Mormon. Realizing that you can try to do everything “right” but you’re still going to have trials, and that they’re actually a blessing in disguise. The Savior actually did everything right and he still had trials. Without Doc’s experiences I wouldn’t have gone through the journey, which has resulted in a little bit of bona fide faith that continues to grow. Despite how painful it has been at times, I am very grateful to have my dear husband, lovely children and a testimony in my heart. Doc was right, the journey is the reward! At A Glance Name: Blue Location: Salt Lake City, UT Age: 41 Marital status: Married 20 years Occupation: Flight Attendant Schools Attended: Brigham Young University Languages Spoken at Home: English Favorite Hymn: “How Firm A Foundation” especially the last four verses that we never sing! Interview by Shelah Miner

In February 2001, Marilynn Clark visited Africa on a humanitarian expedition and the trip gave her a vision for her future work. She has since started Inside Out Learning, a system of teaching that introduces critical thinking, creativity, and moral perspectives to African school children. Marilynn discusses how humility and her experience in Church callings have made IOL possible. How did you initially become interested in helping the people of Africa? I like to travel but my husband doesn’t, so when I have an opportunity to go somewhere, I jump at the chance. Years ago, a friend called and said she was going on a humanitarian expedition to Africa. Africa was a place I hadn’t visited and it sounded exciting, so I went. That was February 2001. We visited schools, took school supplies, and enjoyed a cultural experience. I don’t think we did much to help the people, but for me it was a life-changing experience. I had never been to a third-world country. I wasn’t aware of the poverty that existed, and I was so shocked by the tragedy, the desperate situation that much of Africa’s population faces. On one of my first trips to Africa, I traveled to Uganda and met a man who wanted to go to medical school. I agreed to help him financially, but I didn’t have extra discretionary funds, so I had to make the money I had agreed to send him. So I started baking. I have a couple of neighbors and friends who help me, and we bake a couple times a month, sometimes once a week. On a big day, we go through 100 pounds of flour. It’s a big baking day. We’ve funded this student for three years. He has two more years before graduating. It’s a community effort. All of my neighbors buy my rolls and bread. They pay more than they would at the grocery store. I hesitate to talk about this because it’s not just me. If it were, there would be nothing. Success has come from everyone contributing their piece. What is Inside Out Learning and how did your initial experience lead you to develop the program? After my initial trip to Africa, I decided I had to do something that would truly make a difference. So I continued going back, usually once a year, and each time I tried to learn for myself what that thing would be that could make a difference. Each trip I gathered more pieces of the puzzle and thought about what I would ultimately do to really make a difference in Africa. Instead of putting on Band-Aids, I wanted to get to the root cause of the poverty. After a series of discoveries, I knew there was something about Africa’s educational system that wasn’t preparing people to face life, and solving this problem is where I ultimately decided to focus my energies. Many Africans are well educated, but they can’t seem to change the economy. Africa has a 70 percent unemployment rate. The people aren’t lazy, and they have ability. But there is a missing link between the education of the work force and their productivity. Most African schools use the rote teaching method that focuses on memorization, so creative children are often eliminated from the educational process. This led me to think about how teachers were working with children in the classroom. In addition, much of Africa faces moral problems associated with the AIDS pandemic. The concept of the family is broken. The people have lost their moral compass. Marilynn Clark Knowing all of this, I began working with a group of American teachers in 2005 to develop Inside Out Learning (IOL), a system of teaching that focuses on three things: 1) critical thinking, 2) creativity, and 3) moral values. IOL is based on the premise that all people are endowed with skills necessary to survive and thrive in this world. The program does not teach an academic curriculum but provides support and life skills to fully empower pupils to achieve their own greatness. The goal of IOL is to give African children, through their teachers, the knowledge necessary to discover solutions to life’s fundamental challenges. IOL gives people tools to solve their own problems. Our team can’t solve the people’s problems for them. The formula for our success is that IOL allows Africans to teach Africans. We are introduced as support to teachers. Americans are not coming in pushing what they think is best. We don’t bring curriculum; we bring ideas. Teachers use their own curriculum, their own books. We just teach them how to be more effective in the classroom. We teach them different activities. We use music, inquiry-based learning. We teach how to ask questions, how to help a student who has questions, how to work as a team. How do the IOL specifics work to improve the classroom environment and ultimately help the people change their lives? The chance to talk about God in Africa’s public schools is wonderful. The IOL team begins training on the premise that if God created the world and everything in it—and gave people dominion over all things—He must have provided the necessary things to live in this existence. IOL aims to help the teacher understand that all children have great worth. It’s up to the teacher to help the child discover what’s already there. In areas where we’ve worked, there are about 80 students per teacher, so teachers use very strict discipline that includes fear and intimidation. The students are very afraid of the teacher. It isn’t a healthy learning environment because the children are so afraid they’re going to give the wrong answer that they only think about having one right answer, the answer the teacher wants. Because of this, it’s obvious what happens when students integrate into society. They give up. Marilynn Clark To help change that environment, we use a music technique in the morning to break down barriers between the students and the teacher. The teachers have been really receptive to the technique and asked how they can use music throughout the curriculum, so we brought a music specialist to Africa. She was fabulous. Just as I was introduced to our music specialist, I’ve been introduced to all sorts of people along the way with special skills in areas like literature, inquiry based learning, and math. As I’ve been introduced to these experts, we’ve kept building the program. How receptive have the teachers and students been to IOL? We first introduced the program in February 2007, and the people have been very receptive. To this point, we’ve trained teachers at eighteen schools. That’s 144 teachers. About 8,000 students have received the training through their teachers. Since that time, we’ve done research and development to see if what we’re doing is working. The results were very positive, so we’re going to train the remaining teachers in the tested district. When we’re done, there will be 24,000 students under the direction of IOL. During the evaluation process, we met an African who received a PhD in education from BYU. He is now our on-the-ground director for Uganda. Beginning this April, we also have an organization, World Joy, paying for three of our African IOL instructors to conduct a five-day training seminar in Ghana. So we have three sites: Kenya, Uganda, and Ghana. Our program is continuing to grow, and we’re adjusting to meet the needs of the people, particularly in establishing that moral compass, those moral values. What’s your measuring stick for success? Once we established six to nine months of actual classroom experience, we knew we needed to measure our efforts. It’s easy to measure test scores, but we needed to measure something non-tangible. The process of developing IOL has been amazing because every time we’ve needed something, the expertise has become available. In this case, a friend of mine who wanted to get involved with IOL happened to have a sister who worked as a marketing executive for Proctor and Gamble. She knows how to develop measurement models on a professional level and she created a questionnaire evaluation for teachers and those who had been trained with IOL methods. Our African director in Kenya also conducted personal interviews. Using these two surveys, 104 teachers were analyzed. The evaluation forms were then computed using a measurement evaluation created especially for IOL. Results show teachers are enjoying teaching more than before. Students really want to come to school. When children choose whether to stay home and look for food or come to school, they’re choosing to come to school, which is a positive result. We also recognized areas where we need to improve, mostly with follow up. Teachers want to know where they can find more information about IOL teaching methods. They want additional training, so we’re now putting together a mentoring program to link African teachers. We’re interested in test scores, too. Some schools show scores are up; some schools show scores are about even. But it’s too early to have any clear data showing whether or not our work is affecting test scores. Continuing improvement is part of the process. We will continue to test and measure, find our weak areas and improve. How have you funded IOL? IOL has been financed with personal funds. A few individuals have helped fund our website and trainings, but it’s hard to get people to contribute financially when it’s just ideas. We had to get the measurements. Now that we’ve got concrete data to show results, I’m hoping we can raise funds to complete additional training seminars. The long-term plan is to be sustainable, and we’re getting close. Once we have the product and people recognize it is worthwhile, they will hopefully pay our African team to conduct trainings. I think we are about six months to a year from that goal. What prepared you for this work? Where did you find the inspiration for the ideas and the courage to implement them? People have been surprised when they see my lack of credentials. I’m not a teacher. I don’t have a background in education. I just had a feeling there was something missing in the way Africans were educated. It didn’t relate to what I saw in their work ethic, their wonderful ability, and the problems they face in society. I felt I understood the problem. I needed people to help with the solution. That’s been the amazing thing. People, experts who have the skills, have come forward. I’ve always felt like the process of developing IOL was divinely orchestrated. This was something that needed to happen. The Lord was opening a way to gather these wonderful Africans and help them recognize who they are. That was the missing link. They had forgotten who they are. My mission was helping them understand that they have what they need. They don’t have to be dependent on someone else to help them. A welfare state destroys people’s confidence. It causes people to think somebody should help solve their problems and they forget to turn to that inner strength, that inner belief that with God’s help, anything is possible. I can now see that my experience in the Church prepared me for this work in Africa. I’m doing what I’d do in a Church calling and expanding it onto a bigger field. The network of Church members has also been key. Muslims and Christians work with IOL, and they all benefit the program. However, it’s the association of Church members that have played a major role in IOL’s success. We have an automatic network throughout the world. It’s created a linking of people who have a desire to do something to benefit others. I think the only thing I can offer is realizing I don’t know anything, and I rely on the Lord. The only thing I have brought to this process is the humility to say, I don’t know exactly what to do, but I care deeply and will follow through on a prompting. The Lord must think, “Oh that poor dear, she’s worrying about this so much and trying so hard, let’s give her a little help. She’s never going to figure it out on her own, that’s for sure. So we’ll put the right people in her path.” The evolution of IOL is nothing short of a miracle. There are so many stories about the people who have come forward. It would take a very hard heart not to recognize the hand of the Lord in this process. It’s truly inspired. Surely the Lord could find someone better than me. And He does. If you’re sincere, the Lord magnifies your efforts. There’s no question about that. People should proceed with whatever work shows up on their path. It doesn’t have to be in Africa. It can be next door. All of us have little promptings. Don’t turn your back on them. At A Glance Name: Marilynn Clark Location: Alpine, UT Age: 62 Marital status: Married 43 years Children: Three daughters (35, 32, and 30) Occupation: Homemaker Schools Attended: Ricks College, Idaho State University Languages Spoken at Home: English Favorite Hymn: “How Great Thou Art” Current Church Calling: Relief Society Meeting Coordinator On the Web: Inside Out Learning www.iolinternational.org Interview by Melissa Hardy. Photos by Justin Hackworth.

In 2000, Thérèse Kanyanga was living in the Republic of the Congo as a wife and the mother of seven children when her husband, Gilbert, mysteriously disappeared. Thérèse discovered he had been accused of treason and exiled to South Korea. For the next six years, Thérèse raised her children alone. In 2006, she was able to join Gilbert in Seoul where she was baptized into the Church. Why did your husband move to South Korea while you and your family stayed behind in the Republic of the Congo? My husband was on the council of the state minister and was also working as a professor. As a member of the council, the state minister asked him to make a report concerning the political rebels in the Congo. My husband refused to make the report because of the risks involved. His refusal angered the state minister who then accused him of political rebellion. My husband was arrested and put in a military prison for two weeks. It wasn’t possible for him to contact me in any way. The state minister feared that if they released my husband from prison, he would share confidential information with other people; so he decided my husband must be killed. At this time there was a meeting with the state council. Some members of the Zimbabwean military were present and they knew my husband. When they heard that he was going to be killed, they came up with a plan to help him. That night they freed him from the prison and put him on a plane to South Korea. Because of diplomatic relations between the Congo and Europe, the Zimbabwean military decided that South Korea would be the safest refuge for my husband. I was very, very, very troubled by this situation. I didn’t know where my husband was–I didn’t know if he was in the Congo, if he was somewhere else in Africa, or if he was dead. It was very, very difficult for me during this time. Thérèse Kanyanga and Her Husband I had my seven children. At the time, the youngest was 11, and the oldest was 24. I told my children that I didn’t know where their father was. We were looking for him but we couldn’t find him. There were many tears that were cried, and we were all very sad. I fasted and prayed a lot during this time. My unshakable faith was and is in my God and in His son Jesus Christ, our Savior. But I was also weeping because I was torn by the darkness of my husband’s mysterious disappearance: Was he dead or alive? My husband disappeared in November. When he arrived in South Korea he contacted a friend in the Congo and sent him to find me. At the end of December, this friend found my oldest daughter and told her about the situation. When my daughter called to tell me that my husband was alive, I was very relieved and thankful to the Lord because at that point I didn’t know where he was or if he was even alive. Were you able to support your family during those years your husband was exiled? My husband’s work had provided our income. Now that he was gone we had very little money to live off of. We had a deposit saved up but that money ran out quickly. I had no money to pay for the rent, food, or my children’s schooling so I started to sell things. I sold fry bread on the streets to support my family, so that we could survive. At this time the children weren’t able to attend school. It was the most difficult, sad, bitter experience of my life: Being a mother with seven children in my charge to feed and console. Eventually, my husband was able to send small amounts of money over from South Korea to help us. He joined a Christian prayer group and some of the members collected money for him. In 2003, three years from the time he left the Congo, he received his refugee status from the South Korean Ministry of Justice which allowed him to work. He began to lecture as a professor, as he had done in the Congo, and made money from his lectures. For the next two years he sent much of this money back to Africa to help support us. It was during this time that he joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. How was your husband converted to the Church? My husband met a senior missionary at the subway stop on his way home from church on Christmas Day. This was in 2005. They had a conversation and exchanged business cards. One month after meeting the missionary, my husband received a Book of Mormon in the mail. He was very skeptical of this book. He didn’t understand it. He reluctantly agreed to have a meeting with the senior missionary and his wife that week. During the meeting my husband wanted to tell them that only the Bible was the word of God. He was going to teach them! But he kept hearing the Spirit tell him, “Do not open your mouth, let the missionary teach you.” He obeyed the promptings of the Spirit and listened to the missionary tell him the history and purpose of the Book of Mormon. When the missionary asked him what he felt, my husband knew it was true. He was baptized two weeks later. Thérèse Kanyanga After he was baptized, my husband told the missionaries about his wife and family back in Africa. They all agreed that I must come to South Korea so that my husband and I could be together. The missionaries assured my husband that they would provide enough money to purchase the plane tickets for his family to travel to Seoul. My husband then went to the immigration office to get permission to invite me and our children to live with him. Immigration granted him permission to invite me over, but they didn’t grant him permission to invite our children. According to the law, our children were no longer dependents and therefore unable to live with us legally in South Korea. When I heard this news I expressed my profound gratitude to the Lord, who had heard my prayers, comforted my broken heart, and wiped away my tears. But I was faced with a new heartbreak: I could go see my husband, yes. I could witness that he’s alive. But I had to leave my children? I decided to pray, saying to my Heavenly Father, “Here I am, a poor woman, wife and mother torn between the love for my husband, whom we miss, and the love for my children. My children and I are alone with You, our last defense. Not knowing what to do, I place my trust in thee and my children under thy loving care. I go to meet again my dear husband, ‘the ghost’.” When you were finally reunited with your husband, he introduced you to the Gospel. What was that experience like for you? First, I felt joy in hearing the name of the church: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Then my husband, as the pioneer of our family, testified to me. He told me how he had met the missionary at the subway station and how he had understood the truths in the Book of Mormon. He said to me, “Really, really it is the true church of God. Can you accept this?” The Spirit of God testified in my heart that this was the true church of God with his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, as the Head. I told him I would join this church. A few weeks later I was baptized by my husband, and I felt so much peace. I felt the love of God upon us because I had joined His true church. I felt very strongly that this was Jesus Christ’s church on the earth today, and I was full of joy. Being sealed to my husband in the temple some time later was further proof that this was the true church of God. He instituted the marriage covenant Himself in order for the family to be eternal. This is the love of the Lord. How has your spiritual perspective changed since coming to Korea and becoming a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? Since becoming a member of this living church, my faith in God has been strengthened, solidified, and is indestructible like a rock. It is the culmination of my many prayers. Our family suffered so much for those six years my husband was away. I asked, “Why was my husband sent away? Why are we here alone?” Now I think about what God told Abraham: “You live here. Go to another country. There I will bless you.” I think about God helping Joseph when he was sent away to Egypt. Joseph suffered much. He was in prison like my husband, and the blessing of the Lord came upon him. Ten years later we know why the Lord sent my husband to South Korea. All is the plan of the Lord. The Gospel is the Gospel of faith. Each of us knows how we joined the Gospel. Each of us knows how we met God. I testify that Jesus Christ is the Life, the Resurrection, my King, the subject of my faith. This is true. In the name of Jesus Christ I testify. Amen, yes, amen. At A Glance Name: Thérèse Kanyanga Location: Seoul, South Korea Age: 55 Marital status: Married Children: Seven children (ages 21, 25, 27, 28, 30, 32, 34) Occupation: Homemaker Schools Attended: Toyer Social Languages Spoken at Home: French and Tshiluba Favorite Hymn: “There Is Sunshine In My Soul Today” Current Church Calling: Temple worker Interview by Krisanne Hastings. Photos by Robyn Larsen.

Margaret Blair Young teaches Creative Writing at Brigham Young University. In addition to authoring novels, articles and essays, Margaret co-produced Nobody Knows: The Untold Story of Black Mormons, a documentary film shown on PBS and at film festivals. Margaret is a mother of four children and a grandmother to three. She became president of the Association for Mormon Letters in March of 2010. One of your goals is to recognize international Mormon literature and art. What life experiences have made you reach out to the international community, to go beyond Utah and beyond the United States? I was raised by a globetrotting linguist father and a patient mother, and often had people from various cultures in my home when I was growing up. When I was nineteen years old, Dad took us to Guatemala, where he taught missionaries to speak the Mayan dialect, Cakchiquel. I always had a sense of other cultures and have traveled extensively, usually with my husband and children. Because of this, I recognized that the images we present in most of our church literature and media show white families with a First World context. Jacob Chirwa, a member of the church who is a professor and actor/poet from Zambia, articulated the issue well in an email to me: “I have always felt that there hasn’t been enough encouragement for local artists to showcase their talent. I have noted with concern some performances that some sections of the church have put up when they have activities but the bottom line has been that there has not been a desire to take the work seriously. One reason for this is the belief inculcated in the people that the only approved art manifestations are the ones coming from Utah. And so we sit to watch videos of stories of conversions as our missionaries do their work. This is well and good but I feel that watching a local missionary at work in any outside place would impact positively on our youth. I work in situations that expose me to a lot of challenges vis-a-vis the perception of the church in the eyes of the outside community, but all they see is me with no back up information in both print and electronic media.” In Jacob’s words, I hear a call to do better, to go further and to enlarge our borders. I want to answer that call. You co-produced a film with Darius Gray, who was an original member and past president of the Genesis Group, the Church’s social organization for African-American members. Your film, Nobody Knows: The Untold Story of Black Mormons, has been very successful, airing on PBS and at film festivals around the country. Did you expect this kind of reception? Yes—and we expect still more. The title suggests why: NOBODY KNOWS this story! Mormons, black and white, are often surprised that there has been an African/African-American presence in the Church from the very earliest years. African Americans generally think that Mormons did not permit blacks to join the Church until 1978—or later. The most common response to our books about black pioneers or to our film is, “Black Mormon pioneers—you mean there were some?” We find that audiences who were troubled by the priesthood restriction are eager to learn more about the history, and that non-Mormons—blacks in particular—are intrigued by the fact that blacks participated in the Mormon migration and played a significant role in settling the west. Some of the most successful events when we were publicizing our trilogy, Standing on the Promises, were with non-Mormon African Americans. You are the president of the Association for Mormon Letters (AML). What is AML and why is it important? Our mission statement says: For over two decades, the nonprofit Association for Mormon Letters has worked for a literature by and about Mormons that is both authentic and of high literary quality. We have an annual conference focused on LDS literature. At the conference luncheon, we award the best works in various genres of literature—including film and theater. We also publish a literary journal, Irreantum, drawing some fine stories and poetry from prominent LDS authors and from a literary competition, which yields marvelous discoveries of yet unsung talent. Our aim is to support truly excellent work, not necessarily the most popular works. We honor works by anyone who is now or has been a part of the Mormon tradition, including inactive or former Mormons. Regardless of how they interact with the faith now, their work is still informed by the ways Mormonism has impacted them. What other projects are you currently working on that address racial issues? Several friends of mine are working on re-staging my play I Am Jane, about black pioneer Jane Manning James, (to be performed in the summer of 2010). Darius and I continue to do events in which we talk about blacks in Mormon history and show our documentary. We have also recently filmed an interview with Darius’s uncle, Russell Jones, an African American soldier who served in the segregated army in WWII. Russell told us, in that interview, about landing on Iwo Jima. Black soldiers were stripped of their artillery—all but one clip—and were told to simply pick up more bullets from dead soldiers after the battles. White soldiers were far better armed. Russell also told us about going home on furlough and then returning to the Pacific, and discovering that every one of his fellow black soldiers in his division had perished. They simply did not have adequate weaponry. Eventually, we’d like to film blacks who participated in the Korean and Vietnam wars and further address integration in the military. You served with your husband Bruce at the MTC, sending missionaries around the globe. How has that affected you and your outlook? That MTC calling was the most life changing of any I’ve had. The missionaries I hear from and write to weekly are in Cameroon, Africa. They are truly like my sons, and I have rejoiced with them when things have gone well, and wept with them when they have suffered. The truth is, most of my writing over the past two years (while I’ve been traveling with and publicizing the documentary) has been letters to these young men. They love each other. They demonstrate the truth expressed by renowned sociologist Armand Mauss in our documentary—that the love developed between missionaries and those they serve is “the gift of the world’s people to the LDS Church.” Jacob Chirwa’s son, Chiloba, is one of the missionaries I write to, and is particularly dear to me. In an email, which he wrote while he was suffering from both chicken pox and malaria (though he didn’t know for sure what was making him sick), he spoke of his companion: “I love Elder Wigginton and I am certain the Lord is mindful of him and always will be.” Margaret Blair Young Elder Jared Wigginton is from Riverside, California, but has fallen in love with the African people, and has become a real brother to Elder Chirwa. He wrote about the experience of serving his companion in ways he had never thought he would: “Elder Chirwa is on quarantine for his chicken pox and malaria, and we spent four lovely days and nights at the medical clinic. We spent 96 hours together with him suffering a lot. I felt for him when they came in to inject him with a syrup-looking substance in his leg…the needle being over two inches long. He squeezed my hand and curled in pain as they sent this medicine through his quad. It was a 10 foot by 10 foot room and I had a little cot to sleep on. This time was a unique opportunity for me to really show my fraternal love to Elder Chirwa. It is rare that we are given opportunities to render this kind of service, so when it comes it is special. It was not a random, flowery occasion like a batch of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies or a shoe shine, but more of like doing everything for him he could not do himself: running his bath, tying the back of his robe, helping him into the bathroom by carrying his IV line, getting his books, etc. It was encompassing and significant for me.” This is one example—there are many throughout the world—of the love missionaries develop for one another. The image of these missionaries—one white and one black—serving each other so selflessly is the most hopeful message I could give. It tells me we have a glorious future. There is no question that we have a history of racism in our church, as we do in our nation. But we have a remedy in place. We have a unique initiation ritual: missionary service. Missions educate our young people, who will eventually be the church leaders, on the gifts of diversity. And it’s not a textbook education, but an utterly intimate, heart-moving one. Though we still find the racist folklore taught in some religion classes, and though right now we do not retain African-American converts well, and though we still find some appalling cases of racist language or behavior among “card-carrying Mormons,” I believe the healing is inevitable. I believe we will see an Elder Chirwa or an Elder Wigginton—and those they represent—in the Church hierarchy very soon. The blight of racism will not endure. And that hopeful message is something worth writing about. At A Glance Name: Margaret Blair Young Location: Provo, UT Age: 54 Marital status: Married briefly to someone else; eternally married to Bruce Young Occupation: Creative Writing Instructor, BYU Schools Attended: Brigham Young University Languages Spoken at Home: English (and some French and Spanish) Favorite Hymn: “Praise To the Lord, the Almighty” Current Church Calling: I teach the 16-18 year olds in Sunday School On the Web: www.blacklds.org, www.untoldstoryofblackmormons.com, www.aml-online.org Interview by Marintha Miles